Friday, July 27, 2012

Goings On

Big things are churning in the background.

I said to Mr F last night, while we were out surveying our weeds and new driveway.... "Imagine if we hand't been hit by the tornado?  This has taken up all of our time for months."  And to think, this could just be a normal summer night and we'd have nothing pressing.  But instead there is ALWAYS house and yard stuff we have to keep working on as we try and get things repaired and finished.  It has really never ended since it began in early March.  Now we're trying to grow the new grass seed in a drought, and finish the house painting and grade the hill.  So many small things you'd like to do in a normal year have been left to wither on the sidelines of this whole thing which occupies all of our down time.  Like getting a light fixture in our dining room instead of the bare bulb that has been hanging there... an intermediate solution Mr F put in the week before the tornado hit.

And we're not even sure we'll be here next year to enjoy it.

Although, we really hope we are.

We are trying to move forward, each day, like we are staying.

But we've been through this a couple times before, and once the ball gets rolling, it's VERY difficult to pretend you don't know things are changing.

And the kids are older, and you can't hide the tension and the preparations... even the very small early steps.

Who knew that being an Art Director's wife would be like being an Army wife moving every 2-3 years?  I guess I knew.  We made the choice 7 or so years ago, to put his career first... after spending 7 years putting our family first (me first).  He's too good at what he does to squander it for my behalf.   I'm happier being married to someone that is fulfilled.  I already have everything I wanted.

Each move has had the hope and promise of being the last, but I always knew.  There is a limited amount of time to reach for this and I won't stand in that way.  And I won't sit by and let him sacrifice it either.  It means too much to a creative person to be able to create.  It's different.  It took a while for me to understand that.  But I do.

And as hard as moving might be, I want my kids to see that life is about trying.  You can't limit your life because you are afraid of what might come next.  Good and bad things will happen if you stay or if you go.  But respecting and encouraging someone's passion and gifts will always bring more happiness to your life.

No one ever showed me that, demonstrated that in their life choices to me.  I don't think anyone ever showed Mr F that either.  I'm excited to see what kind of life my girls will create for themselves having been raised in such a different environment.  Where there is real belief in people and possibilities, and risk and sacrifice that is not held against it but put behind it.

And I sometimes wonder what kind of life or person I would be if I had had that.

What I might have become.

But then I think maybe it's more of a gift to be able to give it.


Lori said...

Well said Mrs. F!
What a great realization. Kudos to you.
May you all have great success, love and happiness.

Mr Furious said...

I'm the luckiest man in the world. Period.

Gigs said...

I do not have it in me to be so gracious. I'm too invested in my own comfort. (Which is why I've been an art director at my agency for 13 years...but with the advantage of a variety of clients and deliverables, and very little of that crazy overtime!) I think what you've said here is amazing, and I'm so glad Mr. F. appreciates the selflessness of your position! I hope this works out for the best, for the whole Furious family...sometimes you just have to take a longer route to find your final happiness.

katieo said...

oh my gosh. really?

My turn: Can't wait to hear more!

Mrs Furious said...

Thank you!

My therapist has said I've really grown ;)
The truth is that until we went to Asheville I didn't really know what a difference having him happy and fulfilled at work made in him. I hadn't ever known him like that. Being frustrated, angry, disenfranchised?.... yes. I like this version better. I don't want to divorce him as much ;) And the ADD stuff doesn't flare as much (maybe cause he's always at work so I don't notice ?). Because he is only interested in magazine work... if we're doing this it means the potential for moving where they are. The fact that we got to come back here was an amazing fluke. He's up for something here and we'll know soon, that would be our preference. Perfect job for him, that he would be really fulfilled by, and in a location we're all happy with. But if that doesn't pan out, there are no other options here. I'm willing to do what it takes for the next 5 years. If that means we move 2 or 3 more times I will. It's now or never to meet his career goals. When Kid is ready for high school we won't move anymore. I try to look at it as relatively short term in the big picture. I know he can get where he wants, is definitely talented enough, and there isn't a more committed worker... he deserves for that to be recognized. I refuse to let him give that up. When he works 80 hours a week... that is a family sacrifice... it needs to be worth it. Right now, it isn't, and that pisses me off more than moving again. Some stuff has come to light and there is no future there, for him. It was a calculated risk when we took it. It was a step in the right direction, and if we had to live somewhere for just a couple of years I'm glad it was here, and that we didn't have to start from scratch this time.
Plus, my career is timeless... there are no age factors... I can go back to work now, or in 5 years, or in 10 and still have a career that I could work until I was 80. That is not the case for him. There are only a couple of years to get where he wants to be. We can't waste them in a dead end.

Mrs Furious said...

ha! See above.

Also, I can't believe Kid will be in high school in 5 years!

Gigs said...

When you say Kid will be in high school in five years... that's shocking!!

Fingers crossed for the local opportunity!

katieo said...

wow. just. wow. That all sounds really encouraging /great/exciting/awesome/ and a little scary.

You know, one day when I was frustrated with the way things were going over here - I came back to your blog and re-read some of the posts during The Great Asheville Moving Saga. They made me feel better. And now to hear you're considering another move - I'm totally surprised - but in a hopeful way.

Kelly said...

I think you have a really great way of looking at it. Kind of a silver lining type thing. I love to move. Unfortunately, my husband says we have to live in our current home til we die. Boo

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