Monday, April 25, 2011

Updates

Yesterday is what Mr F calls "The Greatest Day of The Year"... and he's not talking about Christ rising from the dead.
He's talking about my family's annual Easter Dinner at my grandmother's club.
It features an amazing dessert buffet of miniatures...which reminds him of the time we went to that big Italian wedding and they had a Venetian hour. Have you ever been to one of those?! It's insane. That was about 12 years ago and we're still talking about it.


The Easter Bunny left candy I don't like... (I'm not a complete saint though since I bought a bag of Robin's Eggs when I was grocery shopping... and then ate them all in a 72 hour time span). I'm a little worried about this week's weigh-in but hoping I can manage a loss considering the bag of candy & the dessert buffet.


We're starting our 3rd week of swim team. Uh... it's an intense time commitment (for me). Especially since she still has Brownies, horseback riding, and hasn't given up her twice weekly swim lessons (she loves her teacher). All in all we have at least one evening pre-dinner activity but most often have two. Baby has been doing great (playdough was a genius idea! I also have several color wonder sets we use only at lessons)... I, on the other hand... feel a bit time stressed trying to juggle everything and make healthy dinners every night. On the upside, I get a nice bit of social time with the swim moms... on the downside... one of them is full on crazy. (a woman I refer to as "Competo"). The swim team is just having a short Spring season and ends the end of May. I think we'll mull it over and think about re-joining in the Fall. I need my summer freedom. We'll keep up with her 2x weekly lessons in the meantime and think about it more for Fall/Winter exercise.

We also have to do a bit more research on the horse issue... it looks like $136 a month for 2x a week lessons. Horse people, what do you think? Good price? Too cheap?.... I don't really know too much about what we should be expecting. All of the parents and kids milling about have stayed at this stable for years and love it. It just doesn't seem very organized (she's had a different teacher every week).


In the course of my genealogy research I've discovered I'm related to Abraham Lincoln (for real... and not really that distantly). That's pretty much the holy grail (unless you are a Confederate). The kids are extremely excited about this. Mr F said "That's where you got your brows." Word. Take out a penny, cover up the beard...


Also, Mr F and I may have stumbled on (read: I have meticulously developed) the answer to all (okay most of) our marital woes. After implementing one simple small thing... I think it's safe to say we've had a 80-90% improvement in all areas. No joke. We're on week three. Maybe Mr F will have the guts to back me up. It's kind of the food journalling equivalent to marital bliss. I developed this plan based on our ADD issues (this is not a joke... anyone who is living with a partner with ADD knows... and it really does correlate with a very high divorce rate. It takes the same amount of patience, understanding, work, and planning that you imagine goes into a child with the disorder... but it goes on FOREVER). So, while I actually think every marriage could improve... I'll maybe write more about it (I should probably give it a longer test period!)... I think that it's particularly helpful for people with ADD. I will say, to toot my own horn (someone's got to) that I have worked very hard over the last couple of years to understand and acknowledge the roll the ADD plays in our marriage... and not experience it as intentional behavior. My psychologist is amazed at where I am now with it, versus where I was when we moved to North Carolina three years ago. I haven't put up a Ways In Which I've Been Wronged post in awhile... which doesn't mean I don't get pissed off... but I'm working on letting things go (key word: working). It takes work, it takes getting over yourself (even if your partner will never understand how much), and it takes work... did I already say that? It also takes a spouse who is willing to work towards acknowledging their disorder (which might be the biggest and most challenging component). So that's my spiel on that, for the day.

That's it.

And that's enough.

20 comments:

Julie said...

Abe Lincoln?! That is incredible. We LOVE Abe around here. Seriously. Jack listens to an Abraham Lincoln CD (by storyteller Jim Weiss...highly recommend his CDs) every single night.

You sound crazy busy with activities. But as long as Kid is happy and thriving, that is all that matters. That is fantastic. Kudos to Baby for going with the flow, too. I know how hard that can be to tote around a super active sibling to the older one's activities. It was always so hard...on me and on Murph.

I am intrigued about what the strategy or whatever is that is working for the ADD and marraige thing. You know I am the one with ADHD (for me the H is SUPER included), but I am also the one who is the life and home manager/organizer/planner so really I am just letting myself down all the time...and not Tom.

Great to read an update!

trifitmom said...

please tell us the marriage plan......please

trifitmom said...

pretty please

Mrs Furious said...

trifitmom,
I sent you a LONG email to your feener account. That's still working right?


Julie,
The activites is crazy town. After May we're done with Brownies for the summer and swim team... so it will get better. She's going to have to sit down and figure which 2 activities are her priority and we'll pare down for the Fall.
That is hilarious about Jack listening to an Abe CD every night... I'm going to have to see if we have that at the library.
Hmm... well... this tip only works for the marriage improvement not home management stuff. I'll email you. If it works for you it really might be a universal tool.

Julie said...

Marriage improvement stuff is very useful. Although, I don't think getting the puppy helped in that corner. We seem to have mini bicker fights that are completely related to the stress of puppyhood, but at least we are not snapping at each other because of Murphy overload stress. Seriously...we have had the best 3 weeks of our lives with Murphy. Ever since the puppy. Oh, and the medication for him. He He. But I am not sure if that has really kicked in yet. Since he's taking a teeny tiny dose. Half of even the smallest dose you can give.

Yeah, Abe Lincoln and Jack are tight. He must have that CD memorized.

Do email me, but totally whenever. We know our marriage would be awesome if we could just get a handle on those meddling kids;). And counting puppy poops. Sadly, I probably would have more issues with Tom if I was not always up to my elbows in crazy kid issues.

I am rambling and must stop.

Gigs said...

Okay, count me in as someone who needs to know your marriage advice. Really. Needs to. While Kevin has a myriad of disorders, after learning all we have about ADD and ADHD, it is incredibly obvious that this is something he inherited from my husband. And living with the two of them is making me c-r-a-z-y. Although I have to say up front that I'm not sure I can get over myself, not have my sacrifice acknowledged... I say all the time, "I'm so tired of being everybody's brain!". And I am. Tired. Angry. Sad. And I want people to recognize how hard I am working to keep things up and running around here. Selfish, I guess. So maybe I am not worthy of your marriage plan... Anyhoo... We have Kevin on board with a new therapist who is working with him on the issues he has with ADD (low-dose meds, not sure they are making any difference), Aspergers, and the latest addition to his trifecta, an anxiety disorder. I'd send my husband too, but the guy only works with kids...

Love this post. It's great to catch up with the Furious family. I always think of you as the only one who ever truly appreciated the hilarity of the glass squirrel in my husband's "mom box". lol.

Mrs Furious said...

Gigs,
"I say all the time, "I'm so tired of being everybody's brain!". And I am. Tired. Angry. Sad. And I want people to recognize how hard I am working to keep things up and running around here. "

Not selfish... justified. I get it. Completely. And I've lived in (do live) in that place a lot. When Mr F fucked up the taxes last month... I was there. It was a bad bad time for me... just feeling like IT NEVER GETS BETTER... he can just live his life with no consequences and I have to figure out how to pick up the pieces... over and over again. He didn't even really ever acknowledge why it was rude/inconsiderate/irresponsible. He really doesn't experience his actions that way. The only thing you can do is try not to take it personally and I know how hard that is.


julie,
I meant to comment last time on your new dog. I am SO happy to hear how great it has been for Murphy. That is fantastic and kind of hope-filled.

Mrs Furious said...

I should note... and this is completely hilarious... that Mr F just read the post and then came in and asked..
"Now exactly what plan are you talking about?"

See how well it's working?

Gigs said...

That is truly, truly, priceless.

wootini said...

"candy I don't like" - for me that does not compute. :). What could it possibly be?!

I would love to hear more about the marriage plan - truly.

And I'm dying laughing at Mr. F's comment!

Mrs Furious said...

wootini,
milk chocolate. I only like dark. I also bought the cheap nasty jelly beans instead of the jelly bellys. Unfortunately that also means Kid doesn't have any candy she likes... you can't win them all.

Maybe I'll mass email our plan. I'm a bit worried about people who don't *get it* judging me, so I'm worried about posting too much about it. You really have to understand the situation... and there are people who just don't get it. And do my in-laws still read this?!

Julie said...

Unfortunately that also means Kid doesn't have any candy she likes... you can't win them all. LOL! Well, at least Baby doesn't give a shit what kind of sugar she is popping in her mouth, right!

Gigs (& Mrs F & all),
We get the results of Murphy's neuropsych eval today. M just started meds for the anxiety disorder 3 weeks ago...don't know if the medication is working or if it is the new puppy, but I see a BIG change for the better. Good luck to you.

Oh, for the record, I may be the one with ADHD in my marriage (for reals, too), but Tom is totally the fuck up. And the forgetful one. And since the puppy, we have re-iniated the whole resentful passive aggressive bicker around this house. LOVE the puppy. It's not his fault. It's just that I wish we had a staff working here. On that note, Prince William & his bride said they will not have "servants" and they will do their own chores. How nice. Let's see how long that lasts;). Princess Kate will soon be asking for Mrs F's Marriage Plan!

Sue said...

I have lurked anonymously for some time on your blog (LOVE IT, btw!) but this marriage plan of yours has forced me to emerge from the shadows. Can I PLEASE learn more about this marriage plan you've devised?

Deb said...

I need to be on the mass email. Pretty please.

Torey said...

How do I get on the Mass Email List?

Seriously, N has ADD To. The. Max.

An example:
For the last 6 weeks I've been reminding him that his BFF (a term he loathes) is defending her dissertation this week in WV. He never made any plans, so I made other plans for this week. She defends tomorrow.

This morning N gets up, decides he AND the kiddos should drive 10 hours EACH WAY to go see her. TODAY. So I had the pleasure of packing up everything needed for 2 kids for a road trip and then call a hotel, make a reservation and then pack all of his crap. What did he do while this was going on?? He cut his hair in the bathroom.

SAY WHAT????

And that is my story of the day. So yeah, where is that email?

Mrs Furious said...

Torey,

"What did he do while this was going on?? He cut his hair in the bathroom."

Bwhahahaha!!!!! Let's just say... YES... I've been there. That is fucking hilarious. That has literally happened over here.




Now I'm afraid my marriage tip is going to let everyone down... I'll get to the mass email... and or suck it up and write the post. At the same time... things are going better than they have in a decade so I really do think it works.

Mrs Furious said...

Sue,
thanks for the comment... I won't leave you hanging!



Deb,
I was going to say I didn't know you husband had ADD... then I remembered the whole lost car incident! Yeah, you might be able to benefit.

wootini said...

Whatever the plan may be, I swear I won't be disappointed or judgmental. I need help! I also could use some advice on how to choose a therapist...

Wish I didn't like milk chocolate! :)

Mrs Furious said...

I'm going to do a post about it. I'm trying to convince Mr F to participate in a video... should be worth waiting for ;) I'll try to get it up this weekend!

Deb said...

My husband? No ADD in his world. He's just...uh...spacey. Me, on the other hand, formally diagnosed about six months ago. I went to be tested, because a friend of mine was describing what her life was like off her meds (she's pregnant), and I knew something was wrong when I said, "Wait. That's not how everyone's brain functions normally? Because you just described an average day in my life."

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