Friday, April 25, 2008

Guess Who I Hate Most Right Now

Sure he wrote some really nice comments about me yesterday.
That was then and this is now...

This is nothing folks. The shit hit the fan when I saw his bags full of impulse buys. I could kill him. I am actually so furious on so many levels that I can't even begin to break it down for you. Let's just say there is a standing Furious Family rule that Mr F is not allowed to go grocery shopping. For a multitude of reasons. Yes that sounds ridiculous but if you understood the full depth of his ADD induced shopping issues you would understand. And lets just say Mr F breaks this rule a few times a year. Tonight is one of those times... and he did it during what should have been my hour to myself and he left Kid here while he did it... and he was gone for 75 minutes without his cell phone... and he is now on my shit list.

Stay tuned. Tomorrow when I've cooled down I will share with you the funnier/infuriating (to me) side of living with someone with Adult onset ADD. I will say that likening ADD to dementia is a completely valid comparison. You can stew on that for tonight.

Trip Down Memory Lane

I was looking at some old pictures last night and thought I'd share my full weight gain & loss progression. Of course I don't have digital pictures from before I was married (I was hot) and I was pregnant with Kid (I was huge) almost right away so you'll have to use your imagination on that front. I found these old pics on Mr F's computer. At this point I had had Kid and was pretty consistently about 4-5 pounds heavier than I was pre Kid's pregnancy.

Here I am when Kid was 3 years old about 6 months before I became pregnant with Baby. I weigh around 126 in these pictures.

Here I am about 8 months pregnant and probably at that point about 168 pounds.

Here I am about to give birth and topping the scales at 178 pounds. Believe it.

This shot is taken the beginning of April about one month into calorie counting and just over 2 months postpartum. At this point I weigh 145 pounds. I had already lost 33 pounds.

This is one month later at 140.5

Five weeks after that on my 31st birthday and am 134 pounds.

And here I am just before I started my blog in the middle of July and I weigh 131 pounds and my weight loss had started to stall.

You've seen this before but it helps you visualize where I went weight wise from the above photo until now. This chronicals a 20 pound weight loss, a 10% fat loss, and it spans a 4 months period of time. This is when I started the crazy cardio.

And here I am today. I weigh around 110. I have maintained this weight for the past 5 months.
(sorry for the nightgown shot but it's 1AM)

Thursday, April 24, 2008


Listen Up

I'm taking an emotional vacation from my blog. It has just been too draining this week and even Kid said this morning "So are you going to start your new private blog today... so that people don't make you mad?"
In leu of that I'm going to remove the comments section from any posts other than my fluffy ones. To be honest I just don't want to hear it right now... and I'm really not interested in anyone's advice on how I should or shouldn't run my blog... or how much it should or shouldn't affect me. I'm going to see how this goes.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Dear Anonymous

Yesterday, in response to a post I wrote about why I find my choice to stay home with my children fulfilling, I recieved this comment:
"I can't tell if this post is meant to be serious or a joke. You really think that deciding whether to get a Happy Meal is intellectually stimulating? I think it's great that you're raising your kids on a full-time basis (and wish I could spend as much time with mine), but I wouldn't consider my life complete without my job. And frankly, it always surprises me when you talk about how busy you are. Laundry, cleaning, cooking, shopping, and working out... it's really not as taxing as you sometimes make it sound. Us full-time moms have to do what you do PLUS work. And I still think I'm a pretty wonderful mother."

Sorry people but I can't let this go.

It is interesting that this commenter is a "full-time mom" and I just take care of my kids on a "full-time basis". I also think it is interesting that this commenter is doing everything I'm doing plus working. Are you sure? Because last time I checked you're going to work during the day... and I'm taking care of my kids during the day. I assume that you are not taking care of your kids while you work... right? Someone else is doing that... and that is their job. You pay them to do it. Taking care of children from 9-5 is an actual job in and of itself. You don't actually expect your day care workers to also do all of your household tasks at the same time... right? Because focusing on your kids and being with them and paying attention to them, and feeding them is a job. So it makes sense that if I'm doing all that and trying to get other stuff done at the same time that I'd feel "busy". You know how you feel on a weekend (when your spouse is out of town)... you know how it is hard to get as much done as you thought you would?... that's what it is like during the week for me. Thanks for thinking "outside the box" on that one.

If you are a confident person who is secure and confident in your choices that will ALWAYS threaten someone who is not. And that person will inevitably try to tear you down to make themselves feel better. Which is exactly what the commenter did when they wrote:
"And frankly, it always surprises me when you talk about how busy you are. Laundry, cleaning, cooking, shopping, and working out... it's really not as taxing as you sometimes make it sound. Us full-time moms have to do what you do PLUS work" I wonder how that worked out for you Ms Anonymous? Did it actually make you feel better? Somehow I think not.

Also it bears repeating... that I don't care if you work or don't work. I don't care if you are a wonderful mother, a good enough mother, or a bad mother. I don't know you and your life has absolutely no effect on me. I only care that I am a good mother. And I am.

P.S. This is my blog. If you say something that is rude or disrespectful I'm going to post it. Period.

I'm A Model... You Know What I Mean

"Mom, don't I look great in everything?"

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Me and My Brain: Working Together Since 1976

I feel it is my purpose in life to learn as much as I can and live as consciously as possible. I actually think that is the meaning of life... at the very least it is the meaning of my life. Sometimes I find myself censoring myself, not just on the blog, but in the real world as well. Mostly because I am a people pleaser and I never want to offend anyone. But I have moments when I wish I could more freely share my point of view and knowledge in hopes that it might help someone else. So I am going to try and be more open (I know you are wondering if that is even possible!... it is) and maybe be a little more controversial on the blog. I may offend you... and please know that is not my intention... but many of the things I feel strongly about are things that people tend to feel defensive about. And I'm not being judgmental... and I really hope that you believe that... because I'm really not. I know and respect that everyone comes from a different perspective and is searching for a different and unique life experience. My way is my way, and of course I believe in what I choose to do and not do, but I don't need you to choose to do it too. I really don't. This is my journey and you have yours.

One day someone asked me if I ever wanted to go back to work. The implication (and really it was) was that staying home couldn't be totally fulfilling. I'm not really sure why not. I approach staying home the same way I approached going to work. I don't know why a daycare worker is performing a valid job all day but I am not? Another day my brother asked me (Kid was 3 at the time) when I was going to put her in daycare and get a life. I don't think he was kidding. I said "this is my life." But I felt defensive and had to say something about how I didn't make enough at my job to justify daycare. Which is something I often throw around even though it has absolutely nothing to do with why I stay home. I stay home because ... (first let me say I stay home because I can)... I believe I am best suited to raise my children. And I feel that that is a 24 hour job.

I always knew that I would stay home with my children and haven't regretted one day of my decision. Not one single day have I ever woken up and wished I could go to work. Why? Outside of not wanting to miss a moment of their lives... because I find raising children to be the most thought provoking, demanding, challenging, intellectual pursuit of my life. Every single day provides another opportunity for me to expand my way of thinking about myself and my actions, about my point of view, and about my deficits. There is very little in my life that I just "do"... I am not a going through the motions type of person. Nearly every action I take is thought about and decided upon before I do it.

This may surprise everyone but sometimes I actually get Kid a Mc Donald's Happy Meal. But I don't just get her a Happy Meal. I run through all the pros and cons of a Happy Meal. The anti-biotic laden beef, the high fructose corn syrup, the trans fats, the carcinogens, the commercialization, the Chinese apples, the lead toy.... I think about all of that stuff and then I decide if making Kid happy is worth it. Sometimes it is. But, you see, I don't just buy the Happy Meal.... I think about everything that Happy Meal is before I buy it. All that thought went into lunch people. Somebody asked me if I was joking about this. No I'm not joking. When you break any decision down it seems menial... that is exactly my point. You can live your life and preform your job to a "good enough" level... or you can put thought into everything you chose to do. You can use your brain even at the McDonald's drive up window if you want to. I choose not to "check out". I choose to think and research the things (big and small) that impact my family's life. I don't know what other job I have ever had, or could ever have, that would provide me with as much intellectual stimulation. And not just that.... but actually allow me to put my education to use... every day, all day.

Child's Play

I've been meaning to write a post about a fantastic documentary I watched on PBS last week.
It was called "Where Do The Children Play" and it was fantastic... really thought provoking stuff.

I'll be back to write more on this topic later.

In the meantime check your local listings and set your DVRs.

Monday, April 21, 2008

Workin' 9 to 5

"Excuse me... I'm trying to get some work done around here!"

This Week The Plan

Okay last week wasn't great. As is always the case post-vacation (be there travel or not) the week went straight to Hell. I never really recovered from being off schedule the week before and it all just kind of spilled into last week as well. On top of that (which means the house was a wreck) Baby went through another (yes another) night waking spell which resulted in something like a full on sugar binge for me. And I don't really blame myself... I have to do something to stay alive (and awake)... it does just throw the whole week of course. In the end I never really exercised outside of my terminal trekking and one stroller walk... but I was exhausted and I'm cutting myself some slack and moving on.

This weekend I actually went to the mall and bought myself some reasonably nice things (unheard of). I got new sandals and a new outfit (see below)... added bonus the outfit was bought with old gift cards (yes I even hoard those) so it was essentially free. And I already wore it (even more unheard of). Typically if I buy something "nice" I have to covet it (with the tags on) for quite some time... as nothing I do seems nice enough to warrant wearing it... and then before you know it it has been 90 days and it is still lying there tags on and I return it. So this wearing of a new outfit... one day post purchase... is a major step for me and really should be applauded.

On to this week:


Monday - Chicken Fajitas

Tuesday - Chicken Faux Lo Mein

Wednesday - Kid & Mr F Date Night

Thursday - Cornflake Crusted Tilapia & Asparagus

Friday - Tomato & Meatball Soup

Saturday - takeout

Sunday - Salmon Caesar Salad

Diet & Exercise:
Obviously last week was a bomb. Whatever. Moving forward. I'm going to continue food journaling but I'm not calorie counting anymore. I have not been restricting my calories and I have not been gaining... I just want to focus on making better choices. I have some ideas on that front that I am pondering... maybe I'll divulge them this week. As for exercise I'm just going to do the best I can. I've been enjoying the change of pace (haha literally) that the running intervals bring to the workout and so I'm going to focus on that for now and keep trying to up my running distance.

Chores & Errands:

Monday - laundry, vacuum

Tuesday - grocery shopping, clean off desk

Wednesday - vacuum

Thursday - clean off desk (as I surely won't have done that yet), pay bills

Friday - look into weekend trip to tulip festival

Look Of The Day

Sunday, April 20, 2008

The End Of An Era

"Oh My God!" Mrs F exclaims

"What?" Kid enquires

"Dad is throwing out The Overalls of Our Love." Mrs F explains

The Ways In Which I Have Been Wronged This Weekend

This has been one of those LONG weekends... not the restful kind... the kind that starts off on the wrong foot and you never recover, you just keep limping along and crashing about hoping it will be over soon.

Part One:
On Friday evening I had to head over to the airport to pick up my niece. I had to be there in time to get an "unaccompanied minor" gate pass and get all the way though security and to her gate by 6:20. Kid got out of dance at 5:05. I forgot my cell phone so had to double back to the house adding an extra 10 minutes on to the trek. So now it is 5:15 and I have to get on the highway during rush hour traffic to drive the 30 minutes or so to the airport. (Now it is important to remember that I have both kids with me.) I get to the airport at 5:50. I park in short-term parking and start to unload the kids. I'm more than a little stressed because I can't be late and I still have to get both kids into the airport through to the check-in and through security and I don't even have half an hour to go. I get out my bag and realize that I have Kid's medicine... which is a gel... and we don't have tickets because we're not flying we're just getting gate passes. Ugh... what to do?!? I decide I have to have it and hope it isn't going to be an issue. I make Kid run... she insists on running in a shuffle which is more than a little annoying... and we get to the terminal.

Now it just so happens that when I got there they actually had an "unaccompanied minors" lane and I got right up to the counter... and I had the nicest most cooperative check-in lady of all time. Here is the problem: when they updated my niece's ticket with my name they didn't put it in the computer so NWA doesn't have a record stating I'm allowed to pick her up. It is 6 PM. The only thing they can do is wait for the plane to land and then call the gate agent and see if the updated info is with my niece. Well there isn't anything we can do but wait. I'm a little worried about my niece not being met at the gate right away but at least someone would know I was there.... right? Okay we wait... and wait... and wait. The plane lands but no one answers the gate phone. My niece waits. Baby, who has now been strapped into either her carseat or her stroller for the past hour and forty-five minutes, is losing it and I haven't even attempted the whole security nightmare.

Finally they get clearance for me to go ahead. It is 6:45. Now I have to get both kids through security. You all know the drill.... shoes off... strollers folded... medicine searched... shoes on... stroller unfolded... etc. Gate C35.... let me see.... Gate C35..... I am not kidding when I tell you this is literally the furthest gate (of course). You actually have to walk through a tunnel to another terminal and then to the VERY END of the terminal. Please remember that I have two tired kids with me and that it is dinner time and that Kid has to walk the whole way... um... I mean run. It took us 15 minutes to get to the gate. I'm trying to verify this but I think it had to have been at least a mile. We got there just as they were about to take my niece to a "holding room". Thirty -five minutes later we were back at the car.... another 45 and I was finally home tired, stressed, and starving. I spent 3 hours trekking through an airport with two little kids by myself (including security) and didn't even get a vacation out of it....what a way to start the weekend!

Part Two:
A little later Friday evening while walking around with her little bare tushie out (what else is new?) Baby had an accident of sorts. It turns out that one really can eat too many raisins. And the results were....well... disgusting. Because you see it seems that the raisins resulted in something akin to anal leakage (I'm sorry about this I really am) and she was apparently unaware that anything was going on and proceeded to march around the house spreading ooze and rehydrated raisins in her wake... including down the heating vents:

Let's just say that Q-tips were involved and that it was a laborious task.

Part Three:
On Saturday afternoon... after wrestling Baby to sleep for over a freaking an hour!... I headed to Target for some needed supplies (Unisom). While I was there I picked out some new sandals for the girls. This is no easy task since Kid has some kind of tightness OCD... Nomar Garciapara style... when it comes to shoes. She cannot tolerate any looseness. Shopping with her is akin to sticking your finger into one of those old-fashioned fans... it won't kill you... but it will hurt like a hell. It has taken me a few years but I no longer let her shop with me. I pick out what I think will work and then bring that pair home for her to try. When they don't work I return them and try again. I'm wrong 75% of the time but I avoid the tantrums and fallout that occurs when she has to try on more than one pair. Well on this particular day I saw a pair of really cute sandals... and they had them in Baby's size as well.

The thing is Kid likes her shoes TIGHT... but there is a very fine line between tight and too small. Last years sandals were a size 10. Her feet are bigger... but... by the end of the summer those sandals had stretched and were too loose. I'd like a 10.5 but of course they have a 10 or an 11. I debate this for a considerable amount of time and then bring the 10 home. She puts them on. She loves them. She loves that they match "Sissy's". She tightens them. She re-tightens them. She stands up. I notice that her foot pretty much takes up every millimeter of the foot bed... but whatever they are her feet. She says she wants to keep them. I ask her to be sure. She is. I cut off the tags. An hour later we get ready to go to a party and I ask her to put her shoes on. She then informs me that they are "too tight" and that she won't wear them. I want to bludgeon her with those stupid shoes. This is the 2nd time this has happened in the last few months and sure they are only $12 shoes but it really pisses me off. Mr F butted in that we can just return them... not once we've cut all the tags off!

Part Four:
Having barely recovered from the shoe trauma I quickly clean up after some stuff before we head out the door. I pull the cap off a marker and it explodes it's marker juice all over the dining room and all over my shirt. Perfect. Now (and I should note that we were already over an hour late for this party) I have to wash out my shirt and find a new one.

Part Five:
Apres party we decided to check out a new grocery store on that side of town. It is kind of like Whole Foods but locally owned. Why people.... why would I think shopping with my whole family... including Mr ADD was a good idea... at dinner time!?!?! Kid was immediately losing it and Mr F was off wandering about the store when all I wanted to do was to scope it out quickly for price comparison purposes and go home. Mr F felt the need to keep telling me everything they had in the store and say things like "Did you check the diapers?" No I did not check the diapers! Mind your own beeswax Mr F! I would never buy diapers here! I don't know why but shopping with him makes me want to shoot myself. He has no clue how to shop efficiently (nor does he have any freaking clue what is or isn't a "good" price) and he meanders all about... meanwhile I was just like "we have to get out of here before this trip explodes in my face!"

Then Kid starts asking me for sushi. I'm just going to say straight up that she had been really annoying and I did not feel like getting her sushi. We would have been home in 5 minutes and I had food to make for dinner already. But Mr F had shown her the sushi and was encouraging the matter... fine... way over-priced in my opinion but FINE... we're out of here. We get in the car. I open up the sushi container so she can stop freaking whining about how hungry she is and hand it to her. Not one second later she is flailing about in her booster and... and....AND... the fucking sushi is all over the back seat of the damn car. The overpriced sushi, I didn't even want to get her, is now all over the floor and she is pitching a fit. I just wanted to slam all the doors and march back into the store grab a giant cinnamon bun and shove my face into it! But I didn't. I drove home telling Mr F: "Next time I think I want to go grocery shopping with the whole family at dinner time remind me that I don't want to!"... and then I made dinner.

The end for now....
Blog Widget by LinkWithin