Saturday is the morning when Mrs F
Before I commence my royal bashing I will insert this disclaimer:
Mr F is a fantastic involved father. That is the primary reason I married him.. that and his obvious (and justified) worship of me. But Mr F is not Mrs F (who is?) while I am a complete badass on pretty much every level... Mr F is crippled by ADD and that does not make him the most efficient person... well intentioned (and I'm not questioning that) but incredibly inefficient.
Okay back to my bash...
Let's be clear Saturday morning is Mr F's turn to be the primary parent... that does not mean he does everything.. it means that for once I should be able to do some of the things I am normally doing (while also simultaneously doing everything else) by my freaking self for a few measly hours. Too much to ask? I didn't think so. And in fairness Mr F doesn't question this either. But here is the problem.. outside of my obvious control issues (I'm not denying it people)... my time off really ends up just being time postponed. I still have to either get them dressed and fed or constantly harp about it to have it happen. It is like Saturday starts at 1 PM when I'm back on duty. I don't really feel like I got a "break". I don't want to seem ungrateful.. but hey I am.. so there. All I want is to get up and have it all done.. have everyone ready to start the day... not stagnating cause Dad is on duty.
So here are the ways in which I was wronged this morning...
Mr F's need to feed himself before the kids (2x breakfast and lunch)... ok... food is not like an oxygen mask on an airplane... you must feed the kiddos first or you face serious fucking disaster (and I am going to be pissed when that means I need to intervene)
Mr F's need to go to Trader Joe's to buy chunky applesauce so he could make pancakes for Kid (fyi Kid does not like pancakes.. and so after all that guess what... she didn't eat them) which meant that he wasn't home when Kid got up which is why she was able to wake me up.
Mr F still hadn't gotten the Baby down for a nap (she'd been up since 7... it was now 10:30... not good) outside of 20 minutes on the way home from TJs ... don't get me started on an improperly executed transfer...
Mr F hadn't done the dishes from last night so this morning the kitchen was a goddamn shit hole and I hate that
Mr F forgot to give Kid her meds (seriously not good)
The house looked like a cyclone hit it and I was not even "awake" yet (technically not Mr F's fault but it sets me up for a grumpy morning)
And lastly... when I asked Mr F to go downstairs and put all the laundry from the dryer into a basket and bring it up (to... uh... dress the girls at 1 PM) he was down there for some unseemly amount of time (while I am cutting and boiling sweet potatoes for the Baby and watching Baby and Kid... oh was I supposed to be off duty?... ) when he finally comes up and I go to grab some clothes and take a shower. Hmmm that's funny where are my clothes? Oh Mr Anal ADD took so long because he was folding the girls clothes (helpful yes but not what I asked) while he shoved my clothes out of the dryer and onto the basement floor.... now why would that piss me off....
Good Morning Everyone!
25 comments:
I thought I was being handed the laptop to read Mrs. F's post about how she was WRONG this morning...
Boy, was I surprised.
Luckily for Mrs. F, my "worship" is such that I will happily sacrifice my reputation on the internet for the good of the blog. That, and I'm not sure a spouse can sue for libel...
about how she was WRONG this morning.
LOL Mr F... like that would ever happen! ;)
mr f, you know mrs. f is never wrong. what the heck you thinking.
well mr. f you are not the only one got his ass kicked this today in ann arbor. damn lloyd!!
hey mrs. f: i think a movie theater is calling you tonight.
did i mention it's like 70 and sunny in CA? i am missing punky like crazy (to the point i almost want to puke) but at least it's warm and sunny--unlike my mood.
OH MY LORD, please please let me tell you I live this - i can't even get started b/c it angers me sooooo. but a lot of the same mother fucking things go on here. time and time again.....arghh
Hey maybe a movie theater is calling my name... good one!
not to worry... I saw the kid and the hubby running around having a good time ...I'm sure they are crying on the inside though ;)
38 and raining here enjoy the weather while you can!
Feener... and you want a third?!? ;)
I think it is the SAHM syndrome... you just desperately want your weekend to be some sort of break from your 9-5 too. It was easier when it was just Kid. It does make me look forward to when the kids are older and maybe (hopefully) more self sufficient! But for now the weekends are rough. Just know that when you are cursing under your breath... that I am too!
I will say at least Mr F is good humored (not in the moment but after the fact) and actually read this post and laughed...
Are you sure you're not me in a different location???? (Well sans that treadmill part *shudders*)
That could be me on ANY given Saturday!
Argh, MEN!!!!
Shit... seriously? I thought I was the only one with this husband!! Mine is also an amazingly involved father and wonderful husband, but this is precisely the kind of crap he would do. Sorry, Mr. F. You really effed up this morning.
(Well sans that treadmill part *shudders*)
the funny thing about this Tina is that I also say "sans"... maybe we really are the same person...
Sadly Deb,
Mr F does this every goddamn weekend...
okay he hates when I say "every".. so I'll say most goddamn weekends
Argh, MEN!!!!
Hey now. I realize that even in our semi-enlightened times, women do the lion's share of domestic work, even if they work outside the home. But it's not as simple as men vs women. I'm the primary cooker, cleaner etc... in our house. (Note, Michelline, that I said primary, not only). We've mostly worked things out to a point where we can live with each other's habits. What I mean by primary is that for a lot of the domestic duties, I'm the one who takes responsibility for making sure they're done.
And as for Mr F, all I can say is if I was sleeping late and came down and found the house a shambles and the kids unfed and undressed, I would be pretty pissed off. Fortunately, our kids are old enough to dress and feed themselves by now, so we both get to sleep late on weekends.
I can relate on many levels. Yesterday my mom said (after I ranted about my husband), Heather you already have a child!
I would be pretty pissed off
I can't believe Chris has my back!!!
Fortunately, our kids are old enough to dress and feed themselves by now, so we both get to sleep late on weekends.
yeah.. I cannot wait for this!
That is too much Mrs. F. I'm almost scared that you may be my skinny alter ego.
Oh, I responded to your book comment on my blog.
Heather you already have a child!
He doesn't happen to have the ADD type symptoms does he?
Oooh...BAD MR F!! I can say this because it sounds like in all other areas he clearly doesn't suck.
Oh, and I have the same problem here. :)
Mrs. F-
I'm so with you on this one! And I seriously cannot get into it because there would be a whole lot of cussin' and then I would have to go to bed mad and I can't do that! But I am so with you! Thank you for speaking up:)
Does he yell "mommy, where are the *insert item that hasn't even attempted to be looked for*?" too, while you're trying to take a crap?
it sounds like in all other areas he clearly doesn't suck
I wouldn't go that far Danielle!
No...outside of the ADD related syptoms (which clearly affect all men but Chris) he's not so bad...
Kenady,
lol... I've been there... definitely don't get yourself all worked up before bed...
Amy...
you know where he should know where to look when he can't find something... the same place Mr F keeps the spoons!
Alright. This has gone on long enough...A man needs to defend himself. At least a little.
1. Was my hand on the doorknob already this morning as you came to get me or not? As soon as I heard Baby, I was on my feet.
2. Kid has been bugging me since thursday to make pancakes. She even volunteered to wake up "when it's purple out" to have pancakes with me before I go to work on Friday. Of course we all know she never eats them, but what's a loving Dad supposed to do? Oh yeah, he discusses it with his wife the night before and explains that maybe Kid'll like 'em if I add the TJ's apples. We agree on this plan.
I take Baby at 7:30, change her diaper, TRY to feed her, walk the dog, leave early for the store, so she can fall asleep in the car. She does. She has a 1/2 hour nap—not long enough, but I know I have to get back to catch Kid.
Kid is at the back door waiting for me. I stupidly assume she went pee. I straight up DID forget the meds—very bad job.
I make pancakes with Kid—start to finish, which is not exactly an excercise in efficiency as Mrs. F can attest. Kid already has split the Katie Holmes Pancake* with me, and has her Mickey Mouse pancake on her plate with sausage, and a glass of milk before Mrs. F hits the first floor.
* See, "Pieces of April"
3. RE: Shitholes. Mrs. F's mom HAD done the Kid's dishes. We had gone out for dinner. There was ONE dirty cookie shhet on the stove. When Mrs F arrives downstairs, the kitchen has already been in operation, with a five-year-old handling Bisquick, so yeah, it's been better. As for the rest of the house, I cannot hold the fort against the Kid, Baby and dog all while keeping things quiet, so yeah, pour out all the My Little Ponies...
4. RE: Control Issues. Um, yeah. Nothing's on fire*, everybody ate (to the best of my ability) and nobody's naked—which IS a victory. No, I am not running the Mrs. F "tight ship." I can't, and we all know it. Mrs. F's gotta be willing to live with a little chaos.
*This was close—I DID leave the skillet on...
5. RE: Feeding myself. Yes, this has happened, but not lately, and not today. That's guilt by reputation.
6. RE: Sweet Jesus, the fucking laundry. First of all, laundry is like the Israeli-Palestinian Conflict around here—so let's set the stage on that. I'm hearing it on the kids still being in PJs and Mrs F tells me "everythings in the dryer" I do NOT assume I need to pick HER outfit out as well. I fold and separate the kids clothes so I can put them away. Otherwise they will join the two other full laundry baskets still in the dining room. I carefully laid flat all shirts and jeans of Mrs F on TOP OF THE DRYER, and the only thing that went in a downward trajectory were socks, underwear, and exercise pants. Notice I didn't say floor, because my clothes were already on the floor. Nothing of hers touched the floor.
Am I Mrs. F? Not even close. Do I have brain damage? Probably. Did Mrs. F get to sleep in today, and do her workout before having to do anything else? Yes. Do I need to buy her blinders so she can come downstairs, grab her coffee and waffles, and than hit the treadmill without seeing the collapse of civilization? Probably.
It's almost Christmas!
OH LORD!
I hope you all read some of Mr F's novel... it is absolute fiction.. but some of it is fucking hilarious!
I especially love the "I carefully laid flat all shirts and jeans of Mrs F on TOP OF THE DRYER" part..
by "all" he means two t-shirts and a pair of jeans... the rest of my shirts and jeans were found in the pile on the floor!
Ooo, Mr. F, You put up a good fight! And I'm STILL laughing at this, "First of all, laundry is like the Israeli-Palestinian Conflict around here." haha!
Mrs. F, Not that this helps but just a general FYI: If I am to ever have "my" time, (and I mean outside of after-bed time) It is a requirement that either a) I not be in the house, or b) Aaron whisks the boys away to wherever.
EVEN if it means sitting in the car to make a grocery list. Or the gym. Or Target. Or whatever. Because it is just a law in our house that if mom's around, mom gets pulled in. Whether it's my fault (inability to completely block out), dad's fault (he's not mom), or the kid's (they're just used to talking to me every 2 minutes), it happens EVERY TIME.
So I work around it. I leave. (or shoo them out the door)
What I don't see, I won't see.
Because seriously. "My" time has evolved from getting a break from a helpful husband, to AN EVENT ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY for our survival. Oxygen.
katieo,
you are 100% right... why do I resist it (my mild agoraphobia?!?...)
Yes I had figured that out before Baby and then kind of forgot. Mental note: must leave house.
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