I'd Be Speechless If That Was Possible

Things are SO CRAZY around here.

My insomnia is kicked up into full gear and I try and rehash all of the stuff with Mr F and practice a ton of different potential conversations he might have the next day... EVERY NIGHT

(he 100% loves this)

(especially at 2 AM)

I don't know how he can remain so calm and contained.

This stuff is so crazy, that if I could talk about it... your mind would EXPLODE.

Every week I go into therapy and I sit down and I say....

"You are not going to believe what has happened."

EVERY WEEK, PEOPLE... and I'm not even exaggerating.

The twists and turns in the last 2+ months has been nothing short of schizophrenic and there is no way to predict how it's going to end.

NO WAY... we've tried... but it is serious loose cannon time over there.

Which of course creates and anxiety in many forms.... since we're dealing with some very irrational and unpredictable people right now.

And things are factually WRONG.

We've nearly divorced ourselves from any hope that things will be righted, which kind of makes it easier.

Now we can kind of take some pleasure in the pure entertainment value of seeing what happens when the bomb is dropped.

WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN?!!

And I just want to say, I feel for Mr F.  He has given his all, his time, his talents, HIS PATIENCE, in a situation that hasn't come close to our expectations.  Even knowing that he never gives less than his best for them.  I don't know how he holds it together every day, dealing with this bs... along with the disappointment of not getting his dream job... along with the stress of a new job search... along with trying to paint the house... and just the overwhelming pressure of all of that as our sole breadwinner.  I feel badly and guilty that this portion pretty much falls on his shoulders.  But I'm also trying to rest up since the next bit (showing a house, moving, single parenting until things get lined up) will fall on mine.

Well

Time to put my money where my mouth is.

Not sure what is going to happen, or when.

I kind of want to vomit.

But I'm also kind of excited about ...

who knows?... possibilities?...

just a real earnest belief that there are risks worth taking.

I really believe it.