Saturday, February 22, 2014

I Can't Come Up With A Single Reason

why we shouldn't sell everything and buy this little farmhouse Up North:
and throw weddings in the barn:

Friday, February 21, 2014

So, I'm Thinking A Lot About...

#1 Downsizing.  Why do we live in this house, when 99.5% of the time we are all crammed in the two smallest rooms of the house?

#2 Whether I should just drive a snow plow as my car.

#3 I really regret plowing through all the Miss Fisher Murder Mysteries episodes.  I mourn for them now.  Check 'em out, folks.  So entertaining.

#4 Moving to a remote fishing village in a house that is 1/3 of the size of my current home, with absolutely no storage or job prospects.  How could that possibly go wrong?

#5 How I can pull off taking the girls around Europe for a summer.  Maybe next year?  Or the next?  All that saved tuition money should cover it.  And we already have the passports.

#6  Maybe we could find a remote fishing village in Europe. The best of both worlds.  Plus, they have the snowsuits.

#7 How much I miss being able to watch House Hunters International!  HGTV never updates the episodes online. I would almost check into a hotel for one night just to watch a HHI marathon.

Thursday, February 20, 2014

Family Legacies

"You know who taught me how to do this?"  
Baby asked while expertly threading a needle.
(a skill I had no idea she possessed)

"Uncle Donald!"  She revealed.

hmm... who knew?  

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Things You Missed: Valentine's Day Edition

Because I'm feeling kind of weird & shitty tonight.  I almost burst into tears on my way to PTL for absolutely no reason which is 100% BIZARRE (and I'm serious.... I'm not one to be out of touch with my feelings as you have probably picked up on).  The last time that happened I had mastitis... and... that certainly is not the cause this time!  But maybe I have an eye infection?!  (No, I didn't call the doctor...)

So let's forget all that and hit the rewind button.

It is Friday, February the 14th.

And, this year, I was so into Valentine's Day it could blow your mind...

 Yep, I did it.  
For breakfast.  
Your mind has been blown.
 Heart shaped donuts & Strawberry yogurt parfaits for breakfast.  
For the love of god... I've been looking for those for years.

 Please, with the card garland.... am I right?!?!  100% awesome.  
One of the best crafts I've ever made.
I'm in love with it.
 After farming the kids off to school, guess who spent the entire day 
hand stitching giant felt envelopes?!  
That's right, I took it all the way, my friends.  
And by all the way I mean I spent the day in bed with my cats watching PBS.
 Check it.
In coming!
Another awesome craft come to life.
Bonus: next year I don't have to make a thing.

 And if you are wondering how the covert Valentine's Day operation went... 
well that could be its own post... but it worked.  
And it was the best rule I ever broke.

 Because instead of this...

I'm pretty sure Baby would have killed herself when she came home and watched Kid 
sort her giant class Valentine's Day stash.

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

So Basically The Worst Thing In The World Happened To Me

So imagine you are home with three kids (no adults) and at midnight, 
because your daughter is having a sleepover and they are still giggling...
You enter their pitch black room and go by memory 
to the fan on the floor to switch it on to block their noise...
And in the dark you bend down...
But you have no idea 
that a music stand has been moved right next to the fan.
And it is black.
And the room is dark.

 And then it is too late.  
All you see is a sharp explosion of green light
and feel an unbelievable pain 
and you know...  
This Is It. 
You don't have any idea what has happened.  
But you are pretty sure you are blind.
I mean, seriously, what are the chances that I would hit 
that protruding piece of metal
with my fucking eye?!?!?!  

I ran from the room, not sure if I even had my eye in my head.

I am not KIDDING.  

It was that horrific.  

Here I am, maybe blind or going blind... 

with no one to stay with the kids and no one to drive me to the ER.  

I mean, we are talking worst case scenario.  

Except thankfully it wasn't.  

Because my eye was still in its socket.  

It was still a long and frightening night for me, I'm not going to lie.
I had no one but an 11 year old to check my eye for me.
And she hasn't seen enough Grey's Anatomy to be of any use.

I was in so much pain coupled with badly blurred vision
and a strange burning sensation, 
that I wasn't sure if I was going to wake up blind
or in a pool of blood.

For real.

I wish I was just being dramatic for the fun of it.
But, really, I was scared out of my mind.

And also feeling pretty trapped & alone here
and hoping that this would turn out alright.
(as in not needing a glass eye)

Fortunately (and I do mean FORTUNATELY)
I impaled my eye at the top of my eyeball
right at the edge of my eye socket
where my eyelid was folded up.
So the metal stabbed in through my eyelid.  
Just one tiniest fraction of a millimeter down
and it would have pierced my eyeball.  

And then where would I be??!!  

For the love, people?!! 

Did you forget how random and bizarre my life is????!

The good news is that despite a sizable amount of pain and eye strain, 
my vision is almost back to normal.  

And, yes, I'm calling my eye doctor tomorrow.

Mr F just got home.

Monday, February 17, 2014


At the car dealership children's waiting room.

Which proves that I am either psychic or a damn fine detective.

Or both.

I'm going with both.

I had a strong hunch the car dealership played into this, but felt somewhat foolish following that lead, because it would have taken rather extraordinary circumstances to transplant my glove from my friend's foyer to the dealer.  

But as you can see above... that is EXACTLY what happened.

Now here is the play by play:

Because it is riveting... no?

All through dinner my friend's husband was GLUED to this livestream of people kissing cars in one of those last man standing wins the car contests.  (or in this case only a measly 2 year lease... which is lame.)

I mean he was into it.  

I do not know why.

At around 8:30, I suggested he just drive down to the dealer and check it out live and in person.  

We live in a ridiculously small town, so this is literally a 2 minute drive.

And he decided he would and he'd take his son... and I was all...


I was thinking my friend and I could use the 1/2 hour to gossip.

But, because we are moms, we spent the entire time hovering over the livestream on the iPad with our iPhones ready to snap any pics of the kids.  FOR AN HOUR.  Because apparently 1/2 hour wasn't enough live and in person with this kind of fast paced (not) drama unfolding.

Kid was not about to be caught dead at this event, but Baby was in it to win it... photo bomb style.

FYI, people, they are still kissing the car (it has been days).

I know, because we had to go back there in my effort to leave no stone unturned during my glove search before working up the courage to break-in to my friend's house and toss it while they were at work! (kidding, lindalou)

So, anyway, the glove timeline...

I had blocked their garage and I needed to move my car so he could pull out.  I thought about how damn cold it was outside but decided NOT to put on my gloves (which I instantly regretted, by the way).

I went out the front door and moved my car.  

I grabbed Baby's booster and installed it in his car.  

Came in the house through their garage.

Took off my shoes in their laundry room.

Called the girls to get their coats on.

Zipped Baby up.

Watched them on the livestream.  

Saw a picture my friend's husband took of them in the children's waiting room WITHOUT their coats on (or boots for that matter... he was obviously planning to stay for awhile).

They came home.  

We got ready to go.

Only one glove.

Inner freakout begins.

Of course, it was colder than Hell during my 2 minute drive home with only one glove to protect me from my steering wheel that might as well have been carved from a block of ice.

Which gave me ample time to ponder how much I loved that missing glove.

And mourn it's loss.

So, today to be extra EXTRA sure I hadn't misplaced it, I went back to the grocery store I had gone to right before the dinner... 

Even though both Kid & I distinctly remembered my wearing both into their house.

They had 40 black leather gloves, but mine was not one of them.

This was both crushing and highly validating.

I mean, at the end of the day, I don't want to have made my friend look for a glove I didn't even bring to her house.

(It's the whole... I lost an earring at the Sistine Chapel... only to discover I only put one earring in that morning and it was still at the hotel... all over again, right mom?)

I told Kid I was thinking of going to the dealership and she was all...
"It is definitely not there."

So I drove by.

But later I couldn't let it go and decided I need to check.

So we went back and traced their steps.

And there it was in the waiting room.

Obviously, it had gotten zipped up in a kid's coat and then fell out when they removed it.

Can you believe I just recounted all this for you?!?!?!!?!???

Sadly, yes, you probably can.

Sunday, February 16, 2014

Forgive me people... I'm just trying to keep my promise... I never said it would always be worth reading!

This has been a long week with Mr F gone out of town, and a holiday, a basketball game, homework & the two kids-two schools-same time-one driver issues.

I was really looking forward to this weekend because both kids have off of school on Monday and Tuesday & I just desperately wanted NOTHING to do.  It was kind of the carrot that got my through the week.

Of course, my thoughtful friends here in town were convinced that we would be desperate to get out of the house and invited us to come over for dinner last night.  And, can you say no?...  I can't.  So instead of relaxing I made 7 dozen chocolate chip cookies and headed to the grocery store to get some six pack of something to bring.

(Where, FYI, they did not card me.  I had already dug my license out like an old fool.  That's always demoralizing... It could drive you to drink.)

And while, ultimately, we did all enjoy the company.... I was tired and at some point during the in or out of their house I lost one of my favorite gloves.  A leather, cashmere lined glove, no less, that actually fits my hand (which having child sized hands is extremely hard to find!) that I got on crazy sale 11 years ago and I cannot afford to replace (if I could even find a replacement)... making the loss all the more upsetting.

So, my question is... how many times can I ask them to look for it?  Because it is 100% at their house.  In fact, it is 100% in the entryway of their house (unless their cat retrieved it).  I've asked twice.  Once on my way out, and once today.  No dice.  I kind of think I'm at my limit, right?  Sob.

So, in my grief, we stayed in our PJs all day and watched back episodes of The Bachelor.

What else could we do?

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