The Pursuit Of Happiness

These days I've been thinking a lot about the course of one's life. How much you lead it and how much you follow it.

It occurs to me that it takes a lot of confidence, and strength (and gall perhaps?) to chose the direction of your life. To make decisions based on your own interests and deal with the consequences accordingly.

It's much harder to turn away from life's collective forces and opportunities (or good enough scenarios) that present themselves than you presumed when you were daydreaming in your high school physics class. Back when you had the confidence (and gall perhaps) to believe you had it in you to control everything that came your way. That you would take the road less traveled... of course you would.

Who knew, then, how tired you'd get? And scared at times. How ingrained it is in our culture (it is) to not risk too much... to be happy with a mostly good life.

Anyone can grow up to be President... but... not you. You're going to work 9-5 at a job you find passable (or don't).

How many times have you heard: "Things could always be worse."

Is that really reason enough not to try?

Is the fear that things could be worse a legitimate reason not to try (or want, or validate the wanting) to live a life that is BETTER (not perfect... but better)?

I battle this internal dialogue all the time. Why can't I just be happy with this? This is enough, isn't it? I'm supposed to think this is enough... aren't I? WHAT IS THE MEANING OF LIFE?!

I was talking with another mother the other day. We were talking about all of this. She said "I have nothing but respect for people who decide to choose the direction of their own lives." We talked about positive energy and the law of attraction (yes this is what it is like when you have a playdate with me... drink coffee first... or alcohol..). And I do believe that is true. Whether or not better things come your way or not... I do think that when you are positive and actively choosing (as opposed to responding) you'll experience those things in a positive light. And that is life changing even if, in the end, your life isn't dramatically different.

In the end I think it is more fulfilling to live a life that is hard and challenging but of your own choosing, than to live a life that is mediocre. It's got to be.