Thursday, May 6, 2010

If My Life Were A Movie.... Would It Be A Comic Tragedy?... And, If So, Is That Even Something People Want To Watch?

There is this blog I read, it is a beautiful fantasy. I daydream about that life and wish it were mine. It feels so serene and creative and her husband knows how to make baby quilts. They have time to make slow cooked Sunday dinners and brunches. She has an actual crafting studio. I'm not sure I'd go so far as to say I envy her, since I know it's a romanticized snap shot, as much as I'd say I want to be her when I grow up. Except it's too late for that... I'm pretty sure I'm older.

Anyway, as I reflect on the appeal of her blog it often gets me laughing. Because if that's why I read her... why would anyone want to stop in here and read this? I mean really? You'd have to be some kind of crazy to come here and start daydreaming about wanting a piece of this action. I think my blog (my life?!) must have the opposite effect. I'm like the poster girl for worst possible scenario. (Except my kids of course)

Well, yesterday, was a rough day. I was really feeling it... all of it. And I was tired and kind of shutting down and just trying to make it through the day. Some days I cry on the phone with Mr F and say I want my life back... a life when I could actually enjoy my children and the small little moments of wonderfulness... instead I'm just so tired and overwhelmed that I quite literally go to bed urging myself to try and get up in the morning and make it through. One day at a time. That's what it's come to. And it sucks.

I give the girls baths every other night. Last night was not a bath night, so after we had finished dinner the girls were dancing to Dancing with The Stars (which I Tivo and dish out in 20 minute pre-bed increments). Things were going well. I was thinking how I wished I could video it for you all. And then... boom... things were different. Suddenly Baby was on the ground screaming. And gushing blood. It was her mouth so I didn't freak out too much... mouths are extra bleedy you know. But she was not acting normally (kind of a naturally rough and tumble shake it off kind of gal). She was hysterical beyond hysterical. It took me a while to figure out that she had bitten clear through her lip. I iced it and gave her tylenol (don't worry it was generic... being cheap has it's rewards). I called Mr F and debated the seriousness. It was really hard to say, since as it turns out watching Grey's Anatomy is not actually the equivalent of attending an accredited medical school. It's a moist membrane so it's more likely to heal... but she bit through in such a way as to kind of sever a flap of lip... not good. I couldn't decide if it required stitches or if because it's a lip they'd just let it go.

After awhile I decided the flap was pretty deep and maybe it did need to be checked on. I mean she is three and it's not like she isn't going to be messing with it... what if it gets infected? So we loaded up and went to the ER. Then we waited. And waited. And waited. After three hours (10 PM now) I went back to the desk and asked if they knew how much longer? Baby wasn't upset anymore and were they going to do anything anyway? What if I wait for 4 hours, end up owing 400 bucks, and they just send us on our way? Well of course they couldn't help me. I told them "Look I know you can't tell me if I should stay or go but what if I said this 'I'm thinking of going home, you tell me absolutely not if that's what you think.'" That kind of made them nervous but they understood and did want to help. So they brought a nurse out and she said "I'd stay." And so I did.

Another hour later the doctor comes in and Baby is wrapped in a sheet. Two more men with gloves come in and we hold her down. The doctor sticthes her lip WITHOUT ANY KIND OF ANESTHETIC.

Baby now hates me. HATES ME. She's completely traumatized... and I'm thinking any chance of getting her to cooperate at the dentist next month is nil. And I don't blame her. The last time people with scrubs and gloves came near her they actually hooked her like a fish. She was screaming and shaking for quite awhile after that. Then she started slapping me in the face. Again, I didn't blame her. It broke my heart. She felt violated and unprotected. And I helped them do it. Thank God they are dissolvable and we don't have to go back to have them pulled out. Good God... I can't even imagine.

We got home and I realized I still had all the dinner dishes to clean up... goody... I love my life. Kid still needed dessert (she is a stickler for her routine) and to get ready for bed. After all that I got Baby some more tylenol and tried to put her to sleep. She couldn't sleep and I nestled her on the couch with Max & Ruby hoping she'd drift off. It was now past midnight and I still had to get up early the next morning to watch the baby... too late to call and cancel... and, honestly, with more medical bills in route I need the money. I grabbed some blankets to make myself a bed on the floor... when.... something wet and cold hit my legs. I finally found the blanket. So one more load of wash, and while I walked away from the laundry room, I just started laughing. Because, of course, after such a long and hard day with no end in sight... I would try and rest only to wrap myself up in a cold pee soaked blanket.

Of course.

What have you got for me today, Life? (something tells me not a good workout and a full night's sleep.)


Andrea said...

poor baby, I cant believe they didnt even numb her thats crazy. I hope today is a much better day.

Me, Only Better said...

I am sorry that you are struggling so much. I wish I could send you a battalion of helpers so that you could sleep and re-energize yourself. Hugs to you, and Baby and Kid. Please remember that this will end. It really will.

wootini said...

Oh Mrs. F, how awful... for all of you. It just does not stop these days. Hoping for a fast resolution to all of it STAT.

SK said...

Poor baby...the numbing shot didn't work on half of my 4-yr old's thumb when he had to have stitches--it was terrible. I'm sorry you had to go through that!

Gigs said...

Why didn't they give her some kind of topical anesthetic? That's terrible. But she doesn't hate you! She's just upset. And I think you were right to stay and take care of it properly. How funny that Kid still wanted her dessert at home...a girl after my own heart! And at the end of the day, when you're punch drunk and exhausted, and it's really either laugh or cry, I'm glad you found the laugh in your blanket situation. Just another one of those magic moments of motherhood! Hope today was (much) better.

Kiki said...

No words can express how sorry I am for all this s***storm that is hitting you right now, wishing I could be there to help instead of commenting!!

Hugs...lots of hugs!!! To you and poor Baby!!!

Mr Furious said...

It was ONE stitch, so I think the theory is that a local shot would be just as bad and double the procedure...

I think if they had to do more stitches they would have numbed her.

As horrible as it sounds, I suspect that if they held her down to give her a shot in the lip and then tried to come back and stitch her, it might have gone worse...

Mr Furious said...

Ugh...her slapping you in anger just about made me cry...

I'll see you all soon.


Mrs Furious said...

In theory I agreed. We decided to leave the interior laceration open and close the flap on the outside with just one stitch (hopefully less scaring?!) But I had no idea what a stitch through the lip would look/feel like. I mean there is no resistance in a lip so to be pretty graphic it was a surprisingly slow, deep, and intense experience. And then he tied it 6 times. I've had stitches and it was nothing like this. He wasn't just closing up the outside like I imagined but went completely in and out of her lip. Mr F couldn't have handled it. It still makes me a bit sick to think about her getting hooked like that. Like Gigs said I wish they had put some kind of topical numbing agent or at least iced it first. I was thinking it would be more like a shallow stitch so about as painful as a shot would have been... yowza... that is not what it was.
Now I'm trying not to get too upset about the potential scar.

Mrs Furious said...

And I have bought her love back today... candy & Barbies. We're friends. She just doesn't want me to talk about her face to anyone.

julie said...

candy and barbies...that is so sweet.

It is absurd what is going on for you lately.

And boy, do I get the thing about Kid reminding you about dessert. I remember my dad saying to me at stressful times that I needed to 'learn to know when to be quiet.' So apparently I had a knack for doing that, too. Kids are kids:)

Poor Baby. The nice thing is she won't remember this too much when she is an adult (I know because I had something similar happen to me when I was 5 except it was my freaking eye area...unless of course that is the underlying reason for all my problems and need for therapy;)

Back to candy and Barbies. That is just awesome. You are an awesome mom, Mrs F.

PS DO NOT get the new Trader Joe's Coffee and Cream latte bars when you back near a Trader Joe's. They are really, really delicious and small. And oh so easy to eat. I am in the process of eating the whole box so I can get them out of my house. And never buy again;)

trifitmom said...

oh NOOOO, mrs. f. something something something has got to change and this dark cloud must leave you guys this instant.

how on hells earth is it legal for a hospital to let a single mom (well you know what i mean) with 2 young kids wait that long, while one is hurt ??? how how how ???

lastly, yesterday after a physc meeting confirming (yet again) that my 5 year old has ocd and meds are needed, then straight to an iep meeting for her as she will enter kindergarten and god help us for this transition, i then proceeded to try and do it all and wound up crashing into a parked car in a friend's driveway after i dropped her kid off. smashed my back window out on my 2009 honda pilot. along with denting the door and hers.

go home and cook dinner, make a dessert ?? what is wrong w me. ?? i am frazzled and highly concerned about my mental state.....wanna meet me at the ear inn in nyc and drink it all away

Mrs Furious said...

"wanna meet me at the ear inn in nyc and drink it all away "
Yes, yes, yes!

I'm sorry your day was so rough. I'm sure you were really stressed and rattled! I'll be interested to hear how she does on the meds and if they help. Once we get settled back in MI I'm going to get Kid into some regular talk therapy and see if that helps her and what they say.

gooddog said...

o my god. I just cannot believe it. I wish I could change it for you (and baby) right now! Hang in there... There's must be a rock bottom somewhere.

Joseph and Katy said...

Oh Mrs. F! I'm so sorry you are dealing with all of this. I bit through my lip (cracked a tooth even) when I was a kid, but much older than Baby. I had stitches (glad you stayed for her to get some) but they gave me drugs! Poor Baby! She won't hate you though when she gets older and has a beautiful little pout to put lipstick on! For what it's worth, reading your blog is so refreshing to me! It's not all sunshine and talk about real life! And the best part is, you still see the fun and enjoyable things even in all the crazy stuff. You and your stories make me laugh!

Supermom said...

The doctor sticthes her lip WITHOUT ANY KIND OF ANESTHETIC.

OMG!!!!!! I just read your blog post.

I'm so sorry about your ER visit. Poor baby. Poor mommy.

How is Baby today?

Lori said...

Oh Mrs F.,
I come to your blog because your
You have brightened my day on many occasions. We all have rough patches and sometimes they last too long, but in the end you will survive. Just think of the stories you have, the character you have built. ;-)
You have become my daily blogging pal. I look forward to hearing about your adventures and I love to hear your commentary on the seemingly mundane.
I feel as though I know your beautiful girls. Poor, sweet baby...I hope her lip hurts less today.(Popsicles work wonders)And well, Ruby is such a delight. I love her humor, a chip of the old block, I would say.
So, no we don't hear of quilts and rainbows, but we hear honesty, sincerity and love. You are to be admired. You are such a great mom and wife. Your doing an amazing job. We all love you here, so keep up the blogging. We are hear to listen and help in any way we can. What are friends for, Right?!
I hope you have a great weekend and the house sells quickly.
Happy vibes and hugs your way.

Mrs Furious said...

Oh thank you so much. That was really touching.

Missives From Suburbia said...

I've really been on the fence about blogging about my last week, because I didn't want to horrify my readers and drive them away forever. But I think I might just do it. Just for you. Because part of why I read your blog is to know I'm not alone in the insanity (boy, you're thrilled to hear THAT, aren't you?).

Mrs Furious said...

blog it
If only so I don't feel so alone. Or cursed.

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