Low Standards

"Ooh Mom! They have a mirror!" Kid yells enthusiastically upon entering our hotel room.

"Yes!" I call back sarcastically, lugging our bags and pillows through the hall like an overwhelmed octopus.

Berry Berry Scawy

Tomorrow all my connections to the outside world are shutting down.

We're hitting the road to Philly to hang out with my Dad and visit with my grandmother.

The plan is to take a break for a week (If you count the fact that I have four long days of driving "a break")

Then come back and pack some stuff. Mow. Then leave.... for.... ?! Who knows?

I have lined up a bi-weekly lawn job ($35.... deal!)

And I have just disconnected our phone, tv, and.... gasp... internet for tomorrow.

And I've packed enough clothes to last for a month.

So...

Maybe we'll come back and maybe we won't.

Only time.... and a tenuous internet connection... will tell.

For Real

"Hey Mom, Do you wish the statue helped sell our house AND kept it from falling apart?" Kid asks.

"Yep."

So Someone Explain To Me...

How I got peed on in the night AND DIDN'T NOTICE?!

Sure I was taking a shower in my dream...

But, you'd think lying in a pool of cold piss would wake a person up.

It wasn't until Baby said something that I woke up to answer her.... and even then.... I didn't notice the bed was sopping wet.

It wasn't until I put my hand down to roll toward her that I realized there was a huge puddle of pee soaking into my mattress.

So I hurriedly stripped the bed.

Phew, it hadn't penetrated the egg crate...so... the mattress has been saved!

And I run it all into the laundry room.

I get the load started.

Then I look down and realized my shirt is completely soaked with pee.

WTF?

How did I not feel that?

So I take it off and stop the machine.

But, of course, the stupid thing won't let me unlock the door.

I walk to the bathroom and find an old shirt.

Put it on.

Wash out my night shirt.

Then I realize...

My underwear is soaked.

My entire side is wet and sticky with pee.

I couldn't believe it.... I started to wonder...

IF I PEED?!

No, Thank God.

But still.

I wasn't even drinking last night.

Got Scissors?

I happen to have a pile of old basic long sleeved shirts I got at Target when I was nursing Baby. Read: they are ridonkulously shapeless on me now, so they just sit in my dresser.

Take basic long sleeved shirt:

Cut off the bottom hem.

Cut up the middle of front of shirt.

Just eye ball it! It is jersey it will roll! No problem!

Cut sleeves to desired length so they will roll too. (And so it looks intentional and not like you just cut up a shirt.)

My shirt had a crew neck collar. I just trimmed off the ribbed fabric but left the stitching around the neck opening.
You could cut it off. It doesn't matter!

Okay!


Put on the cheap outfit you bought at Target because it was 90 out and you don't have any tank tops or shorts that fit. Elastic waists are in! yay!

Then throw on your new cardigan so you don't feel so trashy at the grocery store!

If you are the kind of person who can pull off the tied up look you can do that too:

Of course I am not that kind of person, so I do beg your forgiveness for exposing you to that.

Alright, have at it.

White shirt... I'm coming for you.

Gah

I'm hitting one of my walls.
Could be all the end of the school year crap.
Or the waiting all day for the air conditioner repair man.
Or the check I wrote him.
Or the slight sadness at selling off all the kids outside play stuff.
Or the more than slight annoyance at waiting all day for people to come pick it all up that then didn't show.
But do now have my address.
And will come murder me tonight.
Or it could be the fact that all I've eaten today is cereal, hot tamales, & chex mix.
And coffee.
It might be 85% that.

I Don't Know How I Managed To Pull This Off Either

This is the last week of school, folks! And with that also comes the subtle pressure to say farewell with some sort of meaning.
And by meaning I mean cold hard cash (as requested... yes... people... as requested) and thoughtful homemade gifts (because that's what is right).
What else?

For Kid's teacher, whom I've never learned to like, I made a small little jewelry case. It is padded with felt between two layers of the print fabric. The inside has three elasticized flannel pockets to hold a few pieces, and it ties shut with the ribbon. Honor me people, because this was a lot of work for someone I don't actually like! I bought a pair of earrings at Cost Plus World Market for $5 and Kid put them in the pockets.

And, yes, Kid's misspelling of her name makes the gift for me. I just read that as "To Belch" and start laughing my ass off.

For her assistant teacher, a kindly, loving, grandmotherly storyteller, Kid made a pillow. She drew Ruth telling a story with Kid imagining it. Kid loves Ruth and I'm thinking this might make Ruth cry.


At Kid's school there is only one class per grade, so they have been together for the past two years. Kid worked on assembling friendship gifts to give her friends as goodbye presents. This year she and her class are The Dolphins so we ordered a set of sea animal Silly Bandz and tied them onto little cards.

Step One

Pray for us, people.
We haven't *self moved* in... oh... 15 or so years.
Let's hope Mr F and I are still married by the end of the day.
Seriously.
Seriously.

If this mini-move goes well we will be attempting Step Two sometime this summer.
Step two will involve a 26 foot U-haul truck.
Driven by the bald guy.
Yowza.
Try not to think about it.
Oh, and, stay off the roads.