The Cycle Repeats Itself

So I'm down in the dumps. I haven't worked out for 3 days. This is a problem since it not only means I am letting myself down but that I am further from reaching my fitness goals and possibly going to have a harder time with this than I thought. I'm not actually worried about gaining weight. Outside of a few pounds plus or minus, not accounting for pregnancy gain, I have not been someone with a hugely fluctuating weight. And I have the eating down. I rarely go over my calories and calorie counting is something I could easily do for the rest of my life. Seriously. I know this drives many of you crazy but it doesn't bother me, and knowing that I can eat whatever I want and not have to have that sabotagey diet mentality of "off limit" foods is great. But here is the deal. I REALLY REALLY want to be a fit person. And for me, being the extremist personality that I am, that means really fit... athlete fit... fittest possible version of myself.

This seems doable and reasonable when I'm in an upswing... when all the factors in the goddamn universe collide to make for a perfect evening... I still have energy (un-fucking-likely), Mr F is home on time, dinner is light so I can get right on the treadmill without crippling stomach pains, something engrossing is on Tivo, the Baby times her naps perfectly so that she can stay up until I am done. As you can imagine A LOT of things can mess this up... and then I am put in the position where just a little bit of sabotaging can go a long way and before you know it I decide that taking a bath is perfectly reasonable!
And of course it is perfectly reasonable.. I mean I almost never do anything for myself or by myself in a 24 hour period. Sleep...not by myself, nursing Baby all mother fucking night long. Shower... door open kids asking incessant questions "what? WHAT? I can't hear you the water is running!... My Little Ponies? What?! In a minute! I'll do it in a minute!". Insert cooking, dressing, cleaning, driving, shopping and you pretty much get an accurate picture. Oh all that and I'm lazy and a whiner and a sabotager.

So if I take one day... I mean one measly day off... I can't get back into the working out. This is so frustrating and really makes me mad at myself. If I had a way to work exercise in to my day that would be great but really I don't and the end of the day is the only time I can do it... and by then it is very easy for things to have conspired against me.... or just for my brain to have conspired against me. Last night, for example, I really needed to work out. I took Wednesday off since I took the baby to a Mommy & Me class after dinner, and that is important, and it means I won't be able to exercise... fine that really needs to be my only weekday off and I know that. Well Thursday I had the great shopping expedition and after being at the mall for 4 hours I was exhausted and through a communication snafu, Mr F didn't get my messages, we all got home late and had dinner late and then I just didn't have the energy for exercising. Okay... but I only have 2 days off to take and I just took them back to back! Well lets just throw in the towel now.. because if I allow myself more than 1 day off in a row I just can't bring myself to get back on the treadmill... it is a quickly escalating downward spiral. Friday... I have no excuse.. even worse I spent a full 2 hours battling it out in my head (which required so much more energy than the workout itself!) back and forth.. "you're tired".. "you are just sabotaging.. sure you're tired but you'll feel so much better once you start".. "yeah that's true but you had a long week... it is possible that you could push out 3 workouts on the weekend".. "lies all lies.. you'll never do that and then you'll hate yourself again" .. "what does it matter I need a tummy tuck... boo hoo hoo" .."how do you know.. remember that guy on Biggest Loser his stomach looked fine, get on the treadmill".. "take a bath you deserve a bath!"

Well I took the damn bath even though I knew what I was doing to myself and I still couldn't stop it. You see if I workout I feel good (triumphant even), in control, positive (and the endorphins don't hurt) and when I don't I feel crabby and lazy and bad about myself (and the goddamn dressing room mirrors didn't help). And so as odd as it is... if I'm having a bad day I'm unlikely to workout even though that is when it would be most beneficial.. when I could feel so proud of myself for rising to the challenge and then.. then... change things around and get things back on track. But when I feel badly about myself... what do I want to do?... make myself feel worse by living up to all my negative self talk.

Maybe I'll go workout now... Got to stop the madness...


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UPDATE
Good Triumphs Over Evil

I sucked it up... I pumped out a 70 minute treadmill workout!

And as soon as I put my workout clothes on (you know them all too well) I morphed into a giant ass willing to post my Muscle Man impersonation photos for all the world to see. Enjoy!

Mrs F's Shopping Expedition

So yesterday as promised I packed up the baby and headed to the mall... hot little Gap gift card in hand.
First things first it bears repeating that I hate to shop.
Secondly I hate to try things on.. with LARGE mirrors and florescent lighting which combine to act like a giant magnifying glass on my unclothed hideousness!

Like everyone else in the world I am hard to fit. Yes I realize you think you are hard to fit and might even believe you are harder to fit...but lets just say the feelings are mutual and call it a tie. I am short and kind of zucchini shaped... you know like a cylinder... so I have very narrow hips but a short and wide-ish waist. Oh pears I know you think the gaping waist is a problem, but waists you can have taken in... they cannot "let out" waists or "take in" the hip, butt & legs of pants. You don't really know Hell until you try on pants as a squash with a squishy hangy baby momma tummy no less!

Now I had heard rumors that the low rise pants were on the outs so I was hopeful that I might find some pants which could act as reinforcement around the aforementioned lower abdomen. I went to the Gap wearing my old jeans (size 6) which truthfully aren't too too big in the waist but after wearing them for an hour start to fall off my ass and look like Hell. I wrote a similar post about my other jeans (incidentally same size and cut just different wash) a few weeks ago. (oh yeah in the link the darker good fitting pair are the ones that are now in need of a replacement) These jeans are slightly lower rise than a mid rise... perfect ...not so low as to let my empty flap of a stomach spill out over top but not too high as to be too tight on my wide waist. Well guess what they don't fucking make them anymore. So I tried on every goddamn pair of pants in the place and typically ran into one of two problems... Low cut size fours looked HOT on me if my torso was cut off at the top of the pants... not so much with jelly belly spill over... The "mid rise" are okay but a little high on me (short waisted remember?) which is somewhat uncomfortable when you sit since the waist band then touches your ribcage. Yes in retrospect I realize I needed to have headed to a place that sells actual petite clothes and not just "ankle" length.

So mostly it was a bust. I bought a pair of the closest jeans I could find but despite being "ankle" length they are seriously 3" longer than my old jeans and although the waist is smaller upon returning home I see that that is only because the rise is higher and in actuallity these size 4 jeans are slightly bigger than the 6s I had worn for 4 days and in theory "stretched out"! So I'm returning them. I bought some other pants I'm no longer pleased with... and writing all this does make realize that the main problem is that I need my pants in a petite cut throughout not just in length. Those of you who don't know petite sizes run about 1/2 size smaller, so if you are under 5'4" this could be your answer once your old size is too big but the next size down in bafflingly too small still.

(missing picture of bogus size 4 ankle length jeans)

Because I got suckered into getting a Gap card I then had to buy $50 worth of socks for the kids and head over to Banana to see what they had to offer (15% off the whole day!). Boy Banana is in one of their fancy modes so there wasn't a whole lot for me to even consider... but let me tell you they are filled with jewel toned wrap style dresses and shirts. If you have been following my fashion quest (and how could you not?) then you know this is exactly what I have been looking for.
So I bought this little beauty...
(sure technically not a good picture of the dress.. or in general... and yes Mr F only took it cause he was looking at my boobs... but I do look hot people!)

I'm having great difficulty uploading my pictures. Check back over the weekend and I will add some more to this post when I get it all worked out.

Look Of The Day... Do Over

This is better.... no?
I forgot I had this purple cami in my closet... much better than the v-neck. I picked these leggings up at the mall... after asking the salesperson at the Gap about 10 times if these were really still stylish I went ahead and bought them. I have completed the "look" if you could call it that with the ballet flats I got at Target a couple weeks ago.

Here is a refresher of how I looked yesterday...



Stay tuned for my mall break down tomorrow...

Vanity Sizing... Mrs Furious Investigates

So I was over at Sister Skinny this morning and Katieo posted THIS about vanity sizing. I find this stuff fascinating since I just went through all my clothes and can testify that what year you bought your clothes and where you bought them definitely effects what size you bought. I can currently fit into clothes spanning 3 sizes!

My mom just took Kid F to school so I'm hoping to finally get a chance to hit the mall in search of better fitting pants.
Since this is how my jeans look on me now...
These are Gap size 6 slim fits circa 2003. I will be very interested to see what size pants I come home with.

The interesting thing about the clip Katieo links to is that they claim men's clothing is labeled true to size and not subject to vanity sizing. Hold up... that is some bad reporting... cause I just took the tape measure to two of Mr F's pants. Cover your eyes Mr F! I measured a pair of Old Navy Khakis I bought last year size 34"... true waist measurement... 38.5". Then the new pair of Levi's size 36"... true waist size.... 38.5"! If that isn't vanity sizing I don't know what is!

The Look Of The Day

More Target Beauties (I Hope!) For You To Behold...


Okay it is kind of hard for me to capture this look in its entirety with my Photo Booth. This is a teal light weight sweater dress and a long crazy bejeweled necklace (which the baby loves by the way... resulting in near strangulation!). Mr F is not a fan of this dress and I was going to return it... but it is so soft and cozy I just had to keep it. I'm not totally sure how to wear it and this is what I had on hand... black slightly bootcut workout leggings and a purple tee (yes... I wish it wasn't a v-neck!). I actually feel reasonably cutting edge in a new "Hobo Chic" sort of way.

Consider This Your Warning Kid F!

"Hey! You are not doing a good job of listening!"
"And if you aren't doing a good job of listening you are not going to want to be around Mom... because Mom will be angry and angry moms are not nice moms... angry moms are mean."

This Week The Plan

So I'm late as usual with "My Plan" what else is new?

I feel like I barely have my head above water... and really I don't have time to do this right now either... but if I postpone it much longer it will be next week the plan!

This is going to be pretty straight forward, bland, and most likely humorless... sorry!

Here's the Menu:

Monday- Meatball Soup (I'm been really milking this standby for all it's worth these days!) and Homemade Focaccia

Tuesday- Brown Sugar & Ginger Salmon w/ Rice & Broccoli

Wednesday- Kid F & Mr F date night (but I'm going to cook up 2 pounds of this for the freezer)

Thursday- Pork Tenderloin with Butternut Squash and Green Beans

Friday- pizza night

Saturday- Pork Tenderloin Sandwiches on Homemade Bread w/ Cranberry Horseradish Sauce & salad

Sunday- Chicken Potpie & salad

My cleaning goal is to vacuum tomorrow. That is it!

As for exercise I'm still desperately trying to fit more Pilates workouts in but I resist it every week (I don't know why)... so I'm scaling back my goals and just going to really try and establish one Pilates session a week until that becomes part of my routine. I'm also going to do 4 hours of cardio (1 down 3 to go!) That allows for 2 nights off which is much more doable right now.

Also I've been really tired and light headed for the last two weeks. Eating doesn't alleviate it, and it is not a hydration thing... so I'm going to really try and go to bed EARLY (and in the Furious house that means by 11).

Period. The End.

Mrs Furious Shows Off Her Casual Sophistication

So this is a shirt I picked up while at Target the other day... what can I say.. I just can't resist the pull! I wasn't actually going to buy anymore Target clothes and then I happened to touch this shirt and it was so soft I actually thought it was cashmere... needless to say it is not. It is however a very finely knit cotton and it was on sale for $12. Oh did I mention that it is a heathered shade of oatmeal? ... which is kind of like Ivory... and Ivory is one of "my colors"... so how could I resist?

Special thanks go out to my niece Jasmine for picking out the earrings... you were right your skills did in fact live up to the hype!

And Jasmine I did throw out the magenta sweatshirt cardigan... how I ever could have thought that was cool I do not know... thank you for showing me the error of my ways!

The Week... In Review

Okay I have failed miserably at most of my goals for this week.
Can you blame me? I mean my week didn't exactly get started on the right foot and it certainly didn't end on it either!

So here is how it broke down..

I pretty much stuck to the menu plan. I did bail on the chicken soup on Friday and we ordered Mexican... I needed that taco salad goddammit! Instead of going out on Saturday we ordered pizza and I did end up making the salmon noodle casserole tonight. I do have to throw out the chicken legs I bought for the soup and I do feel bad about that but at least it is only like $3 down the drain.

As for my lofty cleaning goals... lets just say I did do the laundry. Period.
As per the usual I set too high of a expectation and then instead of rising to meet it.. I wallowed around paralyzed by the enormity of it. Hopefully I will have learned my lesson (yet again) and will adjust my cleaning goals.. to... I don't know.. like one freaking goal and not a "daily" goal.

I stuck within my calorie range but I don't expect to see a loss since I upped it by 200 calories. I had been extremely light headed, starting last weekend, and by Wednesday I just couldn't take it and needed to figure out if it was calorie related. I now think it might have been related to Kid's illness on Monday and that we all had some kind of bug. The upside to all this is that I actually found it VERY difficult to go over my usual calorie intake and had to actually eat more at the end of the day to push my calories up over 1800. So I am feeling a little more confident that I will be able to maintain at this level.

As for this week's exercise... I am pretty disappointed in myself. I have a very hard time working out more than 4 times a week. I mean I usually do it but it is really tight squeezing it in. I think that when I set myself up with 6 workouts I sabotaged myself and by the weekend I was feeling pretty overwhelmed with how I could fit it all in and ended up taking the weekend off. Possibly a good thing considering how sore I am from Friday's big expedition! But I am disappointed. Mostly I am disappointed since I did have the opportunity to do it today but I chose not to... I mean consciously chose to disappoint myself... and I hate that about myself. I really am a huge sabotager and I have worked really hard and it is frustrating to see how easy it is (I mean I say this is some form every damn week) for me to give in. How my week begins really impacts how I am able to pull it together for the whole week and this Monday threw me a curve ball and then Mr F was home late one night and it just kind of snowballed...blah, blah, blah... I will do better this week and I will not over extend myself on the goals!

The good news is that I did accomplish a very BIG organizational task that has been looming over my head for months! I went through all my boxed up clothes (since I was pregnant last fall & winter) and my closet and filled one and a half 40 gallon bags with clothes and shoes. I really did a good job and I did think about my colors while I did it... Missus Smarty Pants would be so proud! I was pretty ruthless and really purged. And not just the vintage Target (gasp) but actual fancy designer clothes and shoes. The stuff I have kept can all be put away and I am giving myself until summer to wear it... as in if I don't wear them this fall and winter I'm getting rid of them... I don't care how much it cost or who gave it to me... GONE! On top of all that I got all of Kid's summer clothes put away and her fall clothes out... and boxed up all her outgrown stuff for the Baby. I also changed over all the Baby's clothes which have been spilling out of bins all over the guest room for months... this, my friends, is a huge accomplishment since I have baby clothes coming out of my ears!

So I may have failed to meet my cleaning goals and my exercise goals but I did put my time to good use. I actually hope that finally taking care of something that has been cluttering both my physical space and my mental space will free me up to be more productive in general... I hope!