Apparently Baby forgot.
Because this morning she woke up about 2 hours early by screaming at the top of her lungs and throwing herself out of bed on her head (not accidentally).
I scooped her up and tried to snuggle her back to sleep... but... she screamed like I was trying to rip her limbs off and scuttled out of the bed and ran out of the room.
Mr F found her in the hallway.
When she saw him her screams (if possible... and yes... it was) intensified as if he whispered "now I'm going to dip you in a cauldron of burning oil" because she turned around ran back in my room and slammed the door in his face.
She ran up to the side of my bed and flung herself up.
I was lying tucked in... thinking... that Mr F was going to keep her and I would go back to bed.
She scurried up over my head and lied down. Across my neck. She weighs 30 pounds.
Amazingly she feel instantly asleep.
I lay there for a couple of minutes wondering what I should do and how long I had to wait until I could do it.
Then I realized that because I had been tucked in my shoulders were pinned down as she lay across them pulling my quilt tight under her.
I was immobilized thinking... "I can breathe", somewhat surprised that I could... but wondered how long until my windpipe crushed.
That's when the panic filled me. I flailed my arms and legs until I could get my shoulders free and pushed her off my neck.
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY EVERYONE!
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Deep Thoughts Brought To You By ABC
I was watching Grey's Anatomy the other night (are they trying to make me commit suicide or what?!!!) and the theme of the show really resonated with me. Did anyone else watch it? Did you even notice the theme?
In every episode there is a narrator. It's usually Meredith Grey but this week it was Izzy, who is terminal. The theme of the show was that the *big* days in your life are never the days you planned on being big. It isn't your graduation or your wedding... or in my case the birth of my children. The truly big life changing days are based on events you never knew were coming.
This isn't something I had to ponder more than a millisecond. I knew exactly what the biggest day of my life was.
In every episode there is a narrator. It's usually Meredith Grey but this week it was Izzy, who is terminal. The theme of the show was that the *big* days in your life are never the days you planned on being big. It isn't your graduation or your wedding... or in my case the birth of my children. The truly big life changing days are based on events you never knew were coming.
This isn't something I had to ponder more than a millisecond. I knew exactly what the biggest day of my life was.
Friday, May 8, 2009
Epiphany
I was reading something and thinking "I should really keep a journal".
It's one of those things I've always felt one should do. And, subsequently, I have always felt like I'm somehow letting myself down that I don't document my days.
Then a slow realization came over me.
And I had a good laugh.
It's one of those things I've always felt one should do. And, subsequently, I have always felt like I'm somehow letting myself down that I don't document my days.
Then a slow realization came over me.
And I had a good laugh.
Shopping Spree
I just got back from a major Target trip. I haven't had one of those in quite awhile. Happily Baby complied (mostly). I actually trolled the aisles and even bought myself some nail polish (why did I decide I couldn't move any of it last summer?) and a hat (which Kid insists looks ridiculous... so... that might go back... because...well... she is a model and I guess she would know). And my favorite kind of underwear (I'm sure you wanted to know that). It always amazes me that I can wear through underwear in a year... maybe I should stop buying it at Target.
Baby, for one, LOVES the underwear section at Target (and interestingly men do too... I always see men driving their carts through there as if it was on the way to something... its not). She always gets very excited about the bras... "MOOMIES!!!" she shouts and lunges herself from the cart to touch them. She was greatly disappointed that I wasn't buying the padded "teenager" bras that were covered in hearts and rainbows. I was a bit disappointed that she didn't insist on wearing one for the duration of our trip... that would have been funny... next time I might suggest it.
I got the girls much needed sandals (I may have even found a pair that passes Kid's ridiculous "Nomar" tightening fixation) and miracle of miracles I found soft jersey shorts in the girls section for Kid. This is a big deal because Kid needs a medium in "Girls" but her tastes run toward "Toddler" (and believe me I'm thankful for that) so shopping for her can be really challenging. Mostly because the Girls section is often a bit too teen oriented in style to meet her comfort requirements. So I was really excited to find those shorts and I was really happy for her to put them on and just see how much more comfortable she was in bigger clothes. Why did it not occur to me sooner that she needed a bigger size? Sorry about that Kid but you just keep growing and growing (seriously she'll be taller than me in a year or two for sure). I mean, really, I'm only 3 sizes bigger than her... it kind of freaks me out sometimes.
Oh and I got a nice new trowel. That might not sound too thrilling... but... this week I dug up our front flower beds and planted 40+ bedding plants and did it with a child's plastic sand shovel and/or my hands. It wasn't fun. And I have been sore for DAYS... and digging clay out from under my fingernails.
In other news I've got some big Thank You gift boxes to prepare and ship out next week. I've got a couple of families I'd really like to honor with a little something or other. I'm excited about it.
Baby, for one, LOVES the underwear section at Target (and interestingly men do too... I always see men driving their carts through there as if it was on the way to something... its not). She always gets very excited about the bras... "MOOMIES!!!" she shouts and lunges herself from the cart to touch them. She was greatly disappointed that I wasn't buying the padded "teenager" bras that were covered in hearts and rainbows. I was a bit disappointed that she didn't insist on wearing one for the duration of our trip... that would have been funny... next time I might suggest it.
I got the girls much needed sandals (I may have even found a pair that passes Kid's ridiculous "Nomar" tightening fixation) and miracle of miracles I found soft jersey shorts in the girls section for Kid. This is a big deal because Kid needs a medium in "Girls" but her tastes run toward "Toddler" (and believe me I'm thankful for that) so shopping for her can be really challenging. Mostly because the Girls section is often a bit too teen oriented in style to meet her comfort requirements. So I was really excited to find those shorts and I was really happy for her to put them on and just see how much more comfortable she was in bigger clothes. Why did it not occur to me sooner that she needed a bigger size? Sorry about that Kid but you just keep growing and growing (seriously she'll be taller than me in a year or two for sure). I mean, really, I'm only 3 sizes bigger than her... it kind of freaks me out sometimes.
Oh and I got a nice new trowel. That might not sound too thrilling... but... this week I dug up our front flower beds and planted 40+ bedding plants and did it with a child's plastic sand shovel and/or my hands. It wasn't fun. And I have been sore for DAYS... and digging clay out from under my fingernails.
In other news I've got some big Thank You gift boxes to prepare and ship out next week. I've got a couple of families I'd really like to honor with a little something or other. I'm excited about it.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Busy Bee
Running around. Playdates. Library (YES My new Amish romance novel is in!!!!). Maybe Donuts (shh).
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
The Light At The End Of The Tunnel
I have been pretty conscious of my own happiness level lately. Why? Most notably because I am happy. This has been quite a year for me... and mostly not a good one.
Just about a year ago is when Mr F's parents came to visit... and I infamously blogged about their visit... resulting in...well... a catastrophic shit storm.
Mere weeks later Mr F was offered the job in Asheville and we literally went from living a normal life (cluttered, hoarding issues included) to selling our house and buying a house and moving 600+ miles in less than 6 weeks. That was a time of incredible stress... that was only bearable due to the tremendous amount of pressure and resulting adrenaline.
Unfortunately things didn't really take an up turn after we got settled in. I entered a pretty low point and was definitely suffering from situational depression having lost all my friends, family, routine... and... my therapist when we moved.
I stopped working out and watching what I was eating, and while I miraculously didn't balloon to twice my size, I forgot how important those things are in terms of feeling in control of my life.
Oh and there was the freelance and financial hits from Mr F's job to process... and our new crazy budget to contend with. And the weekly stress of cutting back without ever getting a reward (a new and humbling life circumstance).
Then I broke my tailbone... and the ensuing depression and unbearable pain... for MONTHS. Oh and the medical bills. And the not working out... or even sitting down... or having fun. For MONTHS.
And then we lost our health coverage. Remember that?!
Mrs F where is the light?
I'm getting to it.
After all that we still had to struggle with our taxes and settling bills AND selling Mr F's car (which we owned outright) just to keep ourselves out of debt. Which we did.
And now there is light.
Seriously. I no longer hate Asheville. Would I pick it? No. But I'm not unhappy here anymore. I can see the advantages... and... for now there are some. My children are happy and healthy (whew!) and Mr F is fulfilled at his job. And while we are not financially where we want to be we are emotionally where we want to be... and not everyone can say that.
Our marriage is better than it has ever been. Proving that personal fulfillment is very important... even if it isn't your own.
And in a way I am fulfilled... because I want to have a happy family... and I do. And I am cognizant of it.
And I'm proud of myself. I have been working very hard to keep this ship afloat even during times that it felt like we were drowning... and I did it. I did it by myself and I saved us. We're floating. And that is fulfilling too.
Just about a year ago is when Mr F's parents came to visit... and I infamously blogged about their visit... resulting in...well... a catastrophic shit storm.
Mere weeks later Mr F was offered the job in Asheville and we literally went from living a normal life (cluttered, hoarding issues included) to selling our house and buying a house and moving 600+ miles in less than 6 weeks. That was a time of incredible stress... that was only bearable due to the tremendous amount of pressure and resulting adrenaline.
Unfortunately things didn't really take an up turn after we got settled in. I entered a pretty low point and was definitely suffering from situational depression having lost all my friends, family, routine... and... my therapist when we moved.
I stopped working out and watching what I was eating, and while I miraculously didn't balloon to twice my size, I forgot how important those things are in terms of feeling in control of my life.
Oh and there was the freelance and financial hits from Mr F's job to process... and our new crazy budget to contend with. And the weekly stress of cutting back without ever getting a reward (a new and humbling life circumstance).
Then I broke my tailbone... and the ensuing depression and unbearable pain... for MONTHS. Oh and the medical bills. And the not working out... or even sitting down... or having fun. For MONTHS.
And then we lost our health coverage. Remember that?!
Mrs F where is the light?
I'm getting to it.
After all that we still had to struggle with our taxes and settling bills AND selling Mr F's car (which we owned outright) just to keep ourselves out of debt. Which we did.
And now there is light.
Seriously. I no longer hate Asheville. Would I pick it? No. But I'm not unhappy here anymore. I can see the advantages... and... for now there are some. My children are happy and healthy (whew!) and Mr F is fulfilled at his job. And while we are not financially where we want to be we are emotionally where we want to be... and not everyone can say that.
Our marriage is better than it has ever been. Proving that personal fulfillment is very important... even if it isn't your own.
And in a way I am fulfilled... because I want to have a happy family... and I do. And I am cognizant of it.
And I'm proud of myself. I have been working very hard to keep this ship afloat even during times that it felt like we were drowning... and I did it. I did it by myself and I saved us. We're floating. And that is fulfilling too.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Randomness Of The Day
I just spent my morning scalding my hands on waffle steam as I tried to get a two week batch done during what has become known as The Great Waffle Debacle. You know how sometimes, randomly, your waffle maker's (if you have a really cheap $7 one) nonstick surface becomes a stick surface... and no matter what you do... your waffles split when you try to get them out (hence the steam burns) and you spend the next hour oiling your irons and opening your waffle maker a tiny crack and trying to shimmy the top down with a butter knife? Yeah well that is what happened to me this morning. I'd be damned if I was going to have to toss two weeks worth of waffle batter... so struggle through I did. Baby kept herself occupied by "washing" the dishes... thanks for the help. And asking me for "peme in my mouth" (turns out Mr F shoots whipped cream in the girls mouth)... and I obliged. Hey... anything to keep her occupied for a second.
Also, for no real reason, I've been meaning to share that Baby has been in that common 2 year old phase of needing to bring a whole bunch of random shit with her wherever we go. When we walk to get Kid from school the stroller basket is chock full of all sorts of household items. She'll actually keep running back in the house saying "my cup, my book, my spoon, my spatula, my this" as she grabs whatever randomness (luckily for her we keep a lot of randomness right by the door) she can find. You can actually see her scan a room like The Terminator looking for whatever would be the most embarrassing and cumbersome thing to make me carry out in public. Well, today I told her I wanted to go to the fabric store (usually she yells NO at me when I suggest any type of errand... but she was doing dishes and so was in a relatively good mood) and she said "And my napkin?" "Yes." "And my egg thing (egg slicer)?" "Sure." And thus began our negotiations. I'll be the frazzled lady at the store with the kid in the cart holding an egg slicer. Bring your eggs. And if you are ever wondering how someone's car can get filled with shit... look for a carseat. That might be your answer. Hopefully next time I make egg salad I'll remember to check the car for that damned slicer.
This is Baby getting ready for the car (behind her is her stash):
basket of tampons and extra Old Spice deodorant, box of panty liners, napkin, egg slicer, whisk, and wipes tub full of markers. Some people would say "Set some limits... tell her no". Have you seen this child. She's freaking adorable. You tell her no. Just kidding... really... with Baby I chose my battles. If I want to go to the fabric store... carting around a tub of her shit is a cross I'm willing to bear. Plus... she often says "Pease".
Also, for no real reason, I've been meaning to share that Baby has been in that common 2 year old phase of needing to bring a whole bunch of random shit with her wherever we go. When we walk to get Kid from school the stroller basket is chock full of all sorts of household items. She'll actually keep running back in the house saying "my cup, my book, my spoon, my spatula, my this" as she grabs whatever randomness (luckily for her we keep a lot of randomness right by the door) she can find. You can actually see her scan a room like The Terminator looking for whatever would be the most embarrassing and cumbersome thing to make me carry out in public. Well, today I told her I wanted to go to the fabric store (usually she yells NO at me when I suggest any type of errand... but she was doing dishes and so was in a relatively good mood) and she said "And my napkin?" "Yes." "And my egg thing (egg slicer)?" "Sure." And thus began our negotiations. I'll be the frazzled lady at the store with the kid in the cart holding an egg slicer. Bring your eggs. And if you are ever wondering how someone's car can get filled with shit... look for a carseat. That might be your answer. Hopefully next time I make egg salad I'll remember to check the car for that damned slicer.
This is Baby getting ready for the car (behind her is her stash):
basket of tampons and extra Old Spice deodorant, box of panty liners, napkin, egg slicer, whisk, and wipes tub full of markers. Some people would say "Set some limits... tell her no". Have you seen this child. She's freaking adorable. You tell her no. Just kidding... really... with Baby I chose my battles. If I want to go to the fabric store... carting around a tub of her shit is a cross I'm willing to bear. Plus... she often says "Pease".
Monday, May 4, 2009
This Week The Plan
Menu:
Monday - Fish tacos w/ guacamole
Tuesday - Tomato & Meatball Soup
Wednesday - Shrimp Scampi w/ Linguine
Thursday - Pan Seared Steak Bites, Potatoes, Corn & Cilantro (recipe to come)
Friday - Pizza
Saturday - Steak Sandwiches on "Easiest Loaf of Bread"
Sunday - Pasta w/ Meat Sauce (recipe to come)
Errands & Chores:
Monday - groceries, laundry
Tuesday - fabric store, plant front flower beds (holy moly!)
Wednesday - library, put away laundry
Thursday - unpack my summer clothes and pack up winter
Friday - pick up & vacuum
Saturday - get hostas
Diet & Exercise:
Still tracking on the food diary blog. Still upping our daily activity (walking to get Kid from school, grocery shopping & library trips) & trying for 6 hours of cardio on the treadmill. Still haven't set up my pilates reformer... but desperately need to!
Monday - Fish tacos w/ guacamole
Tuesday - Tomato & Meatball Soup
Wednesday - Shrimp Scampi w/ Linguine
Thursday - Pan Seared Steak Bites, Potatoes, Corn & Cilantro (recipe to come)
Friday - Pizza
Saturday - Steak Sandwiches on "Easiest Loaf of Bread"
Sunday - Pasta w/ Meat Sauce (recipe to come)
Errands & Chores:
Monday - groceries, laundry
Tuesday - fabric store, plant front flower beds (holy moly!)
Wednesday - library, put away laundry
Thursday - unpack my summer clothes and pack up winter
Friday - pick up & vacuum
Saturday - get hostas
Diet & Exercise:
Still tracking on the food diary blog. Still upping our daily activity (walking to get Kid from school, grocery shopping & library trips) & trying for 6 hours of cardio on the treadmill. Still haven't set up my pilates reformer... but desperately need to!
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Apparently
It's not a good idea to whisper softly to your child as they are about to go to sleep...
"Do you hear the animals?"
And The Sign Said...
NO ROBRS
OE Rubys
HOS.
Kid wrote that on the sidewalk in front of our house last night. My eyes actually welled up. I think I've talked a bit about her personality... but if not... this is a HUGE accomplishment for her. Kid does not take chances. Kid does not risk failure easily. This is the first sentence she has written (and boldly I might add) where she sounded out her words on her own... didn't ask... didn't give up... didn't get frustrated... just DID IT! I am SO proud of her. And when she asked me if she spelled it right I said "You did a great job! You spelled everything the way it sounds (okay expect OE which was supposed to say "IN") and I could read it!" She was satisfied with that.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Ta Da
And with that I am finished with the Kid's school carnival cookies...
I ended up NOT packaging them cutely... just in folded over snack sized ziplocs... sue me.
Now we just have to go paint faces for an hour and man the bouncy house.
Not that I'm resentful or anything... just that only 3 out of 16 Kindergarten families signed up to do ANYTHING. See why we need a new class president? Someone who's a little more of an overachiever and a little less of a pot smoker?
Thankfully a little bird told me that the events you staff your children get to do for free... so... our full schedule is not exactly self sacrificial.
Here's hoping we win the 1K off tuition raffle tomorrow!
I ended up NOT packaging them cutely... just in folded over snack sized ziplocs... sue me.
Now we just have to go paint faces for an hour and man the bouncy house.
Not that I'm resentful or anything... just that only 3 out of 16 Kindergarten families signed up to do ANYTHING. See why we need a new class president? Someone who's a little more of an overachiever and a little less of a pot smoker?
Thankfully a little bird told me that the events you staff your children get to do for free... so... our full schedule is not exactly self sacrificial.
Here's hoping we win the 1K off tuition raffle tomorrow!
Friday, May 1, 2009
Just Cause I Don't Have Time To Sit Down And Write...
Doesn't mean I won't find a way to reveal every personal detail of my life.
Apologies
I don't know why I always feel like I must apologize for being busy... but there you have it.
This week has been one of those blink and it's over weeks. And of course I am juggling icing and cookies trying to get everything I need to done for Kid's school carnival tomorrow. I have, as of today, officially thrown my hat in for class parent. Which also means that Kid is going to return next year. We just got her public school placement... and it was not our choice school... so... we'll try again next year and still hope and pray some miracle befalls us and she gets into that charter school.
As disappointing as all that was... at the same time I'm just happy to have the decision set and to move on.
Today was also Kid's May Day Festival...
Okay... I really must go ice those cookies!
This week has been one of those blink and it's over weeks. And of course I am juggling icing and cookies trying to get everything I need to done for Kid's school carnival tomorrow. I have, as of today, officially thrown my hat in for class parent. Which also means that Kid is going to return next year. We just got her public school placement... and it was not our choice school... so... we'll try again next year and still hope and pray some miracle befalls us and she gets into that charter school.
As disappointing as all that was... at the same time I'm just happy to have the decision set and to move on.
Today was also Kid's May Day Festival...
Okay... I really must go ice those cookies!
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Sure Maybe Not Technically Organic...
But most certainly amazing, entertaining, and in some circles delicious.
Growing up my mother made some sort of take on rainbow Jello. I have NEVER forgotten it. It's one of those things that is, for some reason, always in the back of my mind. It left a huge impression on me... I was probably younger than Kid when she made it. I remember it in the square white pyrex casserole dish with the flowers on the side and someone going in for the first scoop. (Hopefully my mom does not comment that she never had that dish or this whole post will lose a lot of street cred)
Later in my life my (then) stepmother's family always served a disgusting version of this that was layered with Cool Whip. Don't start hating on me because I despise Cool Whip... it isn't real food...and I believe I famously said at one Thanksgiving table (maybe I was 7?!) something along the lines of "What is this?!" when given Cool Whip (maybe I said it was revolting or gagged or something more hilarious than just "what is this?!" because I was scarred by the uproarious laughter my comment provoked from the adults... so scarred that that's really all I took away from it. It was kind of like when I was left alone with my great grandmother in the bathroom...).
But I digress...
The other day I was in the baking aisle and was filled with a sudden overwhelming need to really impress my children. And please... to a 2 year old and 6 year old Jello is impressive as is. Jello made into a rainbow is a fucking miracle (pardon my French... but I tend to get a little spunky after ingesting a whole lot of sugar).
This process requires a little bit of patience so be forewarned. In about 10-12 hours (each layer needs about 2 hours to set) you too can amaze your children, your spouse... or maybe just yourself (although it makes a hell of a lot of jello for one person). So... giddy up.
Growing up my mother made some sort of take on rainbow Jello. I have NEVER forgotten it. It's one of those things that is, for some reason, always in the back of my mind. It left a huge impression on me... I was probably younger than Kid when she made it. I remember it in the square white pyrex casserole dish with the flowers on the side and someone going in for the first scoop. (Hopefully my mom does not comment that she never had that dish or this whole post will lose a lot of street cred)
Later in my life my (then) stepmother's family always served a disgusting version of this that was layered with Cool Whip. Don't start hating on me because I despise Cool Whip... it isn't real food...and I believe I famously said at one Thanksgiving table (maybe I was 7?!) something along the lines of "What is this?!" when given Cool Whip (maybe I said it was revolting or gagged or something more hilarious than just "what is this?!" because I was scarred by the uproarious laughter my comment provoked from the adults... so scarred that that's really all I took away from it. It was kind of like when I was left alone with my great grandmother in the bathroom...).
But I digress...
The other day I was in the baking aisle and was filled with a sudden overwhelming need to really impress my children. And please... to a 2 year old and 6 year old Jello is impressive as is. Jello made into a rainbow is a fucking miracle (pardon my French... but I tend to get a little spunky after ingesting a whole lot of sugar).
This process requires a little bit of patience so be forewarned. In about 10-12 hours (each layer needs about 2 hours to set) you too can amaze your children, your spouse... or maybe just yourself (although it makes a hell of a lot of jello for one person). So... giddy up.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Just Walked Into The Bathroom...
To find both girls trying to lick their own "moomies".
That's after I found Baby at the stove putting a pan on a burner. Oh did I mention the stove was ON and that there was a flame under another pot RIGHT next to the one she put on?!
That was a close one.
Then she found a box of buttons and came in the kitchen and spilled them all over the floor? And of course I hadn't vacuumed yet so that I had to pick them up out of the myriad crumbs and crap on the floor.
And TWO equals the number of times I've found Baby standing on our MARBLE counters today.
Whoever said staying home was boring?
The moral of this story is that when you are not engaged with your kids 100% they will find a way to engage you.
So much for taking a mental health day...
That's after I found Baby at the stove putting a pan on a burner. Oh did I mention the stove was ON and that there was a flame under another pot RIGHT next to the one she put on?!
That was a close one.
Then she found a box of buttons and came in the kitchen and spilled them all over the floor? And of course I hadn't vacuumed yet so that I had to pick them up out of the myriad crumbs and crap on the floor.
And TWO equals the number of times I've found Baby standing on our MARBLE counters today.
Whoever said staying home was boring?
The moral of this story is that when you are not engaged with your kids 100% they will find a way to engage you.
So much for taking a mental health day...
Where In The World Is Mrs F?
I'm here. Things are going on.
On top of that Baby has not been sleeping and it's running my ragged.
Oh and there is the bake sale stuff I need to make this week (why oh why did I overextend myself?!!)
And there is stuff.
Some of it deep, some of it petty... it all depends on how you look at it I suppose.
Either way I'm feeling misunderstood and kind of trapped in a label someone else has assigned.
You know how sometimes no matter what you do, or say, or feel some people will just always see it as something else?
And it's like no matter what you do, or say, or feel you can't change their perception of what they think you did, or said, or felt?
Yeah. I'm there.
On top of that Baby has not been sleeping and it's running my ragged.
Oh and there is the bake sale stuff I need to make this week (why oh why did I overextend myself?!!)
And there is stuff.
Some of it deep, some of it petty... it all depends on how you look at it I suppose.
Either way I'm feeling misunderstood and kind of trapped in a label someone else has assigned.
You know how sometimes no matter what you do, or say, or feel some people will just always see it as something else?
And it's like no matter what you do, or say, or feel you can't change their perception of what they think you did, or said, or felt?
Yeah. I'm there.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
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