Tuesday, October 23, 2007
I'm gonna write you a love letter because I need to, because I'm grieving.
You are the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. When you were born you filled a hole in my heart and completed me. You have changed me and healed me and made me a better person. I love you so much that my heart is breaking. You are strong and resilient and courageous, far more than I am or ever will be. You are funny and quick witted and absolutely beautiful. Stunningly beautiful really, with big eyes the color of deep lake water, and long golden hair like a undulating field of wheat , your skin is flawless like a pool of spilled milk. I watch you in the morning and my eyes well up with pride and awe and also the deep sorrow of this past year. I am sorry, so very sorry for all you have gone through. For someone so little you have such strength and confidence. You don't know the depth of my fears and my sadness and my worries... and I hope you never do. There is no time away from you that I am not thinking of you. But I do need you to know that I am not sad that you are not perfect, I am just sad... that this never ends... that you need another surgery... and that it just never seems to get any easier. I hope that this is just a bad couple of years and that before we all know it this will seem so far behind us. I hope that in the scope of your life this will be such a small part. And secretly in the deepest part of me I hope that I can love you enough to make that all true. I want for you to have a better life than your little body has allowed for you to have. But more than anything else I just don't ever want you to leave me. I love you.