Ongoings

#1  I've been hesitant to say this (don't want to jinx it) but Baby's energy issue is seemingly gone.  It went away in one fell swoop.  As if she woke up 100% better.  And let me tell you, I had actually forgotten how active, danger-prone, and talkative she is... the illness just slowly sucked that out of her.... and had we had a good normal energy day right next to her low energy end days I would have been freaking out even more than I was.  She hadn't had the energy to walk through the grocery store in months.  One night we were all driving home from somewhere and Baby was chattering away and singing (a different song then was on the radio) at top volume and a wave of relief washed over me and I knew she was better.  She hadn't been like that in so long, that I actually forgot she ever was.  The doctors just assume that she did have mono and she finally got over it.  As a special side treat, which appears to be unrelated, she has had hives for 12 straight days, which have no known cause, presumably brought on by that stomach virus she had two weeks ago (did you miss that?... really the health stuff with her has been non-stop)... so she is now on Zyrtec since her hands were swelling up and painful.  After everything else, I'll happily take the hives.


#2  Last night, to prove the point, Baby fell off of a brick retaining wall and scraped the flesh off of the back of her leg (one night before her dance recital dress rehearsal - wherein video & pictures can be taken).  Bloody, bloody, screaming mess.  Thankfully, it wasn't deep enough to need a trip to the ER (although, we've been so much this year that all our medical bills from now on are pretty much free) and we could bandage her up.  Inwardly (and maybe a bit outwardly) I fumed about what a nightmare trying to put that leg in tights was going to be today.  But, again, I am so happy that she's back to normal.  Even if normal means 2 hours of wound triage.  And, with Baby, it does.


#3  Still loving my Up by Jawbone bracelet.  I find sleeping with it a bit uncomfortable, which sometimes has woken me up... which kind of defeats the purpose... but I am extremely sensitive to things on me like that.  I love the food journalling, the graphs, the App, the activity tracker... I'm a fan!  It has been totally motivating me and keeping me moving (literally) in the right direction.  Yay!


#4  I cleaned out the fridge, and Kid cleaned her room.  That's about it on organization for week 1. Baby's big dance recital (remember last year and the hooker make-up?!) is tonight and tomorrow... so that is enough stress to manage for now (especially with the leg wound!), so we'll pick back up next week.


#5  The kids' summer studying has been going GREAT.  I think I failed to mention the biggest component of all of that... to get them established in the playroom.  Typically the girls will bring all of whatever they are doing and cram it into our living room (which is more of a sitting room style room right off the front door)... which makes me crazy and keeps our house looking like we are in the midst of a burglary at all times.  So, part of this whole plan was to have them do their school work in the actual giant playroom/family room at the back of the house (which no one ever uses).  It's worked, people!  Once they are in there, they just stay there.  All the toys, games, art supplies are there anyway... what a novel idea... to actually play in the well stocked playroom.


#6  Just discovered Longmire on Netflix and I'm kind of loving it.

School's Out For Summer!

Oh, people, the things that have happened to the interior of our home in the last two weeks... are... frightening.  The amount of stuff brought home from school, with no home... because... its home was AT SCHOOL... that is now piled on every conceivable surface is mind boggling.  It's paralyzing.  So much for easing into a relaxing summer break, this shit has to get taken care of ASAP or I'll lose my mind.  Hopefully by the end of the week it won't look like burglars just ransacked our house.  Right now it kind of looks like the hotel room at the end of The Hangover... I wouldn't be surprised at all to find a chicken roaming around.

Also, we may be the only parents in the history of the universe that had to lay down the law:  "You may not read all summer!"  Girlfriend has read 4 books since Friday.  Unfortunately, books are to Kid what handheld game devices are to other kids.  She cannot stop reading, she can't hear what you say, she becomes obsessed with finishing a chapter and is rude and dismissive to those around her while she does it.  So, she can read as much as she wants before 9:30 AM and after 6:30 PM.  In between she has to actually engage in life.

I have been desperately looking forward to the summer so I can finally carve out a consistent workout time (which I will be able to keep us this coming year, with Baby going full time).  To that end, I got an UP by Jawbone for my birthday (oh, yeah, I got older... so did Mr F... you didn't miss much), and I LOVE it.  People, this might be the greatest thing to happen to me in a long while.  I'm sure it's magical-ness will wear off eventually but I am mesmerized by it now.  It is totally motivating.  And as an chronic insomniac I'm super into the sleep tracker.  Oh, and being able to take pictures of your food's barcodes and have it import into a food diary?!  Magic!!

So combining many daily goals... working out, getting Kid to stop reading and engage with the family, and having the girls do a little school review every weekday... I have masterminded the ultimate solution:  Kid gets them dressed and ready and then runs a school for Baby every morning during my workout. She helps her practice her reading and math, and does a small math assignment herself.  Boom!  Done.  They are super pumped.  Kid gets to act out her older sibling need to boss, while Baby is just happy to play along if it means she's getting attention.  Their work gets done without me having to nag them, and once they are engaged with each other they usually keep playing non-stop until bedtime.

My other major goal for the summer is doing all of the organizing tasks I never have time for:  bathroom closet, pantry, refrigerator, craft closet, girl's rooms, paperwork, etc.  I also intend to get SERIOUS about batch cooking for next school year.  Trying to deal with the homework load, after our commute, while making dinner was just hell on Earth.  Especially if I had a migraine.  Which is, well, 30% of the fucking time.  So I might be getting a deep freezer for the garage.  But first we need to figure out if we'll even be living here next year... (seriously).

Because of My Motto: Why Achieve When You Can Unnecessarily Stress Yourself Out By Overachieving At The Last Minute?

I busted 30 of these out of my ass (no, not literally lindalou) for the girls to take to school tomorrow:

And bought these ceramic pie plates for their teachers (and filled them with pie no less):

Good News Update

Just a quick note to say that cardiology cleared her of having any heart related reason for her symptoms.  We did get an echocardiogram, so they feel pretty definitive that she is no more likely to drop dead than any other 6 year old.  So that is GOOD NEWS.  She does have a slight defect, but not one that would effect her health and it is not necessarily more or less than anyone else might have.  She does still have her double heart murmurs which they are confident are both innocent and said that her very thin chest can amplify (to us and residents at ER and such who are often alarmed) her heart beat and draw attention to her murmurs when they might otherwise go unnoticed.  So when her heart feels like it is beating out of her chest it is mostly because it is just so close to the surface.

They are also mystified and concerned about her weird exhaustion.  They suggest we get a Peak Flow monitor and see what is going on with her breathing... some kids have asthma without prominent wheezing.  They also suggest we get her tested for mono.

So, still some stuff to go before we have an answer, but right now we have ruled out the deadly possibilities so I'm good with that.

It's Sunday

#1 This is the last weekend I have to spend washing school uniforms... for 11 weeks!

#2  Tomorrow Baby heads to the hospital .  I haven't mentioned it, although FB friends will maybe have noticed, but Baby's health has been strangely declining over the past year.  It's been stressful and weird... the kind of thing you can't quite figure out and makes you hopeful it will just go away... but it hasn't.  Something is not right.  But you know that weird guilty feeling (is it just me?) where you worry people will think you are overreacting... so.... you don't want to say... "I don't have anything very concrete but I know something is very wrong here"?  Well, finally I did and the doctor said... "something is wrong here".  And then they did a full blood panel... and we all hoped for anemia and not leukemia (and I wish that wasn't what they thought)... but it all came back clear.  Which was a short lived relief when they rushed our referral to cardiology (which has been my suspicion all along).  So, tomorrow morning we should hopefully (hopefully) be able to rule out a congenital heart problem.  Then I don't know what will be next.  She's exhausted all the time (and this is Baby we are talking about), she falls asleep nearly everyday (she stopped napping at 11 mo and only goes to 1/2day K), can't run without taking a break... doesn't even like to be active anymore, her heart races with exertion, and complains of headaches, stomach aches, and chest pain.  She's been to the ER or doctor 7 times in the last couple of months.  We had met our high insurance deductible (we're talking THOUSANDS of dollars) by February.  A kid who never went to the doctor (except when she bit through her lip!) for anything but well visits the first 4 years of her life.  She was even lying down during her gymnastics class last week between her turns.  She had to stop playing hide and seek after 5 minutes the other night.  I find her lying in her bed all the time.  It has been alarming.  Anyway, so that's been going on.  It's been a scary few months and I can't sleep very well.  Hopefully we're on the way to an answer that is less scary that what haunts me on a regular basis.  (She's also had a full allergy work up... nothing)

#3  So... that's fun... right?  No end to the strange stressors that befall us.

#4  The other day, Kid got into the car and announced "Breaking News!  Noah S. has a crush on me!" And, so, it begins.  We all know that Kid came out of the womb boy crazy... so this is just about the best thing that has ever happened.  He lives in our little town and I was able to rig up, courtesy of our early morning cardiology appt tomorrow, a ride to school with him.  His mother laughed and said Noah would be waiting by the door!  So, at least there will be one bright spot tomorrow.  You should have seen this boy's face when he found out she'd be going to school with him... he was beaming.   He is so cute... it is hard not to want to encourage it.  (He wasn't her front runner, but I told her... "You know what is really attractive? Someone who recognizes how great you are." I'm hoping she can learn that early and save herself a lot of future heartache.)  Plus he's one of the shortest boys in class and she's one of the tallest girls... so... its the Wonder Years all over again.

#5  We had our first real Tornado of the year. (hopefully last) It ended up tracking north of us, but we still got to enjoy the panic of the sirens and all.  The girls went into full hysteria mode.  I got a bit anxious but I said to Mr F "I'm handling this surprisingly well" and he agreed.  We even got in the car and went to our concert as soon as we knew it was clear.  So that is saying something!  Go get yourself the Tornado app from the Red Cross.  This is the first time the app's siren has come on my phone and it worked and it blared each time the weather service reissued the warning (unlike the outdoor sirens which just sounded once).  I highly recommend it, especially if you can't reliably hear your area's sirens or worry you might sleep through it.  You will not sleep through this app!

I'll be back for a quick cardiology update tomorrow.  I don't know what we hope for anymore... something minor and easily resolved.

I Meant It

I really am going to give you the promised recipes and tell you about our meeting with the principal and how I went from withdrawing the girls to sitting on the PTL.  I will.  I have 8.5 days of school left and then I'm all yours.  Well, in between kindergarten graduation, dance recital, swimming lessons, road trips, braces, and the inevitability of another eye surgery looming (unfortunately) in the not too distant future.

The least I can do is give you a sneak peak at the recipes I've been cooking (I was kind of hoping I'd have a chance to photograph more of these...or write them up in a way that makes any sense... but it just hasn't happened):

Go to this site:  Alexandra Cooks  Add it to your soon to be defunct Google Reader (and if you have a substitute please tell me ASAP... I depend on my reader!!) or subscribe.  Her recipes are what you want to cook if you have the time... and they are beautiful... and every so often I realize that I really can pull off some of them on a school night.

Like THIS AMAZING CHICKEN.  Holy crap it is so good and everyone in the house eats it up (even Baby).  Do what she says and it will be great.  I use all bone in chicken thighs and because they give off a fair amount of fat, I find I can halve the butter in the recipe.  I also only use about half the marinade and save the rest to use on all sorts of stuff... put a dab on salmon and broil it... delicious!  FYI, I've tried this recipe with chicken breasts and it was meh... don't bother... thighs are so much better and really take on the flavors better.  Also, go crazy and make a lot, if you don't eat it all it makes fantastic curried chicken salad.  The sauce comes together really quickly and the chicken cooks pretty much hands off for an hour.  I can actually do this on a school night and it is pretty low stress.

I also made both THIS HONEY SOY CHICKEN (nearly identical method to the one above) and THESE PEANUT NOODLES for a dinner party the other weekend.  There were lots of kids and there was barely a piece of chicken left for the adults (I made two huge pans of drumsticks and thighs).  Both of these dishes were winners... the chicken is great hot or at room temp... so it made a great low key dinner party fare.  Mr F and Kid love the noodles (weirdly Baby does not...) but I've made some taste adjustments to the original recipe.  I halve the cider vinegar and up the lime juice and peanut butter.

Now, I also promised to write out our Tortellini Bake recipe.  It is another one of those recipes that is so easy it's embarrassing.  We had it for so many weeks in a row over the fall and winter and now that I want a picture... it's kind of too hot for me to want to make.  Ah well, I'll do a real write up with pictures whenever I make it again (think October!).  This is easy and obviously easily changed per your tastes.  We've changed it a bit over time.  Basically you need ground meat, onions & peppers, approx 1 lb good cheese tortellini (I prefer frozen for this since you'll be cooking it twice & I find they hold up better, my kind is 19 oz), 1 jar pasta sauce, and mozzarella & parmesan cheese.  See?  I'm already embarrassed just writing that out.  Mr F cannot eat red meat anymore (we're not sure why) so I make this with either ground turkey or Italian sausage.  If you go the turkey route and live in the US, for the love of God, get yourself the Italian seasoned Jennie-O turkey... it's VERY close to Italian sausage.  At this point I use that for almost everything.  If you aren't using that, you'll want to season your meat with minced garlic & onion, salt, pepper, & Italian seasoning.  

Here's the play by play:  Preheat your oven to 350 F.  Boil your water.  In a large saute pan brown up your meat (3/4 pound) and season if needed, once cooked through remove to a separate bowl.  Add 1 T olive oil to the pan and add a 1/2 sliced onion and 1 sliced bell pepper (or again use frozen, we always have this on hand).  Season with salt, pepper, and italian seasoning.  Add your tortellini to your pasta water and cook per package directions.  In a greased casserole dish spoon in about 1/2 C of good pasta sauce and spread over the bottom of the dish.  When your peppers and onions are looking awesome, turn off the heat but leave them in the pan.  Your tortellini should be finished, so drain and add to the peppers & onions.  Add the browned seasoned meat to the pan and add enough pasta sauce to thoroughly coat everything.  Dump the mixture into the casserole dish.  Top with grated mozzarella and parmesan cheese (I use about 1.5 C mozzarella & 1/4 C parm... it will depend on the size of your casserole dish).  Pop the casserole in the oven for about 20 minutes until the cheese is melted and bubbly.  This takes about 10-15 minutes of active cooking and then bakes for another 20. This can be changed to meet your tastes, omit the peppers & onions, add spinach, whatever... it all works.  

Toot Toot

Kid just got her IOWA test results back and guess who scored in the 99th percentile (in the nation)?!

Placing her not in 4th grade but the middle of high school.

"I didn't think I was smart."  She said, then stared adoringly at the test results.

I am SO proud of her.  She has had a lot of hardships to overcome and she has.

We are in awe of her fortitude.

(And a shout out to anyone with a delayed reader... fear not... she couldn't read until the end of 2nd grade.  So don't get stressed, give it time.)

Please...

Take a moment and get the Tornado app from the Red Cross (it is FREE).  You can put in multiple locations (home, work, school) so that you can monitor all your locations.  It will send you an alert if there is a severe weather warning and sound a siren if there is a tornado.  There is no location in the continental US that is safe from tornadoes.  There are an average of 1000 tornadoes PER YEAR in the US ( you read that right: ONE THOUSAND).  Yesterday, the Tornado app alerted me to a Severe Thunderstorm warning before the radio or the National Weather Service.

Also, you can sign up for severe weather text and email alerts from The Weather Channel (FREE).  If your phone is dead, etc, you will still get email updates so sign up for both!

Please take severe weather warnings seriously. Advanced warning is critical to survival.

My thoughts and prayers go out to all those families who have lost their children in the Oklahoma tornado.  I cannot begin to contemplate the horror of waiting through a search and rescue.  I hope survivors will still be found.


I will update this later with a list of simple things you can have on hand.  You can also search back on my blog to find a comprehensive list.

Only One Week Late

Mother's Day happened around these parts last Sunday.  It may have been the most successful and well celebrated day of honor-ment to date.

I think Baby's mad event planning skills had a little something to do with it.  She'd been asking me random culinary queries all week. "Do you like watermelon seeds?" She asked.  "Hmm... to eat?"  I inquired.  "Not usually."  I said gently.  At the end of the week she had complied an elaborate list of ingredients for a "Vengtable Soup"

 

Which was to feature chicken and tomato and also bananas (and lemon... which I do recommend)

  

People it was... not bad.

My favorite gift was Kid's hilarious card...

You may remember that last year while I celebrated Mother's Day with the girls, Mr F was on a trip to the fucking south of France.  You may also recall (probably not) that he had hidden the girls' gifts and didn't tell them where... which sent then into a state of anxiety fueled desperation on Mother's Day morning.  It was good times.

Kid also produced an icon Mother's Day gift at school...

Mr F tried to overcompensate for last year...

(I did leave the recipe up on my computer and it was delicious.)

Although, you should know that the rose... was 100% Baby's idea.  She is not messing around.

Much of the morning was spent in enforced bed confinement, as my girls are sure is my dream come true.  Especially when they are THIS close to my body...

All in all it was a great day.  The day actually felt long, which these days is a rare treat.

Kid even stayed up late watching The Dust Bowl with me.

 

Does it get better?!  Yes!  I was taking notes and simultaneously reading the early 1900s correspondence of a pan handle farmer.  It was good times, people.  Good, good, history loving nerdy times.  (Baby opted to go to bed)

Last but not least, is my old lady swing...

 I don't care what you say.  You are just jealous.

Things You've Missed...

Mr F looking like this:

 Baby throwing a fashion show with required judging.  She wrote out score cards and set them up on the piano bench.  Mr F joined in with a more techno savvy approach.

On May Day it was unseasonably hot out and Baby and I had our first picnic.  She is as into picnics as she is into tea parties.  I think it had actually snowed here just 4 days before this picture:

 Then we walked downtown for our first Dairy Queen of the season:

 A week later our yard was in full bloom. This has to have been the most breathtakingly beautiful spring I can ever remember.  Maybe the long winter helped, because everything bloomed at once.  Forsynthia, apples, cherries, red bud, crabs, lilacs, viburnum.  Our yard is spectacular and smells heavenly:

(this is the hill where the tornado hit and took out several big trees, 

one year later, 4 new crabs in full bloom to go with our big old one)

I Bet You Didn't See This Coming...

On Thursday, I was asked to be the Vice President of the Parent Teacher League.

A two year position with automatic promotion to President during the 2nd year.

I don't know whether to laugh or cry...

mostly both at the same time.















P.S. I do owe you the letter/principal meeting update (interesting and completely supportive FYI) & the recipes I promised!  I had another eye pain/migraine and then got sidetracked at a fucking MLM "party" for essential oils, a boy has proclaimed his love for Kid (and invited her to go golfing this summer?!  lol), and then the whole PTL thing happened... the week kind of got away from me.  

Behind Closed Doors

The other night while eating dinner, 

I was slightly disgusted at the way Kid was using her knife 

to shovel as much food as possible onto her fork.

"Jeez, what are you a Revolutionary War soldier eating in a tavern?"  

I said by way of reprimand.

Without blinking an eye, 

Kid raised her fist in the air and shouted out...

"Huzzah for George Washington!"

Then broke down into hysterical laughter.

I nearly spit out my food in honor of such

a perfect, well timed, brilliant comeback.

WARNING

This blog has been proven to be dangerously addictive to some readers.  Please be aware that as long as this blog is public, you may feel compelled to read it.

You Know What Is A Shame?

That my kid can't function in society...

Haters Gonna Hate

You know it's funny....  I thought about how controversial my FUCK YOU post would be to some sensitive readers.  Obviously, not everyone swears (although the vast majority do), but I think most people understand that they are said... and upon occasion they are repeated by children.  And if you don't take yourself to seriously, well, it is pretty damn funny when it happens.

Seeing as I hardly ever blog I find it reasonably amazing that anyone still reads it, so I thank you for the audience.  I am blown away that someone who vehemently disagrees with everything I say and do reads it.  But I guess that is a compliment of some sort.  I never did understand that impulse, I just couldn't fill my day looking for that kind of negativity.  

You know what Tony Robbins says... if you are having trouble with a relationship in your life, you should change your participation or change your perception.

So, considering that this is clearly an ongoing and vexing relationship (to you)... maybe stop reading? Mull it over.  Your readership has no effect on my day (especially as I wasn't aware of it), but it seems to really upset yours.  

But I can see the level of hate you feel toward me... it's very similar to how I feel about Adam Lanza... so I get it.  That seems like a perfectly reasonable amount of hate to have toward a stranger that has absolutely nothing to do with and no bearing on you or your life.  

The funny thing is... if you ever saw me and my kids at the park or the grocery store you would have a mad crush on us.  For real.  You don't know a family that is more kind, generous, and loving, with a desire and impulse to serve others and treat people with respect.  You just don't.

Now, I should be clear that I would NEVER let my children communicate in the way you have in these comments.  I'm raising them better than that.  But saying FUCK YOU in the car, by ourselves... yeah... I'm gonna laugh to myself... remind her that that isn't an appropriate word and move on.

Maybe you should, too?

At Least We're Modeling Appropriate Conflict Resolution Skills (Now With Disclaimer!!!)

"Hey we should go up to that guy and say...

'Fuck you!

I hate you!

If you cut down those trees...

I'm going to kill you!'"

Baby exclaimed,

as we drove past a tree service removing a tree

at an abandoned office complex.

Disclaimer:  I'm almost ALWAYS being sarcastic... the only way to misread my posts is to read them literally.  If you don't have a sense of humor and tend to read things as they are written, this isn't a good post for you.  

Conscientious Objector

"If she can't read your email and pick out the main points, why should I have to read this and pick out the main points?"  Kid queries during homework.

Good fucking question.

Letter To The Teacher... Read 'Em & Weep Style (Updated Version)

Dear Teacher,

My heart is heavy as I sit down to write this.  Please know that none of this is said lightly or without much consideration.

After the Civil War test, in February, we had several lengthy discussions.  I thought, that while tense and sometimes frustrating for both of us, we had come to an understanding.  You acknowledged that you have a defensive response when parents come in and challenge a grading question, but that you were willing to work on that.  You said that you were willing to thoughtfully reconsider, not immediately react and dismiss, a request for you to review a question we felt was unfairly graded.  You said that if we felt Ruby's answer showed equal understanding of the topic and was an accurate alternate response to the question, that you would reconsider how you had graded that answer.  Yet, the first opportunity you have had to do so, you chose to respond in the same defensive and dismissive manner as before.  Either you did not mean what you said, or you have forgotten your promise, or you have changed your mind.  We do not bring in Ruby's work to contest her grades every day, or every week, or every month.  There have been a very few number of times when we have felt that your grading of a certain question, due to the ambiguous wording of a test question, was not fair to the students because it was open to interpretation.  In those instances we have felt that it was important to contest those specific questions. 

We show you respect every single day when we send our daughter in to your classroom with her work diligently and thoughtfully completed.  We show you respect when she is well prepared for your tests. We show you respect by having our daughter show you respect in the classroom.

We do not feel that you show us the same level of respect.  This is not about one question or one grade.  This is about the way you communicate with us.  Shushing me, as you did more than once during our conversation about the Civil War test, or asking my husband if he understands the material is condescending and feels disrespectful to us as parents.  Insinuating, and verbalizing, your belief that this is "our" concern and problem, and that you don't believe Ruby is upset about her grades, is overstepping your bounds as her teacher and is inappropriate.  You do not have the knowledge of our family, or of Ruby's feelings and motivations, to pass that kind of judgment on us.  Taking Ruby aside, after our discussions with you, to reiterate why her answer is wrong and yours is in fact correct, after we have come in to challenge that, is undermining our authority as her parents.  I specifically asked you not to do that again, and made it clear that we felt that action was inappropriate.  We are incredibly disappointed that you felt you needed to assert yourself in that way with her again.  She feels uncomfortable and intimidated by you when you do, and is not comfortable standing up for herself.  We do not feel that she needs to, nor do we want her to.  I thought I had made that clear.  Please respect our parenting decisions.  If we come to you to discuss a grading question we are having that discussion with you, not Ruby.

This whole situation has been quite devastating to us as a family.  This has been an incredibly stressful year. I do not believe you have any idea how much stress your academic requirements and communication style have placed on our family and others.  I know of many parents who have given up, or let their year in your classroom go, but that is not our academic standard.  We have shown you the respect of doing our best work, but to do that Ruby has had to give up all free time and extracurriculars, family down time, and sibling play time.  As have we all.  This is not an isolated sacrifice, this disrupts our entire life from 4PM on.  She has easily 2 hours of homework on a typical night and if there is a test she will be studying from the time she gets home until bedtime.  Does that sound right to you? For a fourth grader to put in 5 hours of studying after a full day of school? It doesn't feel right to us.  It doesn't feel appropriate for a 10 year old, and yet I know she is hardly alone in this experience.  When she puts in the time it takes to do well in your class, with your grading standards, it seems only fair and just that you would show her effort and commitment the same level of respect when we come in to question your grading.  I think that is a reasonable request.  I think that is a respectful request.    

This year has been a very sad year for us, because we had looked forward to our daughters having a wonderful, nurturing, academic environment.  We had truly believed that St. Paul would provide that for them.  Despite an absolutely wonderful kindergarten experience, fourth grade has been so emotionally challenging that we are not sure we want to continue on at St. Paul.  It is a shame that this experience has been so unnecessarily trying. 

Why do you feel you need to be so unforgiving in your grading?  And I don't mean the few questions we have challenged... I mean your everyday grading.  You consistently mark off correct math answers for labeling that is not worded exactly the way you want, and we do not contest that. If we did, we'd be at it every single day.  It is defeating to a child, to spend a couple of hours carefully doing her work, to completely understand the topics and have correct answers, and still get those answers knocked down on some kind of technicality.  A technicality that changes every single day. Your expectations are not consistent, or clearly communicated. I read every single lesson, every single chapter of every book, every note in the notebooks, I do extra research online, and I still can't figure out what you are looking for.  How can you expect these children to? What constitutes a correct label in math seems to change at your whim. "Miles/hour" is the correct label one day, whereas "miles in an hour" is considered correct the next. It feels arbitrary, and at no time does it actually assess their mathematical understanding.  

I would really like to know what you feel this type of critical grading is instilling in these children?  What kind of effect do you expect for it to carry over onto their families?  It creates undue stress.  It does not cultivate a love of learning.  It doesn't even cultivate a better understanding of the material.  After 9 months, it has created an apathy in our daughter.  She doesn't even want to try anymore, or come to school in the morning.  What is the point in her putting this time and energy in? What is the point of the daily sacrifice we have had to make to our family time? It is a question we have had to ask ourselves nearly everyday. It is heartbreaking to watch your child study so long that they are mentally and physically exhausted.  It is heartbreaking to contemplate the few childhood hours she has left to play and enjoy her tender age... wasted night after night... for no valid academic reason.  Your academic demands are too high, and ironically don't even accurately measure their academic understanding.  They are higher than what is expected from the fifth grade in this same school.  It doesn't make sense. It isn't necessary. Why would you wish these children to lose any part of the joy they could be having as children?  If 20 spelling words a week is acceptable for fifth grade, why do you demand 25?  

We are paying for an education, and I don't feel that the type of education you are providing has been in Ruby's best interest.  She is learning something in your classroom, but it isn't the material. She is learning that she isn't good enough, that effort and understanding aren't enough.  She is learning that anything less than your particular day's definition of a "perfect" answer is worthless.  You are demanding a level of arbitrary perfection from the kids that is both unreasonable and undefinable. She is learning to hate school.  She is learning that learning itself is rewardless work and not a joy. Why can't learning be joyful in your classroom?  Why can't a correct math question just be left that way without you nitpicking how it is labeled? Why can't you give them that satisfaction?  I really don't understand. Why isn't correct enough?  Why isn't understanding the material the goal? Why aren't you building these children up, instead of tearing them down? I don't know you, and I do not know or understand your motivations.  I believe you are a well meaning woman, but it feels like you sometimes lose sight of the forest for the trees.

When I came in to challenge the Civil War test grade, you accused me of being a perfectionist; you have misjudged my motives. I don't need my daughter to have a perfect score or perfect grades, I care only that she does her best, and I beam with pride at the success she has had despite the hardships of your classroom. She is a truly amazing girl, and it is devastating to see what this year has done to her spirit. We come in, not to raise her grade, but to challenge your grading.  We come in to defend her effort, because she deserves that.  Her effort is, at minimum, worthy of that.   

I don't know where to go from here. This situation has had both my husband and I in tears.  How do we make the best decision for our daughter?  How do we show her respect for the work and sacrifice she has put in this year? How do we respectfully work with someone who has repeatedly shown that they are not interested in seeing someone else's point of view?  If you were in our shoes what would you do?  Would you show your child that even in the face of adversity you should stand up for your beliefs?  When you feel in your heart and mind that your cause is just and right, what would you do?  Would you show your child that no matter how difficult someone is to work with, that you keep trying? That is what we have chosen, but at what cost?  The stress of confronting you, and the disappointment at your continued rigidity and dismissal of our concerns, has created a family stress that is breaking us down.  Fourth grade shouldn't do this to families.  We have known tremendous stress as a family... life threatening childhood epilepsy, repeated eye surgeries, 4 job changes, 3 moves, witnessing an armed robbery, losing loved ones, car accidents, being hit by a tornado... we know stressful life events... and yet, this has been the most stressful year of our lives.  Your academic standards and rigid grading, even for a smart top performing student with parental support, has caused an unbearable amount of stress.  We may be alone in expressing this, but, sadly, I know we are not alone in feeling it. 

I don't know how this letter will be received.  We hope and pray that you are able to read it with an open heart and an open mind.  We have tried our best to work with you, and have tried to communicate openly and clearly with you about our concerns throughout the year.  Disappointingly, it has had no effect. We do not have a set outcome in mind in writing this; the truth is we are just exhausted and heartbroken.  Our only hope is that you might thoughtfully consider how your words and actions are perceived and experienced by others.  The next time we approach you, we pray that you might be willing to show us a little more empathy and a little less defensiveness.  We are just two parents who love our daughters and want what is best for them.

We wish you peace. 

Sincerely,

Mrs & Mr F

P.S. Suck it.

One stupid update, a bunch of depressing ones, followed by one insightful one... You are welcome

#1  I made some really fantastic french toast late Sunday night, and the girls and I have been reaping the rewards ever since.  Last week, I was talking with my friend who asked about our morning routine (because these things are infinitely fascinating, I know) and I said I make my girls a hot breakfast every single school day.  I also make Kid a hot lunch (or reheat one)... so I pretty much stand at the stove for 45 minutes every single morning.  BUT this is how I do it:  I try to take one day and pound out a huge batch of french toast, or muffins, or waffles, etc and freeze them so I can just reheat that portion of breakfast.  Kid has to go 4+ hours until she eats again, so I do try and make a pretty filling balanced breakfast.  I also, don't have to leave the house when they do, so I don't have to take time out to get myself dressed which makes all this possible.  I get up first and then wake up the kids & Mr F.  They have 35 minutes to get dressed and eat and get in the car.  Because they have to leave so early in the AM we try to keep them sleeping until the last minute possible.  My kids do not do any chores or anything like that in the morning.  Their clothes are laid out (we have no time to spare), they get dressed, eat, brush teeth & hair and walk out the door.  All backpacks are checked and stuffed the night before.


#2  Fascinating, right?!!!


#3  I still have terrible migraines.  One reason I don't blog as much, is because I spend about 200 hours a month in intense pain with extreme light sensitivity which makes looking at a computer excruciating.  In the past year my migraines have changed (not for the better!!!) and now involve my eyes for extended periods (days) on either side of the 4 migraines I typically get each month.  My light sensitivity has intensified and now also includes sporadic partial blindness in my left eye (fun!  and yes, they've been checked it is neurological) and just an overall intense eye pressure that is omnipresent during these episodes.  I can no longer drive at night (or even ride in a car at night) without crazy eye pain from my light sensitivity... that is EVERY day.  Typically, any kind of big light disparity (TV in dark room.... to my horror I discovered movie theaters are now out for me... headlights at night... etc) causes excruciating eye pain.  So, yeah, it's a problem.  I have to live with it every day and there isn't anything I can do.  So there is that.


#4  All of this kind of plays into the depression I was mentioning the other day.  Obviously.  It's kind of depressing to have to live with pain all the time.... and when it is your eyes... it is impossible to avoid.  I can't just try to avoid using them or favor one leg over another type solutions... and the worst part is I can't sleep when they hurt.  At all.  Which is not helping with any part of my life.


#5  God, this all sounds terrible.  See? That's why I try not to blog about it.


#6  The really depressing part is that I'm know that it isn't going away until menopause (if I'm lucky) and, people, that's quite a few years off.  That's depressing... let's not think about it.


#7  Plus, the migraines make me act like an angry drunk for about 2 hours before the pain hits... I am usually a very patient parent, and I HATE that I can't control this and that my kids have to witness it.  We all know what is going on, and I always apologize, but it is the worst part of all of this.  I can take the pain, I just can't take that I lose my cool with my kids.  It isn't fair to them... it isn't in keeping with my character and so it is hard and confusing for them when I have such a sudden mood change.  (And, no, I can't help it, or predict it, or stop it)  Unfortunately, due to the timing of my migraines this moodiness is ALWAYS when Mr F is at work, so I can't just excuse myself to my room.  I tend to shame myself over this a lot.  It is hard.


#8  Try to stick to any kind of eating or workout regime with this level of shit going on in your brain.  It has been impossible.  I might have a great day and workout and think "I'm back on this!"  only to wake up the next day completely lethargic and get sidelined by a migraine for 3 days.  It just keeps knocking the wind out of my sails and while, YES, I know if I could stick with it, regular exercise might actually help... try that when your brain is trying to explode your skull and making you dry heave and making you blind in one eye.  It is kind of a deterrent.  So, the slowly converting to fat over the past two years is frustrating and makes me mad at myself but I'm battling something bigger than will power this time around.  I really yearn to be back where I was, physically before we moved here... before the migraines... and I can be very hard on myself (a theme).  I tell myself that I'm just sabotaging myself (and sure that plays a role), but the real deal is, I live with chronic migraines and it is debilitating.


#9  So, long story short.... I do what I need to do:  cook, shop, clean, errand, drive, take Baby to extracurriculars, help with homework, tutor the Korean friend, cram for over the top tests, read to the girls, keep up on current events, pay the taxes, manage the bills, pick out outfits and do hair, stain treat, fight the teacher, take the girls on vacation, pull weeds, never with any help or babysitters (ever)... you know... I do everything I need to.... I just can't also have 15% body fat .... and maybe the thing I need to stop beating myself up about... is that.  You know?  Maybe being middle aged and average weight is good enough.  Why does that one thing mean more than everything else I do manage to do?


#10  So, yeah, the 5:2 fast diet, which was successful while I did it, is over.  I just don't want to exert judgment about my worth based on how well I am losing (or gaining) weight.  I mean I'm functioning... truthfully in many arenas I still over function... despite chronic pain and I'm sick of having one thing I am not doing negate all that.  So fuck you, society.  If I have an extra hour in the morning (which is rare) I need SLEEP (desperately) and I need to not have that be a decision that implies failure.


#11 And now I will take a shower and judge myself for not working out (some habits are hard to break).

Umm... Thanks.

"Mommy,

one time when we were sleeping together,

because I was sick or something,

I thought you were a crazy hobo.

I was like, "Who's that?!?!'"