Friday, October 5, 2007

Greetings From Hell

"You need to play quietly for a little bit... cause Mommy is really hot and really grumpy and she needs quiet so she doesn't freak out."

Let me first say this was all my fault... All. My. Fault. And I take complete responsibility for how badly the current circumstances have unfolded... But if there is a Hell I have just returned from it.... And if ever I came close to actually leaving my children ( anyway) behind today is that day.

You should know that typing is difficult as my hands are literally shaking from pure physical and emotional exhaustion. Excuse me while I get myself a chocolate and some sparkling water.... okay I'm back.

Okay yesterday hearkening back to the good old days... aka pre Baby F... when Kid F wasn't such a pain in the ass and we used to go on little lunch dates and whatnot downtown... I decided to walk to the library with the kids this morning and take them out to lunch. It was going to be hot today but we'd go early... it wouldn't be too bad. To get downtown is 1.5 miles and you have to venture over two hills. We live just on the other side of the crest of a big but slowly inclining hill so most of the walk downtown you are entering into a kind of valley. Then you reach a VERY steep incline that spans about 2 blocks until you reach downtown proper. I gave Kid the option of walking while I pushed the stroller or riding in the bike trailer (converted to a doubl-ish stroller) with the baby. She wisely chose to ride. This would be our first attempt at using this as a stroller.

After some finagling I manage to squish them in there. Kid was having some serious wedgie issues which forced her to elbow the baby as she tried to dislodge her underwear. Baby wasn't enjoying this... and didn't like the abrasive straps... but with some movement I got them all to settle in. The way there was great... hard work... but hey I'm counting this as my exercise... look at me I'm "fit mom". Some homeless guy outside of the library even said "You got guns Momma!" Well that is like the greatest fucking thing anyone has ever said to me. I was feeling great! Oh and Baby F actually fell asleep in the trailer... even better I can focus on Kid! So we read some books and then Baby wakes up and does a crazy twist in the straps getting herself entangled and scraping most of her dimpled fleshy goodness with those damn straps. But she recovers and we are all happily playing and having a great time. "Hey I AM every woman... check it out... I walked downtown... we are playing... Kid doesn't hate me for once!" An old acquaintance shows up and asks incredulously "Did you walk here?" "Why yes I did!" It takes a fellow mom to know exactly how hard it is to push a trailer with over 60 pounds of child in it up a San Francisco style hill.

After all our library joyousness we were off to Kid's favorite lunch place. But Uh oh... Baby doesn't want anything to do with the trailer... screaming ensues... and my silent swearing because this trailer was designed by a complete fucking jackass... and Kid has to keep flopping into Baby's side because that is just what she does to tick me off. Well never mind... I AM every woman... mission accomplished... off we go. We arrive at Kid's favorite restaurant to find it packed... there is one table in the middle of the room... and Kid is devastated. She just doesn't understand that I am pushing a stroller the size of a Yugo and I'm not even sure I can get it in the door let alone have a place to put it while we eat. She wants me to leave it outside... but after just having our car stolen I'm not keen on the idea. So we continue on... Kid mildly tantruming... and me starting to realize the potential for disaster. It is now 12:30 and it is getting HOT.. the sun is blazing and the whole way home it will be directly in our eyes... yikes... must find food. Plus I'm now starving and I know Kid is and that spells violent butting of heads if it isn't remedied ASAP! After about 15 minutes we settle on a little cafe with outdoor seating... that way I can leave the trailer outside.. and their tables are in the shade. No highchairs though... that's okay don't worry about me, I'll just hold the wriggling 8 month old in my LAP while I try to eat my salad... this will be fun! Not only does this turn out to have been a bad choice on a lot of levels but despite seemingly only having 5 other tables we of course had the slowest service imaginable.

Okay an hour later we are done with our lunch... and despite asking for a brownie Kid is suddenly full... and I don't know why but that kind of stuff always pisses me off. Okay it is now 2pm... the sun is blazing and I have a half hour walk uphill literally the whole way to go while walking directly into the sun the entire way. Oh yeah I'm pushing the goddamn trailer with 60+pounds of kid in it, our bag and 10 pounds of books... uphill and into the sun for half and hour and it is just under 90 mother fucking degrees out! So I'm already a little apprehensive and maybe testy and I just want to get this over with as soon as humanly possible. But first I must buckle the kids into the trailer. I try to get Kid in first... this stupid fucking thing requires them to share a fucking buckle... in -fucking- genius engineering you goddamn mother fuckers! Okay Kid starts in with her flailing antics... like it is completely impossible for her to sit on half the goddamn seat... and any type of direction for her to do so results in her throwing herself halfway out of the trailer. About 10 people are outside at the cafe watching me do this... so smile everyone.. you are being judged right now... no fucking pressure... I AM every goddamn woman.. look at me... I can do this without threatening Kid... watch! So After about 5 minutes of tantruming 5 year old and screaming Baby we are off... or are we? Dammit the sun is right in Baby's face and she is none to pleased. She is getting pissed in the escalating kind of fashion you know you can't calm down. Meanwhile Kid is writhing and dramatically picking at her wedgie. Oops she elbows Baby who is now hysterical. I want to throttle Kid, but know that this is my fault, she wants to get out. Likelihood of Kid F walking a mile and a half under these conditions?... NIL. But really what are my choices? SO I take the Baby out and now demand that Kid get out.. because you better believe that if I am having to carry my 19 pound baby all the way home while pushing the trailer... the trailer will NOT have a 45 pound 5 year old in it... not while her legs still work! So I limp along at an infuriatingly slow pace holding the baby and pushing the trailer while Kid picks up her drama level ten fold and begins intentionally tripping and falling to the ground. I loudly ask her to walk "like a NORMAL kid!" When we make it to the next light and she decides to trip and fall practically into traffic and I realize this isn't going to happen... and my only choice is to try and get them in the trailer and make a run for it.

Keep in mind it is HOT really HOT and we are all red in the face and sweaty... there is NO shade... and yes it has only been 5 minutes. I order Kid into the trailer.. she begins with her wedgie antics and flailing... I make it clear I am not messing around. Mommy is hot... and anyone who knows me knows heat is my Kryptonite! Kid is losing her mind in there so I tell her to stand up and take her underwear off.. she can't believe what she is hearing but complies... then I tell her I am serious she needs to sit up and stay on her side. I pry Baby in... she is NOT happy. I literally begin running. I am not a runner... I do not run. I make it about 2/3rds of the way (no not running all the time) when Baby is just not going to take it anymore. I am literally dripping with sweat and I just want to leave the trailer on the side of the road and have a cab take us home. I get Baby out and put her in the sling. Now I am pretty thin and the sling doesn't get tight enough for this to be a really safe carrying method... plus we are both already covered in sweat and being bound together with a few yards of fabric is not going to help matters. Oh did I mention I had two iced teas and I really need to pee? How about that I am wearing sports sandals instead of sneakers and have a wood chip lodged under my foot? Don't worry I only have 10 more minutes to go! We make it home... Baby sweaty but asleep, Kid grumbling that she is starving... and me with a shaky body and spirit and a sweat soaked shirt.

Oh yeah.. that Chicken Soup I was going to make with Kid tonight... I think not.

Thursday, October 4, 2007

Calling All Weight Loss Veterans... Or Barring That... Weight Loss Wannabes

Alright I'm getting ready to switch from "weight loss" mode to "maintenance" mode... and frankly I'm scared out of my mind. I have a lot of thoughts... lots and lots of thoughts about this next step.
More on all of that later.

What I want now is to hear from you (YES YOU!).

Come out of your lurking status and let me know how you did it... or how you plan to do it.
How did you know when you were done losing weight?
What changes have you made to your lifestyle to keep the weight off?
Have you kept the weight off?

I think it would be so valuable to hear how your plans for maintenance panned out in reality.
What things were bigger hurdles than you expected?
Were you able to maintain at your lowest weight or did you have to find a more comfortable weight?
What dieting habits have you kept and which ones did you let go of?

And for all of you who haven't reached this point... you will... and when you do have you thought about how you plan to keep it off?

In The Kitchen With Kid.. Kid Proves Herself

Oh my god... Kid has turned out to be a culinary genius!

Last week while in CT visiting my in-laws we went to an Italian chain restaurant called Bertucci's. They hand out a portion of pizza dough to the kids... I'm not sure why.. anyway Kid didn't play with it or eat it (or whatever the intention was) so I put it in my bag and we took it home. When we got to my in-laws my Mother-in-law was making an apple pie. Kid took her pizza dough and put some cut up apple bits on it and cinnamon and covered it with pie crust scraps and grape halves. I know that doesn't sound great but it was actually not bad.

Fast forward... I'm making bread today so I saved her a dinner roll sized chunk of dough and let her go at it. Meanwhile I made a small portion of pie crust (1/4c flour, 1/8 t salt, 1 T shortening & 1/2 T of water). She rolled out her bread dough and put sliced banana, chocolate chips and cinnamon on it (Okay I did steer her in this direction... I do have to eat it when it is done!).
Then she rolled out a golf ball sized portion of pie crust and put it on top. I brushed it with half & half and popped it in a 400 degree oven for 20 minutes.
While it was baking I had my doubts... but sweet fucking jesus this tastes exactly like chocolate babka... with only a fraction of the fat. Added bonus... you only need the cooking skills of a five year old to pull it off! I'm being completely serious...this is good!

This makes one wicked faux babka at 250 calories...or it share it with your mom for 125 calories a piece!

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Yum in Your Tum

Don't doubt me... this will be the BEST cobbler you have ever had!
This is not crisp... this is cobbler. There are no oats or crunchy bits. There is the most amazing cakey goodness atop your fruit. Deliciousness. I got this recipe from my uncle's ex-wife. Most people thought she was crazy, but hey I am certainly not one to judge so we always got along fine ;) She was possibly the best home baker I have ever known. And that is saying something because, people, I take my baking real seriously!

Read the whole recipe first since I have broken the ingredients down within the instructions.

Fruit Cobbler

preheat your oven to 350 degrees

5 c (about) fruit, sliced or prepped (that's 5 med sized apples)
3 T - 4T brown sugar (depending on tartness of fruit)
3 T flour
6 -7 dashes cinnamon or about half as much nutmeg (or a mix of each)
combine the above ingredients in a 8" square glass dish (or similar) coating the fruit thoroughly.

in a separate bowl beat 1 egg
sift into the egg 1 c flour (and by sift I mean dump)
and 1 c white sugar
mix together with a fork until crumbly
pour egg mixture evenly on top of fruit mixture

melt 6 T butter and pour over the top of the cobbler. Do this slowly, you want to coat the entire surface with butter.

bake for 45 min in a hot 350 degree oven

makes 9 servings at 250 calories a piece (made with apples) .. that does not take into account the vanilla ice cream you will most certainly want with this!

This is unbelievably good made with plums (red plums being the best). I know that might seem unusual to some but it is fantastic... leave the plum skin on! But hey I got this out to you all a little late in the season for that.... go peel your apples!
Also as in all baked goods, unless otherwise specified, you should be using unsalted butter.

And yeah go ahead and click on that picture to see it in all its up close glory! :)

Oops He Did It Again

So last night Mr F touches my hair and says "The funny thing about all that is that I actually have been liking your hair lately."
"Now?" I reply somewhat incredulously
"Well... not now." He answers

Keep it up Mr Fat Pants!

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

For Your Viewing Pleasure

Here is a hoodie the girls wanted me to get. I know you might be thinking... what's the big deal with that? ... Oh nothing... unless you count the fact that it is an extra small! I didn't even realize that until I got home. It is kind of hard to tell what this looks like in the photos.. but I assure you it is kind of modern-y cute in a Target sort of way. The earrings I was a bit skeptical of... they seemed a little jewel-y gold-y for my taste but what the hell do I know... after wearing them all day I've decided I like them... so good job girls! The other things I got I think I'm going to return. Either Mr F thinks they look weird or as he so eloquently said "like a bathrobe" or I'm not sure they are completely flattering. I mean Target isn't exactly known for their well fitting clothes! I know, I know... maybe I should try shopping someplace that doesn't also sell toilet paper!

Monday, October 1, 2007

Back To The Usual Good Humored Fluff You've Come To Expect

Late last night after finally getting both girls to bed I turn to Mr F and say "God I need to do something about my hair... it looks terrible"
And Mr Furious replies "Not always" with a completely straight face.

If I had been eating I believe that I might have started choking.

Not fucking always!?!
Wrong goddamn answer Mr. F!

This Morning Blows!

The girls and I had an outing planned for this morning. We were meeting up with some of our oldest friends for a group play date at our favorite apple orchard. Kid F was really excited to see her best friends and I was really excited to get some cider and I mean catch up with the moms... I had even gone online to find out how many calories were in those delicious sugar coated deep fried cakey wonders (200 by the way).

Well this morning everything was running fairly smoothly and then Kid F comes down the stairs saying her "tummy hurts". The thing is Kid F says this pretty much everyday. And yes I've talked to her doctors about it. I'm not sure what it is.. but usually after I remind her to go potty and then give her some breakfast she is feeling much better. Well not this morning. She went potty but still felt badly. I made her a peanut butter sandwich but she refused to have a bite. Already my red flags are going up. I give her her anti-seizure meds and ask her to sit by the bathroom while I take a shower.

Now if you don't already know this Kid Furious has epilepsy, she was diagnosed about a year ago after suffering 2 life threatening prolonged non-convulsive seizures. Here is the kicker they both started with her tummy feeling upset and then vomiting.

Soooo I'm in the shower washing my hair as quickly as I can thinking through how the hell I'm gonna be able to drive the car behind the freakin' ambulance since now I have a baby and they aren't going to let me ride with her! I get out and peek around the corner... she is fine. I put my pants on and she starts to gag. Like the total trooper she is she runs to the bathroom and throws up in the toilet. I'm of course starting to obsess over everything she is doing trying to decide if she is seizing or not. And no it isn't always easy to tell.. it wasn't until after half an hour when she started foaming from the mouth and lost consciousness that I knew it wasn't an upset stomach with her first seizure a year ago!

She seems lucid and I settle her in front of the tv with a bucket (we've got an unlimited tv when you're sick rule). But here is the problem... she threw up her meds... and I don't know how long they were in her system. If I re-dose her it could be too much for her... arrrggggh! So I cancel our play date and call the hospital. While I wait for their call I've hooked up our video monitor (thank you Angie!) so I can watch her while I take care of the Baby. Why does this stuff always happen when I'm home alone?!

I got approval to re-dose the medicine. She has eaten and kept it down... in fact you'd think nothing out of the ordinary had happened at all today. She is feeling fine. Of course when it rains it pours and I am now off to the Doctor with the baby who has been tugging at her ear...

Sunday, September 30, 2007

This Week The Plan

Okay I'm finally getting back on track and planning out my menus again.
Going out of town last week really threw things off since we returned midweek and with the whole car incident I really never got much further than unpacking my bags. This even spilled over into my workout schedule. As stoked as I was not to have gained while we were gone I have really struggled to keep my workouts going since getting back. Seemingly any type of break in my routine really makes it hard for me to pull it together... it is that whole control begets control... just in reverse. It is still so eye opening to see how easy it is to get off track! Tomorrow is a new day and a new week and I am planning to get back to business. I really feel better all around.. mood, energy level, general disposition... when I make these weekly plans. As unnatural as it was for me in the beginning.. the weeks I don't do it I don't ever feel like I have everything quite taken care of.. like I am hobbling along trying to catch up and then the week is over and I didn't workout as much as I wanted, or do the laundry, or clean... I really do feel much more chaotic. So lesson learned (again!) and here I go...

Monday: Strip Steak, green beans, roasted potatoes
Tuesday: Brown Sugar & Ginger Salmon, steamed broccoli & rice
Wednesday: Mr F & Kid F date night
Thursday: Steak Sandwiches on homemade bread, salad
Friday: Kid's Chicken Soup & bread
Saturday: go out to eat
Sunday: Salmon Noodle Casserole with embellished apple sauce & sauteed mushrooms

Also since things really have gotten crazy around the house lets see if a weekly plan can help with that too...
Monday: Laundry
Tuesday: Clean Bathroom
Wednesday: Clean Wood Floors
Thursday: Clean Tile Floors
Friday: Clean Kitchen
Alright I'm scared just thinking about doing all that... this will be a real challenge! (I'm sure Mr F is laughing his ass off right about now.. shut your trap!... I can do it!)

As for weight loss I'm not really expecting to be dropping much more weight. I'd really like to keep working at my body fat % goal though. I think my calorie range is pretty good where it is at so I'm just going to stick with the 1600-1800 range for now. I would really like to fit in some more strength training so this week I'm shooting for 2 full pilates workouts (about 45 min each) and 4 hours of cardio. I'd like to find the balance that allows me to increase my fitness while maintaining my weight. I'm willing to go down about another 2 or 3 pounds but then I think I need to work at finding the right calorie limit that allows me to maintain... we'll see it could take a few weeks for me to figure out where I'll need to be.

That's it... nothing terribly exciting... just me trying to get my life back in order.

Oh... here are some pics of my new shirt and earrings... click on them to get a better look (sorry I look a little crazy.. the photo booth feature does that)
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