Monday, October 15, 2012

Back to That

Right before the tornado hit we had just started working towards developing an adoption plan.

The tornado put everything on hold in that regard, since we've been physically, emotionally, and financially caught up in tornado repairs EVER SINCE (even still).

But that gave us time to think.

We'd thought through every possible direction and changed our minds several times.

And had ended in what we thought would be best.

Which was adopting out of foster care.

Much like having to wait on painting my kitchen has made me realize HOW MUCH BETTER grey would be then blue (whew... we can thank the tornado for slowing that project down enough to prevent that huge mistake)...

I also came to realize that I'd really like to raise up another baby. (two)

And I don't think I could do that and fear losing them back to the system, not at this stage of my life and my children's lives.

And I don't think I can even do that and be dealing with the system all the time.

Which is not to say I'm over the idea of fostering for us in the future... I just don't think it's a good fit for us right now.

We have some house things to shore up.  We need to make sure we aren't going to have a surprise financial drain once we're in the process.

And we need to wait a bit since Mr F's new job has a 4K adoption benefit, but it doesn't kick in until one year of employment... and I need to know more about all of that.

But seeing as I'm not growing out of my desire to add more children to our family, and Mr F has a mad crush on all babies (so it took all of 5 minutes to get him onboard), and Kid has 5 armpit hairs in her right pit ... I'm ready.

I just think we're good parents and that there are so many children out there in need.  And I'm never getting over that.  Never.  I also don't aspire to being done with this stage of my life.  I don't really think there is a "next" we're moving towards.  What is the point of being done?  The "We're almost out of that stage" or the "Things are just getting easier" mentality doesn't really make sense to me (for me).  I kind of think this is where it is at and there isn't something I'd rather be doing.  Fortunately, Mr F usually agrees.

We are going to pursue an African American infant adoption, for which there is great need.

Most people here abouts have recommended using Bethany for this.  Feel free to chime in.  I'm worried about a faster time line (6 months?) and since we NEED to use the work benefits I think we'll have to wait until late spring to start the process.

Let's all hope the adoption tax credit gets renewed for 2013!


Nicole Bosch said...

hi! i've been reading your blog like...forever. i only "sort of" liked your blog until i started reading all the F words. oh, and cue in the cutest/smartest/oddest things that kid (and now baby) and you've hooked on a reader for the life of your blog (unless you start talking about cross fit. i have enough crossfit blogs on my google reader now).
ANYWAY, do you mind me asknig some (way too personal for the internet) questions?
how old are you? how old is your husband?
i'm asking...because i'm eventually wanting children. but not now. and...although i think making something with half my dna would be awesome, i dont always know if it's what i want to do. i work in africa...i see the orphanages...i see what's out there and i think...well, i just think that there are too many little ones wanting a mommy/daddy.
but does age play a factor in adoption? like if you are 45 or 37 or...?? do you have to submit all of your financial records? i've suffered from anxiety and am on this something that like, 'red flags' the adoption system? sorry if my questions sound..ridonculous...i'm just kind of starting to really consider adoption. in the future. not now..

anyway...feel free to email me your answers. or chalk me up to a crazy internet stalker and don't respond. i realize this isn't like your...normal FAQ when you first "meet" someone.

peace out!

Mrs Furious said...

Hey Nicole!
It's hard to ask me something I'll think is too personal ;)
I'm 36 and Mr F is 44. Age and anxiety/meds/therapy can be a factor depending on where you are adopting. Mr F is on ADD meds and that does rule out some countries (I think the Asian countries are strictest about that) and I've been in therapy for 20 fucking years... so there is that. I think with most mental health issues are addressed case by case. We are priced out of an Asian adoption anyway. Age is a factor in many countries but you have quite awhile before you need to worry about that. My age helps null out Mr F's... he is getting old for some countries. In fact as of next year Mr F is too old for Ethiopia and Uganda. Neither should be a factor in a US fostercare adoption. And I think a US infant adoption the mother gets to choose and it would be up to what they think is best. As far as an African adoption every country has it's own regulations. While that is a route I strongly would like to take, the cost, travel requirements, and my fears of adoption corruption made me too nervous. Also time frames for international adoption have gotten very long (often 2-3 years) and at this point that is too long for us. I hope a lot of international issues will get better in the years to come as better anti corruption and world wide measures are developed and put in place (hopefully!). I'm not sure about financial records... I know that you would need to verify that you can afford to meet the child's needs (to the country's specifications). I'd assume a copy of your taxes and probably income verification... I don't know how detailed this needs to be regarding all of your assets but I know some countries specify an asset amount needed. Again different countries do have different financial qualifications. There are usually minimum income requirements for some countries (I've seen 50K and also seen assets of 100K with 10K per household member income including adopted child... so we'd need 50K plus 100K in assets to adopt). Some countries are very detailed including BMI of prospective parents, whether you are married and for how long, if you've been divorced, etc. Again, every country is different.

here is a link that list several different countries' current eligibility info (click the flags):

here is a link to some international adoption fees:

I hope that helps!

katieo said...

excited for you!! 4K adoption benefit? that's awesome!

and I'm with you. I just won't ever get over the fact that there are so many children in need and we have a roof over our heads, food, healthcare, and a happy family.

Nicole Bosch said...

awesome!!!!!!!!thanks so much!!!!

Sandcastle Momma said...

As much as foster care babies and children need people it's one of the hardest ways to go. I have a cousin who fostered a baby who was born addicted to crack for the first 3 years of his life. They went to adopt him and everything went through - until they arrived at the lawyers office to sign the final papers and the bio mom showed up and wanted him back. They went to court but bio mom won and my cousin has never seen the baby again. To love a child for that long and lose them is heartbreaking. Straight adoption is the best way to go if you want to adopt - adopting through foster care can really go downhill fast.
Good luck!

Mrs Furious said...

Sandcastle Momma,
Good to hear from you! Yes, I agree. I have several horrible heart wrenching stories of losing the child in the last moments. I think to go that route you have to be able to get in a different place that can really believe in the fostering mission and accept that they may go back. I know I'm not in that place... it would eat me up to lose them and to know that they weren't (necessarily) returning to an improved home life. If we were to go through the system we'd have to be ready to adopt older children that were already relinquished. Right now I really want to raise more small children. Now, I just need to magically find the $15K I need to get that started!

Bob said...

You guys know our door is always open as long as you can deal with my intense pro adoption blabbering.

No matter what meathod you choose, you will not regret it. Best wishes.

Bob said...

Also everyone needs to go to the link below to write and advocate to extend the adoption tax credit and make it permanent.

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