Thursday, September 24, 2009

Taking A Break

We're packing up and heading to the beach. I'll be back in a few days. We need this.

While I'm gone, if you are the praying type... or positive energy type... wishing and hoping type...or cast a magical spell type, please send your thoughts and prayers to my dear friend Meagan up in Alaska. Her husband was just diagnosed with B-Cell Lymphoma. He is currently undergoing weeks of painful tests and procedures as they try and identify what stage it is at. Their first baby is due in late December.

I love you Meagan and I'm hoping for the best and praying for you guys! Hang in there! I'm thinking of you.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Not So Quiet Desperation

I'm stuck and hurting and alone.

I've never felt more alone in my life... than I do now... here.

It's hard to even verbalize the deep pit I feel... the entrapment... the fear that I might not get out.

The loneliness.

The wrongness.

This year has been a hard, trying, learning experience.

And I'm grateful for it. Really, I am. It's changed me and my perspective, and my priorities... and my marriage.

and while part of me feels stronger... like I've been prepared for a battle... the other part is lame, and sore, and maybe lost.

The part that is about me.

Not the part about being a good wife or a caring mother.

The part that is just about me.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Cat's Got My Tongue

I've been asked to zip it for a bit on a certain subject.

Well, for the life of me I just can't think of another stinking thing to say.

It's like if I can't write about the ONE THING ON MY FREAKING MIND then what is the point?! I feel like I need to think up a post every morning and, frankly, I hate that. I've got enough other stuff on my plate that I don't need to feel like I need to come up with a blog post.

So while we wait I'll try to get inspired by something other than the thing which is truly interesting.

But until the gag order is lifted I can make you no promises as to the quality (or genuineness) of this blog.

You've been warned.

Just To Tide You Over

Monday, September 21, 2009

Got My Hands Full

This little fella dropped in today. This is the baby I'll be watching... am watching I suppose I should say. They needed me to fill in at the last minute today. I was happy to oblige as I'm not turning down money at this point.

I hadn't been planning on him or I would have taken care of our errands over the weekend (thank God we had cleaned!). As it stood I had to go today. With Baby and the baby... in the pouring rain. It's been a long time since I've had to juggle one of those ridiculously heavy and cumbersome infant car seats. Doing that in the rain while making (asking... hoping) Baby to walk through the parking lot holding onto my purse was STRESSFUL. But we made it. Kids are funny like that. I often am amazed at how they'll rise to a challenge when they have to... almost like all they needed was for there to be a real need for them to take up appropriate behavior.

I did my best to be as quick as possible. Not having watched him before I don't know his quirks... or his patience level... and I did not want to mess with him right off the bat. Shopping with Baby is stressful enough... with her penchant for dismounting from the cart... or lodging herself underneath... or squashing expensive raspberries... or throwing glass jars onto the checkout belt. So I was STRESSED. Then of course my phone rang (people NO ONE calls me... ever) and fearing it was a school emergency I rushed to check it... MR F. Oh I wanted to shoot him. He knew where I was and what I was doing! Like I had an extra hand for answering the phone and having a chit chat! Give me a break for once!!

As it turns out the call was worth the trouble. More on that later.

Sunday, September 20, 2009


On Friday as we cleaned up the dinner dishes I asked Mr F...

"What is the one thing you miss most about not having money? What's the first thing you'd add back?"

"Going out to eat." He said.

"Me too." I replied.

Not vacations. Not new cars. Not furniture or clothes. Just give us a decent restaurant!

I can suck everything else up. I can budget out grocery money. He can drive a junker. But FOR THE LOVE OF GOD we just want to be able to go to a restaurant (not fancy folks!) and order WHAT WE WANT. And not even think about it.

Going out to eat had the biggest impact on our daily quality of life.

And it's the first thing we're adding back.

I'm not saying every day... but... once a week... that would be amazing! Just to be able to relax and enjoy someone else's cooking. Talk to my family. I really miss that.

What's yours?
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