Sunday, January 15, 2012


Oh, boy... this week has been a real roller coaster!

We had our first meeting with a potential adoption agency.

We left feeling really overwhelmed and concerned about the potential for corruption on the country's end.

Things just did not sit well with us, and the director's repeated complaints about the Hague accreditation process did not help.

I really don't care if it makes more work for you... that's your job... and it's important... and you are getting paid for it.

She really bemoaned that long gone are the days of bringing home a 2 month old (or in her case a 2 DAY they aren't orphaned in the womb... so how did you secure that adoption?) (Talking international here, not domestic, just to be clear)

Wow, she was glib.

This is our biggest concern with an African adoption and this was CLEARLY not theirs.

That's a problem.

So, now we're kind of freaked out.

We have a meeting with another agency in 2 weeks, and we'll see.

I don't know what direction we'll take now.

Our point is to bring home a waiting child, not an infant. This has been a personal goal of mine since I worked in foster care in NYC 13+ years ago. Domestic adoption for US waiting children is available only for children 7 & up, which makes them an inappropriate placement for our household, at this time. Fostering younger children, while an option age wise, would be just too difficult on our girls emotionally. It is still an option for the future, when our children are older. This is how we've come to international adoption, and there is extensive need, but there are also concerns. We're walking that line right now.

Which brings us to special needs adoption, which I've also felt called to for MANY years. This is something that I feel particularly well suited to, and there is a huge need, and we can be 100% sure that these children are truly orphaned. But are we all up for it?

So, that's that. For today.

Next week? We tour charter school 1 followed the next week by charter school 2.

So, I've got major decisions all up in my bees wax these days.

Thankfully, I've got the help of Superhero Pioneer Baby by my side:

On other fronts I rearranged my living room, thanks to my 99 year old grandmother's generous donation of a couple of oil paintings. And I am in love. It's SO much better.

BEFORE (this is the day I was packing up our Christmas decorations... holy crap we have a LOT of decorations it took me from 3 PM- 2 AM to do it all... believe it... so just look around them for the basic furniture layout)

AFTER: rearranged the couch & reading chair w/ottoman, added 2 oil paintings & tin work (10th anniversary gift) on couch wall, added desk & lamp. The rattan chairs we got at World Market for just over $100 each a couple of months ago... and it really solved the problem we had of needed seating in front of that built in.

For now, I'm cool with this. We have 2 wall sconces that will eventually (eventually) get placed in here since there is no overhead lighting. One will go next to the built in bookcase in that space between the bookcase and the 2 venetian jester watercolors (just FYI in case that space bothers you like it does me).


katieo said...

oh man. I'll have to email you about the adoption thing - we've considered similar options and feel exactly the same about the special needs's so complicated to figure out what would fit best with your family. It's a HUGE decision. One I feel so strongly about but also paralyzed with making the wrong choice. (so many kids! so many options! so many countries! so expensive! so many children with special needs! ) I almost wish we could just open the door and find a baby in a basket with a note to take care of him. ;)

I have a friend in the process of adopting a little girl from China right now. She started with this site and has nothing but positive things to say about it (I'm sure you've seen it):
here's her adoption blog:

Keep us updated!!

(als-the room looks great!)

Mrs Furious said...

" I almost wish we could just open the door and find a baby in a basket with a note to take care of him. ;) "
I say that every single day! Seriously.

Kim said...

Opening my door and finding a baby in a basket with a note to take care of him would be a dream come true for me! Well, except could I request that it be a girl baby?! I have enough "him" going on up in here right now. Hence, the adoption of a girl. She won't come in a basket, and we've worked really hard to get to her, but she'll be here eventually!


Gigs said...

I am fascinated and impressed by this. While I personally could not take on more than we have already, it seems like a good fit you guys. I hope you find a situation that makes you comfortable. We also have friends who adopted a daughter from China. What a long process, but so totally worth it. She's been here five years now, and they are a beautiful family.

I'd also like to note, that Superhero Pioneer Baby looks awfully fast! And the living room looks great. I love your house!

G in Berlin said...

I've been reading up onn adoption too, but as a mixed couple in Germany (one citizen, one no-EU spouse) it's a bit harder. I've read a lot on the corruption of the originating countries and some of the stories are scarey and very sad. But some of the stories of children waiting (and dying) in these countries is also incredibly sad. It's tough all around and I wish you very good fortune in the pursuit.

Bob said...

RE: Adoption.

You are right to ask questions about in-country corruption. If an agency is opposed to Hague accreditation, then maybe you should move on. As you may already know, not all countries are Hague Convention signers, including Ethiopia, so those agencies who work in those countries don't need to be accredited to work there. That does not mean you should not seek out an agency that has obtained their accreditation in other programs. It is a small step to obtain piece of mind. Don’t assume they are representative of all agencies.

BTW – It IS possible to adopt what you might consider “waiting children” under 7 years old in the U.S. although I am no expert. There are people who adopt children straight from foster care without actually ever being the foster parent. My wife might have some thoughts on that.

I know how you feel about wanting to adopt a child in need. Finding parents for children in need, instead of seeking kids for people wanting to be parents is how the system should work. By having this attitude you will likely have a much easier and healthier time waiting for your placement.

Still, keep in mind there are those kids who come into the domestic private adoption system and a parent needs to be found. I would probably place my daughter into this category. On the international front, we were open to a 18 month old child, but were placed with a 4 month old. It happens.

Adoption isn’t easy. That said, I have heard that child birth ain’t no picnic either. There were over 100,000 adoptions in the U.S. last year. How many did you read about in the newspapers? Probably only the one or two that did not go well.

Mr. Furious has my phone number and my e-mail if you need it.

Bob said...

Sorry, that was a bit rambling, but that is what happens when people get me talking adoption.

Mrs Furious said...

No problem, Bob
This was HATW by the way, and while they are Hague the director is a lunatic and gave a pretty unsettling impression. Plus, they've only been doing International themselves for 4 years, and they aren't handling the adoptions in country themselves, so you're always umbrella-ing under another. If we're using a different country agency I'd like to pick it myself. She was really weird and inappropriate and uninformed about a lot of stuff... gave a bad impression. I actually had to help her out with details she didn't know the info on during her presentation. Definitely not someone I would want involved with our adoption. They only bring home a handful of kids each year and with only being in operation such a short time, I just don't know if they have the experience I'm looking for. We're going to the AAI meeting in 2 weeks. Hopefully we'll get more information from them. HATW made it clear that under 7 was not available with out fostering first, I'm excited to to see if AAI has different information/options. While the fee structure is not what I'd prefer, I noticed Holt is doing the same, and I'd feel more confident that the adoption would actually come through in the end. I also appreciate that AAI is much more rigid about age placement (must be younger than your children, no less than 9 months apart) which I believe is appropriate.

Bob said...

In the past AAI has not been involved in foster placements.

My wife would know a few that do. When she worked in foster care, her agency did direct placements of children whose parent's rights had been terminated or were about to be terminated. She tells me the adopting parents would actually be licensed for foster care, but would indicate they only wanted adoptable children.

Mrs Furious said...

If she has a foster placement agency she recommends I'd love to know more. My email is the same as Mr F's just change for rachel @

Bob said...

I will ask.

Bob said...

I will ask her for a recoomendation.

Blog Widget by LinkWithin