Saturday, September 29, 2007

Finally Someone Does What I Tell Them To!

My Mother who originally started emailing her food diary, along with my friend and I, 7 months ago has finally gotten on board for real this time and has seen a 3 pound loss this past week because of it! Heretofore she had been intermittently sending out her food diaries and had lost a few pounds and then regained them over the last couple of months but she wasn't really committed she was just going through the motions. She didn't really change how she ate or what she ate, just how much (some of the time), and she didn't change her activity level. Now finding herself back where she started and facing a big trip to Japan in a few weeks she wanted to get back on board and lose 10 lbs. So this time I asked her if she would just do what I told her to do and try it for a month. She agreed. We've gone through this more than once so I was SHOCKED when she actually followed through.. okay she didn't the first week but she did the second week and lost three pounds.
My mom is a classic emotional eater.. uses food to self medicate really... and she is a binge eater so some of the things that I do we had to cut out of her plan in order to keep her from sabotaging. Typically I'm a big believer in treats, but my mom can't have a box of chocolates or a freezer full of cookie dough and have just one. I am fortunate that this isn't my eating MO! So here is what I told her. I wanted her to weigh everything and count calories whenever possible... even when she thinks she knows them double check. (In the past she has been big on telling me "I know how many calories are in ____" ...well that's great... I do too but I measure and weigh to be sure I'm accurate. Let's face it you are only going to lose weight if you know exactly how much you are eating... *thinking* you know is how you got where you are! I wanted her to eat a 300 calorie breakfast... not one freaking banana cause she's not really hungry... "but I guess you were hungry 2 hours later when you had to get lunch at Taco Bell... eat the damn breakfast!" (Yes this is really how we talk to each other) So she is essentially to follow my plan minus the dessert, she says she doesn't need it. So she's eating 300, 100, 300, 100, 400.. or there abouts and yes I know it is 1200 calories, she is 55 and her metabolism is shot! I also wanted her to workout for at least an hour a day preferably an hour and a half. Boy oh boy did she balk at that. But I said, as I have many times, "what you have been doing hasn't worked I really think you need to exercise a lot to pick up your metabolism."

She attempted to submit some dieting clauses... these may sound familiar:

#1 "I Can't Do That"
As for the longer exercise she gave every excuse imaginable... including that the dogs get too tired after 45 minutes... the dogs?!?! "Drop the damn dogs off at home and keep walking!"... "Oh" she said.... I'm serious about the exercise folks, 45 minutes is not enough, try kicking out 60 plus minutes of cardio 5 times a week and you will see HUGE results.

#2 "What About A Day Off"
"You don't think you deserve a weekend off after a good week" My mom asked. "What?! stop messing with me mom!" I shouted into the phone. "I'm not...I'm serious" she said sheepishly. "NO I don't!" I retorted... You see it is something as simple as thinking you deserve a reward for being good that is indicitive of a sabotager. Your reward for being good is not being fat! If you allow yourself to earn treats... you are going to earn your way to one thing... your old goddamn lifestyle. Weight loss will only work if you change the way think about your relationship with food.

#3 "I Can't Start Today..."
Then she told me she couldn't start right away because she had a whole bunch of food in the garden. "Throw it out" "I will not throw it out I can't throw out perfectly good food" "Mom when you are a financially stable overweight woman you are still throwing it out... you are just throwing it in your gut instead of the trash" (light bulb moment people... take it in) I then told her to give it to a food pantry which she agreed she could do.

In the end she took notes and agreed to try it my way for the next month. Okay so her first week she was still challenging me... what else is new? Then she came to my house and noticed how much thinner I am now and said "I want a piece of that" went home and sucked it up and tried it my way... and what do you know?... boom... three pounds lighter! Let me just say this, I am incredibly proud of my mom. She sabotages herself for a living... and it is deep rooted! She said after she weighed in (only once a week) she was so elated and felt so proud that when she went to play bridge (a temptation disaster waiting to happen) she stopped on the way and had a double hamburger (330 cal) so she wouldn't be hungry and she could be in control of her calorie intake. This was a huge victory for her, typically she would skip lunch and then figure she could have all the snacks to make up for it. This time she felt in control and didn't give into the snacky temptations and left there feeling better than ever. Once you get going it is an upward spiral... control begets control. Try it! If my mom can do it you can do it. Give it one week. You can do anything for one week. This is not starvation... this is not impossible.. this is accounting for what you eat and exercising... that is all.

Style Why Do You Elude Me?

So while I was at the airport the other day wearing these...

I knew they weren't fitting right when I had to hold on to 'em while I was running to keep them from falling off. But sweet jesus.. I looked really bad. It is kind of hard to tell from these pictures (hint: click on the pics for a better view) but the butt looked like a big empty jean sack you could have put at least one more butt into. And I know you are all like "oh boo frickin' hoo Mrs F!" well let me tell you it didn't look good. I looked FRUMPY.. like the very definition of frumpy. And to make matters worse we were flying on a weekday morning so every other woman was in some kind of fancy suit. So when we were in the car on our way home I said to Mr Furious while looking down at the jeans that were rippling in the front "God I look terrible in these". Mr F replies "What do you mean?" And so I pointed out the huge folds of fabric that bunched up while I sat there and told him about my bathroom mirror experience and he says "Yeah they don't really look that good"... Well thanks for the heads up! Thanks for letting me wear these all around two states! Jesus christ I looked like I was heading out to the barn!

So here I am in some better fitting jeans... see.. I look about 20 pounds thinner!

Unfortunately these are the only pants I have that fit. Today my mission is to go through all my boxed up pre-pregnancy clothes and try them on. I was watching Tim Gunn's Guide to Style the other night and realized I have indeed been to hard on Missus Smarty Pants. Essentially they suggest the same thing.. establishing a basic wardrobe of "must haves" and then only a few trendy pieces. In theory I by into this idea... but I don't wear "slacks" or little black dresses. I actually get defecated on...daily. I don't do "dry clean only". And I don't have a thousand dollars to put into clothes that will look like they have gone to war by the end of the season. And by war I do mean if you went war with the Oompa loompas. The point is most of my clothes I buy in bulk from Target and Old Navy. If something fits I buy it in every color and yes I realize this makes me look like a grownup in Garanimals. This is why I need help. It isn't like I look like a complete abomination... it is just that I don't look good either. So what is a practical stay-at-home mom to do if she wants to look stylish? I mean isn't there some type of in between look out there? Are my choices really looking like I do or like I'm heading for work in a law office? Sure I could go to J Crew or The Gap and buy an outfit... I'm not that helpless.... but I want to have my own actual style that is geared toward my body... and I honestly don't really know what that is.

Friday, September 28, 2007

Breaking News!

Holy Crap!

Mr Furious's car was stolen from our driveway last night!

Yes we left the keys in it... because.. we are lazy bastards.

So if anyone sees a Red 2001 Volvo S60 with a Kakistocracy bumper sticker contact the authorities.

You can read Mr Furious's take on it HERE.

Mr F's car was found .. and in perfect condition no less... less than a mile away at an apartment complex. Seems this was a joyride after all. Mr F is actually a little bummed since he had already started online car shopping...
Of course the bastard still has a set of keys so we'll have to block his car in with mine every night!

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Well Call Me Astounded!

With a fair amount of hesitancy I stepped on the scale this morning and REJOICE I am actually down another .2 pounds bringing me to my all time low of ...

What a relief! Let me tell you there is just a wee bit of pressure when you post your weight loss in such a public format! I was already thinking through how a little weight gain was just another challenge to post about... but I am thrilled that that can all stay hypothetical at this point!

As you know I was very nervous about venturing outside of my controlled food environment and then with not working out.. I was fully expecting to go up a little. So maybe my metabolism is finally picking up?! I didn't go hog wild... when everyone else were eating bagels I only had half...I didn't eat most of the side dishes... but I did eat plenty of cake! I managed to keep my food diaries going (all but the last day) with the best calorie guesses I could make and was eating about 400 calories more a day. This might be a weight I could maintain at after all.

As an interesting side note Mr Furious gained 4 pounds. And not that I root for his dieting demise but it just goes to show that I have acclimated to actually eating in appropriate portions and eating consciously. On our drive to the airport he actually shoved a Grands Biscuit into his face (I mean in like literally 2 bites people!) and then turned into a Dunkin Donuts and walked out with a Big 'Ol Blueberry muffin. I said to him "just because you shove something in your mouth doesn't make it calorie free... are you even hungry?" Mr F responded by flashing a sheepish grin. That is going to be his hardest habit to break... he is quick to reach for an immediate hunger solution but often makes an impulsive and unsatisfying choice and then still wants to eat something else.

I was just watching the Biggest Loser from the other day and there is a female contestant who gave in to a food temptation and was just jamming food down. She ate an entire cereal bar in one bite! True... that was extreme... but it did remind me of how a lot of people approach eating... especially Mr F! There are times when I'm about to serve dinner and he is reaching for a snack because he is crashing and can't contemplate waiting even 2 minutes for food. But you better believe he eats just as much at dinner 2 minutes later as he would have. Does this ring a bell with anyone? I used to be the same way... I just used soda as my quick fix. Now I eat about 6 times a day. I eat 300, 200, 300, 200, 400, 200 calorie meals or snacks in a typical day. I am rarely hungry and when I am ... I eat. I don't drink any calories except in my morning coffee.. and I have learned to have an energy bar in the car where I need it! I almost never *crash* anymore. And it really isn't hard to do this, you just need to find your treats and snacks and stick with them.. so you can stop sabotaging yourself.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

We're Back!

Hey Mrs Furious what's that?

What this old thing?

That's right... it is my completely unpacked bag! I actually unpacked everything... and put it all away no less... within an hour of our return. This my friends has never happened before. The Furiouses typically leave our bags within steps of our back door and then dig threw them spewing their contents all around for DAYS... if not weeks... before we actually *unpack*. And even then often some weird shit is left in the bags until we get them out for our next trip.

Oh you didn't mean that.... you meant this....

That is the mother fucking llama that spit directly into my face yesterday! As if staying with my in-laws wasn't bad enough!

Ah... it is good to be home...

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Sorry Guys!

It has been much harder than I imagined to use my in-laws computer (under the cloak of night no less) as I must do it with great speed so as not to have anyone find me and start reading over my shoulder! ;)

Let me just say I will be astounded if I have been able to maintain my weight while staying here. Number one I have not been able to exercise... I guess technically I have been able to, I just haven't. Like a complete nerd I even packed a jump rope thinking I might go all Rocky style on this place... but alas now it is just one more thing to shove around the bottom of my suitcase as I desperately try to find what remaining clothes I have left that Baby F hasn't peed, pooped or puked on!
Number two it has been eye opening to visit while on my "diet". My in-laws have a very bad diet... I mean literally tons of sugar and fat... very little vegetation (even by my standards) and they eat in a kind of feast or famine style through out the day. In the past I would just guzzle soda to try and ease myself through the famine portion of the day... now I have been really suffering having no quick fix and I feel like crap! If nothing else having to eat badly and irregularly has made me really appreciate how much better I feel when I am eating "my food" at home. I can't wait to get back into my usual routine!

See you all tomorrow with the return of my weekly menus and most likely some very interesting if not humorous weekend reviews!

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Not Funny "Ha Ha"

So to understand the mental prison that I currently find myself in I will transcribe a conversation from this evening.

Mother-in-Law "Blah, blah, blah....broken oven....blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah.... 20 years ago.... blah, blah. Blah, blah... needed a repair man... blah, blah."

Mrs Furious (impersonating someone who gives a shit) replies "hmmm that's funny"

Mother-in-Law looks Mrs F in the eyes and says "No actually it wasn't."

How exactly do you even respond to that?
"Yeah I get that... apparently what you don't get is sarcasm, irony, disinterest, my goddamn comedic genius... but hey thanks for making me feel like an asshole!"
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