Saturday, May 1, 2010

And Now I'm In Tears

"Mommy there is some kind of animal eating in our yard." Baby announces.

"It's true there is. It lives in that hole." Kid follows.




Bare tail (it makes me gag just to write it).

For fucking real.

I can't take anymore.

You know I have a SEVERE rodent phobia right?

You can think it's ridiculous all you want... It's not something I can control.

And you know I'm trying to sell my house.

And there is a big old rodent sitting right in front of my house.

WTF is going on?

Exterminators are being called.

But how will we leave the house until they can come?

Mystery Solved

"My underwear is soaked for some reason." Baby announces as she walks out onto the porch.

"You peed." I suggest.

"Uh... I tried to clean it up with toilet paper, but, it didn't work." Baby adds.


Friday, April 30, 2010

I Don't Want To Be Here Anymore

I don't want to deal with this anymore.

The property line.

I mean REALLY. I hate confrontation and they've pushed me to have to do it several times a day for the last three days.

I've spent nearly an entire day mowing my lawn, like a damn covert mission, to keep tabs on their bogus construction. I'm exhausted. And probably burnt.

I just want to sell my house.

And this is not going to help. At all.

Dear Neighbor,

Please move your excavator slightly to the left, and out of view, so potential buyers don't get freaked out. Please, I beg of you.

P.S Just because you are soft spoken does not mean you aren't also a self serving asshole.


Dear Master of The Universe,

Lice at school? Again? Seriously? Right now?

P.S. Is it true that I have been cursed? Is there an antidote?

Mr F is looking at a house tonight. Possibly making an offer. Not a foreclosure. Two mortgages. Goody.

Let's Just Say That...

Yesterday I was ASSURED that no more trees were coming down.

This morning I was told that he is being nice by giving me the choice to approve their cutting instead of just knocking them down and then apologizing later.

He was surprised when I told him I felt he was manipulating me.

I'm going to have a heart attack.

I called him "Dude" and referred to my trees as "fucking" and "goddamn"... so... you know I was PISSED.

I also told him that he can stop acting like his property improvements are to my benefit.

20 foot garage vs 60 foot trees.... hmm... not an improvement.

Oh, and our "shared space" is not in fact shared... it is MY GODDAMN PROPERTY.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

I May Have Failed To Mention

That I've been called for jury duty.


Right now.

First, let me tell you all that I would (in theory) love to serve.

For 100% real. I'm all over it like white on rice (white rice that is).

Second, let me tell you that I've been called to serve 4 times since Kid was born (4!).

In Michigan (first 3) I was called to sit on the county and federal court juries.

Each time I happened to have a baby and I was able to call (an actual person) and explain that I was a breastfeeding new mom and they pulled me out and put me back at the bottom of their pool.


Well, this time no one answers the damn phone. I can't possibly serve on Thursday May 13th because... #1 I have no one to watch Baby. #2 I have to get Kid to school 15 minutes AFTER duty starts. #3 I have to watch the baby. #4 I have no co-parent to call in sick and cover for me. #4 I can't hire a sitter (even if I had one) to watch all those kids for $12/day. #5 We're moving.

Again, no one will answer my messages or pick up the phone despite saying specifically that you can reach them after 10AM.

Of course I may go down to the court house tomorrow morning at 9 AM to present my excuses before the judge. Sadly, again, see reasons #1-#4.

I really don't need this extra stress right now.

Not with our backyard neighbors cutting down trees (didn't mean it!) and knocking down our privacy fence (so sorry!) while they build a fucking garage WHILE MY HOUSE IS ON THE MARKET (no, no, don't worry about me).

And on top of all of that I found out yesterday that American Girl retired Kirsten Larson without any fan fair in January. People... I called Mr F and said "I'm having the worst day of my life... Kirsten Larson was retired." And he said "I thought something horrible happened." And I said "Did you hear me?! Something horrible did happen!!." This will be all over your heads but suffice it to say (that exactly an hour later I got my period) that if I were to get an American Girl doll I would certainly get the Norwegian Pioneer doll... OBVIOUSLY. If you know me at all you would know that. Come on! She had a rolling pin for God's sakes!

Okay so after all that I still have to deal with the whole jury duty nightmare.

My plan is to haul Baby down there with me this afternoon as soon as the baby (confusing right with the whole Baby/baby thing... oh anonymity!) goes home. This will help to illustrate my point (yes?!) and hopefully some kindly person will take pity on me and help me. If not at least I'll have some kind of a practice run for tomorrow when I will do it all over again (so fun to try and entertain a 3 year old while waiting for your turn to present your excuse with 500 other people).

Of course, I could just risk it and hope my group is dismissed and/or pay the $50 fine for non-compliance.

But if you know me at all you know that I am way to cheap to pay $50 when I can spend just as much in parking and worry trying to avoid it. Please.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

How Many People...

confuse complacency with happiness? As if everything beyond "unhappy" is "happy"?

Monday, April 26, 2010


It turns out our foreclosure deal is ANOTHER bidding nightmare. And today is the day to place your bid. My cousin drove around it and we're a bit fearful of the shackity shack next door. Now, we don't have a lot of time to investigate. Mr F walks through at 1. We'll definitely have to bid more than asking price since right this minute (or this month!) we don't have that cash in hand. This house is not as good as the last one... but... it is 1/3rd of the price.
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