We Laugh, We Cry

Laughably, I found myself feeling relieved that it was 3 degrees outside.

I guess I'm acclimating to the arctic winters. Also, wind is EVERYTHING. Or lack of wind, I should say. It makes all of the difference.


 Plus, another frigid winter means Baby is actually getting use out of the badass snowsuit I bought her last year:

My 3rd Up by Jawbone band died in a year and my warranty was up, so I switched to the Fitbit Flex. I do find having a fitness band helps me stay motivated (immensely)... although I will say I find the Fitbit much less user friendly. Kind of disappointed, but I just can't condone sinking more money into as flawed a devise (battery-wise) as the Up band.


 I just booked a mid-winter trip to Disney! I think it has been 3 or 4 years (??!) since we were there. Yowza it is much ore expensive... both because it is, because we can't travel during a discounted time, and because Kid is now full price and I cannot (even with our mad acting skills) try to pull of Baby being under 3 and therefore free. So, this will likely be our last trip for quite a few years. We are maxing it out though, staying onsite, doing the meal plan (character meals every single day, baby!), and after much debate... flying. I think I said last time that driving there and back was a Hell I never wanted to go through again (in part because Kid had food poisoning and puked the entire drive home... and in part because two very long days of driving after a vacation kind of negates any relaxation you might have had on your vacation).


 I wish I had a picture of Kid for you (why don't I take any photos anymore?!... Oh, I know, because my iPhone4s has been ruined by iOS8... why did I update?!?!?) Maybe I'll try to post a picture for you, later. She is really good looking. I mean, she had a rough patch (toddlerhood and your strange old man's hair... I'm talking to you), but holy shit she has really grown into herself. She lucked into some rogue supermodel genes. And she is only 12 and completely through puberty... so no awkward teen years. What the heck? And her teeth are naturally nearly perfectly straight... didn't inherited either of our jack-o-lantern mouths. She is like a genetic marvel. I don't know how it happened.


 It almost makes up for the fact that I was inadvertently feeding her a neurotoxin for 4 (formative!!) fucking years and it possibly was the cause of her epilepsy. I kind of want to throw myself off of a bridge. It is done and there is no going back and redoing it. I am compensating with humor. Anytime something is going wrong for Kid, I yell out "Miralax!", as it will now hold the blame for anything that goes wrong (FOREVER). And we laugh instead of cry. Because there is nothing we can do now, and no one to sue (yet).  We had the best doctors and, at the time, they believed it was as safe as water. Seriously (and unfortunately). I am SO glad I spent so much time and energy avoiding BPA! WTF??! But just know, that if I dwell too much on it, I might have a significant mental breakdown.

 Please, let's not have this be a carcinogen we have to pay the price for down the road. PLEASE.

I might start to cry so let's move on...


 In other FANTASTIC news, a goddamn registered sex offender has moved in across the street. He assaulted a child, so good news... I now cannot ever let my kids outside. Awesome. And our neighbor saw him standing fully fucking nude in front of his glass storm door looking out at our side of the street (which is how we all learned he was a sex offender). Our neighbor talked to the police, but there is nothing we can do but wait and WATCH. He was convicted 2 months ago but has not served his prison term yet... why is he not in a county jail or something while he awaits sentencing?? Why are they not sentenced at their trial??? This seems absolutely insane that he would free to live in the community before he gets locked up for 15 years.


 So, yes, DISNEY. Let's just focus on that.

Things Of Little Or No Importance: Part 155

Hello!

#1  Lindalou, I am sorry you have had to wait so long for a new post.

#2  Video of little to no importance:

#3  I am now hooked on Gilmore Girls and attempting to hook my girls on it.

#4  Kid is popular with the boys.  One of them gave her a Duggar side hug!  What is next?  A ring??!  God, I wish her school had middle school dances... it would be the most entertaining thing in the world!

#5  Baby has been writing comic books.  We already knew she was a fantastic artist but her dialog is amazing.  Honestly, people, these are really good books.  And hilarious.  She has asked Santa for a typewriter so she can make "professional" books going forward.  Santa will deliver!

#6  Kid wants nothing for Christmas except to fund a girl in India's schooling.  She is putting up all the money she has ever received.  At school they had to give an oral presentation to the middle school parents about what career they wanted to pursue.  After a hilariously underwhelming slew of choices presented by classmates (bartender, handy man, etc), Kid's was on humanitarian aid workers.  Long story short: she's a pretty great person.  Also, she claims she is never going to drink: soda, caffeine, or alcohol.... so, yeah, watch your backs, Mormons.

#7  Kid and I both had Meningitis in October:

 What the ding dong???!!  It was fucking horrible.  The worst pain I've ever been in, in my life.  

Worse than the broken tail bone!  I was really in despair.  

Good God.... try never to get it.

Happy 12th Birthday, Kid!  You have meningitis!  Enjoy!

When you live in the most educated city in America

It is really fun to yell out "I have to go to work at the Tire shop!" at school drop off.

It does not get old.

***********************************************

Do you remember the long crazy saga behind Mr F's job?  You know we moved to NC (thought permanently) only to have the economy tank, pay cuts, workload increase, etc?  Then after 2 years he was up for his dream job in MI?  So we went for it... but someone beat him out and they offered Mr F the job of #2 instead.  And because I was so depressed in NC, we took it?  And then immediately we figured out the #1 was a sham.... and so did the #1.... and Mr F was doing 3x the work but stuck in the #2 because the sham #1 was misrepresenting Mr F's work as his own?  Then after 2 years, another magazine moved up here and hired a new art team.  And Mr F got beat out for the #1 AGAIN and offered the #2 AGAIN... but we had to get away from the crazy sham guy so he took it?  And then the Sham guy (who no longer could hide behind Mr F's work) finally got fired, and they wanted Mr F back for the #1 at that magazine... but corporate has a no hiring an employee that has quit policy?  So that was disappointing, especially since by then we had figured out that the guy who got the #1 at the new job was a megalomaniac with a disdain for cars and photography.... which is kind of the job.  And unlike the Sham who knew Mr F was a better designer and just let him do his work... this guy just crapped all over everything Mr F did and it was really depressing for Mr F not to be proud of anything that ever went to press.  WELL, that guy was finally fired (which we really didn't see coming and were actively pursuing other options out of the area) and Mr F is redesigning the magazine.  All of his dreams (career anyway) have come true, and I guess the lesson here is that patience is a virtue after all.  So it has taken us 4 years, but things have finally settled where they should.  And the girls are thrilled that we don't have to move again.  Me?  Eh, I've realized that I kind of relied on the promise of a move to keep me in the unsettled place I find most stimulating.  I'm just not a settled type.  Not sure how to replace that.  Maybe more extensive travels?  For now, I have moved on to looking at local houses...

Did you follow all that?  It has been crazy, stressful, disappointing, depressing and infuriating but ultimately a story of redemption.  There were a lot of times when I felt like people are hired for their big personalities and not their actual qualities (which I do think is sadly true) and wasn't sure how Mr F could break through that barrier.  But perseverance, competency and talent have finally won out.  Which is a sigh of relief for society at large.

******************************************************

First Day of School:

Kid is in 6th grade
                                                   

(Can you believe it?!?!)

Baby is in 2nd grade

(Sad to report that, so far, Baby hates 2nd grade.  Mostly because now there is actual work to do.)

 The start of school means one thing around here, Big Boy can get back to his favorite past time.... 

harassing Kid while she does her homework.  

He loves it.  

Almost as much as he loves trying to lick the butter dish off of the counter when we aren't home...

(Sadly, he has finally succeeded)

 ********************************************************
Update!  Kid got the Taylor Swift haircut.  Which unfortunately means that this low maintenance mom has to blow out her daughter's hair EVERY SINGLE MORNING.  Even while her dad was out of town and we had to get up a half an hour early to get to a morning carpool... My love knows no bounds!!!!

Ladies and Gents

The RV still sits in our driveway.  There were a few issues (some we knew for sure and some we have had the pleasure of discovering) that need to get hammered out before she is road worthy.  She's been to the mechanic and now is waiting on the RV coach shop to get some of those things taken care of. We still got a huge deal on her, and have absolutely no regrets.  How can I regret something I had to buy tiny collapsible colander for??! I can't, people.  Sometimes Mr F and I just sit in the RV dinette in the driveway, look out the big back window and feel 100% amazing.  Seriously.

So, our maiden voyage still awaits.  I had hoped to take the kids to see all of the Laura Ingalls Wilder homestead sites, but as this fixin' up process drags on I think I'll have to postpone that until early next summer.  Also, I decided it was maybe a little crazy to take a 14 day journey in a 17 year old RV alone with no backup for my very FIRST trip out.  So, maybe we'll hit Philly to see my Nana and then scoot about Michigan this first summer. Make sure I know how to use all of the things and have complete road & campsite confidence before I strand us out in the Great Plains.  (But I'm also a little worried about Tornadoes, so I need to plan that trip kind of wisely!!)

Backing up some, right after the RV purchase, Kid shipped out to her first ever sleep away camp experience.  She went for a week to a horse riding camp.  It was... ok.  We'll see how she feels as she reflects on it more.  It wasn't the sleep away aspect, that was the issue, but the going without any friends... and while everyone was nice, everyone also had a friend they brought or knew from past years.  So, mad props for her even considering it... because... Hell to the No... would I sign up for a weird conference where I had to share a bunk bed with a stranger and attended sessions all week long with absolutely no acquaintance to rely on.  Hell to the No.  To the NO.  But this was a good thing in terms of us figuring out where she is at.  Kudos for having the courage to do it!  Kudos for getting through it and finding parts to enjoy.  And, now we feel pretty confident that she should stay at her current school for middle school.  She is doing so well socially and is confident in herself... and... for her, that doesn't transition to every setting (yet).  Let's keep her where she is her best self.

Unfortunately, on the drive home she complained of a sore throat.  And literally the whole entire week after arriving home she was one of the sickest she has ever been (and knowing Kid's medical history that is saying something).  She even ended up in the ER with a 103.9 fever that I couldn't break.  After several days of that, she ended up with both viral pink eye at the tail end of the virus and an ear infection.  So, last week was rough and I pretty much was sleeping dozing off next to her bed with a thermometer in my hand every night.  This week:  we rest!  I kicked that off by staying up until 3AM binge watching all of the Bachelorette episodes on Hulu.  (why do I do it to myself??!)

Other things:  Baby is really into makeovers these days.  We all let her do us over.  I need to get a cosmetology mannequin head and save my eyes!!!  I also need to get her one of those big make up palettes for Christmas.  She would LOVE it.

Speaking of eyes, after YEARS (a lifetime, really) of believing I had better than perfect vision... I have gone from needing reading glasses to progressive lenses in 2 years. (I blame the iPhone, people!!).  That and perimenopause (I actually am sure there is a correlation).  Also, Baby needs glasses now, too.  Farsighted (like me).  Which got me thinking, until 2 years ago I had never had my eyes checked by an eye doctor.  I had done (and passed with flying colors) the doctors office wall charts and never been referred.  Well, you know what?  Wall charts are bogus!  That only tells you if you are nearsighted. If I could read the bottom row on the eye chart, maybe the diagnosis wasn't "x-ray eyes" it was farsighted.  WTF??  Maybe this is why I hated learning to read?? Why is that allowed to be a definitive test on 20/20 vision?  My whole life I have been farsighted and never knew it, until using my iPhone made me realize my eyes were staining when I was reading it.  Something to think about.  Get your eyes checked, peeps!

The other day, I also went in for my physical.  I don't really have any issues but the nurse asked what my concerns were so I said "I'm pretty sure I'm in perimenopause" and so she asked me a 100 question questionnaire to which I answered 100 yeses.  Then my doctor came in laughing hysterically and said "Do I look like I swim 5 miles a day?!  No one would believe it, but I do!  Welcome to the club!"  She then spent 40 minutes telling me about her perimenopause (please, I am not even exaggerating.. it is like birth stories all over again!!).  Awesome, doc, thanks for that.  So, yeah, because I have a family history of breast cancer there is nothing I can do but just live through it.  Which is fine.  My migraines have actually started to get a little less frequent, so there is hope.  My body fat% however is just not budging. I am literally converting to fat every single day (really, that struggle is real, so don't underestimate it my friends).  Oh well, once I hit menopause I'm good.  Only 2-10 years left to go!

What else?  Oh, Mr F's mother came and visited us for 5 days in June.  And it went perfectly.  It was perfectly fine.  Which is a very interesting thing to contemplate regarding all that went done 6 years ago.  We had a strong feeling this would happen after his father passed away.  We had talked about that a lot over the years, but had no idea it would happen so soon.  It is like a big barrier has been removed between Matt and his family.  He actually calls his mom frequently, now.  He's even seen her just about once a month for the last few months.  When before (even long before the strain) it wasn't like that.  He really avoided any contact, even phone calls.  I'd have to pretty much dial the phone and put it in his hand. The family is complicated and his father's relationship with his other children was very different.  It is hard for them to understand that, although I do not think it is hard for his mother to understand (it just isn't ever going to be spoken about).  But, long story short, this time has been a good thing for Mr F and his relationship with his mother. And for our kids, who have a grandparent back.

A Day In The Life (always riveting...)

I read a lot of crazy articles and blog posts today.

I thought about buying some French sneakers.

Blogs will do that to you.

But then you realize they are really just basic slip on sneakers

like you can find hanging on the big peg board shoe wall at Target.

And because you are super cheap.

You decide that if you can get them at Target...

they are already over being cutting edge

and you might as well not even buy them.

French or not.

You know?

I also read a lot about living in the Congo.

And helicopter parenting.

Why Finland is on the cutting edge of education.

(and if it really applies)

I read an article likening the educational philosophy and opportunity
(and scores) to US private schools.

I guess that does resonate with me,

having both been to private schools (and public)
and sent my children to both, as well.

I'm currently watching THIS documentary...

And I'm taken with how much Baby's charter school is pretty much
a dead ringer for the Finnish educational system.

(although admittedly I'm only 10 minutes in...)

Small class size, small school, staying with your teacher for multiple years, integrated science & art, highly trained and specialized teachers (they all have graduate degrees), teacher developed curriculum (which, yes, does meet Common Core standards).  Community focus.  The whole Finnish gamut is pretty much represented there.

I don't know about you all,
but I find educational theory to be very interesting.

And outside of the whole Finnish comparison,

I've been feeling pretty good about the school (and getting Kid in there, too)

after I realized that about 25% of the parents are education professors.

That's a pretty good vote of confidence.

Another 25% are chefs.

I'm not sure what that says.

Or why, considering that fact, I was the one who made the bread?

Anyway:

French sneakers

Helicopter parents

Living in the Congo

the story of Finland

Finnish education

A bathing suit I would buy... too bad it's a million dollars.  I'll go see if they have something similar at Target ;)

Geez I was online a lot today.  You know what I wasn't doing?

Cleaning.

But I always say it's better to have an interesting mind than a clean house.

Plus, I cleaned the toilets yesterday.

So we're  good.

I did still workout, pay bills, drive 10 miles per hour during our 2 4 hours of commute due to incredibly bad roads, make breakfast, lunch, dinner & muffins.  Go to Target to buy post game snacks for the basketball team & tank tops for me ($5 sale!), do yet another load of laundry, check homework, and divert Kid's exhaustion induced breakdown into an hour long Wii sword battle... So that's something.  Right?

Monday Musings

Kid's basketball team was ANNIHILATED tonight.

Whoa.  It was a blood bath.

Other than that, I got an 80 min workout in today,

 which always makes me feel accomplished.

I owe it all to Biggest Loser Season 10 episodes.

That was a great season!  I cry during EVERY episode.

Also, on a related/unrelated note,

I got Mr F sucked into the last few episodes of The Bachelor

(Downton Abbey ended, and beggars can't be choosers)

We stayed up until almost 3 AM

waiting to find out

what "dramatic" thing went down in the Fantasy Suites.

Spoiler Alert:  Nothing.

Gah!

We really regretted that the next morning, let me tell you.

We might as well have been drunk and actually had fun.

That's it folks.

P.S. tomorrow is PACZKI day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Weekend Update

Are you sitting on the edge of your seat?!

There is a 0.05% chance that this will be either entertaining,interesting, or informative.

But, let's carry on, shall we?

Okay:

The SNOWSUIT arrived!:

 (It is definitely one size big, which considering it is already late February is PERFECT.  It will fit for next year & it has the extend-a-size feature so it will easily fit her through 2016.  Totally worth it!!)

The cats stole my chair... again:

 (See?.. You are riveted. You can't look away from Big Boy's humongous cat torso, can you?)

Tonight was haircut night.  Baby's hair is suddenly down to her butt:

 We went through this phase with Kid at this age, too... 

where they are just SO into their hair being sister-wife length.  

I mean it practically looks like the world's longest mullet:

LET ME CUT IT!!!!!!

(nope, just a trim)

Not 3 days after I encouraged Kid to write a humor piece for her writing project on our super fish... 

the most immortal of grocery store goldfish

who always appears dead

but NEVER is...

he up and died.

 I can't say I'm sorry.  

I've been wishing him dead for 2 years.  

I am OVER goldfish.  

Cleaning the tank is the worst chore on planet Earth.  

Mr F finished re-painting our kitchen the same wheat/yellow/gold color that is in our entryway.

Why didn't we think of this 3 years ago?  It looks a gazillion times better with those cherry cabinets I'm stuck with.  I'm done trying to fight the kitchen's 1992-ness.... I'm just working with it now.  

Especially since I have a strong urge to sell the house.

Also, Mr F stayed up until 1:30 last night researching barn weddings... 

People, it is totally doable.  

And I'll leave you with this little nugget:

Baby walked out of the room this afternoon and said to Kid...

"It makes me nervous when mom looks for houses...."

Glad It's Over

This was an off-kilter day.  Some intense emotional stuff going on for Mr F and just regular life stress, appointments, the town blocking my driveway with snow boulders, and a very badly timed surprise science test prep for Kid tonight. There were tears... thankfully cut with some crazy amusing delirious hysteria.  It was a LONG day.  I'm glad my part is all over for the night.  Now to price out flights for Mr F and watch last night's Downton.

I will leave you with pics from the day:

 This is why we need that snowsuit! 

Baby's climbing one of the parking lot mountains at school this morning.

 Sunrise coming up over Baby's school.  I can never capture it with my phone but it was spectacular.

 While I was gone at drop off the plow came by and left some surprise ice boulders in its path, making my driveway completely inaccessible. That big lump right in the middle of the driveway was literally 4 feet wide and 2.5 feet tall and so heavy I could not move it and could not drive over it.  

I had to chip away at it with an ice breaker.  

As The Cougar would say "Don't worry about me".  

It's not like I had a car full of groceries and a dentist appointment I had to get to.  

 Love that crinkled nose.

 Kid's stress response

 in action

I'm always happy when her overwhelming stress crosses the line from sad/mad to wound up silliness.  She had me on the ground laughing at her weird impersonation of a Prepper thinking they could make hydroelectric power from their yard hose (hey, it was even on topic!... Big Boy was apparently less impressed).  She definitely inherited this awesome (Mr F might argue annoying) stress management trait from me.  Also the tendency to get overwhelmingly stressed... but who's counting?

Today

At 6:30AM, negative 15 outside... believe me, I wondered why in the hell I wanted the girls to go back to school.

But, as I predicted, I had a much more productive day.

As lame as it is to discuss, I have found writing out a list of what I need to get done in the optimal order I need to do it, allows me to kick things out like a freaking machine.  I don't know what is going on with me... I'm turning into an old woman.  (also, I participated in this brain storming workshop about goal setting and such and it kind of rocked my world and jump started all of this positive change... maybe I'll discuss this in the future... it was extremely easy to do)

Pics from the day:

Baby drew a Picasso inspired piece during her morning free time.  It kind of blew me away.  She was looking at a poster of this:  

and then promptly drew this:

Unfortunately, she also has ADD and as her teacher told me today... 

"She has a hard time staying on task and finishing her work... unless it's her artwork."  Uh... sounds like someone else I know.  All I can say is, thank god my house is equally divided OCD & ADD... it kind of keeps things balanced... ish.

(Did you know there is a correlation between ADD and creative talent?  The brain is an interesting organ.)

Kid got her basketball uniform.  Mr F is extremely stoked that she is #34.  

I guess the athletic director had trouble sizing her because her legs are abnormally long for her height & the shorts have to be a certain length.  I don't know how I produced such a giant.  It amazes me.

I really wish you could meet her.  She's just a 100% awesome human being.  

(I also wish I had known about the uniform arm hole issue before I bought sports bras...)

Also,  and maybe most importantly... I am on my way to salt & pepper, baby!  It is really hard to capture gray hair in a photo... it is much more prominent in real life. I cannot tell you how happy I am about that awesome stripe!  I had a hair stylist who would normally want to dye gray but even she couldn't deny how awesome it was that it grows in a big stripe.
Of course, it now grows everywhere... but the stripe still equals badass.

Is it weird to dream of salt & pepper hair?  Or, just super fortuitous... because it is happening, people.  Ultimately, I'm really looking forward to kicking it pure snowy white style!
I'm coming for you old lady hair.  

Rinse and Repeat

Whoa, I can't believe I haven't blogged in about a month.  What the....

Well, basically, the things you have missed:

One or the other of our girls has been home sick THE WHOLE DAMN TIME.

But never with the same thing, or at the same time.

What would the fun be in that?!

We are reaching hard to believe status over here.  I'm waiting for social services to show up and accuse me of having Munchausen by proxy!

Oh, and Kid jammed her finger during gym the day after Thanksgiving break which required another trip to the doctor and round of X-rays and finger splint... on top of the flu- pneumonia- cold- sinus infection- cold roller coaster we've been on.  Awesome times.  I should just go to medical school... it will probably be cheaper in the long run!

So, I never did get around to putting up our Christmas decorations early like I had hoped to. I pretty much have had to spend my time driving whichever kid is healthy to and from school and the sick one rushed to sick appointments and chest X-rays.

I just got started bringing up our Christmas stuff. I don't know... this year is weird.  I just can't get ahead on anything.  And every time I think we're about to get a good normal week, one of the kids gets a fever (hacking cough/broken finger/etc) and all my plans are scrapped (again).

On top of that there is a lice outbreak at Baby's school and I'm the "lice mom" which means I go to school and braid all of the kid's hair in the morning.  That takes... oh... forever.  But it is a small(ish) price to pay if it keeps Baby from getting lice.

In other news, our vacation was a success.  We went Up North to a ski resort.  We definitely took a risk booking a ski vacation so early in the season (in fact I did not know this, but they had never been open that early for skiing)... and... it worked out.  They had had some good snows the week leading up to Thanksgiving and there was at least a foot of snow.  Unfortunately, Baby was pretty much on her death bed with a severe sinus infection and had to sit out of the fun for the first couple of days.  On the plus side, we were upgraded from a two bedroom suite to an entire three bedroom cottage.  It was AMAZING, and made our stay (and our homebound sickie) so much easier to manage and enjoy.
The girls and I all tried downhill skiing for the first time.  Kid loved it, Baby over-loved it, and I... meh... not so much for me.  Maybe you need to try it before adulthood?  I just think sledding is more fun and takes less concentration.  (plus there is always the fear of a butt fracture looming in my mind).

Upon our return, we discovered that our dishwasher had leaked and buckled our cherry floors.  Not good.  Mr F stopped the leak, the floors are still buckling... hoping they dry out and go back down?!  Hopefully?!

That's about the whole of it, peeps.  OH, except for some serious shit that has been going down at Kid's school.  I spoke for about an hour to the school board (involving lesson examples!).  They were enlightened ;)  This will definitely be our last year, but I'm trying to get as many changes implemented as I can for the betterment of the kids who remain.  I am definitely stirring the pot, but I've had many people (even the board members) tell me that they have pretty much needed someone who was willing to do it.  There are some pretty big systemic problems.  But as one school board member called me to say "There is no arguing with what you say.", so with that in mind, light is being shed where it needs to be.  I know I've created a lot of interest in the other parents and the school board in seeking out how to improve the functioning of the school and the effectiveness of the classroom teachers.  I feel good about that.  I've also started making study guides for a few of Kid's classmates... and... they are getting As now, too.  (Kid's rocking a 4.0)  (Which all just helps my street cred at these meetings) (And, yes, I think I'll be homeschooling for middle school... since I've been homeschool all year anyway)

Happy Holidays!

Oh, and photo updates of our trip (and did I ever actually tell you about our spring break to Williamsburg last year?!  It was fantastic despite Kid having the flu and my being a solo-parent... so that says something.  Busch Gardens was very doable & easy to navigate & all of the Williamsburg area is so easy to get around.  We really liked being able to do a historic area in the AM and then heading over to Busch Gardens for a couple hours around dinner time... best of both worlds! I whole heartily recommend it!! We stayed at the Hilton Garden Inn and we were really happy with it... great breakfast buffet.  I booked a package through Busch Gardens website that included everything.)

TTFN as they say.

And because this never stops making me laugh, here it is again:

The Week in Review

I probably have 1000 pictures I could share with this... does that make it better?  I'm feeling kind of too lazy for uploading.

Here is what is going down:

#1  Baby officially likes 1st grade.  Yesterday was her first memory test (and while it was touch and go on accuracy the night before she claims she nailed it).  Spelling will start in another week or two as will daily reading and math homework.  But most importantly she is happy.  Last year had me questioning all of that, but it seems her sleepy depression and lack of interest was really all just part of being so very sick.  She is 100% back to extreme high voltage energy (for better or worse).  She appears to have a secret way to harness it while at school (though she reports to "slipping" and "tripping" in the hallway nearly everyday, while wearing sneakers, so I have my doubts).


#2  Baby is eating her lunches!  Victory is mine!  So far, she goes with a thermos of all fruit smoothie for "milk snack" (wherein she would have purchased a 50 cent chocolate milk every single day), I keep it cold by making smoothie ice cubes.  In her lunch she has had either a hot thermos filled with pesto pasta w/chicken & peas & spinach (I am all about sneaking in chopped spinach when cooking with pesto!), a container filled with fruit & carrots & cherry tomatoes, and then some kind of dessert (cookies, brownie, choc covered prunes, etc).  She pretty much eats it all.  The other days she's had a roast beef sandwich with all the same sides.  I know it doesn't sound like she is picky ... but believe me... this is pretty much the limit of what she'll eat and who knows when she'll decide to pull the plug on these things?!  Kid, is a great eater, and she gets nearly identical lunches (minus carrots!) and a thermos of white milk (again, I make milk ice cubes!), so that I don't go crazy.  I always have an extra granola bar in Baby's lunch and crackers in Kid's in case they finish everything and are still hungry.  Putting everything together every morning, while cooking breakfast, and doing hair does make me kind of want to kill myself... but it's working.  I like to fill up their fruit/veg containers the night before and have them in the fridge.  All the other containers I need, I line up with their lunch bags on the counter.  Having the organized pantry & lunch container bins has been AMAZING!  It is still totally organized a couple months later (and with plenty of use!).  Also, if I need to go grocery shopping I can take a picture of the pantry and I can actually see what we are out of... no list needed!  Seriously.


#3  Mr F and I celebrated our 12th wedding anniversary.  We have been married long enough that we wrote nearly identical letters to each other.  We also ate too much when we went out to eat.  We also decided to move to a small remote port town (again).  About 10 years ago (probably on our anniversary, actually) we went and nearly bought a house right across from the harbor... but there was another offer and we didn't want to counter... and we hadn't sold our house (or even had it on the market.... so).  Well, we saw it and wanted to kill ourselves for having let that deal go.  They have redone the harbor park and there is a nice swimming beach, a beautiful new park with play structure and the pier .... Gah!  It was a crazy deal & the girls could have just gone across the street to play!  Long story short we are SERIOUSLY considering this plan, or something like it, at some point (maybe soon?!  or maybe not?)  Who knows? We are always up for an adventure.  Like buying a lot on the water and smacking up a claim shanty?!  (for real, why not?)  It is extremely remote.  That can't be emphasized enough.  But if Mario Batali can handle it, why can't I?!  Right?!  That's what I always say.  Plus, the public school is small, like the one the girls go to now, and very highly rated.  Plus, no more commuting (for me & the girls, anyway).  Plus, Mario Batali makes like 30 pizzas a DAY for his friends in his wood burning stove.  Okay?  Why wouldn't we be friends?


#4  I have yet to have a real full week of school, so I'm still working out how my day goes.  So far I am trying to alternate 90 min workouts with 60 min hill workouts.  With that workout plan, I am OK with missing a workout because I had a morning appointment or had to help at school... I'm still averaging a lot of miles.  I am also experimenting with an alternate to the traditional 5:2 Fast Diet plan which is going SO much better for me.  Two days of the week I count carbs instead of calories, the other 5 days eat as I normally would.  There have been studies done that show the same weight loss outcomes for both forms of 2 day a week fasting and I am NOT hungry at all on the 50 grams of carb (or less) fast day vs. the 500 calorie fast day (which was KILLING me).  My family hasn't noticed at all when I'm doing it (and that is HUGE).  The weight loss is not fast, but dealing with the perimenopause is pretty much the hardest thing to budge I have ever dealt with.  This is no post baby weight loss... this is a whole 'nother bag of worms and it isn't pretty.  I don't just want to lose weight that I gained, my body is quite literally converting itself to fat.  It is proving very hard to get ahead of this.  So heads up on that.  Had I known I'd be going through this pre-40... um... yeah... I might have made the time to workout a bigger personal priority the last few years.  All I can do is keep trying, and at least I feel better about myself for putting in the work and effort and knowing that I am not sabotaging.   And again, eating 50 g carbs is not hard... I pretty much eat very paleo-like on those days (protein & veg) and because there is no calorie cap (like the traditional 5:2) I can eat if I am hungry and don't have to stress so much.  I usually end up between 700-800 cal.  I'm going to stick to this plan all month and then see what has happened scale wise.  I might go up to 4:3 if I'm not making any head way.  Honestly, if I can just stop converting to fat every month, I'll be happy.  I'd like to lose 15 pounds, and if I'm being realistic, that is probably going to take me at least 6 months (versus the 2-3 months I could have done it in before).  I'm trying very hard to live in reality about it, and not get frustrated and quit when I can only lose 1/2 lb a week (or nothing).  The real deal is, right now, if I am not gaining weight, and am slowly but steadily losing weight (of any amount)... then that is success and that is just how slow and long this process is honestly going to take.


All this and it is only 8:45 AM... time to go workout and then eat an omelet (It's a fast day).

Things That Happened In June

Baby graduated from Kindergarten:

(Best teacher in the world!)

This made everyone cry:

(Yes, she elected to wear last year's dance recital dress to her graduation... what of it?)

Baby had her ballet recital:

(Baby is 3rd in from the Right... sorry... 

it's as good as I could do covertly)

My mother turned into her mother:

 Godzilla's suspected cross-dressing was finally revealed:

 Father's Day happened (Mr F is laughing at Baby's fake smile):

 A make-over went terribly awry:

 Baby worried about trying what she dubbed
"The World's First Meat Flavored Ice Cream"...

Culver's "Turtle Dove":

 (Which disappointingly wasn't really made from turtle and dove meat)

Big Boy gave us the cold shoulder:

 The village ripped up our driveway to install sidewalks:

 Which has made groceries more of a pain then ever:

(for them... bwahahahaha)

 Kid discovered Pinterest: 

(I've already had to give her a 15 minute daily limit)

On to July!

(And a major organizational project reveal!)

Ongoings

#1  I've been hesitant to say this (don't want to jinx it) but Baby's energy issue is seemingly gone.  It went away in one fell swoop.  As if she woke up 100% better.  And let me tell you, I had actually forgotten how active, danger-prone, and talkative she is... the illness just slowly sucked that out of her.... and had we had a good normal energy day right next to her low energy end days I would have been freaking out even more than I was.  She hadn't had the energy to walk through the grocery store in months.  One night we were all driving home from somewhere and Baby was chattering away and singing (a different song then was on the radio) at top volume and a wave of relief washed over me and I knew she was better.  She hadn't been like that in so long, that I actually forgot she ever was.  The doctors just assume that she did have mono and she finally got over it.  As a special side treat, which appears to be unrelated, she has had hives for 12 straight days, which have no known cause, presumably brought on by that stomach virus she had two weeks ago (did you miss that?... really the health stuff with her has been non-stop)... so she is now on Zyrtec since her hands were swelling up and painful.  After everything else, I'll happily take the hives.


#2  Last night, to prove the point, Baby fell off of a brick retaining wall and scraped the flesh off of the back of her leg (one night before her dance recital dress rehearsal - wherein video & pictures can be taken).  Bloody, bloody, screaming mess.  Thankfully, it wasn't deep enough to need a trip to the ER (although, we've been so much this year that all our medical bills from now on are pretty much free) and we could bandage her up.  Inwardly (and maybe a bit outwardly) I fumed about what a nightmare trying to put that leg in tights was going to be today.  But, again, I am so happy that she's back to normal.  Even if normal means 2 hours of wound triage.  And, with Baby, it does.


#3  Still loving my Up by Jawbone bracelet.  I find sleeping with it a bit uncomfortable, which sometimes has woken me up... which kind of defeats the purpose... but I am extremely sensitive to things on me like that.  I love the food journalling, the graphs, the App, the activity tracker... I'm a fan!  It has been totally motivating me and keeping me moving (literally) in the right direction.  Yay!


#4  I cleaned out the fridge, and Kid cleaned her room.  That's about it on organization for week 1. Baby's big dance recital (remember last year and the hooker make-up?!) is tonight and tomorrow... so that is enough stress to manage for now (especially with the leg wound!), so we'll pick back up next week.


#5  The kids' summer studying has been going GREAT.  I think I failed to mention the biggest component of all of that... to get them established in the playroom.  Typically the girls will bring all of whatever they are doing and cram it into our living room (which is more of a sitting room style room right off the front door)... which makes me crazy and keeps our house looking like we are in the midst of a burglary at all times.  So, part of this whole plan was to have them do their school work in the actual giant playroom/family room at the back of the house (which no one ever uses).  It's worked, people!  Once they are in there, they just stay there.  All the toys, games, art supplies are there anyway... what a novel idea... to actually play in the well stocked playroom.


#6  Just discovered Longmire on Netflix and I'm kind of loving it.

Update (also known as stuff you probably aren't interested in)

Hmm, this past week was a mixed bag.  As per the norm I have had a very hard time adjusting to the time change.  Damn, my body just can't ever handle it.  Fall or Spring.  I do love me some DST and actually would prefer that they just make that permanent, having the light in the evenings is a HUGE mood booster.... I just can't handle the actual time change.  It takes me about a week or so to adjust.

We went up to The Cougar's house this weekend to pick up some things.  I was very worried that going back would be hard emotionally, but it still felt comfortable. She had such a great family house, it's a shame that we won't have that to bring our family together anymore.

I took the kids to the bouncy house again on Friday.  I wish I had thought of this a long time ago.  It's the best detoxifier ever.  Again, it really stretched our weekend.  Remember in the beginning of the school year when we went out to eat on Mondays and Fridays to help the school week feel less overwhelming?  Well, we stopped soon after I wrote that, because A) the homework load was too big to be able to eat out, and B) we got sick of that routine.  But, it was helpful to have that routine while we adjusted.  Point?  That I think we are going through another rough time, and establishing a routine of things to look forward to helps immensely.  Right now, going straight from school to the bouncy house on Friday afternoons, and then going out to eat, and watching a movie before bed makes our weekend feel like a 3 day weekend.  And we need that.  Because our weeks feel like 10 day weeks.

Kid had another sleepover with her remaining Korean friend. We all really like her, she has a great personality.  I am very worried about how this is going to play out, though, when she leaves.  We took her out to a Korean restaurant, so that our girls could familiarize themselves more with her culture.  Everyone loved it.  When we got home they Skyped their other friend who went back to Korea.  There are the obvious hardships with this, but I am so thankful that Kid has had this experience.  It's been an amazing learning opportunity.

We still have no idea what we'll do school-wise next year.  There is hope that next year will be drastically better with the 5th grade teacher where they are... but... we don't know.  This year has been part torture.  I was happy to hear that a dad went into Kid's teacher last week and angrily asked "What's up with the college level spelling words?!"  At least I know we really aren't the only ones who are so frustrated.  (P.S. Kid would want you to know that she is the only one in the class that scored an A+ on that spelling test.... if anything comes from this it is that we have learned how to study... I just wish we didn't have to learn that at age 10 at the expense of any downtime).

We are a couple days from the one year tornado anniversary.  Spring worries me... a lot.  The kids were out playing and then came rushing back in when they thought they saw a bank of clouds on the horizon.  I think this will be a hard couple of months.  I had some extreme PTSD for several months, and while that feels better, I think that might be in large part because it has been winter.  We'll see.  I expect this year will be the hardest and hopefully it'll get easier for us to get through as time goes by.  And, no, our repairs are still not all finished!  We actually just got a bill from the disaster contractors... and I won't get into that nightmare... except to say... yeah, we don't owe YOU anything.

Speaking of tornadoes the Red Cross has a new Tornado app that you should immediately install on your cell phones & tablets.  It is free.  It has a built in siren that will go off in the event of a tornado warning, which is so important if you are not in an area that has sirens, or if you might not hear it where you are.  Go get it!  If you live in the US you need it.  Especially if you live between the Rockies and the Appalachian Mountains.

Yesterday, Baby broke down and sobbed and sobbed and said she wished she wasn't alive, that she doesn't like her life.  Um, yeah, I pretty much wanted to kill myself.  Things are hard for her right now, she feels a big divide between her interests and Kid's as Kid matures and it leaves Baby feeling heart broken and lonely.    Oh, so sad.  We all had a good cry over that when I told Mr F and Kid about it.  Baby is going to make a list of things she likes to do with each of us, and when she is feeling lonely and left out she can pick one thing and we will make sure one of us is available to do that with her.  I hope that helps!  I think being the baby of a family is hard and it is easy to feel left behind.  She also has a very busy nature and needs a lot of stimulation and company... a characteristic that is not natural to Kid, Mr F, or myself.  With Baby it is not ever enough, and that can be frustrating for all of us.  Even if I throw her a luncheon tea party, or let her give me a makeover (which I wore out in public!), or let her set up a restaurant in our kitchen (at dinner time on a school night!) as soon as that is over she needs more.  There is no downtime.  But we need to work harder at recognizing that and helping her find more ways to fill up her time.  As I said to Mr F, she's only going to need us in this way for a couple more years.  I also think, she is ready for a full day of school... of course, that has to wait until the Fall.    Anyone else go through something like this?  Age related or temperament?  I kind of think a bit of both.  It definitely makes me feel sad, and question my parenting, because I am with her the majority of her day and it isn't enough to make her feel fulfilled.  She is so creative and gifted and has a huge imagination... and all of her ideas and plans are big and elaborate and inconvenient.  You know?  I just can't always help her pull them off on a school day.  If you follow our Facebook you KNOW that we have a full life and do a lot of fun stuff together while Kid is at school.... everyday.  I have to keep reminding myself that I really do do stuff with her, because I have a natural tendency to beat myself up.  I wish I knew how to make her happier.  I hope this is age related moodiness.  The thought did occur to me.... great... we've got one with anxiety and now the other with depression (and I suspect ADD)... the one two three genetic punch!

Speaking of ADD... Mr F left the garage door open the other night.  I set the alarm. I woke up in the middle of the night having a heart attack.  I try not to let the ADD bother me too much anymore... but... yeah, I was pissed.  Close the fucking door!

That's it.

Except this:

Well, I'm Here And I Guess That Is Something

#1 Truth be told I'm still trying to get back on my feet.  The flu and then the sinus infection then the bad reaction to the antibiotic made a combined 17 days of hell.  I mean, seriously, it was a very hard time and went on so long that, whether it makes logical sense or not, you start to question if you can get better.  I am.  So there is that.  I am also just exhausted which I have heard is typical for the aftermath of this particular flu strain.


#2 Kid's teacher pissed Mr F and I off so royally, that I wrote a song about her burning in Hell for all eternity.  I'd get into it but it makes my blood pressure rise.  Just know that she marked something wrong on a test that is factually correct. (which she couldn't deny but still dug her heels in and refused to change the grade siting something bogus which was complete BS... the teacher doesn't understand the material enough to accept an answer written in a complete sentence... just trust me... I thought  I was going to go HULK my veins were throbbing so hard)  When we sent it back she actually said "Oh, yeah, she was one of the one's that told me all about it."  Uh, what?!  Don't we give kids that know all about the subject extra credit not mark it wrong because it was too thorough of an answer?!  I just want to kill that woman!!!!  And, P. fucking S. if you want a one word answer make it fill in the blank, if you leave 3 blank lines to fill then you'll need to be able to read and process a complete sentence or two.  WTF?!


#3  I took the cats to the vet several times the past couple of weeks.  Once because Big Boy had a cold and I wouldn't have been concerned until I googled "cats with colds" and then I had to pony up the big bucks.  Then they each had their physicals.  Yes, I know this is not interesting.  What was interesting is how different their personalities are which was evidenced by how they reacted to the exam room.

Tiger:

"I don't think they can see me here"

Big Boy:

 

"Welcome to my room"

Interestingly while Tiger was skittish and fearful, he complied with everything.  Big Boy was exceedingly friendly and giving them hugs, but he is so big that even the vet and vet tech were intimidated by him and they gave up trying to get a temp or take blood when he wasn't having it.  They just kept saying "Wow, he really is a big cat."  He's so bossy he thinks he rules the world.  He's also obsessed with butter.  

#4 For Valentine's Day I managed to pull off the cutest freaking Valentine's of all time!  These were little gift bags that are decorated with heads & limbs & accessories that I picked up at Target.  They were a bit pricey for how many we needed to buy.... but... please, they were so cute.  We definitely had the coolest Valentine's at school.  For real.  

Baby's Class:

Kid's class girls:

Kid's class boys:

Kid was officially the coolest girl in her class when she gave these to the boys.  

They actually thanked her.  It was big.

(It only took us 79 hours to make them)

#5  I made this beef stroganoff this week.  It was FANTASTIC.  I changed it a wee bit.  I used a bit of butter & olive oil to sear my steak instead of cooking spray.  I added a splash of Sherry in with the mushrooms to deglaze the pan and some dried thyme (because it just rocks with mushrooms).  I used sweet (not hot) paprika and omitted the parsley and green onions because I didn't have those on hand.... and it definitely didn't need it.

I really like this My Recipes site. I had a lot of time while I was sick to check it out.  I think there is more useful stuff on here then I get from the emeals plan I paid for and never use.  I like that you can get a whole month of recipes, there are tons of archives, and the quick and easy dinners really are quick(ish)... and that they are from good reputable sources like Cooking Light.  I'm into it.  I'm going to try the Salmon Croquettes this weekend.



#6 Baby left this by the hair brush this morning.

Apparently, I've been putting the rubber bands up too high on her braids.  

I stand corrected.

#7  My Dad wrote a confession for some of his more heinous wrong doings which ultimately had destroyed any chance I had at a stable home life.  A confession which changes everything and completely rewrites my understanding of my life.  Sounds dramatic!  It was... sadly.  Anywho, I was shocked and greatly upset not only by the revelation but by the complete lack of empathy shown in this "apology" which was more of a narcissistic pity party for himself having had to face consequences for his choices.  He never once acknowledged that WE ALL faced consequences for his choices.  It was hard to read.  But it was also a gift.  Because now I can divorce him without guilt or remorse (something I've wanted to do for YEARS).  He has crossed lines that cannot be uncrossed.  And the truth is, this secret was the missing piece of the puzzle for me.  It explained why I have had the feelings I've had towards him.  Suffice it to say, he has never brought anything positive to my life (literally, ever) and is an incredibly toxic person.  While, I'm sure it wasn't his intent (although I don't really know what his intent was) in this instance the truth has set me free.  I was not able to protect myself from him as a child, but thankfully I am able to do so now.  This is a big deal, but I have to say I feel lighter than I have in years.

Which leads me to a pretty big breakthrough... some of you who may have been raised to believe you aren't worth anything, that you don't deserve anything... will maybe get this.  I have spent so much time trying to get this man to finally approve of me, to like me... and I, now, can sit back and say "I don't like you, I don't approve of you... I don't choose YOU."  That is incredibly cathartic.  He used to be my inner negative voice (I would literally attack myself with what I thought he'd say about my life choices) and without that, maybe I can start to enjoy my life?  Learn to let myself feel deserving of something more than hardship.  I'm allowed to have a good life, and to be happy.  I don't need to earn it.  And I don't need to hold myself back from it because I feel I'm unworthy.  He was wrong about me.

There are a lot of ways this will effect me/us and one is that we are not going to adopt... more on that later... but mostly, this:  I don't need to save everyone in order to be a good enough person, to justify what I have.  My life was hard and sad growing up, and I deserve to have a peaceful life and to give that to my children, now that I can.  Our family balance is good and healthy and I need to protect that for them and myself.  I'm a good enough person even if I don't sacrifice our stability for someone else.... that is big for me... and hard... but I also think it is true.

So let that sink in.

I Had Quite A Run Going

For a minute I thought I had figured out how to fit blogging back into my daily(ish) life.

I guess not.

#1  We are right in the midst of peak fall foliage around here.  It makes my commute so much more bearable.




#2  This week Mr F got some kind of a stomach bug.  He's been sleeping in Kid's guest bed all week to try and keep it to himself.  Let's be real, the last thing I need during my commute 2 hours a day is to have diarrhea.  So far my plan has worked.



#3  So, when Baby had a nightmare sometime in the wee hours of Tuesday, I just pulled back the covers and she got in.

Well, no, first I said "Do you have to go potty?"
She said "No."
We went to sleep.
I woke up to a cold wet bed.  :(

Baby has only had one other accident in her life and it was Mr F's fault because he forgot to take her to the bathroom before bed.  It's weird that I even asked her, I've never done that before... it must have been a psychic premonition.  I should have obviously listened to myself more.

It's been 3 days and my mattress isn't completely dry.


I can't believe after all the years of co-sleeping and nursing babies and toddlers that this is THE FIRST TIME anyone has wet my bed!  Of course, on a normal night she would have been snuggled back to sleep in her own bed, which has a pee protector pad (not for pee mind you but for the inevitable stomach flu).  So, anyway, I've been dealing with that nightmare all week.  Including the use of the shopvac... which did seem to help dry deeper into the pillowtop.

Baby's secret plan worked because I've been bunking with her all week.

#4  Mr F has also had closing week at his new job.  There have been late nights (not as late as before, but after bedtime)... so the honeymoon is over.  He also ran into the old douche supervisor at Potbelly's.  I wish I could have been there to experience that awkward meet up.  Or not because I still want to maim him.

#5 Kid has had mostly good days at school but one ultra rough night.  I think it's the 2 steps forward one gigantic step back syndrome.  Things are definitely going better and I think, right now, the plan is to stick it out the entire year.  I don't think we'll return next year, but I do think it will be easiest for her emotionally not to leave mid-year.  Sticking it out through the whole year will allow us to make the best most informed decision about what to do next year.  I'm definitely more at ease knowing she is doing so well academically.  Did I tell you that their GPA is calculated DAILY?  Yes.  She's got 6 As and 2 B+s (as of today)... so, you know, it could be a hell of a lot worse.  And I have to say it really validates my teaching over the last two years!   We brought her up from the bottom of her class academically in 2nd grade public school (and 1st and K to be honest) to the top of her class at a very academically rigorous school.  It's a kind of ironic twist that it took sending her to school to validate the homeschooling.  But there you have it.  Seeing how well she can do, even under extraordinary stress, is eye opening.  We originally took her out of school because she was falling so behind that the teacher didn't believe she was capable... and we weren't sure what we'd find at home.  We knew she was smart but were open to academics being a road that might not demonstrate that intelligence in a direct way.  At home, I quickly saw her progress but had nothing to compare it to.  Now, I am extremely encouraged.  She was just a late academic bloomer (you know sometimes Steiner is right) and if I hadn't taken her out she would have never had the chance to skip ahead the way she has.  And if I hadn't put her in this school I might never have recognized how much she can handle and what she might be able to achieve academically.  So there's that.

#6  Baby started gymnastics this week.

She is IN LOVE.  This is a sport made for her.  Even more than dance.  Did I tell you she was asked to join the competitive dance team?  We had decided to wait until next year. Now I'm really glad we did because this might be where it is at.  And Lord knows you can't be doing competitive dance and gymnastics.  Unless you are homeschooling ;)

#7  Those of you not on Facebook missed this beauty:


Kid's covert spy notes taken during our Monday night dinner out.

#8 Halloween Sneak Peak: