Friday, November 12, 2010

So Apparently...

Saying you need to see a therapist is a conversation killer.


Oh well. There is no shame in my game.

I did get in touch with her and we can catch up in two weeks. Which times out to be after Kid's conference, so I'll be able to paint the most thorough picture I can of the situation. Side bonus, she frequently works in the Ann Arbor public schools, so she'll know if what is going on with Kid's teacher is par for the course or just plain wiggity whack. I'll really appreciate getting that insight as we move forward. She was also invaluable to me last year when I needed some help assessing Kid's OCD ticks, so I'll be looking forward to her guidance in that arena as well.

On to other things....

I just love our yard! Our house is set up into a hill, so that from every window you see tree tops. It is so uplifting to look out at all those trees every day. From our big family room, which is lined with windows on three sides, you feel like you are sitting in a tree house. 

(bad pictures, but that's just the view I have from our kitchen counter... and it still kicks ass)

Look even Mr F thinks so... I just looked up and saw him walking along our roof. If our yard is good enough background for one of his fancy car photos... I guess that's saying something.

(He's got some kind of Audi convertible today, if you are wondering. I can't tell if it's that 180K one or not ... yes for real... isn't that completely insane?)

And it's such a nice confirmation of our move.  Honestly, people, there has not been one moment of regret.  Even with the whole school debacle, this was the right move, at the right time, to the right place.

The entire time we were in West Asheville our surroundings really depressed me. As a stay at home mother, what I can see from my windows has a profound effect on my spirits. I spent a lot of time bemoaning the abandoned gas stations, the non-stop out of control barking dogs, and the general shitty-ness of our old neighborhood (especially considering the price!). Sometimes I wondered if I was making it up... could it really be that bad? Yes, my friends, yes it was. There is not a single part of our town that bears any resemblance to that, not even on the "other side of the tracks". When we walk around, it charms me and cheers me up. Your environment really does matter. And, hell... at just about half the price... we're feeling very lucky indeed.

So that's my take away house hunting tip for you. How nice your house is matters, of course... but most of that you can fix and improve upon if you want to. What you have to look at matters too... and most of that will be outside of your control. Take some time to look out of the windows before you buy! A super charming house will still suck your soul out if you have to look at your neighbors garbage every morning from the kitchen sink. I gained a new perspective on that this time around. We saw a beautiful, big, stone craftsman, and it was hard to not want to love that house... but... I really paid attention to what was out the windows... and it wasn't pretty... and it wasn't going to change anytime soon. So we moved on. And I'm glad we did.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

That Explains A Lot

I noticed something interesting this morning.

I think it's a key to what has been going on for me lately.

Try as I might to get myself on track, I just have not had the motivation to workout.

Which is very different than my usual self determination.

I am really not one to sit and live with a problem.

I am by nature a problem solver.

#1 Last week Kid had a pretty good week at school.
Socially things started to turn around.
So, academically, I still have my questions (serious ones)... but we can live through that.

#2 Last weekend I worked out for the first time since living here.
Then I worked out EVERY SINGLE MORNING since then.
I felt like I was suddenly back to the old me.

#3 At the breakfast table Kid told me about being reprimanded for day dreaming. Then she revealed that she isn't allowed to take snack time if she isn't done with her "morning work"... then has to eat snack during recess... thereby destroying what social success she has made, since she can't play with the other kids.

#4 Kid goes to school, and instead of gearing up to workout, I decide I need a rest day.

#5 Recognize a familiar feeling.

#6 Realize that ALL ALONG the stress I'm feeling about Kid's school situation is what has been keeping me from working out. It has been sucking my soul out and draining all my energy... leaving me... not depressed... but well drained... and stressed. And I only have so much energy to expend outside of regular daily activities... and if I feel I need to be dealing/worried about Kid and what to do next... that pretty much uses it up. And I just do not have the energy to worry about Kid 24/7 and also workout.* I just don't. I'm not a superhuman.

#7 Call my old therapist to get myself back in her schedule... since I clearly need a safe place to let this stuff out. I need a place where I can work on my feelings, and sort out what feelings are my old injuries, and what are justified in this situation. I need help assessing my motivations and keeping them in check with what is best for Kid. I need help making a smart, viable plan for how to fix what is going on. Sometimes you need an outside person to reflect your feelings off of. This is one of those times.

#8 Immediately feel like working out.

*Which is saying a lot about how much stress I am under. Even during the intense seizure watch times, during our house selling in Asheville... I still worked out. This is different. This time I don't *know* what the right answer is... and it's killing me. I second guess myself and my motivations and the school and Kid EVERY SINGLE DAY... multiple times a day. This isn't a cut and dry situation with a clear solution.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

It's Over

We finished LOST last night.

We pretty much cried continuously for an hour and half, muttering...

"What does it mean? What does it mean?!"*

And I'm still processing what the hell it means.

I mean I get the obvious... but...

Why did Penny & Juliet get to be there?!

What does it mean?!!! What does it mean?

*Special nod to SuperDad for introducing me to that, now, commonly used Furious household phrase.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Same Story, Different Year

The time change is kicking my ass.

You'd think gaining an hour would negate the wonkiness of the change... but... no.

I didn't actually gain an hour. I was just awake an hour longer.

And, sure, I appreciate that the sun is on the verge of rising when we get up (for now).... but.... the darkness that sets in an hour earlier in the evening?!... not a fan.

Not a fan.
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