Saturday, November 17, 2007

Yeah.. I'm Goin' There

So today is Saturday... you know what that means... Oh yeah.. you don't...

Saturday is the morning when Mrs F usually upon occasion gets to sleep in to... ummm... like 10. Now keep in mind dear readers that I am still up nursing all night.. and that is not an exaggeration... last night I nursed Baby at least 5 times.. oh and I went to bed at midnight and she woke up at 7 am... so you can do the fucking math. Not a lot of sleep. But do I complain about this? (well... excluding this... I mean on a daily basis?!?!) No, I do not. So this morning I kept Baby for half an hour (cause I'm generous like that) and then gave her to Mr F at 7:30. At 9 am Kid came in and told me to get up... I told her I was still sleeping and sent her to find Mr F. At 10 am I get up... to find Kid waiting on her breakfast, Baby hungry and needing to nurse... oh they are all still in pjs... Kid hasn't had her medicine (not good Mr F) and oh Mr F forgot to make Kid go potty. I assess, do my best to ignore the current circumstances, get my waffles and coffee, check my email, return my comments, and then hit the treadmill.

Before I commence my royal bashing I will insert this disclaimer:
Mr F is a fantastic involved father. That is the primary reason I married him.. that and his obvious (and justified) worship of me. But Mr F is not Mrs F (who is?) while I am a complete badass on pretty much every level... Mr F is crippled by ADD and that does not make him the most efficient person... well intentioned (and I'm not questioning that) but incredibly inefficient.
Okay back to my bash...

Let's be clear Saturday morning is Mr F's turn to be the primary parent... that does not mean he does everything.. it means that for once I should be able to do some of the things I am normally doing (while also simultaneously doing everything else) by my freaking self for a few measly hours. Too much to ask? I didn't think so. And in fairness Mr F doesn't question this either. But here is the problem.. outside of my obvious control issues (I'm not denying it people)... my time off really ends up just being time postponed. I still have to either get them dressed and fed or constantly harp about it to have it happen. It is like Saturday starts at 1 PM when I'm back on duty. I don't really feel like I got a "break". I don't want to seem ungrateful.. but hey I am.. so there. All I want is to get up and have it all done.. have everyone ready to start the day... not stagnating cause Dad is on duty.

So here are the ways in which I was wronged this morning...

Mr F's need to feed himself before the kids (2x breakfast and lunch)... ok... food is not like an oxygen mask on an airplane... you must feed the kiddos first or you face serious fucking disaster (and I am going to be pissed when that means I need to intervene)

Mr F's need to go to Trader Joe's to buy chunky applesauce so he could make pancakes for Kid (fyi Kid does not like pancakes.. and so after all that guess what... she didn't eat them) which meant that he wasn't home when Kid got up which is why she was able to wake me up.

Mr F still hadn't gotten the Baby down for a nap (she'd been up since 7... it was now 10:30... not good) outside of 20 minutes on the way home from TJs ... don't get me started on an improperly executed transfer...

Mr F hadn't done the dishes from last night so this morning the kitchen was a goddamn shit hole and I hate that

Mr F forgot to give Kid her meds (seriously not good)

The house looked like a cyclone hit it and I was not even "awake" yet (technically not Mr F's fault but it sets me up for a grumpy morning)

And lastly... when I asked Mr F to go downstairs and put all the laundry from the dryer into a basket and bring it up (to... uh... dress the girls at 1 PM) he was down there for some unseemly amount of time (while I am cutting and boiling sweet potatoes for the Baby and watching Baby and Kid... oh was I supposed to be off duty?... ) when he finally comes up and I go to grab some clothes and take a shower. Hmmm that's funny where are my clothes? Oh Mr Anal ADD took so long because he was folding the girls clothes (helpful yes but not what I asked) while he shoved my clothes out of the dryer and onto the basement floor.... now why would that piss me off....

Good Morning Everyone!

Friday, November 16, 2007

I'm Sorry But I Just Can't Help Myself

The Incredible Shrinking Woman

(Click on the pics to see me up close and personal)

July 20th, 131 pounds, 31% body fat

August 8th, 126 pounds, 28.8% body fat

August 15th, 123.8 pounds, 28.6% body fat

August 28th, 121.6 pounds, 26.9% body fat

September 6th, 121.2 pounds, 26.0% body fat

September 19th, 117.2 pounds, 25.7% body fat

November 15th, 111.8 pounds, 21.9% body fat

This is what I did:
I changed one habit at a time.
Keep a food diary (every damn day)
Used Calorie Count Plus to establish a calorie range.
Count all calories (heavily using my cheap kitchen scale and CCP for additional counts)
Eat six small meals a day (300, 200, 300, 200, 4-500, 2-300)
Cut out liquid calories (except my cup of coffee).. oh and no "diet drinks" either
Keep treats on hand at all times (that I can control myself with)
Chew gum after meals to give me the "sweet finisher" I crave
Accepted the fact that working out is my "me time"
Exercised 5-6 days a week for an hour (I walk steep hills on my treadmill, ie intervals)
Stayed within my calorie range every damn day (seriously in 4 months I have gone over maybe 4 times total)
Did not take a weekend off or go out to eat (unless you have a serious plan)
Did not get discouraged by plateaus.. if you plug along they will break

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Arrrgh Matey!

Does this look say "swashbuckler"? Are you wondering where my giant plumed hat and sword are?Yeah I was kind of afraid of that...

But this is what I looked like this morning... See the way the way this thin cheaply made tunic is clinging to the waist of my leggings? I realize that what I really need is one of those low slung belts... but I don't have one of those... this is what I have (and yes I already left the house looking like this)... is the scarf a total fashion NO?
(if nothing else you can see that apparently the scarf improved my mood..)

Do I look better like this?...

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

November is National Epilepsy Awareness Month

This is not going to be eloquent or funny. There may be grammatical errors... I really don't care... it is all I can do just to get this out. These are the facts.
Here Goes...

On the morning of July 30th 2006 Kid woke up complaining of a stomach ache. I was pregnant and tired and I had her scoot into my bed. She was having a hard time sleeping and was kind of in and out of it for the next two hours. At 8 am she sat up and let out the scream she always does right before she vomits. I scooped her up and took her to the bathroom and held her over the toilet. She threw up some stomach bile and then dry heaved for a long while. She wasn't crying which I thought was slightly unusual since dry heaving can be pretty painful. After some time had passed about 15 minutes it seemed like she was through, or at least clear that nothing else was coming up, so I put her on the toilet and she went potty. She was still not really helping me do anything and I can remember being a little annoyed that she wasn't supporting her own body weight. We kept asking her if her tummy hurt, and if she was done, and things like that and she didn't answer us. I actually remember snapping at Mr F that she didn't feel well and obviously didn't want to talk right now. After 30 minutes I told Mr F to call our friends and let them know that we would not be attending their daughter's birthday party.

I carried Kid to my bed and laid her down. I looked at her and knew something was not right. I asked her a question and I could see in her eyes that she was not there. She then started foaming from the mouth and went completely limp. I screamed for Mr F to call 911 and picked her up running downstairs... sure that I was holding my dead daughter... that she had just died in my arms.

When I got downstairs I set her in Mr F's lap and could see that she was shallowly breathing. Her eyes were open but completely vacant. We are fortunate in where we live, we live about 2 miles from a top hospital and right downtown. A fire truck and an ambulance were at our house in under a minute. The EMTs immediately suspected that Kid was having a seizure and in need of Oxygen. They loaded her into the ambulance and I was allowed to ride in the back with her. After what seemed like a really long time we were finally on our way. Kid was still out of it and I absolutely feared that she might die on our way. Thankfully she was receiving oxygen but I was very worried that they might have to intubate her or something before we got there.

At the hospital the doctors determined she was still seizing, by now it had been going on an hour, they took all her history and kept her on oxygen. At some point they got really unnerved that her oxygen levels were too low, at 86%, then I realized it had been in the 60s the whole time with the EMT and started to worry about her brain function. They gave Kid some medicine to stop the seizure. It didn't work. A while later, now the seizure had been going on for an hour and half, they gave her another dose. She was pretty doped up and soon she fell asleep. They sent her to have a CT scan. That came back normal. They gave her a spinal tap. That woke her up. They couldn't find any reason for her seizure. After her waking she was not normal. She had been given a lot of drugs but still it was disturbing, it was as if she had become retarded... and we were qutie worried that she had. Kid was previously a very bright, verbal child.... now she didn't make sense and would look right at me and ask "where is mommy".

She was admitted for observation. Once in our shared room she started becoming quite agitated, screaming, ripping at her IVs, thrashing (very unusual behavior for mild mannered Kid). I thought she surely was damaged. Only one parent could stay the night, so I sat on the window seat and listened to her heart rate monitor beep all night. I climbed in the bed to feel for her breath. Early in the morning the neurologist came and told me she'd need an EEG and then we would go home. I was assured that many, in fact most, children who have had a seizure only ever have that one seizure and that we may never know what caused it. That due to the length and severity of her seizure we would need to keep an emergency medication with us at all times. Many hours later we had the EEG and that came back normal as well. Many more hours later and we finally had the meeting with the pharmacist who taught us how to administer the rectal gel that is the emergency medication. If Kid was to have another seizure we were to time it and at 5 minutes call 911 and administer the medication. Any seizure under 5 minutes is okay, anything over 5 minutes could be life threatening. The gave me a folder of information and told me to buy this book.They scheduled us a follow-up appointment with the Neurologist for the end of November and discharged us.

Obviously this changed our life. I was terrified every moment of the day and night. I couldn't sleep(at all) for over a month. And in September I let her go to preschool and had to trust them to identify her non-convulsive type seizure and administer the medication. This was not easy. I sat in my car in the parking lot for many days. I cried any time I saw an ambulance. Having the medication on hand every where you go is something that takes thought and effort... and awareness... an awareness that seeps into every part of your day. I have a medicine in my bag "in case" she seizes.. to keep her from dying. That is not easy to live with. We were to told to go about our lives normally.... oh but to cancel that family vacation in Wyoming.. oh and no car trips you always need to be within a short distance of a hospital. The good news is that the longer a child goes without having a seizure the less likely they are to have a repeat seizure and to be Epileptic. If you can make it to 6 months seizure free you have a 90% chance of never having another one. At the three month mark we went to Disney World. We were very nervous about the flight, but hey they do have oxygen on board!, but knew that once we were in Disney World we could enjoy ourselves and feel comfortable that if anything were to happen we could get quick medical attention. We were starting to let ourselves feel that maybe her seizure was in fact a one time event.

Less than two weeks later on Monday, November 13th 2006, just after Mr F had gone to work Kid woke up complaining that her "tummy hurt". She started vomiting bile and "mouthing" (as I know recognized this to be an element of her seizure and not dry heaving). I took her to the bathroom and laid her down on her side. I got the clock and the phone and the medication. I waited for the five long minutes frantic nearly out of my mind screaming at Mr F over the phone. I went to administer the medication but she swatted my hand away... was that a sign that she was no longer seizing??!? The emergency medication has serious side effects and can lower her breathing rate and so giving it is dangerous too. I called 911 and asked what to do. They said the EMTs would know and to wait.

Again the fire trucks and ambulance were there within seconds. But this time the EMTs did not recognize this as a seizure and were not administering the medication. By this time I was certain that she was still seizing since her mouthing had returned. The EMTs were not moving quickly and not getting her oxygen... I wanted to jump out of my skin. They told me to get dressed. I did and when I returned I saw that Kid had both urinated and defecated in her pjs. This... people... is a definite sign that she was in fact seizing!!! I didn't know what to do... I asked if I should clean her up. The woman said yes. I couldn't believe nothing was happening yet. I cleaned her and we got her in the ambulance. This time I was not allowed to ride in back. The whole time the EMTs were talking to Kid, but they just didn't get it.. they thought she was postictal (the phase after a seizure when it is common for the patient to be "out of it") but she was still seizing. I was riding in the front helpless... hating myself for not just giving her the medication. Knowing that we were now going on 40 minutes of seizing and that Kid could suffer real serious consequences.

Mr F met us at the ER. This time Kid's seizure stopped on its own after about 45 minutes. They kept us in the ER and watched her for a few hours and diagnosed her as being Epileptic and started her on anti-seizure meds. They told us to see our neurologist a week later. A week?!? Yes one week.

Our neurologist was matter of fact about the whole thing. He went over the importance of the emergency medication and made it clear that if I don't know whether to give it or not that I should give it. He reminded us not to travel too far from medical attention and informed us that Kid would need to be on the anti-seizure medication for 2 full years. If she remains seizure free while on the medication for two years than they would wean her off of it. Most children outgrow Epilepsy in two years. He also scheduled a detailed MRI for Kid.

The MRI was hideous and terrifying. Children are put under for MRIs. Kid's MRI was the most detailed MRI, it took the tiniest slices of brain. It was 1.5 hours long. When she came out she was extremely agitated, since she was intubated (we were not allowed to be with her in this phase of recovery) so they drugged her. The gas they gave her to put her under made her very sick and she vomited all over herself. The drugs they gave her to calm her made her "out of it"... which is a lot like what she is like when she is seizing so I was pretty much having a complete panic attack until they finally wore off. The doctor told us we would get the results in the mail in a few weeks.

Two days later we got the phone call. I knew that was not good. They found a tiny imperfection in her hippocampus in the area that causes focal seizures. It is so small that it could be coincidental he told me. And yet he is calling me... I told myself. If Kid's seizures are caused by this abnormality she will not outgrow her Epilepsy, if this abnormality is merely a coincidence she still might. They don't know, we don't know, no one knows which. Epilepsy is not one thing, it is a broad term that covers many types of seizure disorders. Kid's form of Epilepsy is very unusual. Most seizures last less then 30 seconds. Kid's seizures were an hour and half and 45 minutes respectively. Kid's seizures are non-convulsive and so difficult to identify (even by trained EMTs). Kid seizures are called Status Epilepticus and are life threatening.

We wait and we watch and we listen and we worry. Every day. We lament the fact that Kid's personality is effected by her anti-seizure medication. That our once easy going, happy child is prone to tantrums and suffers from a very low frustration tolerance. I mourn that Kid and I , who once took weeks long road trips and had adventures, are for the most part grounded in Ann Arbor. I grieve and I grieve and I grieve... because honestly part of me died when I held her in my arms early in the morning Sunday July 30th and believed I had just lost my baby... forever... and that part of me is never coming back.

Today is November 14th 2008, Kid has been seizure free for one year. We continue to wait and hope that next year, today, we will be able to start weaning her from her medication. And that she will in fact have outgrown her Epilepsy and that she will continue to grow and thrive and amaze and impress and love and flourish as she so deserves to be able to do.

The Furious Clan Shows Off Their Moves

"Mom did you used to be a fancy dancer?"

Used to?... There's no "used to" about it!

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

We Don't Know Where She Gets It...

Kid's Desk

Mrs F's Desk

Mr F's Desk

Dinner Is Served

This is what the Furious Household had for dinner tonight. This might be my best semi-homemade dinner concoction yet!
Tortellini With Bacon and Peas

Place Tortellini in salted boiling water.
Place 2 strips thick cut Hickory Smoked Bacon in a cold pan and turn to medium high heat.
At seven minutes remaining on the pasta pour into the pasta water 1/2 c frozen peas.
When the bacon is crisp remove it from the pan and cut into small pieces.
Drain pasta and peas and add to the bacon pan.
Return bacon to pasta mixture, toss to coat, season with salt and pepper, and heat over low until ready to serve.

This makes 3 servings at 300 calories a piece.

I used Buitoni Portabello Mushroom & Cheese Tortelloni. Mr F hates mushrooms and he still liked these. I think these had the best flavor of all the flavors I have tried.

I have a pasta pot with a pasta insert and a steamer basket on top of that. Outside of boiling the water I can make this whole dinner in 11 minutes. I prep my vegetables once the pasta goes in the pot and at about 4-5 minutes remaining I put the steamer basket on top of the cooking pasta. Everything is done at once.. couldn't be simpler.

Monday, November 12, 2007

This Week The Plan

Alrighty...last week was a wee bit crazy...what with my part time fame and all. Again thank you to all my voters. Although I only came in 6th place, managing to get 450 votes placed after only blogging for 3 months was pretty spectacular!

This week should be substantially more relaxing and to prove it I am happy to display this new nifty award...

That's right.. this week I don't have to kill myself trying to convert hundreds of new readers! So enjoy the next couple of "good enough" posts while I try to get all the stuff done that I didn't do while obsessively checking my stats last week!
Thanks Deb for the award!

Okay time fore a little "week in review"

I failed miserably to meet my exercise goals. Turns out having Mr F out of town was a serious hindrance in that area. Once he came home on Saturday night.. lets face it... I was pretty burned out and I just didn't feel like it. That spilled over into the last 2 nights. I'm hoping to pull my shit together and get back on board tonight. It usually doesn't bode well for me to miss Monday's workout.. but I'm going to try and keep from letting the inactivity continue to steamroll.

The tremendous good news is that last night instead of working out I updated both Kid's and Baby's memory books. That took me 2.5 hours. Starting at Kid's birth I have written notes about her development and personality every two weeks. At around 3 years of age that dropped down to every couple of months, since she changed less quickly, and in between I keep notes and quotes jotted down on scraps of paper and I compile all of those when I sit down to update her book. Sadly Baby's is not updated every two weeks.. but I have adopted the scraps method for her as well so I haven't really missed anything. I've been updating hers every six weeks or so. This was a major feat... and a pretty big stress.. so I am happy to say after 2 weeks of complaining about it over on my anxieties list.. it is finally done! More proof that the anxieties list is working!

My menu went pretty well and I even made the meatballs on Sunday and now have 8 dinners worth in the freezer! I actually didn't waste any food this week!

LOL... I just checked my last week's plan... and lets say I didn't do most of it! I didn't make the vet appointment...although seeing that still on there reminded me and I just took care of it. I didn't do my paperwork. I didn't PUT AWAY the clothes from last week and we've been digging through the laundry basket all week. The only thing I did do was take down the Halloween decorations.. but overall not my best week.

As for weight loss/gain I actually got my first cycle back. So last week when I said I had gone up to 114 was obviously based on some bloating. I am now 112 and my body fat % finally dropped below 22% (barely) so I have now officially surpassed both my weight loss and fat loss goals!! I was somewhat confused last week with the gain despite not really changing my exercise or eating so this explains that. And the great news is that 2000 calories is fine and depending on my exercise I may even need to eat a bit more than that. As long as I keep my food diary I think the holidays will be completely manageable on that calorie limit. Now I do not want to drop any more weight and I do want to start building some more muscle so instead of trying to fit the pilates in around my cardio I am going to switch my focus.

Okay onto this week..


Monday - Salmon Noodle Casserole w/ Butternut Squash & Green Beans

Tuesday - Tortellini w/Bacon and Steamed Vegetables

Wednesday - Kid F & Mr F's date night (so yeah Mrs F goes to Mc D's)

Thursday - Spaghetti & Meatballs w/ Steamed Broccoli

Friday - Mr F & Mrs F are going out ... you read that right.. that's only the 2nd time all year!

Saturday - Double Batch of Sweet Potato and Molasses Beef Stew

Sunday - Pork Tenderloin w/ Rice Pilaf & Green Beans


I am going to do 2 -60 minute pilates workouts and 2 - 70 minute cardio sessions. That's it. I am not going to do more cardio until I have put in the pilates sessions.


vacuum the living room furniture (does that sound like a stretch to you?)
do laundry
actually put away the clothes

To Do:

make Disney Dining reservations
file my paperwork

Mrs Furious Goes Out On The Town...

Well... not "the town" per se but I am going to Target...

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Mrs Furious Style

Mr F came home from his job interview last night.

Upon his return he checked Mrs Furious out and said...

"You look really good"

Mrs F raised her eyebrow and replied...

"I've looked this good for two days"

Mr and Mrs F began to laugh hysterically

photo credit: Kid Furious
(this is NOT the outfit in question.. although I did wear this 2 days in a row last week)
Blog Widget by LinkWithin