Saturday, December 26, 2009

I'm Leaving On A Jet Plane

The girls and I are headed up to the great north woods.

I'd take you all with me, you know I would, but my hands will be very full trying to juggle the girls and their dolls (yes Kaya has slowly seeped into Kid's heart), all while helping them up the dangerously steep airplane steps in the slush and ice (don't you just love small airports?).

I also look forward to having to deal with the snow boots, and coats, stroller and carseat.... in and out of security... all by myself. I love, love, love how helpful they always are to us traveling moms with multiple kids underfoot. Always so helpful. If we're lucky we'll get searched (it's happened).

Oh and small airport = small plane = not all sitting together = extreme fun when one child is a maniac and one has social anxiety.

It will all be worth it.... right?!

I'll update from my mom's when I get a chance.

Friday, December 25, 2009

Merry Christmas To You Too... AKA... Oh No She Didn't

Upon seeing her stocking Kid jumped for joy and squealed a bit..

Then she saw her sister's loot...

"Santa made a mistake." Kid says in complete seriousness.

Let's see...
Kid got an American Girl doll complete with habitat.
Baby got a $15 animatronic baby doll and a box of sugar cereal.


Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Oh and...

Mr F had a phone call today.

We should know a final answer by mid-January.

It's only been 5 freaking months.

Watch Out... I'm Having Deep Thoughts Again

I'm still working my way through that happiness book. I actually think the fact that I can only manage to find time enough to squeeze out a few pages a day has been a positive. It's allowed me to really sink into it and savor it's messages bit by thought provoking bit.

I have had lots of "Ah ha" moments and "Amen to that"s.

But mostly it has helped to THINK about what the hell I'm doing to myself.

Last week the mother of a baby (THE baby I was supposed to watch initially) informed me that she's dropping him off the Tuesday we get back from vacation.

Informed me.

Just flat out assumed that I am, now, watching her baby full time.

And because I'm me, and mortally flawed, I didn't say anything.

I didn't say "I'm full", "Let me think about it", "How much are you going to pay me?"

No. I said "alright".

And then I went home and contemplated the panic attack I wanted to have. Three infants?! I cannot do it. I don't want to do it. I DON'T NEED TO DO IT.

What the fuck is my fucking problem?!

Why am I so concerned about disappointing/inconveniencing other people? Why am I so willing to throw myself under the bus?!

This is what I said to Mr F "I guess I can do anything if I just take it one day at a time."

Yes, I guess I can. But the point is I DON'T NEED TO DO IT. It is going to make me stressed and tired and incapable of spending any quality time with Baby. For a few more dollars a day.

I'd rather go back to skimping on groceries and making my own bread.

I'd rather go back to one gallon of milk a week.

Why can't I ever protect my own interests?

Why do I find the fear that I may disappoint someone (strong emphasis on may) so overwhelming that I will hurt myself rather than risk it?

Because let me make it clear... I do not have the energy or time resources to care for 3 infants and a couple of toddlers by myself. I just don't. I could do it... I could live through the eight hours. But I will suffer for it.

And my family will suffer.

I'm not living my best life.

I'm not living the best life I can live under the present circumstances even. I'm actively (or inactively) choosing to live my worst life under the present circumstances.

What is up with that?

I keep telling myself that it will be over soon. I'll set a limit and stop watching these kids in June. But, really, will I? If I can't say no to a single one of their request now... will I actually set a limit in June? And what of these next six months? Am I willing to just "live through" it? For what purpose? I'm staying home with my girls because I believe that is important... and, now, I'm home but not able to meet their needs. For what? A hundred or so dollars a week? It doesn't even make a financial impact... and certainly not one worth the time and energy drain.

I do this stuff, to different levels, to myself all the time.

I have very simple goals for my life. Very simple, readily attainable, things bring me happiness.

Spending time with my girls. Having time and energy for creative pursuits. For reading.

I can have all those things. I can't live a life without hardships, but I can live a life that is filled with nuggets of joy DAILY.

And I don't.

Not because I can't.

But because it is easier for me to say "Yes" than it is to say "No".

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

It's A Video-palooza Day

Now I'm off to help the girls roll beeswax candles...

And really, people, a craft could not be easier than this. You can buy all the stuff you need at AC Moore (not at Michael's). Get some plain beeswax sheets and wick and roll those babies up (ours are not from AC but from an online source so it was cheaper... but you're out of time for that now!). Each sheet will make two candles. Two pillars or two tapers depending on how you cut it. Buy some colored wax and use small cookie cutters to cut shapes out. The kids can roll the candles and stick the cut outs on. Very easy. Baby even did it.

Proof That She Doesn't Always Wear PJs

Monday, December 21, 2009


I just went to the post office and feel like I practically risked my life to do it.

The house is TRASHED after 4 days of being mostly shut in, toys and snow pants fighting for dominance on the living room rug, fire making mess by the kind-of-doesn't-really-work wood stove, wrapping mess around the tree, baking mess in the kitchen, packing peanuts forming a cushy path between the two...

The last several days have been focused on survival basics like heat and food and not so much on getting ahead on my Christmas list of to dos. I was able to get some of my gift box baking done yesterday but still had some to finish up, as well as packaging, and boxing up today. When I woke up this morning I knew I had to put a serious move on if I was going to get it all done and in the mail with even a remote chance of making it in time for Christmas.

And I did. I got 6 boxes packed and boxed appropriately and juggled into and out of the post office (with rowdy stragglers entail).

First let me refer you to last year's POST. Sadly, due to my time constraints, and sheer exhaustion, I wasn't able to turn out the same level of Christmas box.

This year I used packing peanuts instead of freshly popped popcorn (GASP!).

No music.

No cloved oranges.

In short, this year I was a helluva lot more approachable. So if you wake up everyday wondering how you can live up to my level of awesomeness.. well... this year is for you.

This year I made my Iced Sugar Cookies...

note my all white theme. Lazy or brilliant... you decide (I vote lazy & brilliant). I'm pretending it's an ode to our recent snow storm. The truth is white icing vs multiple shades of icing... is ten times less work.

I made my Gingersnaps...

And instead of Caramel Corn & Dipped Candy Cane Oreos, I made what my mother calls Cake Balls.

Now I can't say "cake balls" without feeling a little "Miss Jackson" if you catch my drift.

So I have renamed them..
"Triple Chocolate Cake Bites"

Here is how you make them (since I know someone will ask): One box cake mix (any flavor) baked as directed in a 9x13 pan. While hot break up into crumbs with two forks. Add a container of prepared icing (any flavor) and mix thoroughly. Chill. Using a spoon and your hands roll Tablespoonfuls of your mixture into balls. Place on cookie sheet and chill. Melt chocolate (any flavor) and dip balls into chocolate to coat. Place back on cookie sheet (sprinkle with toppings while still wet!) and let chocolate set before packaging.
I packaged them a couple of ways. I set each one in a mini muffin liner and placed them in the bottom of egg cartons, or for my brother's brood in this covered peanut tin. While I'm loving the look... I'm not sure anything can top the egg carton for shipping purposes... and seriously... how cute is the half and egg carton?! I got that idea somewhere on the internets but can't remember where. So thanks random crafty person!

FYI that is my wrapping paper for this year (love it) and I got it at (where else?) Target.

Now, I am going to warn you that I found the cake bites to be pretty labor intensive. The dipped cookies were MUCH faster to make. But one pan of cake makes about 80 cake bites so maybe it's worth it. They are very rich and truffle like. I used devil's food cake and dark fudge icing. I coated them in white chocolate, milk chocolate,and dark chocolate. I sprinkled some with sprinkles, some with crushed candy cane, and left some plain. They definitely taste better "the next day" once they have set more. So these are potentially great for gift giving.

The rest of the recipes can be found HERE.

That's all folks!

I'm off to try and take a breath and force the kids to watch Hallmark Channel Christmas movies.

Praise The Lord

My internet is back!!!

Now if only our furnace would stay lit....

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Super Short Update

We woke up to a cold house again this morning. We hadn't lost power again, that we know of, but sometime in the night our furnace shut off. Thankfully we still have electricity and could plug in our portable heaters. We still don't have our cable phone or internet service back (I just purchased 1 hour off a wireless site... that I only have an intermittent connection with... so I could check our email and access my Christmas cookie recipes). Thank God we have DirecTV ;)

Mr F ran to the store to get tuna, bread, & sugar (can't wait for that phone call... yes our cells still work). I hesitate to buy much more than our day's necessities in case we end up having to pack up and stay elsewhere. Hopefully the neighborhood burger joint is open and we can walk up there for dinner.

If our power stays on I'm planning to have a big baking day and, if I can get my car out tomorrow, ship off my Christmas boxes on Monday. I'm kind of getting down to the wire on those...

That's all folks. Not exactly the weekend I had been hoping for, but it has been an adventure.
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