(although they were fucking crazy)
(or even who said them)
It is the heartbreak that
the feelings aren't mutual.
That while I don't always like what my brother has done,
or the way that he treats me,
I have never stop wishing for him to be happy.
For him to feel loved.
For him to feel better.
And the truth is...
that I was the only one approaching the relationship from that place.
It has never once occurred to him to be happy for my happiness...
his only drive has been to try and devalue it.
And in the end,
there is nothing more disappointing than that.
He's always been so caught up in his offensive
that he never noticed
I wasn't the one who was doing the attacking.
And after so many years of his emotional roller coaster
I just want to get off.