Looks Like Someone May Need A Service Dog

"Okay, you're going to go down the salad dressing aisle. You're looking for canola mayo." Mrs F says to Mr F over the phone.

[silence]

"Okay I see the mayo. Canola mayo?" Mr F asks.

"Yes, CANOLA mayo." Mrs F confirms.

"Okay, now you need to get the smoked salmon. You're going to head straight back to the end of the store." Mrs F instructs.

[silence]

"All the way back. There's a cooler with the pig products: bacon, ham. The smoked salmon is on the left side." Mrs F clarifies.

"I see trout. Smoked trout." Mr F says.

"No. Salmon. The wild salmon. It's hanging up." Mrs F says.

"Wild sockeye salmon?" Mr F asks.

"Yes, wild sockeye salmon." Mrs F says slowly.

"Okay now you're going to get the ground turkey. It's in the case across from the meat counter. It's in a package." Mrs F says.

"Turkey thighs?" Mr F asks.

"No. GROUND TURKEY." Mrs F clarifies.


You see how this is going.

That's just 3 items people.

This is how it is practically every time Mr F goes to the store. Typically fifteen minutes into the conversation I have to say something like..."I'm sorry I can't take this anymore. Just call me when you get to the checkout and we'll review."