Monday, October 15, 2012

Back to That

Right before the tornado hit we had just started working towards developing an adoption plan.

The tornado put everything on hold in that regard, since we've been physically, emotionally, and financially caught up in tornado repairs EVER SINCE (even still).

But that gave us time to think.

We'd thought through every possible direction and changed our minds several times.

And had ended in what we thought would be best.

Which was adopting out of foster care.

Much like having to wait on painting my kitchen has made me realize HOW MUCH BETTER grey would be then blue (whew... we can thank the tornado for slowing that project down enough to prevent that huge mistake)...

I also came to realize that I'd really like to raise up another baby. (two)

And I don't think I could do that and fear losing them back to the system, not at this stage of my life and my children's lives.

And I don't think I can even do that and be dealing with the system all the time.

Which is not to say I'm over the idea of fostering for us in the future... I just don't think it's a good fit for us right now.

We have some house things to shore up.  We need to make sure we aren't going to have a surprise financial drain once we're in the process.

And we need to wait a bit since Mr F's new job has a 4K adoption benefit, but it doesn't kick in until one year of employment... and I need to know more about all of that.

But seeing as I'm not growing out of my desire to add more children to our family, and Mr F has a mad crush on all babies (so it took all of 5 minutes to get him onboard), and Kid has 5 armpit hairs in her right pit ... I'm ready.

I just think we're good parents and that there are so many children out there in need.  And I'm never getting over that.  Never.  I also don't aspire to being done with this stage of my life.  I don't really think there is a "next" we're moving towards.  What is the point of being done?  The "We're almost out of that stage" or the "Things are just getting easier" mentality doesn't really make sense to me (for me).  I kind of think this is where it is at and there isn't something I'd rather be doing.  Fortunately, Mr F usually agrees.

We are going to pursue an African American infant adoption, for which there is great need.

Most people here abouts have recommended using Bethany for this.  Feel free to chime in.  I'm worried about a faster time line (6 months?) and since we NEED to use the work benefits I think we'll have to wait until late spring to start the process.

Let's all hope the adoption tax credit gets renewed for 2013!

Sunday, October 14, 2012

"This movie is really trying to hurt my feelings...

and it's succeeding."  I announced to Mr F while watching Biutfiul.

A movie we've had sitting on the counter mocking us for a few weeks while we tried to gear up for it's level of depression.  It can be hard to get too excited about something that is going to rip your soul out.

Later, Mr F said "Don't worry, I'm never going to die in the bed lying next to our children."

And I said, "I'm never going to go insane and become a slut and beat our kids."

Then we wiped out tears and went to bed.
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