Yesterday turned into a rather bad day.
Kid and I got into it over spelling.
I was not/am not proud of my own behavior.
She can push my buttons.
But, my reaction was beneath me.
I know better.
And, I should have done better.
I apologized.
We hugged.
We ate some pumpkin gingerbread.
But, you can't take away what you have said.
And, so, I'm still not over it.
She told me...
"Mom, when you see me tantruming, than you might want to change your tone."
I laughed, and said...
"It's not always that easy. When you hear my tone, you might want to stop tantruming."
She laughed.
Which was generous of her.
Because, she was right in the first place.
Once I came upon some woman's wisdom, somewhere out on the internets. The gist of what she wrote, or the part I took away because it rang so true, was that when your children are the most repulsive to you, that is when they need you the most. It has proven a very hard standard to live up to. One I fail at more times than I'd like. But something that I think is important to reach for. Yesterday I failed. Today I'm hoping to do better.
15 comments:
You know I understand. Last night was a bad night for me as well. I know better and did not react well to Murphy's challenging behavior.
Today is a new day.
For all of us.
Hey, recognizing that you did something that you shouldn't have done is AWESOME.
When I screw up (royally!) and apologize to my kids, I feel that I taught them a good lesson. Even grown up aren't perfect. We make mistakes and part of making mistakes is owning up to it. So give yourself a pat on the back!
Today is a better day, I'm sure of it!
"when your children are the most repulsive to you, that is when they need you the most" wise words for sure Im having one of those days today and its not my kids its the man child does this statement ring true for men lol.
i can only second torey's comment re recognizing being awesome - only once you recognize what you are doing can you change it! mrs. f, you're a good mom, i'm sure, and the best part about it: seems like kid knows that too :)
i know it's easier said than done (trust me i know ), but don't be too hard on yourself
was that when your children are the most repulsive to you, that is when they need you the most...
Okay, how are you supopsed to react to this to help them? I am at a loss here myself...
Liz,
lol... how about not telling them that they are the one that makes spelling a nightmare for you. Not that I said that or anything ;)
Of course that woman didn't give any tips.
You fall, you get back up, such is life:)
happens too many times here....i also find that when i don't react she calms down quicker.....again i blame genetics, i tantrum she tantrums...i want to stop the cycle...
I have some ideas for helping with spelling. I have used them both with students and mhy own kids, two of whom are terrible spellers left to their own devices. Let me know if you would like me to send you and email or something outlining the process. I have been reading your blog for almost three years. LOVE it! (yes, I am a lurker)
Gee...I wonder where my kids get their spelling talent??
ann, lol
yes, please email me
mrsfurious at hotmail dot com
thanks!
everyone else...
Thank you for your comments, I did read them all!
I'm sorry. It turns out I'm having a migraine (like last freaking month)... which of course explains my short fuse with Kid yesterday, my inability to come up with any good blog topics, and my need to sleep.
Sorry about your migraine! I suffered with hormonal migraines for a LONG time. TMI, but the IUD makes them better for me!
Another tool we've found really useful (both when I was the child, and now with me as a grown up) is when I feel myself getting heated (and I'm a YELLER!!!!!!!) is to say to Guppy "Go to your room before I yell." Or to lock myself in the bathroom for a minute. I tell Guppy I need a break, before I'm mean.
It gives me a second to find perspective. It's a good thing to learn. I remember fighting with my mom in high school and just stopping in the middle of the fight to take a moment before I said something I regretted (I don't love you, you're the worst mom in the whole world, I wish I was an orphan, etc.)
Hope your head, and your week are better!
Oh, Mrs. F. This happens to me more than I'd like to admit. I think there is something in being human with your kids though, and showing them how to admit fault and apologize. Even though we do all try to be better than that. Thinking of you guys...
I agree completely with Torey. We'll never be perfect as parents, and that in and of itself is a great lesson for our kids. My parents never apologized to me, even when it was obvious they were wrong or their reactions were inappropriate. That inability to admit failure or to allow for oneself to be wrong teaches our kids that they are not allowed to be wrong or fail. The greatest barrier to happiness and success is an unwillingness to fail or look bad. They'll be better, happier, more successful people because are able to admit you're wrong. But you know that already, because you're a good, thoughtful mom.
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