This One Goes Out To Mr F

Again with the sideways upload! I suppose that's good since that is about the only challenge you'll have with this one. That and decoding Kid's crazy marker over crayon technique (which she is exceedingly proud of).
It's fascinating that as soon as I decided to start pointing out her creative spelling she made a huge leap. Dang it. Although again she's exceedingly proud of herself (I am too).




Transcribed:

Dad Plees
Send Me
a box
uv
choclit




*********************************************************
Today is the day that Kid's friend's kind mother is coming by to pick up BOTH girls (I said kind). Of course before 9 AM I've already gotten two showings for this afternoon. Which means instead of having a break, which I, quite frankly, desperately need... I'll be preparing my house for showings again. Waiting the hour between them, coming back and making sure the first group didn't track mud through the house, despite my sign asking politely that they remove their shoes (they never do... NEVER), and re-cleaning the floors and turning all the lights back on. Awesome. I can't wait for that kind of relaxation.

Someone better buy my house today.

5 showings in less than 48 hours... that's gotta be a good sign.

*******Gah!!! Just got a third showing...in... half and hour!!!!!*********************

Bitch Fest Friday and bonus boring updates!!!

I don't personally have any major bitches. We had two showings yesterday and another one coming up this afternoon. I'm pretty happy about that since doing the major cleaning on Wednesday is seeing me through 3 showings with only a moderate amount of *perfecting*.

The weather has been all over the place. I feel like we're already back in Michigan (that's a weather reference... all you non-Michiganders). Yesterday afternoon a crazy high speed wind blew through. It was insane and then poof it was over. Weird. But I liked it. That's some of the stuff I love about a Michigan spring... stormy, eerie, tornados... we don't get very much weather drama here. I'm looking forward to it. Maybe we'll get there before it's all over (please?!!).

Spring is strangely late here which I've always been surprised about. Plenty of people on the internets have posted shots of buds and flowers. We've only got tulip leaves coming up now and a few crocuses. I saw some buds on our neighbors willow tree.

I keep hoping someone will make an offer on the house before I have to plant our front bed. It needs it! But those damn slugs (remember?!!!) they eat everything and it's like flushing money down the toilet. For now I can still pull off the dormant garden look. If we get back from Easter break I'll have to do something. I think we might also have a rabbit in the mix...

That's all folks.

Everyone else have at it.

When I Said I'd Get Back To You Later

I guess I meant later later.

I can do all of this. All of it. It is just the showings that push me over the edge. It's a lot of work by myself, especially since every showing happens when I'm watching the baby (what is with that?!). Which means one extra human to try and care for and quickly clean up after all while trying to leave the house spotless and on time. It's rough. I need 8 hands and I only have 2.

Oh and another light bulb blew this morning. 15 minutes before our showing. So you know what I had to do:

At least this fixture hangs down a good bit from the ceiling. It was a lot less scary (still scary) (especially scary because it is so fucking ugly...)

P.S. Mr F, yeah I am not ever going to go to the garage and carry and 8 foot fiberglass ladder all around our muddy yard to the front door and then into the house. You are smokin' crack. I'd rather break my arms and legs than contemplate that 1/2 hour maneuver first thing in the morning. Especially when I only have 15 minutes to pull it off.


Sorry peeps, this week has sucked the life out of me. Maybe I'll be back to something remotely interesting next week?

Things Went Better Last Night

Thank God.

More later...


Later:

2 showings tomorrow! Good thing I had a little sleep (only woke me up 3 times!) and I had started a serious clean going on the house before I got the calls.

Scottish food for dinner.

Check back tomorrow afternoon once this all blows through.

Baby Is Trying To Kill Me

Last night was the third night in a row of near constant wakings.

I don't know what is going on but she's been having nightmares that involve strange physical manifestations like sitting up, walking out of bed, flailing, fighting, burying herself. It's nuts. She talks but isn't awake... or is awake but isn't coherent. She cries, screams, and laughs. And it goes on ALL NIGHT.
I have maybe had 2 hours of total sleep each night.

Then of course I have to get up at the crack of dawn to watch the baby.

As much as I want to sell this house I just desperately hope nobody calls for a showing today (or tomorrow). I think I might actually collapse if I had to get on my knees and scrub the kitchen floor right now.

I also need to go get some Unisom so I can fall to sleep more easily.

And I need Baby to just have at it with whatever virus she is brewing up in there.

Vomit, cough, runny nose... any of that is better than zombie time.

Set Your Tivos

I watched the sneak peak of Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution last night.

Seriously peeps, set your Tivos, or old school VHS, for this Friday, 8 PM, on ABC.

I think this is something we all need to watch.

You can watch the sneak preview episode HERE.

I watched his British version some time back and was really moved by it. But I think this hits closer to home. And as we get ready to enroll Kid in public school this Fall school lunches have been on my mind. I can only hope he takes his Food Revolution to Michigan before we get there.

Weekend In Pictures

We had a lovely 4 day weekend. The weather (until today) has been hovering right around 70.

I took the kids for a drive and picnic up along the Blue Ridge Parkway.

Mr F called and wanted to give me some tips from the magazine about things to do along the way. I said "2 small children, early spring, bears... yeah... we're not going to be doing anything along the way."
I took them for a hike at the Botanical Gardens instead. I haven't been there since last year and Baby has made a huge leap in endurance and I didn't have to carry her at all (yay!!).

Yesterday I packed up the kids' bikes and took them to some flat paved trails. Baby was a little too distracted to steer down the path... so... that was a maddeningly long bike ride with me constantly dragging her back on course, and eventually taking over and using her trike as a scooter (hello bent over back pain!).

But, hey, at least they can't say I didn't do anything with them.
I even helped them climb trees. Until Baby decided to just throw herself off of a branch without warning me, nearly breaking all my ribs as she knocked me to the ground.


In other fronts, I changed that lightbulb in the hallway yesterday (remember 10 foot ceilings, 5 foot Mrs F). I honestly wouldn't have changed it if our house wasn't on the market and that hallway wasn't so damn dark. Have I ever mentioned I'm afraid of heights (and hence ladders)? And that to change that bulb I had to stand on the top step (which clearly says not to stand on it)? And that this ladder is crazy rickety and 12 years old (I know because I bought it in NY)? And that to remove the light fixture I HAD TO BALANCE WITHOUT HOLDING ON TO ANYTHING WHILE THE LADDER SWAYED WHILE I USED ONE HAND TO UNSCREW THE FIXTURE AND THE OTHER TO HOLD THE LARGE GLASS SHADE (which is the size of my head not my hand)?!?! Even Mr F gets me to help him when he does this. I was shaking and so scared that my hands started to not work (you know?! Like in one of those bad dreams). Seriously. I had one screw undone and then my hand wouldn't move to unscrew the others. I thought I was going to die. I couldn't stop or I'd drop the glass shade. It was horrible. And then as if that wasn't enough, after changing the bulb I got the pleasure of doing it all over again to get the shade back on. Amazingly I did it. And, you know how everyone says you'll have some triumphant surge of adrenaline when you concur a fear? Nope. I never need to do that again.

On an ultra positive, and completely unrelated, note we got a special delivery this weekend:

Mr F took some food photos for this dinner delivery service a couple of months back. He traded his shots for food for me. Yay! Everything is frozen and ready to heat and eat. I had already done a major grocery shop so I've been using that up... but I'm excited to start adding in some low cook days into my week.
We even got a pineapple upside down cake which we began enjoying immediately.



That's all I've got. It's cold and rainy and I'm giving myself the day off and the Disney Channel the day on ;)

Good Luck

Here is that jumbled section for you:

Anchlatu

Pod Tie

Checen

Porc

Bitch Fest Friday

If Mr F doesn't start to step up, I just might take advantage of THIS FREE OFFER.


P.S. The stress hasn't broken my spirit (yet)...

And, yes, I really could (and will) play that game all night. In fact, today, we're taking it outside. And if you know anything about our yard (random holes) this is gonna get really funny... really fast.

Cinderella Moment (and by that I don't mean the happy ending)

Yesterday was a bad day. I was tired ALREADY.

I was doing what needs to be done (laundry and such) when I found out we were having a showing today.

This morning.

Showings in the morning are the WORST for me.

I have to get everything super clean and ready the night before... but... then still have to manage all the kids, breakfast, bathroom, beds, etc in the morning.

So last night at 8:15 while I was (literally) on my hands and knees scrubbing the kitchen floor, Mr F calls.

To tell me about driving a $150,000 BMW home from work. And the dinner The Cougar made for him. And the sports car he's bringing home to impress my cousins. And the dinner at my Aunt's. And the dinner at my brother's.

"Enjoy the life I wish I was living... but... AM NOT." Mrs F says to Mr F near tears.

Happy St. Patrick's Day

Behold... green milk.

I convinced them that I was pouring it right out of the gallon of white milk.

Kid was delighted.

Baby was terrified.

Oh Those Pesky Homophones

"Pop into bed or I'll kill you with my bare hands." Mrs F teases Baby.

"You don't have BEAR hands!" Baby shouts out incredulously.

This Week The Plan

Well I think the weekends are going to be the hardest part. Just because of the loneliness if nothing else. I'm used to spending the majority of my time during the week without Mr F so it doesn't feel as weird.

My goal is to take advantage of getting things done when the opportunity arises. I don't have the luxury of planning on how my days are going to turn out.... kids' moods, my mood due to their moods, house showings, etc.

Yesterday Kid was tired and sore from vomiting all day Saturday. I knew she'd just veg in front of the TV so I made sure to utilize the *free* time that offered me. While the kids watched an endless stream of cartoons I knocked out our taxes. I'm using TaxACT again this year and highly recommend it. We've even got 3 businesses, capital gains, etc., to file for and I can still manage it. I've got everything inputed and ready to go... I'm just waiting on a few final statements to come in the mail. I'm super proud of myself, it would have been really easy to just give in to being tired, and sad, and overwhelmed yesterday.

My next order of business is to force myself to workout during the day while Kid is at school. Some of you may recall that I prefer to workout in the evenings when it is more of a stress relief and a good break from a long day with the kids. Obviously with Mr F gone this is no longer an option. I know I won't be getting a stress release out of my workouts but I need to make sure I stay on track anyway. Getting out of shape is not going to help matters! A couple of days a week I only work part-time and that gives me about an hour and a half before I need to pick Kid up. On those days I'm going to have Baby watch a DVD on my computer in her bed while I do my step aerobics workout in the living room. The other days I think I'm going to throw The 30 Day Shred in once Kid is home and the kids can play a reading program on my computer while I bust that out since it is shorter. Hopefully, pending house showings, I'll get in 4-5 weekday workouts. I'm just going to try for that. I'm not counting on the weekends.

In other fronts I've got our bedtime routine figured out and even managed to get them to bed (and sleep) on time despite the time change (honor me!!! it was still light out!). I read to Kid in her bed while Baby plays quietly (ish) in the girls' room. Then I give Kid a book to look at while I put Baby to sleep in my room. Then I come back in and snuggle Kid for a minute. This is a big change from our usual routine which was a divide and concur method splitting the kids up between Mr F and I. This is also the hardest time for Kid since she is used to having a nice long snuggle with her Dad.

With Mr F gone we don't need to hold dinner for him... which means... we can bump up our entire evening by a half an hour. (Damn the time change and it's ever brightening evenings or I might have even been able to bump it up an hour!) That should help keep me from losing my mind. As it is I'm looking at 13-14 straight hours of child contact... that's kind of my mental/physical limit.


MENU:
Monday - Rotisserie Chicken, broccoli, mashed potatoes

Tuesday - Pan Seared Pork Chops, rice, veggies

Wednesday - Salmon Noodle Casserole w/ peas

Thursday - Pork & Veggie Lo Mein (reserve two pork chops from Tuesday)

Friday - out to eat

Saturday - Shrimp and Pea Pesto Pasta

Sunday - leftovers and/or breakfast for dinner


No point in recounting my cleaning/chores schedule. I clean the whole damn house all day every day.

He's Gone

Of course Kid spent his entire last night here vomiting.

On the plus side it probably made it a little easier for him to leave.

One More Reason The CIA Should Recruit Me

Kid has made a lot of headway in the reading and writing departments this year. But there are still times when her spelling is so creative that I look at it completely baffled. Usually I can crack the code. She has her letter sounds down pat so it's really just a matter of letting go of your preconceived notions of how things ought to be spelled and sounding out what is on the paper. 85% of the time I can get it. That leaves 15% of the time when I just stare at it and think "WTF?". Even when I have some context clues the intended words just elude me. Like with this drawing from yesterday (sorry it is sideways... added challenge):

Try as I might I just could not figure it out.
And it was killing me!
Then I finally got it.
And I'm telling you that when the puzzle comes together it's akin to solving The New York Times Crossword Puzzle (Sunday). You feel like you should be cracking codes for the CIA. It's a total rush.
And, yes, I'm completely serious.

Have at it, peeps.
Once you get it you'll be like... "d'Oh! It was so obvious!"

Bitch Fest Friday

Sometimes it's crazy to me how quickly these posts come around.

Another week down.


Have you ever been just driving around, and suddenly you let out a huge exhale, and it is only then that you realize you must have been holding your breath?

That's kind of where I'm at these days.

Realtor Open House Today

A catered broker only type deal.

I've been cleaning.

Still cleaning.

Oh and just discovered Baby has tooth decay on her front teeth.

Awesome.

Like I need something else to worry about and handle right now.

Hear Ye, Hear Ye

So, for me, yesterday's post was as good as blogging gets.

For some of you? Not so much.

But here is what I need everyone to know. (I think I explain this but I guess it bears repeating)


I blog for three reasons:

1. To entertain

2. To socialize

3. To process my feelings

Some rare moments I can pull off all three in one post. Sometimes I can't seem to pull off a single one in a full week of posts.


When I sit down to write (like I am this morning), I don't have a plan. I sit down and my fingers type and what I need to say seems to flow to the screen uninterrupted. It's a lot like lying down on an analysts couch.

And it is helpful. It is immensely helpful, therapeutic, and thought provoking FOR ME.

It's not about trying to gain sympathy, or validation, or readership, or (horrors) disdain.

It's about me sitting down and having 10 minutes to myself and seeing what comes bubbling up to the surface.

For weeks I've been stressed about the upcoming move (which is too legit to quit I might add). But I've also been feeling a layer of sadness that I wasn't even aware of.

Until the other night when I went to lay down and had the flood gates feeling. WTF? Why am I sad? Stressed and overwhelmed I got, but sad?

And then it came to me. And I sat down to write and it wasn't until I was typing that out from my fingers flowed the memory that I would see my Dad every 3 or so months.

Things like that happen all the time for me.

And I pay attention. And I listen. And I change.

It's not for you. It's for me.

I've talked about taproots before. Well this move triggered a taproot to a grief I've had buried for over 20 years. A grief I was too young to understand or process and so it lay there dormant.

Until now. Mr F moving for a better job. Leaving us here feeling stuck... it is an exact replay of what happened to me as a child.

Without knowing it I started laying on the grief of that to the current situation.

And THAT'S why things have seemed SO overwhelming, and undoable, and stressful (which they really are.... stressful that is... factually one of life's greatest stresses).

It hasn't been so much about the move as it has been about feeling the grief and hurt and stress of my father's move.

The fact that I have a place where I can allow myself to explore my feelings openly and honestly and without shame, allowed for me to make that connection.

It's allowed me to spend some time processing THOSE feelings. Making some peace with those hurts and those fears. Letting that sadness bubble up and OUT. So that it doesn't have to co-mingle and intensify what is going on with me today.

That's therapy. That's why therapy works. Because, now, having figured that out. Having identified the source of the fear and pain has allowed me to label it. To understand it. To move through it.

I don't have to repeat it just because the situation is similar. (apply to all things... dieting anyone?)

I think it is easy to forget (I do when reading others') that a post is just a snapshot of a moment of someone's day. It is not the entirety of their experience.

I can sit down to write and have the stress of our move come spilling up onto the key board. That's real. That's honest.

But that doesn't mean I don't have good days.

That I don't still laugh hysterically till I collapse on the floor. That I don't still wear dress socks while I workout in the living room. That I'm not still making dinner and making the beds. And everything else. I function. I succeed.

That is just one small raw moment.

Maybe that appears self indulgent, or immature, or dramatic, or naive, or whatever negative you'd like to insert.

I'm okay with that. It's just about the only thing I get to do that is for myself. And it works for me.

Profoundly.

So, try not to take everything so literally.

I post these posts to help me sort it all out.

All of it.

How I put it together so that I don't let these things drag me down (too much).

I don't need to pretend things are perfect or I've got everything under control.

I'm not too concerned with reflecting well because I never thought that actually reflected well.

I'm most concerned with being well. And I don't know how to do that without, first, being honest.

Weekend Update

I had some kind of gastro illness this weekend. Mr F got it too but not as badly or for as long. How is it that he lost 3 pounds and I lost.... anyone?.... NOTHING. Asshole.

Both the girls are driving me up a wall. I know it is the stress of everything that is going on (I get that) but the day in day out whiny, clingy-ness of Baby and the day in day out crazy tantrums of Kid (hello regression!) are pushing me over the edge. I was barely clingy to the edge before they decided to lose their minds. This is going to be a hard transition. HARD.

I almost cried myself to sleep last night. I was just too tired to follow through. That and my stomach hurt.

This pending separation is bringing up a lot of feelings for me. There are the legitimate, current, stresses of solo parenting for three and a half months, taxes, continuing education credits, daycare, AND selling our house. It's a lot.

BUT it also stirs up past injuries of having divorced parents. My father moved to New Jersey when I was 12. I would see him on vacations. That would mean I'd often go... how long?... 3 or so months between visits. It was hard and incredibly sad time for me. I felt abandoned. I was heart broken. I'd lie in bed and try to communicate telepathically with him. Things were never the same.

And this current situation is stirring those feelings up. Even though I know what is going on, and where these feelings are coming from, it is hard to separate those feelings out from my current ones. It just makes everything about this feel more *sad* and intense. My anxiety about what's coming up is definitely ramping up as we get closer to Mr F's moving day.

I'm just trying to get up and preform well each day. Do what I need to do and not get too caught up in my current head game. It's hard though. My head is attached to me.

I wish we had a set time line. I wish our house was in contract so I'd KNOW what and when things were going to happen. My patience and control issues are being challenged. And it's hard for me.

I hope we get some showings on the house this week.

That would go a long way toward making me feel better.

Calling It Like I See It

"Hey, you might want to pay attention to this movie..." Mrs F says to Kid.

"It's about a girl who is always happy." Mrs F continues.

Mr F tries to suppress his shocked laughter.

Kid turns and aims her death rays at Mrs F's head.