What The ....

You know what I find so freaking frustrating about maintenance? That there is just NO correlation between a good week scale wise and a good week action wise. I mean seriously. I think this is a major part of what has made it so hard for me to toe the line the last few months.

I'll be 100% on board with my plan.. workout a ton... eat in range... and there will be no loss. Or a loss followed by a gain. Or a gain. Then I'll get mad and frustrated and I won't stick to my plan the following week or two and that's when I lose weight.

The past 2 weeks have been horrible. I've hardly worked out. Last week I made the dreaded White Trash again... and... ate it all. This week I was too tired (and that's legit) to workout... and I made chocolate covered chex mix... and... ate it all... and my weight is DOWN. What the fuck?!!

You'd think I'd be excited about the loss... or about the fact that I'm finally back in my maintenance range... or that after 3 months my body fat has finally budged a teeny tiny 1.5 % down. But I'm not as super happy about it as I might have once been. Because I've found maintaining weight loss to be a very VERY slippery slope with very little consistency on both my part and my body's. It was much easier when I was losing weight... and there was a more consistent and direct reward (or punishment) for commitment.

When you work hard and get the result you are looking forward to it helps motivated you to stick with your program the next week. Instead I find I start every week back in the same spot of *trying* to motivate myself to give it another try. It's tiring and maddening at times. I've felt like I've completely lost touch with my body ... which has been hard. During weight loss I finally felt that I'd figured my body out and I was getting maximized results for that understanding.

Now I'm grappling to find that delicate balance again... and I keep missing the mark. Sure I'm down this week, but my intake and exercise level was seriously sub-par and I'm sure I'll see the gain next week. And that is frustrating and kind of knocks the wind from sails.