Hold On To Your Hats

If you are not already in love with Baby,

After this, you should be.

Backstory:  Kid had a sleepover at a friend's house last night.  Sleepovers are pretty much always a recipe for disaster for our weekend. She has a REALLY hard time sleeping (I mean, I actually have to pack her a sleeping pill).  So when she came home this morning, I was expecting the worst.  She was in a strangely good mood.  (Like a drunk person)  When I found out she had 6 hours of sleep, I knew the shit would hit the fan at some point.  And at 6 PM it definitely did.

After awhile, I said to Baby, "She's pretty mad at me, what do you think I should do?"  And she said "Give her a present."  And I said "I don't have anything to give her."  And she said excitedly, "Don't worry, I do! I just need a small pink box!"

About 15 minutes later she had assembled the cutest box.

"It's perfect for girls her age."  Baby assured me.

What was in it?

Hmm...

an acne wipe in a plastic bag

and a panty liner

Oh my god, I wanted to laugh so hard.  I cannot even tell you.

But I was kind of scared of how it would be received,
considering Kid's mood.

In the end, I decided the pure good hearted adorableness of her creating 

a puberty emergency kit was too much for me to squash.

Then she ran out and came back and added this:

"Oh, that's a good idea because sometimes they crave chocolate."  I said.

"That's what I thought."  Baby replied sagely.

Then she wrapped it up and wrote a note:

"I wrote it in my best adult handwriting" She said,

 and handed it to me to give to Kid.

 Here she is confessing that she really put it together:

And I have to say, Baby was right.  This was the perfect gift.  

Even a grumpy sleep deprived hormonal preteen couldn't deny its charm.  

Afternoon Tea

So, despite not feeling 100%, I rallied and pulled this spread off 

for Baby's first school friend play date (at our house).  

 We do want them to come back, afterall...

Rest assured it went over very well.  

Food Poisoning...

Return to Sender

Hands down the best part of my day was opening up Baby's snack bag and finding this:

The Weather God Has Been Revlead

Tonight's main feature: The dreaded test review.

Which may or may not have included

both threats of bodily harm (did not) and tears (did).

But, as per the norm, the test stress really got my creative juices flowing,

absurdist rhyme style:



"Kris Krangle"
A nonsense verse, by  yours truly.
(Also soon to be its own Wikipedia page, as requested by Kid, outlining the mythology of this heretofore unknown weather god.)  

Little children let me take you by the hand,

As you wonder about the mysteries of this land.

Many teachers are as flighty as a feather

When they are teaching about the weather.

They may claim the Earth's tilt and the Sun's rays angle

But they've got the facts quite in a tangle.

The weather is not brought by tilt or angle, 

By jove, it is me, Sir Kris Krangle!

Just know that after about 20 minutes of hysterical laughing,

And the chanting of "It's not the tilt or angle, it is Kris Krangle!!"

The Earth's tilt and the angle of the Sun's rays affect on the weather

has been pretty firmly planted in her head.

Mission Accomplished.

Top O' The Mornin' To Ya'

Aw yeah... St Patrick's Day happened.

And while, Mr F & I are not beer drinkers,

We can throw back some serious Lucky Charms...

So, when it comes to a holiday centered around

a giant Family Sized box of sugar cereal

It is on like Donkey Kong!

 Partly, because I forgot to get a full selection of rainbow colored streamers... and had to use last years scraps... we went for a different approach from last year.  Basically the Leprechauns tossed the joint leaving rolos, green balloons, and their hats in their wake.  

This was a pretty low stress holiday prep...

Knock over the furniture and sprinkle balloons 

and chocolate on the floor.  

Even a drunk person could do it.

 The remnants of streamers were just enough to drop out of the ceiling as the "end of the rainbow" and into the pot of rolos gold.  

 The Leprechauns also worked some crazy mischievous magic on the dining room chairs (because I had green masking tape and an entire package of green balloons (why?!) in the craft closet.

They also messed with the dish towels to show that real Leprechauns are doing this stuff... right?... why would we mess up our own dish towels?  (They totally fell for it... what are they?! Children?!!)

 

Dyed the milk green.  We've been doing this long enough to have learned the hard lesson that Kid will not drink milk that has been suspiciously tempered with (actually, a positive now that I think about it... hmm... what does that say about Baby?!) So we've been working two gallons.  Pulling the old dramatic "Ha Ha, we tricked those Leprechauns... they didn't even see our secret 2nd gallon!" when I open the fridge (again, the kids totally buy into it.... this is why you really should warn your kids about strangers with bags of candy or lost puppies... geez... they will fall for ANYTHING.)

 Oh, if you are wondering about the candle... that is a piece of our birthday ring.  I love that thing, and use it for pretty much every holiday imaginable.

 She's not afraid of drinking tainted milk or wearing mismatched quadruple green.  She also ate a rolo before she sat at the table for breakfast. When I caught her, I said "Who said you could have that?"  And she said "No one said I could; no one said I couldn't." Okay, then.  Case Dismissed.

 Please note that Baby still has to get all geared up like that for school.  Single digits, people.  

But check out that sunrise... not too shabby.  

It's too bad my eye balls were freezing into ice cubes while I was standing there.

And with that, I bid you goodnight.

Although, I suspect the party's just starting for a lot of you.

Happy St. Patty's Day!

Success

The Furious clan had a super successful weekend, all around.

Nothing particularly amazing happened, but it was the perfect combination of productivity and relaxation.

But even better than that, is that after a fairly long plateau weight-loss wise I dropped 2 pounds this week.  I'm now in the final zone.  I've broken through a barrier.

I even bought white shorts:

Which is, well, an unprecedented move on my part.
And, bonus, they didn't look terrible.

Which made me think, I should try on the Mexican wedding (guest!!) dress again...

And Mr F was like, "It kind of looks weird on top, do you have a push-up bra?"

Well, I don't know if I've been clear with all of you, all these years, but I specialize in the self maintenance efforts of a 9 year old boy.  Really.  I wore the same EXACT outfit last week for 5/7 days (I did wash it a few times, to be clear). But if it ain't broke, why fix it?  That's what I always say.

Speaking of which, one day Mr F came home and (because he's trying to improve himself and subsequently our marriage) he threw out a compliment.

It went like this:

"You look really good in that outfit."

And I said:

"Then you are in luck, because I'll be looking this good again tomorrow."

And then we laughed.

So, yeah, long story short, I don't have a push-up bra.

I should also say, that when I tried the dress on with the bejeweled gladiator sandals I bought for the wedding, Mr F said:

"Did you bring those home as a joke?"

And, people, he was completely serious.

Um, no, I didn't buy shoes and bring them home to try on as a joke.  WTF?

Thanks, though...

(obviously he needs to get back to his self improvement efforts...)

Where is this story going?!

Okay.  The reality is the dress is too big in the boobs.  Fact.  It always was a little, but it is clearly too big, now.  Do I want to pay $45 to tailor a $100 dress I ordered on Zappos?!  I do not.

So I thought, you know, you'll probably be extremely disappointed but maybe today is the day to try on the special dream dress I was given 8 years ago & then never fit into after having kids until one fateful day at my very best of weights when I tried it on and it fit in 2008:

And I felt amazing!!  I was so proud of myself.

But I never had anywhere to wear it.

And then I got fatter... boo.

So, I was a little scared to try,

seeing as I'm still about 8 pounds away from that weight

But, with some Herculean strength

Mr F zipped that baby up:

And, Mexico, here I come!