My bathing suit is old, so I had ordered this one on sale:
not sure... but it was $20 total...so cheapness for the win...
plus the white makes me look less white in comparison... win-win...
and the flying child distracts you from my mid-section... win-win-win
But anyway,
I was at Cost Plus World Market exchanging curtains when I found what I believed would be the perfect beach cover-up:
(pull out the magnifying glass, peeps)
And I was like... how can that not be fabulous?
It made me feel like I was going to Mexico.
(and I am)
So, I bought it and brought it home.
I put it on and walked right out into my living room full of critics
(not having seen myself first)
I was pretty confident that it looked as good as it felt.
Mr F immediately shouted out "Negatory!"
Which was a little harsh, and I was kind of in disbelief.
I mean, it is a cover-up, not an Oscar's dress.
"It feels like I'm light & breezy & drinking a Margarita." I countered,
hoping if they could understand the motivations of my beach character they'd see the positives.
"No, it feels like you are some strange bird in a weird play."
Kid clarified.
Kid clarified.
"It is some kind of special horrible, I can't even describe." Mr F added.
"It is like you are a flying squirrel.
It doesn't even say 'clothes'." He continued.
It doesn't even say 'clothes'." He continued.
At that point I decided to look for myself:
And it was everything they said.
I couldn't even believe something that felt so 100% awesome on
could be so outrageously unflattering.
I might as well be 8 months pregnant in that.
What the HECK?!
"What if I wore it as a shirt without the bathing suit underneath?"
I asked,
I asked,
desperate to keep the Mexican beach dream alive.
"No!" They shouted in unison.
