FIVE

Breakfast table is set...

For our traditional Birthday Breakfast (Trader Joe's Chocolate Croissants!)

First Five little presents... (just turned out that way, but I am pleased)

Which contain these...

Most awesome Ebay score of all time. You may recall from Halloween that she is obsessed with Robin Hood (of course all Robin Hood Disney merchandise is vaulted so this was a challenging b'day quest)

Again the Disney vault issue strikes again... this movie is technically the library's (her really really expensive copy is in the mail)

Outside of Robin Hood, one of Baby's favorite things is gingerbread men. So a birthday theme was born. I scoured all the Christmas sales and stocked up! So glad I did, and that I bought that cute skirt fabric while I was at it.

Cute... (I wish she'd let me cut those darn bangs! She only left that clip in for this picture!)

You can't tell from these pictures, but this birthday has been really hard on her. She's been sobbing over it for a couple of weeks. Cried herself to sleep, and woke up crying this morning. You'd think she was turning 50! She doesn't want to be 5 "or 8 or 9 or 13 or 20 or grownup!!!". We told her that we didn't have to celebrate, that she could skip this year, but nothing helped assuage her worries. "But I'll still be 5!!!!" She'd wail. "My body will still be 5!!!" And she was right, so there wasn't much we could do, but try to be loving and patient and understanding during her LONG, LONG bedtimes.
Hopefully the presents will help.
And the fact that she didn't wake up bigger ;)

Well, I've Been Busy

Sorry for the sporadic and lame blogging.

This whole adoption thing has kind of taken over.

It has had to have been some of the most stressful times I've ever gone through...

and, People, we haven't even really started.

I am relieved to discover (via 1 million adoption blogs) that this is par for the course.

There are so many monumental decisions to make with very little information.

Nearly every day I change my mind from one agency to another.

One type of adoption to another.

Back again.

and again.

Until I want to blow my brains out.

It is all surprisingly difficult to navigate and stressful.

So stressful.

And, the money?

Yes, the money.

The tax credit is set (for now) to expire very likely before we could finalize an adoption.

For awhile I was about to self destruct trying to figure out how to get everything done in time.

While important, that can't drive me.

So I tried to let that go.

Then a situation seemed to fall in my lap that would be perfect.

But 45K.

We have 16.

I spent a few days researching grants, etc.

Then found out it was too late, someone beat us to the medical deposit.

Which was good, because it made me realize that I was trying to compete for the exact kind of children there are plenty of right here.

At a certain point, I had to say... seriously?... you've gone from an 18 month old to a 7 & 3 year old sibling pair with no medical history and most likely horrific trauma and at minimum extreme malnutrition. Why again aren't you willing to adopt out of Foster Care?

It had almost become laughable.

So I searched the MARE site again (I've been doing this for YEARS by the way)... and lo and behold a 7 & 5 year old sibling pair, with full medical history (and no medical issues).

But, of course, we're not able to pursue them now since we need PRIDE training, etc.

Either way. Ups and Downs. Ups and Downs. And that is, in part, the story with adoption.

So many things we've stumbled on and thought about.

And now, while we'll probably change our minds, we've decided to go ahead and adopt from Foster Care.

Which, interestingly enough, was the root of my desire to do this all along.

So, it kind of feels right.

And I don't lie awake stressing about how quickly we can get this done, or how we can get the money.

Which, was, a huge amount of the stress.