The New Deal

I have officially embarked on Operation Physique Transformation. That is what I like to refer to it as, since so far the kids don't know that that means that I think I'm fat.

It's gotten colder and I do not fit in ANYTHING. No exaggeration.... not even my fatter pants I bought last year. I finally busted out the old scale and, welp, I've managed to gain ANOTHER 5 pounds. On top of the 8 I've been battling ever since I broke me ol' ass... almost two freaking years ago! I was really hoping walking Kid to and from school would help. Who knows maybe it has?... which is even more frightening to contemplate.

Either way, I'm having to come to terms with some unfortunate facts:

I'm older, and FOR REAL being in your 30s makes losing weight a lot harder. Every year since I turned 30 has seemed to make letting go of a few pounds much, much, harder.

I'm probably only burning about 1200 calories a day. I think I've been eating closer to 2000. There is quite a large discrepancy there. One that includes cupcakes.

My life is different than it was a couple of years ago when I was so successful at losing weight. My kids are older and need me more and require even more of my time. Not just the activities and such, but the homework, the sexiness guidance, etc. There is a lot more involved time now than when they were little. And because of that, and other family management factors, I don't have time I can devote to working out in the evenings (my preferred and tried and true timing). It's very hard for me to accept this reality, because I know that evening workouts is a recipe for personal success and I'm frustrated that I can't do that now.

I was hoping the walking I'm doing with the kids (up to 5 miles a day) would be enough... but it's not. I might be able to maintain that way, but it is not enough to help me to lose this extra weight. I'm going to need to add other workouts in during my time home with Baby in the day. Unfortunately with errands and meals and classes, etc... there is little time and I'm feeling tired and overwhelmed by it all already. Or am I just sabotaging? I debate that everyday. Should I listen to myself... or am I lying to myself? I'm already walking 1.5-2 hours a day... I don't really have more time than that. (Although I found the time to write this) On Tuesday I did the step aerobic dvd when I got home from taking Kid to school. Baby played quietly next to me with the doll house we left in the basement. It was doable... I know I just have to suck it up and do it until I get back in the groove. It's so much easier once you get going... I know that... but it doesn't make it easier NOW.

I need to calorie count and stop buying snacks allegedly for the kids at Trader Joe's. 99% of the time I eat them. TJ why do you do it to me? Anyway, I've been counting for the last 3 days. I know if I can stick with it I'll see results soon and the rest of this will then be much easier to follow through on. I can either do this now, or I can feel badly about myself indefinitely. I know I can do this and that it will be so much more rewarding and fulfilling to KEEP doing it... once the ball gets rolling. It's just hard to toe the line the first couple weeks.

I must prevail, dammit!