Thursday, April 28, 2011

Down 1.5


I have to say that after 3 weeks, I really do feel like I'm back in a groove.

Fighting myself less.

Much less.

I just takes time to break yourself in.

So, 3 weeks... 4 pounds.

I'm finally starting to see a difference in my clothes, which is always very motivating.

Again (if you care... and please feel free not to), I'm shooting to workout for 60+ minutes 6 days a week. This is just what works for me, and last time (and this time) allows to me to visibly see a pretty fast fat loss in my body.

Someone asked what exactly I'm doing... I am walking on a treadmill focusing on interval incline changes. I walk at a fast pace (I'm short so for me that is 3.3- 3.4 depending on the day... 3.5 and I have to jog... so use that as your guide) and change my incline every 1/8th of mile. That is a distance that is easy for me to track on my treadmill... it is around 2 minutes. I typically alternate 0% with 7% than 0% with 9% repeat until I've gone a mile. Then I do 0% followed by 12% for an intensity blast, then go back to the original 0,7,0,9,0,7,0,9 for another mile followed by another blast with 0,12. I recover with 0,7,0,9, and then cool down at 0% for the remaining 1/2 mile or so until I reach my time limit. Confusing enough?! This is my basic pattern but I change the inclines around at different workouts to keep things from being to routine... sometimes I put in running intervals... sometimes I do crazy sideways sashays. And ALWAYS I really use my arms. I keep my arms bent about 90 degrees and engaged and pump them, I do boxing punches, I do chest flys. After the cardio I do ab work and pushups every other day... no big deal... just a couple of sets each. That's it! If I have enough good TV loaded up on my TIVO making 60 minutes is not a problem.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011


Mr F agreed to do a video with me about our new plan. That should be good quality entertainment!

Kid had her bi-annual neurology check-up. He's really the greatest peds doctor of any kind we've ever seen. Such amazing bedside manner. Since Kid has gone about 9 months without any neuro symptom (no more cyclical vomiting... remember that from last year?!!)... she is now discharged.

It's kind of amazing. This has been a really long, stressful experience.

And it is the small things... like... I don't have to list this, or her neuro contact on her medical forms anymore.

Every single time I did, it brought it all back, and the worry that... shit... something still might happen. (It still might... just really unlikely now)

After everything she has gone through, she really is one of the lucky kids that seems to have outgrown it.

On the other side of things... he is referring her to the OCD/Anxiety specialist clinic at U of M.

I almost forgot to mention all of that stuff and those symptoms to him, but then it came to me. I'm glad I had that traveling thought at the right time... "oh you know brains... listen to this!"

All of this stuff is so interrelated and overlapping, he wasn't surprised in the least.

Not even that we took her out of school... or that she's thriving at home... that's all supportive evidence in a way.

But he did think it was enough of an issue that she needs to start working with an OCD specialist.

I also said... "and this behavior (nodding to her protective cocooned up body position which she maintained the entire visit)... " "Is not just for the doctor's visit?" He added. "Right." I said.

"They also have Anxiety specialists." He said and handed me a referral.

And, that, didn't even feel bad. These days, every time someone acknowledges and validates my experience with this stuff... I don't feel overwhelmed with "why did this have to happen?" type thoughts. Taking her out of school has really alleviated a lot of my worry. She's smart, capable, and funny as hell. She'll make her way. Maybe not following a traditional path, but she'll have a purposeful, happy, productive life. I mean... hasn't every genius had some sort of mental disorder? Exactly. Let's focus on that.

Now let me speak generally for a minute... because I can... and I think it's important...

A lot of time people, well meaning but grossly misinformed people, send the very strong message that "they'll figure it out on their own" or "let them do it" or "they need to learn to stand up for themselves"... messages that what ails Kid (or similar kids) is overprotective parents. That ALL kids are capable of being at a certain level at a certain age... and, it just isn't true. Some children (some adults) just can't (nor do they want, nor is it even beneficial) to have that level of independence and responsibility. It's just too stressful. Not everyone grows out of it, or into it. And if they do... it might not be at the age that is "acceptable" to others. So my message is... please... when you see a child (or an adult) that doesn't act the way you think is appropriate, or a parent you think is being overprotective or overly permissive... take a moment to remove your judgments. Not every child that is acting out (be it externally or internally.... if you've seen my child at a social function you may know what I'm talking about) is doing so because they are spoiled brats and their parents let them run all over them. They may be doing what is right for them at that time. They may be doing all that they can, just to be there. They might be working on it.

And if you are thinking... and I know some people are... it just can't be that there are this many more kids with *issues*. Well, you are factually wrong. There are. We may not know the reasons, but it is a fact. The other thing is that in generations past, children with issues weren't mainstreamed the way they are (thankfully) now. And that medical knowledge and treatment methods are different (thankfully) and parents are more informed. These children are more visible, and their behaviors are more tolerated... because the alternative isn't *growing out of it* or *shaping up* it's long term, detrimental, negative self-beliefs. And those children turn into angry and or depressed adults. And that is a very real outcome. Very real. We're not all created equal... some of us a smarter, some more insightful, some are more sensitive, some are more afraid. There is room for everyone. Lets not throw the baby out with the bathwater. Lots of *special needs* kids have extraordinary intellectual gifts. So what if they can't sit at the Thanksgiving dinner table? Or preform in a recital? What if they're going to win a Nobel Prize one day... if... they are allowed to thrive in a world that can make some allowance for difference. IF their parents are allowed a little more breathing room and support for caring for their child in the best way they can.

Because one day... it might be your kid, or grandkid, or nephew... and all those preconceived notions you had, will wash away. And you'll just want everyone to be a bit more patient, a bit more understanding, a bit more generous.

Later last night I said to Kid...

"Are you mad that I told him all those things?" (talking about her compulsions)

"Yes. I do them because I want to." Kid said.

"I know, but that's kind of the point." I said.

"Oh." Kid said and started laughing.

Monday, April 25, 2011


Yesterday is what Mr F calls "The Greatest Day of The Year"... and he's not talking about Christ rising from the dead.
He's talking about my family's annual Easter Dinner at my grandmother's club.
It features an amazing dessert buffet of miniatures...which reminds him of the time we went to that big Italian wedding and they had a Venetian hour. Have you ever been to one of those?! It's insane. That was about 12 years ago and we're still talking about it.

The Easter Bunny left candy I don't like... (I'm not a complete saint though since I bought a bag of Robin's Eggs when I was grocery shopping... and then ate them all in a 72 hour time span). I'm a little worried about this week's weigh-in but hoping I can manage a loss considering the bag of candy & the dessert buffet.

We're starting our 3rd week of swim team. Uh... it's an intense time commitment (for me). Especially since she still has Brownies, horseback riding, and hasn't given up her twice weekly swim lessons (she loves her teacher). All in all we have at least one evening pre-dinner activity but most often have two. Baby has been doing great (playdough was a genius idea! I also have several color wonder sets we use only at lessons)... I, on the other hand... feel a bit time stressed trying to juggle everything and make healthy dinners every night. On the upside, I get a nice bit of social time with the swim moms... on the downside... one of them is full on crazy. (a woman I refer to as "Competo"). The swim team is just having a short Spring season and ends the end of May. I think we'll mull it over and think about re-joining in the Fall. I need my summer freedom. We'll keep up with her 2x weekly lessons in the meantime and think about it more for Fall/Winter exercise.

We also have to do a bit more research on the horse issue... it looks like $136 a month for 2x a week lessons. Horse people, what do you think? Good price? Too cheap?.... I don't really know too much about what we should be expecting. All of the parents and kids milling about have stayed at this stable for years and love it. It just doesn't seem very organized (she's had a different teacher every week).

In the course of my genealogy research I've discovered I'm related to Abraham Lincoln (for real... and not really that distantly). That's pretty much the holy grail (unless you are a Confederate). The kids are extremely excited about this. Mr F said "That's where you got your brows." Word. Take out a penny, cover up the beard...

Also, Mr F and I may have stumbled on (read: I have meticulously developed) the answer to all (okay most of) our marital woes. After implementing one simple small thing... I think it's safe to say we've had a 80-90% improvement in all areas. No joke. We're on week three. Maybe Mr F will have the guts to back me up. It's kind of the food journalling equivalent to marital bliss. I developed this plan based on our ADD issues (this is not a joke... anyone who is living with a partner with ADD knows... and it really does correlate with a very high divorce rate. It takes the same amount of patience, understanding, work, and planning that you imagine goes into a child with the disorder... but it goes on FOREVER). So, while I actually think every marriage could improve... I'll maybe write more about it (I should probably give it a longer test period!)... I think that it's particularly helpful for people with ADD. I will say, to toot my own horn (someone's got to) that I have worked very hard over the last couple of years to understand and acknowledge the roll the ADD plays in our marriage... and not experience it as intentional behavior. My psychologist is amazed at where I am now with it, versus where I was when we moved to North Carolina three years ago. I haven't put up a Ways In Which I've Been Wronged post in awhile... which doesn't mean I don't get pissed off... but I'm working on letting things go (key word: working). It takes work, it takes getting over yourself (even if your partner will never understand how much), and it takes work... did I already say that? It also takes a spouse who is willing to work towards acknowledging their disorder (which might be the biggest and most challenging component). So that's my spiel on that, for the day.

That's it.

And that's enough.
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