The neighbors' secured their wireless network. I've got some posts lined up... but I will not be able to return comments (even less often than I have been this trip) reliably (if at all). But keep them up... I do read them... and sometimes it's my only connection to the outside world!
Things are not going as well as I had hoped. Mr F is here and I was really looking forward to seeing him. Unfortunately I kind of forgot how hard it is for me to switch over from fiercely independent, hyper functioning, wonder woman to Mrs F... married to Mr F... who has ADD.
Which he has not been treating.
As evidenced by his maddeningly irresponsible behavior.
As I said to him last night... "Either you are the biggest passive aggressive asshole on planet Earth or you have ADD. Which one? Go get your damn medication refilled."
It's pretty typical for people on medication to think that they don't need it anymore... you know... because things are going so well.
It couldn't be that THE MEDICATION WAS ACTUALLY WORKING could it?
I do get it. I get that no one wants to need medication to function.
But Mr F is not one person living in isolation. He's in a marriage and a family. How he functions affects all of us.
And a decision about whether or not he is going to discontinue treatment is a decision that needs to be made TOGETHER.
In the two days before he came here he slept in and forgot to take Canine to the groomer (also went to work late), didn't take Canine to the boarder on time, and MISSED HIS FLIGHT. That's just two days... and just the things I know about.
So instead of a nice peaceful week together... things... have... been...
People who don't live with adult ADD can't understand how stressful it can be. At times I feel like I'm living with someone with dementia. Other times I feel like I have another kid. It's frustrating for both of us. I want to have an actual partner who I can trust. Mr F means well but he is not reliable.
When we're separated things often get a little worse. Mostly because I realize how much easier it is for me to function without the ADD in my everyday. I don't know. It's hard to explain. But I imagine for a normal family being separated and having to deal with your kids on your own, without a break, 24 hours a day would be harder than it is to live life with two parents present. And for me it's the opposite. And, so, when I have to deal with everything and the ADD I start to resent it, because I've had a taste of what it would be like without it.
And, truthfully, that's scary for both of us.
Being away from it, having a break from every little way it permeates my day to day life only makes it all the more obvious, and annoying, when we're back together.
Mr F has promised to call the doctor when he gets back and to get his medication refilled before I come home.
He's also promised that the next time he decides to go off his medication he will actually discuss it with me first.(And he'll be prepared for the divorce papers he'll be receiving shortly thereafter)
I now know why things have been a bit more out of control... and that does make it a bit easier for me to bear. For there to be an explanation for why things are worse... not that we've all just lost our minds in the last month. And with that there is hope that things can get better again.