Things are changing and different and busier and maybe...
more personal??
I'm not sure.
I feel more guarded here.
Or maybe I just feel how much more fleeting my life is now.
It is.
It is palpably different than it was even a couple of years ago.
Even one year ago?
I feel like my life is speeding up.
It is just moving so fast it is hard for me to catch up here and process it.
It is hard for me to catch up... period.
But I like where it is going.
I am failing and I am succeeding.
And it is all a balance and it is okay.
My people accept me and I'm letting the others go.
Sometime in the beginning of this year,
I thought I was missing myself.
Was I? I'm not sure.
I do know I felt like I was supposed to feel I was.
But I'm not.
My kids are my success.
They are blossoming into their true selves and out of themselves
at the same time.
It is a pleasure to witness and be a part of.
This is the best of me... with them... in them.
They are great kids and good people.
Kind people.
Generous people.
Insightful people.
And very funny people.
I love them. Very much. Forever.
And I know with certainty that their baby cheeks and tummies are gone.
But I am gaining hugs that really hug back.
Full sized hugs.
And the laughter of people that share the same sense of humor.
And the camaraderie of my little family.
I have raised a family that loves each other.
And that is all I ever wanted.
And not as simple as it sounds.
My hole is filled.
And I don't want to miss any moment of it,
It doesn't repeat anymore the way the long baby days can.
It keeps moving on at the speed of light.
And it isn't as scary as you thought it would be...
(just so you know)
Leaving so much behind,
Because it turns out you don't lose anything.
You gain.
So, If I don't blog every day,
it is because...
I don't want to miss a thing.
I can always blog tomorrow.
Or tomorrow's tomorrow.
5 comments:
So true, so lovely.
Though I would read your posts every day, it was hard to keep up with commenting or writing anything of more substance than a couple words to let you know I was still here. But I know you know I am here:).
yeah, I know exactly what you mean. Oh those long baby days. So sweet, so horrible.
and also agree with Jules. :)
You may not have meant it as such but this is a beautiful mother's day blog. You amaze me over and over.
I always thought I'd have more time when the boys got older. But you don't have more time. It is just time spent differently. And it is more personal, because they are now their own people, not just your children. And the decisions they make can alter the course of their future, not just their day. And you need to be there to guide in the ways that they'll let you. It's hard. But it's good. And it goes way too fast.
Well said I love what you said about raising a family that loves each other, I cried the other day when my sons teacher told me my kids are always very loving and affectionate willing to hug a friend and lend a hand. This is BIG for me I was raised where there was no emotion involved feelings didn't matter there was no hugging so I feel like I'm succeeding and it feels great!
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