Apologizing 101

Step 1 Accept Responsibility

Step 2 Apologize

Step 3 Make Amends


Mr F and I just spent a good hour going over these points. And we weren't talking about teaching them to the kids. I suggested he just memorize the following statement:

"I fucked up. I am sorry. What can I do to make sure this doesn't happen again?"

It's really that easy.

Fortunately I'm never wrong so this doesn't apply to me.

The Ways In Which I Have Been Wronged Today

Let's just say if you are a man you might want to skip this one. I am pissed off and I can't hold it in any longer. I am just shy of actually hurting someone!

Today is Sunday. We woke up to a HUGE snow. About a foot of heavy fresh snow. This is good and bad. We've had a pretty late winter for Michigan and it is about time we had a good snow and Kid is very excited to go sledding. But Mr F loves to shovel and get out the old snow blower and that can eat up a pretty big chunk of the day. And I don't really need to remind you that it is the weekend and that it is the only time when I might get a little time either to myself (unlikely) or together as a family so I don't have to bear ALL the child care responsibilities. I also don't need to remind you that I have a lot on my plate with Christmas coming up in NINE freaking days! And since I am a mom most of those things need to be done in relative secret.

So.... shortly after getting up our neighbor came by wanting to borrow our snow blower and in return he offered to do our driveway for us. Well that is GREAT since we could just go about our morning. But Mr F was jonesing to get out there and felt he was missing out on something. At some point I guess he couldn't take it any longer and actually went out. But here is the thing he didn't tell me he was going out. He didn't take the kids with him. The only reason I knew he was out there is because I saw him from the windows. At this point I'm not pissed.

A little while later Baby is ready to go down for a nap. I co-sleep with Baby and so putting her down is a little more involved than it might be if I didn't. I have to go up and lay down with her and nurse her and contain her until she finally gives in and goes to sleep. Sometimes this is quick and I'm back down in a few minutes. But more often than not this takes me about 20-25 minutes. And since she is very active and having a developmental explosion it is a fairly precarious situation. ANY little thing can snap her out of her drowsiness and then you are screwed. As usual on my way upstairs I remind Kid that I'm going up and I'll be up there for a few minutes and told her "this would be a good time for you to read quietly". Fast forward about 15 minutes.. I have just gotten Baby to fall asleep.... Kid opens the door (I am screaming in my head)... I begin frantically waving her away... she says at FULL volume "Mom I want to go sledding." Baby's eyes pop open (if I had a weapon Kid might not be alive to tell her side of things)... I reply in as hushed yet furious a tone as I can "GO. DOWN. STAIRS." Kid closes the door... I nurse Baby again...she is drifting off... Kid opens the damn door and says "Mom...." I cut her off and yell "GO DOWN STAIRS RIGHT NOW!" Now inside me I feel like shit for losing it and yelling at her... but I'm also furious because Baby is fully awake and she is the kind of baby who once awake is AWAKE.. the end.

I come downstairs and see Kid. She knows she's in trouble and she knows I'm pissed. I can tell and I feel bad... but I can't stop and so I actually yell at her again.. not YELL yell... but in a mad tone reprimand her. She's five.. and the truth is I was mad at Mr F and not her... but I plain old lost my cool and possibly my worst trait is that once I'm mad I need to harp on it for a while and really rub it in. Now I'm mad at Kid, Mr F, and myself. And you guessed it... it is all Mr F's fault!


I look out the door and see Mr F making a sledding ramp on the deck steps. Okay. That looks like fun and I'm sure Kid will enjoy it... but you know what she also would have enjoyed HELPING you make it. And guess what else?... you didn't have to do it RIGHT NOW. Oh boy my head could have exploded from anger. Because this is just so TYPICAL. I don't know about anyone else but I have NEVER just walked out of the house and started doing whatever the hell I felt like. I NEVER can even leave a room without having to say "I"m going to take a shower now... are you watching the girls?". And the discrepancy between our two levels of child rearing responsibility just makes me want to murder Mr F sometimes. I mean he walked out of the house without telling me... let alone asking me if it was a good time... and proceeded to get sucked into his snow shoveling mania and forgetting about EVERYTHING else that is going on.. and EVERYONE else. Must be nice having a brain like that. So I opened the door and gave him a piece of my mind and reminded him that Christmas is in NINE days and I have a stocking to make.. oh and I have done EVERYTHING related to Christmas so far... as usual.


Keeping Score:

ordered xmas cards: Mrs F
addressed envelopes : Mrs F
wrote xmas letter: Mr F...totally edited and rewritten by Mrs F
thought of and bought all the xmas presents and shipped them to Mr F's family: Mrs F
thought of and bought all the xmas presents and shipped them to Mrs F's family: Mrs F
thought of and bought all the kids presents: Mrs F
decorated the house: Mrs F
put the tree's lights on: Mr F
wrap all gifts: will be Mrs F
mail xmas cards: will be Mrs F
bake cookies: will be Mrs F
eat 95% of the cookies: will be Mr F
make Baby's stocking: will be Mrs F
murder Mr F on xmas eve: will be Mrs F