On The Road Again

Mr F headed out to NYC yesterday early AM.

He's meeting up with his long time friend for the weekend.

(I'm a little bit jealous)

The girls and I are heading back Up North,

rather than sit here feeling left out.

We're going to chill out with The Cougar and my cousins for a couple of days.

(no drama this time)

Be back in a few.

Yesterday

Mr F agreed to do a video with me about our new plan. That should be good quality entertainment!



Kid had her bi-annual neurology check-up. He's really the greatest peds doctor of any kind we've ever seen. Such amazing bedside manner. Since Kid has gone about 9 months without any neuro symptom (no more cyclical vomiting... remember that from last year?!!)... she is now discharged.

It's kind of amazing. This has been a really long, stressful experience.

And it is the small things... like... I don't have to list this, or her neuro contact on her medical forms anymore.

Every single time I did, it brought it all back, and the worry that... shit... something still might happen. (It still might... just really unlikely now)

After everything she has gone through, she really is one of the lucky kids that seems to have outgrown it.

On the other side of things... he is referring her to the OCD/Anxiety specialist clinic at U of M.

I almost forgot to mention all of that stuff and those symptoms to him, but then it came to me. I'm glad I had that traveling thought at the right time... "oh you know brains... listen to this!"

All of this stuff is so interrelated and overlapping, he wasn't surprised in the least.

Not even that we took her out of school... or that she's thriving at home... that's all supportive evidence in a way.

But he did think it was enough of an issue that she needs to start working with an OCD specialist.

I also said... "and this behavior (nodding to her protective cocooned up body position which she maintained the entire visit)... " "Is not just for the doctor's visit?" He added. "Right." I said.

"They also have Anxiety specialists." He said and handed me a referral.

And, that, didn't even feel bad. These days, every time someone acknowledges and validates my experience with this stuff... I don't feel overwhelmed with "why did this have to happen?" type thoughts. Taking her out of school has really alleviated a lot of my worry. She's smart, capable, and funny as hell. She'll make her way. Maybe not following a traditional path, but she'll have a purposeful, happy, productive life. I mean... hasn't every genius had some sort of mental disorder? Exactly. Let's focus on that.



Now let me speak generally for a minute... because I can... and I think it's important...

A lot of time people, well meaning but grossly misinformed people, send the very strong message that "they'll figure it out on their own" or "let them do it" or "they need to learn to stand up for themselves"... messages that what ails Kid (or similar kids) is overprotective parents. That ALL kids are capable of being at a certain level at a certain age... and, it just isn't true. Some children (some adults) just can't (nor do they want, nor is it even beneficial) to have that level of independence and responsibility. It's just too stressful. Not everyone grows out of it, or into it. And if they do... it might not be at the age that is "acceptable" to others. So my message is... please... when you see a child (or an adult) that doesn't act the way you think is appropriate, or a parent you think is being overprotective or overly permissive... take a moment to remove your judgments. Not every child that is acting out (be it externally or internally.... if you've seen my child at a social function you may know what I'm talking about) is doing so because they are spoiled brats and their parents let them run all over them. They may be doing what is right for them at that time. They may be doing all that they can, just to be there. They might be working on it.

And if you are thinking... and I know some people are... it just can't be that there are this many more kids with *issues*. Well, you are factually wrong. There are. We may not know the reasons, but it is a fact. The other thing is that in generations past, children with issues weren't mainstreamed the way they are (thankfully) now. And that medical knowledge and treatment methods are different (thankfully) and parents are more informed. These children are more visible, and their behaviors are more tolerated... because the alternative isn't *growing out of it* or *shaping up* it's long term, detrimental, negative self-beliefs. And those children turn into angry and or depressed adults. And that is a very real outcome. Very real. We're not all created equal... some of us a smarter, some more insightful, some are more sensitive, some are more afraid. There is room for everyone. Lets not throw the baby out with the bathwater. Lots of *special needs* kids have extraordinary intellectual gifts. So what if they can't sit at the Thanksgiving dinner table? Or preform in a recital? What if they're going to win a Nobel Prize one day... if... they are allowed to thrive in a world that can make some allowance for difference. IF their parents are allowed a little more breathing room and support for caring for their child in the best way they can.

Because one day... it might be your kid, or grandkid, or nephew... and all those preconceived notions you had, will wash away. And you'll just want everyone to be a bit more patient, a bit more understanding, a bit more generous.



Later last night I said to Kid...

"Are you mad that I told him all those things?" (talking about her compulsions)

"Yes. I do them because I want to." Kid said.

"I know, but that's kind of the point." I said.

"Oh." Kid said and started laughing.

Day One

More on all of this later... but.... as of today we're homeschooling.

I just could not send her back to a woman that had not one positive thing to say about her.

So, after much debate and looking at the next 10 year investment in private school (nearly 200K for Kid alone) we decided to give free (or closer to it... I've already ordered $700 in curriculum, and signed her up for $400 worth of classes for next trimester) a shot. Even if we can just finish out 2nd grade that is a major savings to put toward another year's tuition. And we'll know for sure that we've tried everything, and paying the big bucks is worth it.

So, we're trying it.

Curriculum arrives next week.

Today... the zoo.

Chin Up?

It's not.

I'm starting to really feel the pressure of 3+ months of separation, trying to sell a house in a down market without losing the kids college funds, and overall loneliness (for real peeps... it can be a bit much at times).

All in all, things are not going well for me. I need something to change soon.

I've got a good plan for the property/finance situation. We're moving the fence (as soon as the guy calls me back!!!). Then as of August 1st we're selling the lot, and refinancing the house (for less obviously, lower rates now too... bonus). That way I can pull out a majority of the equity we have locked up in the house & lot (unnecessarily at this point) and we will still have a lower mortgage on the house than we do now. I'll feel a whole lot better when we have real cash back in our hands and not trapped under this roof. Then we can move forward in Ann Arbor, put money down on the new house, and still reserve some to cover the carrying costs we'll have here until it sells. Again, hopefully it all sells before August 1st... but if not, I have a good solid plan.

I do have a lawn guy, and we came back from our trip, in part, to check and make sure he showed up and did what he said. He did.

On the tedium front, I've got the car inspected and renewed... also had to come back for that before the end of June. And on Friday I've got the car going to the shop for maintenance before we head out AGAIN. I've also got calls in to the fence guy (please call me back) and movers who are coming on Friday to give me some estimates (just in case). Then I'll feel like I can close up and head north until our house is in contract, and or we need to sell the lot and refinance, whichever comes first.

Assuming the fence guy can bump us up (please) we'll stay until the fence is moved. If that isn't going to happen in the next week then the girls and I will leave on Sunday or Monday and just trust the guy to do it right (we do-ish). Mr F is coming down to help me tie everything up and leave the house good for awhile (which involves a million small annoying tasks like replacing our porch flowers with drought tolerant ones, etc... the list is endless). I had to give him my old "Thundercats Ho!" call.... aka... crying into the phone completely overwhelmed by having to manage everything on my own. So plans were changed and he's coming down to help me load up and haul out the nasty rotting apples before we go (seriously... it's an overwhelming task), rather than having me drive up for Father's Day after pushing myself to the brink of my emotional/physical capabilities. It's just not worth the risk on that front, peeps.

Weekend Update

We're busy as bees around here this weekend. I just finished making chocolate swirl waffles (Kid's first Eeyore comment of the day: "they're okay"... yet there are none left so you do the math) and listening to last week's This American Life. I'm still working on my happiness book... and loving it. I highly recommend it.

We've been decorating (or finishing decorating) and per my instructions... also... putting all the Christmas bins back in the basement ASAP. I think if left to his own devises Mr F would happily (or obliviously) live his life stepping around bins & bags forever. It's definitely, at times, a source of marital conflict. I kind of feel that the large cumbersome hastily emptied bins take away from the WHOLE POINT of decorating the house. But I guess that's just me...

Last night Mr F and I watched Gangs Of New York. The upside of having had small children for the last 8 years is that there are always movies we haven't seen. We only made it halfway (who knew if was like 4 hours long... I can't even imagine sitting in a theater that long)... hopefully we'll finish it sometime this year. It was Close to 1 AM when we called it quits, which was probably a good thing, since it meant we were too tired to get engaged in acting it out (as is our norm for any movie with a combat scene)... and considering the horrific violence of this movie (and my lingering rage over the Christmas bin situation) it proved to be a fortunate turn of events for Mr F.

Yesterday Kid and I had a fascinating playdate/tea date at one of her classmate's. The friend from the shared party actually. FASCINATING. I don't know how else to describe it. But I will say their entire house would fit in our screened in porch (for real) and they had almost no furniture. It's not how I want to live but it is interesting. I'd like to have a nanny cam set up over there to see how it works out on a daily basis. Oh and no rugs either. Like not a single throw rug... I actually don't remember window treatments... As I said to Mr F "it's more bare bones than a rental cabin". Thankfully the mom finally recognized my comic genius (how did it take so long?!) and our time together was much less awkward and much more enjoyable than it had been in the past.

I'm a bit worried that I don't/won't have the time to put together Christmas boxes this year. I'm just a little stretched beyond my means and don't want another "to do" on my impossibly long list of to dos. We'll see. I really enjoyed doing them last year and found it to be really fulfilling... maybe the week of Christmas if I don't have to babysit too much. Also Kid made some beeswax candles at school (I know... so hippie school) and PEOPLE I was floored when I saw them. Hers looked like an adult had made them. She decorated them with a perfectly placed modern style that I couldn't believe a child had crafted. And I'm not saying that in a "she's my kid" sort of mom way... I mean... legitimately. I thought hers were the adult made example. Hopefully I'll get some pics of them soon. Now I just have to buy them off the school for $4 a piece (tell me about it) and wrap them up and that might take the place of my boxes this year.

I also started making THESE yesterday. Behold...

Gorgeous. I wish I could box these up. After making one the size of a small planet I opted to cut each sheet in a half and ended up with 5" squares making a more practical 10" snowflake. They are surprisingly easy and really impressive looking. I'm planning to crank out a few hundred (I jest) and get Mr F to hang them from the ceiling of our big playroom. I think the kids will love it.

I have to say I've changed up our holiday decorating this year and come up with some treatments that I'm really proud of. I wish we had had the time to do it sooner, we all love the way our house looks decorated. Why can't you have a 9 foot fir tree in your living room at all times? Pictures to come.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend.
I'm going to try not to do the 1000 things I probably should do, and am going to continue to let Baby direct our photo shoot until her little heart is content...