Home Improvements

I've been working on finishing up small decorating tasks that we've never got around to completing this past year. Yes it has taken us over a year to address things like... our mantel... hanging pictures... touching up paint. Heck Mr F just finally hung our screen door!

I would have thought that the new plan of moving would have put a damper on my desire to fluff my nest but it's been quite the opposite. Having gone through this once in our old home (preparing to sell that is) I know that these things will need to be done to sell... and... you might as well enjoy the improvements a bit before handing them over.

Before we left on our vacation Mr F and I had been having some serious pow wows regarding our state of mid decoration around here. A lot of things were just not working. Our number one problem has been that we are trying to work furniture and art that was picked out for our old house into a completely different layout. Unfortunately this hasn't been ideal... but... it's a financial necessity. Our plan of attack is to really think about how we can utilize things we already own (some spray paint may be involved with this) and finally finish these big awkward rooms out.

One of the biggest eyesores has been the mantel.
(Valentine's Day display '09... note how that painting looks terrible and the broken clock.. also terrible)

Not the blue... it's funky... and I'm sure I wouldn't have done it on my own... but it does add some character to the room. Plus it kind of ties in all the bright plastic toys into our color scheme ;) I will say it doesn't photograph well and that it is a bit more subtle in person (I think). Either way since it doesn't need painting repair, and since plenty of the house does, we're not repainting. We just need to find a way to tie it into the room more. The previous owner had a fantastic painting up there.
(previous owner's decor... note how huge that painting is... sadly we don't have anything comparable size wise)

It tied the blue in perfectly and it was a real show stopper. As I said we have to work with what we have. We've got a few big pieces and we've tried them all. We've settled on this.
In truth I'm over it. I don't hate it but I don't love it and wouldn't buy it again. I got it for an apartment I had over 10 years ago. It's been used in the playroom since then since it's big and bright and colorful. It just so happens to have some blue in it and red... which ties in the stain glass windows that flank the fireplace. So it will work. It kind of has too.

Well for the past year the mantel has looked like shit. We've had one piece of art up there or another with a hodge podge of forgotten tools (you know it's true Mr F!), old birthday cards, a broken mantel clock that looked terrible but for some reason Mr F entered "mantel clock = must put on mantel" mode and put it out, and at times some framed pictures (also put out by the tard). Why on Earth was he decorating the mantel anyway? I don't know people... but when I had come home from the cottage he had done it again and it looked horrible. That's when I decided I had to make an effort to come up with a mantel display. Number one, so it would look better. Number two, so he wouldn't have room to stash stuff up there anymore.

Adding to our problems is that a lot of our stuff (breakables, vases, etc) have never been unpacked. We just don't have the storage here to put them away properly. I knew I wanted to fill out the mantel and I would need some bold colors to balance everything out. All we have unpacked are our Fiestaware pitchers and a few vases. I hit Michael's with a great coupon and for less than $8 I took it from this...

to this...

Now, typically I'm not a huge fan of artificial flowers but for $8 I've got a display that no one is going to see up close, that won't die, and can take us all the way until Christmas. You can't beat it.

But since I didn't have the right balance of vases, pitchers, I'm still not loving it. See how it's kind of heavy on the left and not so much on the right? When I hit the store I had no idea what I was going to put things in so I just grabbed things that didn't look horrifically fake. Now that I've spent some time arranging them I have a better idea of what I need and the flowers that looked too big in the store... are perfect once up on our mantel.

This is getting better...


I think I need to go back and get a couple more flowers to try and work on the glass vases a bit more. I wish I had some solid pottery vases that would balance things out better... but I'm thinking some bigger bolder flowers might help things in that department.

But since I probably won't ever go back for more flowers (just being realistic)... whatever it may not be perfect ... but it is still a HUGE improvement. And still under $10.

Nobody ever comes to our house anyway.

If There's Something Weird And It Don't Look Good ... Who You Gonna Call?

When we came home from vacation something really weird happened. The very first night home Baby became visibly agitated upon entering my room. She kept looking at the windows and saying "Winnows are gone."

Say what?

Seriously it was weird. The windows are exactly the same as they were when we left.

"No they're not sweetie the windows are there." I said trying to reassure her, thinking she must just be confused about there being a considerable downgrade in view from our Up North digs.

"Yes they are! The winnows are GONE!" She replied adamantly.

Alright weirdo.

I decided to drop it. But she kept bringing it up.

Try as I might I could not figure out what was wrong with the windows.

This has been going on for weeks.

The other night I came in the room and Baby was sitting on my bed staring at the windows and I overheard her saying...
"Stop that winnows! My mom is coming!" like she was trying to convince a bully to leave her alone.

Honestly she was starting to freak me out. I felt like we were having a Sixth Sense "I see dead people" moment.

"What's wrong with the windows?" I asked her again.

"They're gone." Came her familiar reply.

Flummoxed but desperate to figure it out I wondered if I should lower the shades (remember I made those weird faux roman shades which have been pinned in place?). She nodded emphatically.

So I did. I took out the pins in one of the shades just to see if it made a difference and she seemed relieved.

I only unpinned that one window the other one is still left in place as it had been. This didn't seem to bother her even though that was the window she was yelling at. It didn't really make any sense, but for some reason it appeased her.

Well, tonight I wanted to leave the window open so I pinned the one shade back up in place. I figured it had been a week since she'd mentioned it and maybe she was over it.

Baby walked in the room and noticed immediately.

"NO not like that!" She cried.

So I took it back down.

Then she demanded I lower the other one.

Weird.

Totally weird.

And creepy.

Really creepy.

It's Not Over Yet

I really hate the whole "Back To School" time. It seems to me that as soon as August rolls around we are supposed to get all whipped up into a froth buying supplies and getting our ducks in a line and completely forgetting that we still have THREE AND A HALF WEEKS OF VACATION LEFT! You know? It takes a lot of wherewithal to steel yourself and not get anxious along with all the school forms and supply lists that make their way into every mailbox you have.

Why is it that in August two weeks of vacation becomes a feverish "WE ONLY HAVE TWO WEEKS LEFT!!!" As if you were trying to finalize all your last minute wedding details. But in December two weeks seems like a nice long leisurely break.

I have been trying with everything I have in me not to let these past weeks become a blur of school prep, and getting "back on schedule", and to enjoy them for what they really have been... time off... of schedules and lunches... rushed evenings... morning fights over tangled hair and sock seams... days that instantly seem to become filled with all errands and no fun.

We still have 9 days off. And we're going to sleep-in and watch cartoons and stay nude (some of us) RIGHT up until the day we can't anymore.

Can You Tell What's Been On Our Minds?

"The yellow snakes are adopting the red snakes." Kid announces.

If only it were that easy...


P.S. If any of you out there have successfully adopted I'd love to hear about it and get an agency recommendation. I'm think about an international adoption at this point. I really wish the process didn't take so long!

Mis(sed)Communication

"I'm really tired, I'm going to bed soon." Mrs F tells Mr F after getting the kids down.

"Oh." Mr F replies somewhat shocked regarding the unusually early hour.

About a half hour later Mrs F returns from their room.

"Alright I'm going to bed. If you want to snuggle me I'll be in my boudoir." She says then returns to their room.

After a bit Mr F does finally come into the room.

The lights are on.

Mrs F is fully dressed reading a book.

Mr F lies down.

"Want to turn off the lights and shut the door?" Mrs F suggests.

Mr F does, then lies down.

Several minutes later realizing that the point had not been driven home hard enough Mrs F says...

"You can commence having sex with me."

"OH... well... um... you're kind of springing this on me." Mr F stutters.

Seriously?!

Mrs F rolled over and went to sleep.

Some Excuses Are Legit... Aren't They?!!

Unless you are obsessed with watching that little turtle over there (where?... there in the sidebar) trudge slowly through the grass (or take a nap in the grass as the case maybe) I thought I'd give you a little weight loss check in.

You know you're riveted.

As soon as we got home from vacation I started working out. I made a vow to work out 40 minutes each night for the next month. I am 15 days down.

so...

Success.

I made that vow for a good reason. My typical workout regime is more like 4-5 days of 60 minutes. But, as has become evident in the past year, I can sometimes feel boxed in by such a long workout. (so that's reason #1)

And having gotten myself significantly out of shape I knew I needed to ease back up or I'd be tempted to over exert myself, get injured, and then get discouraged. (reason #2)

But more importantly I made that vow to prove to myself that I really do have the time and energy to execise EVERY SINGLE DAY. I might not have the time and energy to exercise for an hour every day but I can do something. (if you are counting that would be reason #3)

It's very easy for something to come up and for me to feel like "Well I don't have enough for a full workout now... I guess I'll have to sit on the couch and watch TV" (hey I didn't say it wasn't crazy talk)

This 30 day plan is trying to break me off that. To prove that even when I think I don't have time I do have enough for a short workout. And that shorter workouts can still provide a good workout.

It's more of a mental challenge than a physical one.

Last night was the perfect example:

I was tired from a rough night the night before with Baby. I spent all day cleaning out the porch. Now in my head I was already starting to rationalize that that was the workout and I didn't need to get on the treadmill. (That is a fairly consistent excuse pattern for me.... and guess what?... if it were true than I wouldn't be trying to lose weight again.)

I mean I was really tired. Really. And I seriously contemplated throwing the towel in for just one day (but isn't that how it always starts?!).

Then I decided, just to keep my commitment to myself, I'd go down and hop on for 20 minutes. THAT'S IT. I told you I was tired. And I was.

I decided to kick out some seriously hardcore intervals for the full 20 and then cool down for 5. I figured I could pound anything out for 20 minutes. Than after my cool down I stretched and then thought "What kind of freaking fool are you? You are only 15 minutes away from your daily goal. You just hiked up a hill at 12% incline. Seriously? Seriously you are going to quit now?!! If this isn't sabotage I don't know what is!"

And, people, I got back on finished out the full 40. And proved to myself that I really can keep this commitment. Not just the 30 day commitment but the commitment to myself to move through this.

That even my A list excuses are... well... excuses.

Last night I, for the first time EVER since moving here, came up with some first class excuses... and then... I worked out anyway.

And it was good for me.

On lots of levels.

Extreme Home Makeover... Screened in Porch Edition

I've had a lot of plans for this huge space.

Originally I thought it could serve as an outdoor sewing room, play area, reading spot, sleeping porch and dining room. God knows it is big enough. (Interestingly it's roughly the size of the new smaller houses I've been looking at for next year.)

We've tried all sorts of stuff out there.

But more often than not we were left with the always attractive "shove all your weird shit on it's way to someplace else" decorating scheme.

And I wasn't loving it.

And because it was filled with random shit and toys that the kids didn't actually use (you know the lets give this thing one more shot before we toss it as if it's crappiness will become more interesting in a new exotic setting?) it was cluttered and ugly and the last place any of us wanted to spend our time.

The constant dust (dirt)... (someone tell me... is it coal dust??!!!)... and mildew have ruined TONS of things we've had out there to boot. So the idea of using *real* furniture out there was somewhat misguided. This past couple of weeks I've been working to move the wood furniture back in the house (or basement for storage) and bring our outdoor dining table in (since the mosquitos have kept us from using it since early June).

Not even a true BEFORE... mid clean out... and... YES I DID MOP THE ENTIRE PORCH... SOMEONE BOW DOWN TO ME!


The AFTERS:


I'm going for "less is more" out here now.
Our outdoor patio table & chairs.
A faux wicker loveseat w/ storage table & side table (matching chairs on front porch).
Kids' dollhouse (this will be brought in once it gets cold).
Kids' tumbling blocks and mat (which they do use and are weather proof).
A bin of outside toys: hula hoop, tunnels, baton, balls.
Plastic kid table & chairs.

And YES we're still rocking the outdoor window treatments... that's the best idea I ever came up with.

THAT'S IT. Nothing else will be kept out here!

The wide open space is always more inviting to play in than a toy and housewares war zone.

I've really put a lot of thought into our new toy choices. Previously we had the kids' play kitchen out here with ALL THE FREAKING PLAY FOOD, shopping cart, and cash register. We had the tumbling stuff and then a hodge podge of lame B list toys. The kids never played with the kitchen. And inside they have 3 dollhouses. It occurred to me that when I send them out to play out there that I had made the wrong choice. The kitchen et al took up tons of space... but it is a social game. Kids always want to make something and serve YOU... they do not play with it on their own (mine don't anyway). The big dollhouse has been in our living room. It's super attractive and we don't mind having it around where we constantly see it.... but... they have other dollhouses they can use. And you know what the dollhouse is good for? Independent play. And really that's what I want out there. We drastically cut down on the play food and stored it in an attractive woven basket (that I glued sheets of felt on the bottom of to prevent scratched floors!) next to the wooden kitchen and brought them into the living room where the dollhouse had been. And you know what? They play with it constantly. Cash register & shopping cart hit the dirt and are down in the basement until we can sell them.

So now we have the physical play stuff and one appealing independent play draw (the dollhouse). Instead of feeling like I need to fill every corner out there I'm leaving at that and our legitimate outdoor furniture.

The wooden table and chairs (my original apartment dining set) we had out there have been cleaned off and brought into our living room in front of the fireplace as a game table/craft table. In one week it's had more use than it did in the full year it was out there. It also helps fill up and define that awkward space in our over sized room.

Now tomorrow I'll have to tackle this:

Yep. All the crap I brought in out of the porch (minus the junk that hit the trash in a covert operation so as not to be seen by little eyes) is now taking over the office.

Woe is me.

At least that job can be done in the air conditioning.

Mrs F 's Viewing Preferences Revealed

"So is okra like a squash?" Mr F asks.

"Opah is ike Pawya Dean." Baby answers.

I Just Want To Live In A Place A Little More Like This

Is that so wrong?

Don't Rain On My Parade

I've been trying to make a video for you all addressing our new life plans... but... I keep going over my alloted 10 minutes. And a nude keeps entering the shot making me have to start over.

Unfortunately I don't have the 4 hours it would take for me to formulate a clear, concise, write up either.

I thought I'd start with my whole thought process but I'm over it. Here is the long and the short of it...

In Spring '10 we are going to put our house up on the market.

Should someone be interested in paying us what we paid then we will sell. We are not in this to make any money... we just don't want to lose any either. At this point because we don't have to move we can take our time. I think even in this market that we should be able to recoup our costs on this house. It's a very nice house with a very nice yard (now fenced) in what is still a very desirable neighborhood (just not to me).

We are then going to RENT a farmhouse with acreage. Or a farmhouse with a little land surrounded by someone else's acreage. We are looking at areas a fair ways out from the Asheville area. Mr F has agreed to commute up to an hour each way (hey we were NYers so really that's nothin'). That distance allows us to get to some pretty beautiful areas which would allow us to draw on the city services (library, park, etc) of another city (Brevard, Waynesville, who knows??) which I may find to be more family oriented. I have always wanted to try living in a more rural setting ever since we left NYC and now is the perfect time to try it. I also look forward to the girls having a lifestyle that allows for more freedom and exploration of nature... and hey being able to see more than 10 stars a night would be good too.

We are also going to homeschool Kid next year. We're finishing out this year (probably) as we've already signed our contracts (and you are legally bound to a full year's tuition) and because Kid is, at this point, expecting it. Homeschooling is something that has been of interest to me (on many fronts) for the last 4 years. I have researched it, thought about it, what if'd it, gone to curriculums... and well... I have never stopped wanting to try it. When I imagine my *perfect* ideal life I always imagine that I'd be homeschooling. I think it will be a better fit for our family and I am very excited to move forward and finally do it.

Both of these changes take us from netting about $50 a month after our living/schooling expenses to being able to save close to TWENTY THOUSAND DOLLARS A YEAR. Seriously folks it's a no brainer. Even if it turns out we don't like rural life (rental remember) or that homeschooling isn't a good fit we can always put Kid back in her current school... and that one year off will have given us a decent savings fund.

I'm incredibly excited and nervous about the year to come. And that is a GOOD thing. That means I'm taking chances and risking failure in the pursuit of happiness. That means I'm challenging myself and listening to myself and believing in myself.

I don't want to live my life with these dreams and what ifs floating around only to miss my opportunity at being fulfilled in my everyday life.

And that's not even counting the financial turn around. I can't even begin to imagine what it will be like not to have to worry so much about our grocery bill, gas, utilities, mortgage... not to have everything be so down to the wire.

So that's it in a nutshell.

Oh and I also want to adopt... but... we'll need that 20 grand first.

Baby Better Watch Her Back

"I did want a sister... but... I wanted one my age." Kid reveals.

"Well, unfortunately for you, you didn't come out a twin." Mrs F replies.

"We could always adopt a girl my age from an orphanage." Kid suggests.

"True, you just have to convince Dad first." Mrs F says.

"And it takes a lot of dollars to adopt a child from an orphanage." Mrs F continues.

"Especially to get one... and... to drop one off." Kid adds matter-of-factly.

Triumph

We just got back from Kid's before school potluck.

It was pretty much a social coup for me.

What an unexpected turn of events. I'm feeling 100 times less anxious about my class parent responsibilities.

First off there was some fresh blood.

Secondly, three of the stodgiest richie rich old boys' families are out.

They were replaced with 2 families that are clearly falling into the Furious "we're barely making it but we're committed to doing right by our kids" camp.

In a class of 12 kids that really does change the entire dynamic.

Also Ditz, the other class parent, was not in attendance (they are the last standing member's of the old boys' club) and so I could just be myself without having to work around her social wet blanket.

Without her around I was able to sell the new parents on my email plan to promote constant and thorough communication from the informed to the uninformed. They were ALL for it.

So my confidence is boosted. My goals and action plan have been validated.

Maybe this year, and this commitment, won't be so terrible after all.

P.S. All you past class parents out there will be happy to hear that I set my boundaries right from the outset. While I did orchestrate the potluck in terms of arranging who brings what, etc. I did not arrive early and set up... this was the teachers' hosted potluck. I arrived 5 minutes late. I brought the most substantial entree (fried chicken fyi... and it was fantastic and all eaten up) but I did not set up the food. I also made sure that we picked up our dish and cleared out a bit early. As soon as several families had gone we left. I don't want to set a precedent that I'm going to "do it all". I'm the class parent not the only adult in the room with arms. I'm going to do what needs to be done to be helpful... but not put myself (or my family) out and not take on more than I can handle without enjoying it. And for the first time in my life I am actually okay with that. I was completely at ease driving out of that driveway 15 minutes early. I know that what I did was enough and that I really don't need to overextend myself anymore. Lord knows it doesn't ever get you any more acknowledgment.

Housing Search 2010: 110 years old plus acreage preferred... now accepting applications

"I'm just sayin'... if we move out... I'll be home less." Mr F says.

"I'm just sayin' if we don't... I'll be home less." Mrs F retorts.

We're either living crazy Laura Ingalls style or I'm hitting the road in an RV.

The Preface

Here is a little detail that might help to start to frame my current mindset.

That baby.

The one I was supposed to watch 40 hours a week.

The measly pay that I wanted to scoff at but NEEDED in order to pay Kid's tuition.

Yeah that one.

They don't need me. The father couldn't get a job in his field (big surprise) and is working nights at Sam's Club.

And that changes everything.

I'm not trying to be coy these days ... with my declaration of life altering plans and my promise to share them... which I then fail to follow through on.

I am pretty much trying to keep my head above water. Formulate a plan for bailing us out (again) and getting us to a place, in a place, where this will stop happening.

There is a lot about my life that is PERFECT. Exactly what I had hoped for, dreamed of. I failed to dream with enough color to envision the rest of it though. The financial stress and disappointments. The wasted energy and time that goes into things that don't actually matter or improve our life. The LOCATION.

People, some of it is sucking my soul out.

So when I say I have a plan... I do. But these recent events, and the return from the great North and my adjustment back to Asheville, are conspiring to send me into a bit of a funk. And I'm trying not to just lie down and give in.

The plan will come. But for now I kind of need to revel in it a moment and not let the magnitude of our saving overwhelm me.

Plans and dreams are fun until you realize how quickly you might need them.

Then they're scary as hell.

What The Heck Is Going On?!

Why can't I just finish a post... right?

Here is the thing...

What I'm thinking about right now is serious... for me.

As you know I blog about all sorts of shit on here.

I'm totally honest and self-revealing... most of the times that's all hunky dory. I'm like that in real life too. But there are times when being that open in such a public format (where people are free to share with me their opinions on me), well, at times that makes me more vulnerable than I'm up for.

Like now.

This is me being vulnerable and wearing it on my sleeve so that if when I do decide to show you my cards you'll just respectfully keep you mouth shut if you don't like what you see.

Sometimes what you have to say (and when I say "you", of course, I mean me)... especially when it is a dream is so personal and so revealing that it needs to just be left at that. You can't expect to understand someone else's choice of dream just as you can't understand their fears. They just are there at a soul level inside you. And they need to be respected for what they are.

But I am working on a plan. Because I've seen the immense, immeasurable, difference it has been for our family to have Mr F not just enjoying, but getting enrichment and fulfillment from his job. To have that satisfaction trickle down into his entire being and then pass around our house like a contagion. And, by God, I deserve to have that level of enjoyment and enrichment in my life as well. Just think... we might combust from all that happiness.

more to come

A Plan Is Hatched

Okay I've really been thinking about things these days.

Really seriously thinking.

And I've been trying to identify which things I need more of and which things I could do without.

Mr F and I were up until 2 AM strategizing.

And we have a plan.

Unless the forces of nature come together sooner (which God willing they will) ... in one year... things will be changing.

On MANY fronts.

And, no, Mr F won't be wearing a black felt hat. Neither will I for that matter.


[wait... I've been commissioned to build a marble run... and I need more marble runs... I'll be back]

Hey I Know I'm A Little Weight Loss Heavy These Days...

But that's where I'm at.

Deal with it.



I've also got some serious deep thoughts roaming around the 'ol nog.

Including but not limited to...

What is the one thing you are not doing (for whatever reason) that you believe would make you happiest?

Note I did not say happier. I mean what is that one (two, three, four) dream you dream for yourself that resonates so deeply you believe (hope) that it is actually going to make you happiest?

And why aren't you taking the steps you need to to make that change?

I'm going to. I'm formulating my plan.

And, people, the fact that I am going to take action (even if delayed) is titillating.

I feel rejuvenated.

I think that sometimes you have to give your dreams a chance to get out of your head. To really analyze what it is that keeps bringing you back to the same fantasy. And how you can make it part of your reality.

Keeping Your Eye On The Prize

This summer my aunt was talking about her weight loss efforts and bad mouthing some seriously respectable pound dropage.
"But that's about 2 pounds a week." I said.
"That's really good." I reminded her.

The thing with weight loss is that it just isn't always consistent. You'll have crazy good weeks where you'll drop 4 pounds (which she did) followed by a week when you might lose a pound. You just averaged 2.5 pounds a week but you're focusing on the fact that you lost 4 pounds right out of the gate and now believe that is your goal... because you think you're capable of it. And anything less is disappointing.

One thing I do know is that it's important not to get disappointed. You've got to stay positive or you'll start to act out and sabotage your efforts.

SO

I suggested she go home and get out a calendar. At the top of the month she could record her current weight and at the bottom she should write down her monthly goal weight. And it should include a low range goal and a high range goal. I support a 4 - 8 pound range. If you have a great month than YAY!.... but I know I'm not going to lose weight, consistently, faster than that.

So let's just say at the top she's going to write 150... than at the bottom she'd write down 142-146.

Maybe she'll surpass that goal. BUT instead of looking at 146 on the scale and thinking "That's it?!! I lost that much in a week last month!" She'll have a reminder that that was within her month's healthy weight loss goals. Instead of seeing it as a failure she can see it as a success.

Because I don't have a lot to lose and I need more positive reinforcement I've adapted this same idea on a weekly level. I've got 1 & 1.5 weight loss goals written on each Wednesday for the next two months. Instead of feeling like this is slow going I now feel like it is totally doable and that I'm on target. And I can see when I should reach my goal (end o' September) and can practically taste it.

Here We Go (Again)

I've given myself a little downtime post vacation to ease into this new phase of weight loss... which I really recommend. I didn't get crazy on myself with plans and commitments. I took it easy and added a little exercise. I started food journaling again... but not with rigid calorie amounts or food rules. And now I'm ready to reel it in a little more and get going. It's been well over a year since I lost track of what I was doing in the weight management department and it's time to get it back on track. I guess I should be thrilled that my complete lack of commitment and attention has only amounted to 8 pounds... although... the ugly truth that I've gained a good 11 pounds of fat due to some muscle loss kind of deflates my "it could be worse" balloon.

BUT I don't want to lose sight of the fact that I have figured out how to get and maintain the body I want.

I have.

No, really I have.

I just stopped doing it.

And now the time has come for me to say... "Well wasn't that fun? Did you enjoy your 15 months off? Was it worth it?"

And the answer to all of those questions is the same: No.

NO.

The small time commitment to food journaling is nothing compared to the amount of time I have replaced it with bemoaning my weight.

The extra 30 or 60 minutes in the evening gained by not working out... meant I was short tempered and usually felt put upon by family demands that no one really needed me around to meet. Did I feel more rested? No. Get quiet time to finish a project or do some *real* reading? Never. Just more of the same with absolutely no break in a long day of doing the same. Even when you love your life you need alone time. Please, for the love of God, give yourself some alone time. (Especially if it involves: The Bachelorette, Millionaire Matchmaker, Next Food Network Star, Project Runway & Army Wives... all of which lose their soul nourishing powers when watched with a two year old.)

Did I enjoy my 15 months off?

No I really didn't. In fact I spent most of it worry about how I was going to lose the X number of pounds I had already gained.

But this has been a valuable lesson.

One I'll undoubtably repeat in this lifetime because I'm human.

Because sometimes...

I break my butt.

And I get depressed.

And I like to bake.

Because I forget that it feels better to feel good... than to feel free.

Because the freedom is an illusion.

It's a sabotage that makes you feel more trapped than a 60 minute workout.

Or a scale.

Or a food diary.


And so I'm back. I'm bringing it.

I want this and I know that I can have it.

I also have a new perspective.

This isn't something I have to do.

I want to do it.

I, actually, enjoy it.

I'm better for it. Not because I should do it... but because I am literally better for it.

In my core.

More than I ever realize in the moment.

But now I know... I get it.

Get ready for greatness.

Don't Worry About Mr F... I Made It Up To Him

Last night in bed I listened to him give an hour long lecture on the history of steroid use in the Major Leagues.
Sure I asked, but for the life of me I can't remember why.

I did sleep well though.

Then this morning, in response to his comment on yesterday's post, he explained to me, in detail, how they used to put together graphic design mechanicals and shoot them with cameras the size of two rooms. It was a half an hour long discussion... and I still don't understand.

Can I have my coffee now?