I Quit

Dear First Grade Teacher,

I found the tone you used, while talking to me yesterday, to be incredibly offensive. I do not like to be talked to like I am a six year old using six year old logic. I am not only older than you are, I have more education, more experience working with parents in a school setting, and have been parenting my own children longer. Is it not possible that my perspective might have some validity?

Good luck replacing me.

Sincerely,
Mrs F

Never A Dull Moment

WARNING... I am having more than a little trouble with the old internet connection the past 24 hours. Everything is taking FOREVER to load. If this goes up it will likely have mistakes... and I won't be correcting them... do not judge... and I may not be able to return comments (some from yesterday too... sorry) until things get back to normal. It's just too frustrating and I have more important things to stress about... trust me.


Things are going on.

Things were going on.... and then they weren't... and now they are again.

It's been a bit of a roller coaster the last couple of weeks. But in a weird way I'm thankful for it because it gave me a bit of perspective and has allowed for some stabilizing walls to be put up in an effort to protect my mental state.

For some obvious reasons (that you will just have to guess about) I can't talk about all this.

I can just say we are sitting atop a precipice and I need to be prepared for the fall... either way.

Our entire life might change in short order.

Or...

It might not (a fall of much more depressing and familiar kind).

I'm staying surprisingly level headed. I'm of course stressed and feeling a bit in limbo and having a TON of things thrown at me (suddenly several kids need childcare?!)... and while on one hand I'd like to accept... on the other.... I'm not sure I can commit. It's hard. I really don't know what to do. I don't want to miss out on an opportunity for the work but when I say change I do mean CHANGE and it would be impossible for me to care for them.

And of course it's all coming at once and everything is time sensitive.

My strategy is to try and take this one day at a time.

Hopefully we'll have an answer sooner rather than later.

And hopefully I'll be okay with it when it happens.

All I can say is...

Dear Someone,
I want this for me... but more than that... I want it for you. I could live this hell hole of a year ten thousand times over it I thought it'd end with you getting the respect and clout you deserve. You're better than you think you are. And I believe she's going to see it.
Love,
Me

10 Years Ago

Mr F and I went on our first date.

He's been obsessed with me ever since.

Kind of.

Deep down.

He just doesn't always show it.

That's what I tell myself.

(No. Seriously he is. He can't even deny it... he just starts laughing nervously.)


If you want to read more about a love so furious it shouldn't be legal you can do so here...
Love Story Part 1
Love Story Part 2
Love Story Part 3

Maybe one day when I have a spare 10,000 hours I'll finish the saga. Part 11 might be titled "When The Shit Hit The Fan".


One day soon I'll write part 4. That is when we finally had our date. That is also when it became obvious that neither one of us would ever confront a stranger unless perhaps our life depended on it. And when asked at restaurants how things are we would both always respond "Great!" even if we'd been waiting over 2 hours for our dinner and then served the wrong dish.

And for the record I did not let him kiss me on our first date.

It was a new tactic I was trying out.

And

Shazam!

It worked.

Keep that in mind ladies.

Here We Go Again

I'm actually feeling surprisingly sad this morning. Maybe it's because I'm not going to drop her off and settle her into her room this year (5%). Maybe it's because I just like being around her (60%). Or maybe it's because having her around makes Baby about 1000 times easier to deal with (35%).

I decided to let Baby sleep as long as possible... because... she is going to commit hari kari when she wakes up and realizes Kid is gone... ALL DAY. The longer I can put that off the better. I see a lot of gummy bears in her near future.


Yesterday Kid was getting a bit anxious about the big day. In an effort to focus on the positive we threw an impromptu "Happy First Grade!" celebration last night. That did help tremendously with Kid's "night before" jitters.... or at least staved them off until the quiet dark of her bedroom. She was still sleeping bundled up like a little baby when I went in this morning. Oh it killed me to have to wake her up!



It also killed me to have to pack lunch again. God, I hate packing a lunch. It takes for freaking ever and is the most tedious process on the planet. Hate it hate it hate it.



Last year Mr F decided in a fit of panic to cut open Kid's backpack when the zipper got stuck. Way to go hot head. So I had to dig around the basement and find her old preschool one and dust it off this morning. As punishment I made him wear it.



Actually they're riding the tandem operation this morning and it's all we can ask that she HOLD ON while riding along the busy road... we don't need to worry about her toppling over under the weight of the bag.

Video Update

It Is With A Queasy Stomach That I Announce....

The return of...

This Week The Plan

People. People! I'm not looking forward to this.

Menu:

Monday - Parent Orientation night... kids eat at Mr F's office

Tuesday - Shrimp Scampi w/ noodles & sauteed broccoli

Wednesday - Roast Chicken, crispy potatoes & Sherry and Garlic Sauteed squash & carrots

Thursday - Honey Mustard Glazed Salmon w/ seasoned rice & green beans

Friday - Pizza night w/ sliced tomatoes

Saturday - Chicken & Cheese Enchiladas

Sunday - Tomato & Meatball Soup w/ salad


Kid's School Lunches:

Wednesday - hard boiled egg, watermelon, yogurt, turkey sandwich, milk

Thursday - hard boiled egg, strawberries, yogurt, pb&j, milk

Friday - hard boiled egg, tomatoes, yogurt, tuna sandwich, milk


Errands & Chores:

Monday - laundry, vacuum, parent orientation

Tuesday - grocery shopping, put away clean clothes

Wednesday - 1st day of school, make returns (Lowe's, Michael's, etc)

Thursday - pick up girls' room

Friday -

Saturday -

Sunday -


Diet & Exercise:
I'll be addressing this in detail tomorrow.
I'm going to continue food journaling. Eating under 1400 a day. And working out 40-60 min a day. I'll be doing the 30 day shred 3x this week.

Selective Hearing

"Dude you've got to use Google Reader." Mrs F says between bites of graham cracker.

"What's that Chewy?" Mr F replies.

Mrs F takes another bite and says...

"I'm going to hurt you."

"Did you hear that?!" She asks.

Mr F laughs.

Dressed For Success

This is Baby's preferred summertime look.
Yes she's wearing a combination of PJs, sweatshirt, and fleece hat.
I am aware that some people would not allow this. I mean it was a near 90 degree day. And she did look.... um.... special. But I have always gotten some kind of pleasure, pride even (not for myself but for my kids), out of allowing them to wear their clothes their way.

Plus, I find it results in a lot more laughs and a lot less fights.

Saturday Morning Musings

"How about getting some clothes on?" Mrs F suggests.

"I can't... I'm a nudist." Kid replies.


*****************************************************

"I need chocolate chips!" Baby demands while trying to scale the pantry.

"What do you need chocolate chips for?" Mrs F inquires.

"I need a chocolate chip for my mouth!" Baby replies.


******************************************************

"You need to clean up your room. Someone could trip and die in here." Mrs F says to Kid.

"They might trip, but I scarcely think they would die." Kid retorts.


*******************************************************

In yesterday's Parent Council meeting someone brought up emergency plans. At some point the director mentioned in an off hand way sniper attacks as an example of an emergency the school might face. Shortly thereafter a mother suggested the school post their emergency plans on their website so that the parents could access them and be put at ease.

"I'm sorry... but you just mentioned sniper attacks... I think that posting the school's emergency plans on a public website is a terrible idea." I interjected barely able to contain myself.

Not that I think we're in danger of a sniper attack... but... come on.

Now you see what I'm dealing with...

MORONS

Oh No She Didn't

Last night Mr F went back into work. So instead of our usual nighttime routine I got to snuggle Kid instead of him.

"You are much warmer than Daddy." Kid remarked.

"My beauty gives off more heat." I replied teasingly.

"Well... that can't be true... you don't have very much of it." Kid stated matter-of-factly.

Nightmare

Last night I was dreaming... you know how dreams don't always make complete sense...

I was watching a girl (maybe 12) painting. She was painting the cover of a math book with one of those fan brushes and some mossy green paint. She painted all the edges and then impulsively, and confidently, she swirled a slightly imperfect infinity symbol in the center of the front cover.

I was looking from a distance that was impossibly close. An angle an observer wouldn't have with a naked eye.

Then I thought "Wow it must be nice to have such abilities... much more important than a sense of humor."

That's when I shot up in bed.

Whew... just a bad dream.

Meaningless Updates

It's been raining all day. I mean literally ALL day.

Have I ever told you how dark and cave like our house is?Especially on a rainy day?

It's ridiculous. It could be 9 AM, it could be 9 PM. There is seriously no way to tell.

Which just makes me feel tired and lazy. I mean how energetic and motivated can you be in boudoir lighting?

I did manage to rewash the laundry from last week.

Yes I said "RE- wash".

As in... when I took them out of the dryer they smelled like wet dog and not Bounty Fabric Softener.

But, honestly, I wasn't much interested in rewashing them just for the sake of smelling fresh. They were clean. I had already folded and put everything away... which is a considerable feat in and of itself.

Which turned out to be kind of awkward and nasty (I used a lot of perfume last week).

I was hoping it would kind of play out like the garlic theory... if we all smelled like wet dog maybe we wouldn't notice.

Wrong.

Today Kid informed me that her shirt smelled "terrible" and I knew it was true.

So I rallied myself. I went through all the drawers and closets in search of nastiness and I popped them all back in for a round two with EXTRA detergent.

And without the wad of smelly dishtowels I had in there the first time.

Oops.

Funny Stuff

"Award Winning 6'2" Humorist Speaker" is actually funny enough. I mean she had me with that.

Home Improvements

I've been working on finishing up small decorating tasks that we've never got around to completing this past year. Yes it has taken us over a year to address things like... our mantel... hanging pictures... touching up paint. Heck Mr F just finally hung our screen door!

I would have thought that the new plan of moving would have put a damper on my desire to fluff my nest but it's been quite the opposite. Having gone through this once in our old home (preparing to sell that is) I know that these things will need to be done to sell... and... you might as well enjoy the improvements a bit before handing them over.

Before we left on our vacation Mr F and I had been having some serious pow wows regarding our state of mid decoration around here. A lot of things were just not working. Our number one problem has been that we are trying to work furniture and art that was picked out for our old house into a completely different layout. Unfortunately this hasn't been ideal... but... it's a financial necessity. Our plan of attack is to really think about how we can utilize things we already own (some spray paint may be involved with this) and finally finish these big awkward rooms out.

One of the biggest eyesores has been the mantel.
(Valentine's Day display '09... note how that painting looks terrible and the broken clock.. also terrible)

Not the blue... it's funky... and I'm sure I wouldn't have done it on my own... but it does add some character to the room. Plus it kind of ties in all the bright plastic toys into our color scheme ;) I will say it doesn't photograph well and that it is a bit more subtle in person (I think). Either way since it doesn't need painting repair, and since plenty of the house does, we're not repainting. We just need to find a way to tie it into the room more. The previous owner had a fantastic painting up there.
(previous owner's decor... note how huge that painting is... sadly we don't have anything comparable size wise)

It tied the blue in perfectly and it was a real show stopper. As I said we have to work with what we have. We've got a few big pieces and we've tried them all. We've settled on this.
In truth I'm over it. I don't hate it but I don't love it and wouldn't buy it again. I got it for an apartment I had over 10 years ago. It's been used in the playroom since then since it's big and bright and colorful. It just so happens to have some blue in it and red... which ties in the stain glass windows that flank the fireplace. So it will work. It kind of has too.

Well for the past year the mantel has looked like shit. We've had one piece of art up there or another with a hodge podge of forgotten tools (you know it's true Mr F!), old birthday cards, a broken mantel clock that looked terrible but for some reason Mr F entered "mantel clock = must put on mantel" mode and put it out, and at times some framed pictures (also put out by the tard). Why on Earth was he decorating the mantel anyway? I don't know people... but when I had come home from the cottage he had done it again and it looked horrible. That's when I decided I had to make an effort to come up with a mantel display. Number one, so it would look better. Number two, so he wouldn't have room to stash stuff up there anymore.

Adding to our problems is that a lot of our stuff (breakables, vases, etc) have never been unpacked. We just don't have the storage here to put them away properly. I knew I wanted to fill out the mantel and I would need some bold colors to balance everything out. All we have unpacked are our Fiestaware pitchers and a few vases. I hit Michael's with a great coupon and for less than $8 I took it from this...

to this...

Now, typically I'm not a huge fan of artificial flowers but for $8 I've got a display that no one is going to see up close, that won't die, and can take us all the way until Christmas. You can't beat it.

But since I didn't have the right balance of vases, pitchers, I'm still not loving it. See how it's kind of heavy on the left and not so much on the right? When I hit the store I had no idea what I was going to put things in so I just grabbed things that didn't look horrifically fake. Now that I've spent some time arranging them I have a better idea of what I need and the flowers that looked too big in the store... are perfect once up on our mantel.

This is getting better...


I think I need to go back and get a couple more flowers to try and work on the glass vases a bit more. I wish I had some solid pottery vases that would balance things out better... but I'm thinking some bigger bolder flowers might help things in that department.

But since I probably won't ever go back for more flowers (just being realistic)... whatever it may not be perfect ... but it is still a HUGE improvement. And still under $10.

Nobody ever comes to our house anyway.

If There's Something Weird And It Don't Look Good ... Who You Gonna Call?

When we came home from vacation something really weird happened. The very first night home Baby became visibly agitated upon entering my room. She kept looking at the windows and saying "Winnows are gone."

Say what?

Seriously it was weird. The windows are exactly the same as they were when we left.

"No they're not sweetie the windows are there." I said trying to reassure her, thinking she must just be confused about there being a considerable downgrade in view from our Up North digs.

"Yes they are! The winnows are GONE!" She replied adamantly.

Alright weirdo.

I decided to drop it. But she kept bringing it up.

Try as I might I could not figure out what was wrong with the windows.

This has been going on for weeks.

The other night I came in the room and Baby was sitting on my bed staring at the windows and I overheard her saying...
"Stop that winnows! My mom is coming!" like she was trying to convince a bully to leave her alone.

Honestly she was starting to freak me out. I felt like we were having a Sixth Sense "I see dead people" moment.

"What's wrong with the windows?" I asked her again.

"They're gone." Came her familiar reply.

Flummoxed but desperate to figure it out I wondered if I should lower the shades (remember I made those weird faux roman shades which have been pinned in place?). She nodded emphatically.

So I did. I took out the pins in one of the shades just to see if it made a difference and she seemed relieved.

I only unpinned that one window the other one is still left in place as it had been. This didn't seem to bother her even though that was the window she was yelling at. It didn't really make any sense, but for some reason it appeased her.

Well, tonight I wanted to leave the window open so I pinned the one shade back up in place. I figured it had been a week since she'd mentioned it and maybe she was over it.

Baby walked in the room and noticed immediately.

"NO not like that!" She cried.

So I took it back down.

Then she demanded I lower the other one.

Weird.

Totally weird.

And creepy.

Really creepy.

It's Not Over Yet

I really hate the whole "Back To School" time. It seems to me that as soon as August rolls around we are supposed to get all whipped up into a froth buying supplies and getting our ducks in a line and completely forgetting that we still have THREE AND A HALF WEEKS OF VACATION LEFT! You know? It takes a lot of wherewithal to steel yourself and not get anxious along with all the school forms and supply lists that make their way into every mailbox you have.

Why is it that in August two weeks of vacation becomes a feverish "WE ONLY HAVE TWO WEEKS LEFT!!!" As if you were trying to finalize all your last minute wedding details. But in December two weeks seems like a nice long leisurely break.

I have been trying with everything I have in me not to let these past weeks become a blur of school prep, and getting "back on schedule", and to enjoy them for what they really have been... time off... of schedules and lunches... rushed evenings... morning fights over tangled hair and sock seams... days that instantly seem to become filled with all errands and no fun.

We still have 9 days off. And we're going to sleep-in and watch cartoons and stay nude (some of us) RIGHT up until the day we can't anymore.

Can You Tell What's Been On Our Minds?

"The yellow snakes are adopting the red snakes." Kid announces.

If only it were that easy...


P.S. If any of you out there have successfully adopted I'd love to hear about it and get an agency recommendation. I'm think about an international adoption at this point. I really wish the process didn't take so long!

Mis(sed)Communication

"I'm really tired, I'm going to bed soon." Mrs F tells Mr F after getting the kids down.

"Oh." Mr F replies somewhat shocked regarding the unusually early hour.

About a half hour later Mrs F returns from their room.

"Alright I'm going to bed. If you want to snuggle me I'll be in my boudoir." She says then returns to their room.

After a bit Mr F does finally come into the room.

The lights are on.

Mrs F is fully dressed reading a book.

Mr F lies down.

"Want to turn off the lights and shut the door?" Mrs F suggests.

Mr F does, then lies down.

Several minutes later realizing that the point had not been driven home hard enough Mrs F says...

"You can commence having sex with me."

"OH... well... um... you're kind of springing this on me." Mr F stutters.

Seriously?!

Mrs F rolled over and went to sleep.

Some Excuses Are Legit... Aren't They?!!

Unless you are obsessed with watching that little turtle over there (where?... there in the sidebar) trudge slowly through the grass (or take a nap in the grass as the case maybe) I thought I'd give you a little weight loss check in.

You know you're riveted.

As soon as we got home from vacation I started working out. I made a vow to work out 40 minutes each night for the next month. I am 15 days down.

so...

Success.

I made that vow for a good reason. My typical workout regime is more like 4-5 days of 60 minutes. But, as has become evident in the past year, I can sometimes feel boxed in by such a long workout. (so that's reason #1)

And having gotten myself significantly out of shape I knew I needed to ease back up or I'd be tempted to over exert myself, get injured, and then get discouraged. (reason #2)

But more importantly I made that vow to prove to myself that I really do have the time and energy to execise EVERY SINGLE DAY. I might not have the time and energy to exercise for an hour every day but I can do something. (if you are counting that would be reason #3)

It's very easy for something to come up and for me to feel like "Well I don't have enough for a full workout now... I guess I'll have to sit on the couch and watch TV" (hey I didn't say it wasn't crazy talk)

This 30 day plan is trying to break me off that. To prove that even when I think I don't have time I do have enough for a short workout. And that shorter workouts can still provide a good workout.

It's more of a mental challenge than a physical one.

Last night was the perfect example:

I was tired from a rough night the night before with Baby. I spent all day cleaning out the porch. Now in my head I was already starting to rationalize that that was the workout and I didn't need to get on the treadmill. (That is a fairly consistent excuse pattern for me.... and guess what?... if it were true than I wouldn't be trying to lose weight again.)

I mean I was really tired. Really. And I seriously contemplated throwing the towel in for just one day (but isn't that how it always starts?!).

Then I decided, just to keep my commitment to myself, I'd go down and hop on for 20 minutes. THAT'S IT. I told you I was tired. And I was.

I decided to kick out some seriously hardcore intervals for the full 20 and then cool down for 5. I figured I could pound anything out for 20 minutes. Than after my cool down I stretched and then thought "What kind of freaking fool are you? You are only 15 minutes away from your daily goal. You just hiked up a hill at 12% incline. Seriously? Seriously you are going to quit now?!! If this isn't sabotage I don't know what is!"

And, people, I got back on finished out the full 40. And proved to myself that I really can keep this commitment. Not just the 30 day commitment but the commitment to myself to move through this.

That even my A list excuses are... well... excuses.

Last night I, for the first time EVER since moving here, came up with some first class excuses... and then... I worked out anyway.

And it was good for me.

On lots of levels.

Extreme Home Makeover... Screened in Porch Edition

I've had a lot of plans for this huge space.

Originally I thought it could serve as an outdoor sewing room, play area, reading spot, sleeping porch and dining room. God knows it is big enough. (Interestingly it's roughly the size of the new smaller houses I've been looking at for next year.)

We've tried all sorts of stuff out there.

But more often than not we were left with the always attractive "shove all your weird shit on it's way to someplace else" decorating scheme.

And I wasn't loving it.

And because it was filled with random shit and toys that the kids didn't actually use (you know the lets give this thing one more shot before we toss it as if it's crappiness will become more interesting in a new exotic setting?) it was cluttered and ugly and the last place any of us wanted to spend our time.

The constant dust (dirt)... (someone tell me... is it coal dust??!!!)... and mildew have ruined TONS of things we've had out there to boot. So the idea of using *real* furniture out there was somewhat misguided. This past couple of weeks I've been working to move the wood furniture back in the house (or basement for storage) and bring our outdoor dining table in (since the mosquitos have kept us from using it since early June).

Not even a true BEFORE... mid clean out... and... YES I DID MOP THE ENTIRE PORCH... SOMEONE BOW DOWN TO ME!


The AFTERS:


I'm going for "less is more" out here now.
Our outdoor patio table & chairs.
A faux wicker loveseat w/ storage table & side table (matching chairs on front porch).
Kids' dollhouse (this will be brought in once it gets cold).
Kids' tumbling blocks and mat (which they do use and are weather proof).
A bin of outside toys: hula hoop, tunnels, baton, balls.
Plastic kid table & chairs.

And YES we're still rocking the outdoor window treatments... that's the best idea I ever came up with.

THAT'S IT. Nothing else will be kept out here!

The wide open space is always more inviting to play in than a toy and housewares war zone.

I've really put a lot of thought into our new toy choices. Previously we had the kids' play kitchen out here with ALL THE FREAKING PLAY FOOD, shopping cart, and cash register. We had the tumbling stuff and then a hodge podge of lame B list toys. The kids never played with the kitchen. And inside they have 3 dollhouses. It occurred to me that when I send them out to play out there that I had made the wrong choice. The kitchen et al took up tons of space... but it is a social game. Kids always want to make something and serve YOU... they do not play with it on their own (mine don't anyway). The big dollhouse has been in our living room. It's super attractive and we don't mind having it around where we constantly see it.... but... they have other dollhouses they can use. And you know what the dollhouse is good for? Independent play. And really that's what I want out there. We drastically cut down on the play food and stored it in an attractive woven basket (that I glued sheets of felt on the bottom of to prevent scratched floors!) next to the wooden kitchen and brought them into the living room where the dollhouse had been. And you know what? They play with it constantly. Cash register & shopping cart hit the dirt and are down in the basement until we can sell them.

So now we have the physical play stuff and one appealing independent play draw (the dollhouse). Instead of feeling like I need to fill every corner out there I'm leaving at that and our legitimate outdoor furniture.

The wooden table and chairs (my original apartment dining set) we had out there have been cleaned off and brought into our living room in front of the fireplace as a game table/craft table. In one week it's had more use than it did in the full year it was out there. It also helps fill up and define that awkward space in our over sized room.

Now tomorrow I'll have to tackle this:

Yep. All the crap I brought in out of the porch (minus the junk that hit the trash in a covert operation so as not to be seen by little eyes) is now taking over the office.

Woe is me.

At least that job can be done in the air conditioning.