Sunday, December 16, 2007

The Ways In Which I Have Been Wronged Today

Let's just say if you are a man you might want to skip this one. I am pissed off and I can't hold it in any longer. I am just shy of actually hurting someone!

Today is Sunday. We woke up to a HUGE snow. About a foot of heavy fresh snow. This is good and bad. We've had a pretty late winter for Michigan and it is about time we had a good snow and Kid is very excited to go sledding. But Mr F loves to shovel and get out the old snow blower and that can eat up a pretty big chunk of the day. And I don't really need to remind you that it is the weekend and that it is the only time when I might get a little time either to myself (unlikely) or together as a family so I don't have to bear ALL the child care responsibilities. I also don't need to remind you that I have a lot on my plate with Christmas coming up in NINE freaking days! And since I am a mom most of those things need to be done in relative secret.

So.... shortly after getting up our neighbor came by wanting to borrow our snow blower and in return he offered to do our driveway for us. Well that is GREAT since we could just go about our morning. But Mr F was jonesing to get out there and felt he was missing out on something. At some point I guess he couldn't take it any longer and actually went out. But here is the thing he didn't tell me he was going out. He didn't take the kids with him. The only reason I knew he was out there is because I saw him from the windows. At this point I'm not pissed.

A little while later Baby is ready to go down for a nap. I co-sleep with Baby and so putting her down is a little more involved than it might be if I didn't. I have to go up and lay down with her and nurse her and contain her until she finally gives in and goes to sleep. Sometimes this is quick and I'm back down in a few minutes. But more often than not this takes me about 20-25 minutes. And since she is very active and having a developmental explosion it is a fairly precarious situation. ANY little thing can snap her out of her drowsiness and then you are screwed. As usual on my way upstairs I remind Kid that I'm going up and I'll be up there for a few minutes and told her "this would be a good time for you to read quietly". Fast forward about 15 minutes.. I have just gotten Baby to fall asleep.... Kid opens the door (I am screaming in my head)... I begin frantically waving her away... she says at FULL volume "Mom I want to go sledding." Baby's eyes pop open (if I had a weapon Kid might not be alive to tell her side of things)... I reply in as hushed yet furious a tone as I can "GO. DOWN. STAIRS." Kid closes the door... I nurse Baby again...she is drifting off... Kid opens the damn door and says "Mom...." I cut her off and yell "GO DOWN STAIRS RIGHT NOW!" Now inside me I feel like shit for losing it and yelling at her... but I'm also furious because Baby is fully awake and she is the kind of baby who once awake is AWAKE.. the end.

I come downstairs and see Kid. She knows she's in trouble and she knows I'm pissed. I can tell and I feel bad... but I can't stop and so I actually yell at her again.. not YELL yell... but in a mad tone reprimand her. She's five.. and the truth is I was mad at Mr F and not her... but I plain old lost my cool and possibly my worst trait is that once I'm mad I need to harp on it for a while and really rub it in. Now I'm mad at Kid, Mr F, and myself. And you guessed it... it is all Mr F's fault!


I look out the door and see Mr F making a sledding ramp on the deck steps. Okay. That looks like fun and I'm sure Kid will enjoy it... but you know what she also would have enjoyed HELPING you make it. And guess what else?... you didn't have to do it RIGHT NOW. Oh boy my head could have exploded from anger. Because this is just so TYPICAL. I don't know about anyone else but I have NEVER just walked out of the house and started doing whatever the hell I felt like. I NEVER can even leave a room without having to say "I"m going to take a shower now... are you watching the girls?". And the discrepancy between our two levels of child rearing responsibility just makes me want to murder Mr F sometimes. I mean he walked out of the house without telling me... let alone asking me if it was a good time... and proceeded to get sucked into his snow shoveling mania and forgetting about EVERYTHING else that is going on.. and EVERYONE else. Must be nice having a brain like that. So I opened the door and gave him a piece of my mind and reminded him that Christmas is in NINE days and I have a stocking to make.. oh and I have done EVERYTHING related to Christmas so far... as usual.


Keeping Score:

ordered xmas cards: Mrs F
addressed envelopes : Mrs F
wrote xmas letter: Mr F...totally edited and rewritten by Mrs F
thought of and bought all the xmas presents and shipped them to Mr F's family: Mrs F
thought of and bought all the xmas presents and shipped them to Mrs F's family: Mrs F
thought of and bought all the kids presents: Mrs F
decorated the house: Mrs F
put the tree's lights on: Mr F
wrap all gifts: will be Mrs F
mail xmas cards: will be Mrs F
bake cookies: will be Mrs F
eat 95% of the cookies: will be Mr F
make Baby's stocking: will be Mrs F
murder Mr F on xmas eve: will be Mrs F

42 comments:

Julie said...

I am totally laughing only because it seems so familiar...I co-slept with my little one and heck, at age 6, I guess we still do, and I remember that whole nap/bedtime thing and one little noise and the fury I would get in my eyes when my older one would interrupt me trying to get little one to sleep. I can totally relate. For you, made worse knowing Mr. F. is outside oblivious to it all.

but I plain old lost my cool and possibly my worst trait is that once I'm mad I need to harp on it for a while and really rub it in. Now I'm mad at Kid, Mr F, and myself.

I am guilty of this, too. Difference between me and my own mom is that I ALWAYS apologize and admit that I lost my cool.

But here is the thing he didn't tell me he was going out.

If Tom ever did that when our kids were babies, I would have wanted to physically hurt him, but would have settled for spewing as much hate towards him as possible...especially if little guy did not take a nap. I would have been pissed beyond words. I am sure I would have started yelling some totally passive aggressive things to him out the door and look like a crazy person to my neighbors.

Your "keeping score" check list is hilarious. Looks like mine.

Sherry said...

I snapped and went off on my husband because he cooked the turkey sausage I was planning on making for dinner and didn't tell me this when I was at the store (I live 15 miles from town). I went as far as telling him I can't afford to get the kids Christmas stuff because I have to feed him.

To make matters worse, the baby has been fussy for days and I was stuck watching her AND a friends daughter. I had just tackled SOME Christmas shopping, I needed to wrap those presents and I was VERY stressed because I didn't know what else I was going to manage to get the kids b/c I live in small town BFE and don't have a huge selection. On top of all of this, my friends child is a great child, but she has ADD and she makes me want to scream because she's bouncing off the walls and is playing with the baby's toys (the kid is 8) and it makes me want to jump out of my skin. I think I've already had a cup of your Christmas stress.

Mrs. Furious said...

Julie,

why don't you live near me?!


I ALWAYS apologize and admit that I lost my cool.
as soon as I came down from trying to put Baby down again.. I called Kid over to me and she said "I know you are going to say you are sorry now.".. of course I did.

Mrs. Furious said...

Sherry,
"I went as far as telling him I can't afford to get the kids Christmas stuff because I have to feed him."
LOL...that is hilarious.. I'll have to remember that one!

and watching people's kids, even when they are *good*, almost always makes me want to kill myself! I don't know if it is because I can't tune out there craziness as well as I can my own kids or what?

Feener said...

oh my gosh, you are living in my head. the whole baby napping, older sis waking baby and me having a fit, me feeling bad,happened for about 5 months straight. i agree that men have the ability to just leave, or the ability to ignore a child that is at their feet asking for something. i will be in a different room and her the child at his feet asking for something and come in and help the child b/c father is still doing whatever the fuck he is doing. i don't understand it. this was a very good post.

Mrs. Furious said...

Feener,
It is like they have selective hearing or something!

It is quite common to hear me yell "She's Talking To You!" after listening to Kid ask Mr F for something over and over....

Anonymous said...

Dear Mrs. F, I am quite a bit older now and my kids are teens but reading your post it's like it was yesterday. Gosh I could go on and on but -- I was a stay at home Mom too, and there is more isolated, lonely feeling that being at home with two very small children. I used to turn on QVC just to hear an adult voice. Now, my husband once told me that he just need to go off and do some re-enacting with his re-enacting group because -- sit down, now, before you read this -- HE NEEDED A BREAK. My thoughts: I've got your fucking break right here, buddy. And that going off and doign whatever, whenever, yeah, that's the man side of the marriage. I STILL announce that I'm about to take a shower, just in case anybody NEEDS me.
Very funny post, and very familiar!

Deb said...

I think I have to stop reading your blog. I just keep wanting to yell, "YEAH!! DID YOU READ THAT?!" to Hubby, and that can't be healthy.

1. I hear you on "Christmas is all my job" thing. I think Hubby just walked by and gave me the stink eye for reading blogs. I'm supposed to be addressing Christmas cards. Hey, honey... why don't you come on in here and lick an envelope or two? Yeah... didn't think so.

2. There are times when I regret the co-sleeping thing, but for the most part, I love it and wouldn't know how to sleep without my kidlet right next to me. I just wish he wasn't one of those kids who also perks up at the wind whistling through the trees 300 miles away.

Deb said...

I had to laugh at the other comments about men tuning out their kids. My favorite is when Hubby is trying to entertain Kiddo and Kiddo just keeps whining and crying, because he doesn't want to do what Hubby wants to do. That will go on for 20 minutes before I will finally lose my shit and yell out, "Whatever you're doing isn't working. Try something else!"

Mrs. Furious said...

anonymous,

thanks for commenting!

oh very funny... if Mr F tried to go to a re-enactment he would have to very careful as he might find out those guns weren't all filled with blanks! (just kidding... kind of)

and yes.. I wish I had started blogging sooner!... it has allowed for me to have some adult company and conversation where there didn't used to be any. And although I some times feel guilty about the time I take out of my day to do it... I am so much more fulfilled as a person because of it.

Mrs. Furious said...

Deb,

living with Mr F is like living with someone who has Alzheimer's... for real...
If I didn't find it so funny (some of the time) I'd probably get all crazy and homicidal

co-sleeping... oh... it is good and bad. We did it with Kid (when I say we of course I mean "me") and we were able to get her in her own room at 3 with one night waking until about 3.5 and then she started sleeping through the night... no big surprise that is when I got pregs with Baby!
For me I just can't do anything else. I b'feed at night and this allows me to get the most sleep.. also it must be said I can't let my kids cry... I just can't... I am physically and psychologically unable to do it. period. if you read about my upbringing in my last meme you'd probably not be too surprised by that. But I guess my point is... there is an end and I found it not to be too hard to transition Kid to her own room when she was ready and meeting her sleep needs the way I did worked for us... and even in the hellish moments I can say it goes by fast and that is why I could do it again. That and NOTHING in the world is sweeter than waking up with your child. Nothing. Best time of my day... every...day!

Gina said...

I am laughing because I am not alone! This morning I announced I was going to take a shower and assumed that my husband was watching our two year old. When I got out of the shower I heard noises in my bedroom, like paper being torn. Guess who got into the Christmas gifts? And what do you think my husband said to me? "Where were you?"....Duh, I was in the shower and you were supposed to be watching him!!!
I am doing the co-sleeping thing with him. SOmething that did not start until he was about 10 mos old. It is hard because he is a climber and a kicker and not a sound sleeper at all. I just don't have the heart to put him back in his bed and let him cry. It just kills me. He is totally obsessed with my husband so he really doesn't disturb me too much, but my husband hasn't really had a good nights sleep in months. Any advice is welcomed.

Mrs. Furious said...

Gina,
hey thanks for commenting! :)

okay co-sleeping... obviously each kid is different.
For me I would lie down with Kid(I do this w/Baby too) and nurse her and then just act like I was dead until she finally fell asleep. This was sometimes infuriating! But then I'd usually get about 2 hours (sometimes I'd have to run up at that damned 45 minute wake cycle) then I'd go to sleep. At about 2 sleeping with her was getting annoying so I put a twin matress on the floor next to the bigger bed we were sharing hoping I'd move her on to it... that didn't happen... but I would roll onto it and sleep there and then go back to her when she woke up... I slept a little more soundly then.. but until I got her out into her own room she always woke up about every 3 hours. At 3 we got her a bed in her room and she was interested in going in there but I lay with her to sleep and then went in at her wakings and laid with her until she was asleep again. It sounds frustrating but it only took 6 months (that sounds long but it isn't). At 3.25 we decided she had to fall asleep on her own so one of us would sit in a chair in her room until she was asleep. That took a while. Then once she could do that when she woke up at night the same thing would happen. She pretty quickly started sleeping through. We also invented the "toy fairy" who would leave you a toy if you slept through the night. We really only had to give a toy a few times (bonus they don't know if they slept through or not!) and she quickly forgot and consistently slept through by 3.5. never any crying.
Now Baby is a much more independent sort. I'm hoping to transition her to a bed w/Kid next year when she's about 2. Kid will probably be thrilled... we'll see how that goes over though! I think they just want to sleep w/someone.. and that seems very natural and normal to me. I always think it is funny when people think you need to push kids to learn to sleep by themselves only to have them spend their entire adult lives co-sleeping with their spouse!

I'm not sure that addressed any of your questions!

Deb said...

Gosh, I feel like this is becoming a message board and we're taking over your blog!

Gina, we have done the separate mattress thing, too. We refer to it as "bunk beds" in our house. Hubby sleeps on the upper bunk on weeknights, because he has to function at work. I sleep on the lower bunk with Kiddo weeknights and huddle blissfully alone on the upper bunk on weekends. Kiddo will be nearly two when we return from vacation in February, so we're transitioning him to his own room then. My plan is to do what Mrs. F described and just go in with each wakening and cuddle him back down. I'll give that a few months and then transition to the chair. He should be more verbal by then, and *fingers crossed* more easily comforted. We've recently introduced a stuffed animal to the equation, too, and although he isn't snuggling it yet, I do catch him stroking it in the middle of the night. (Oh, PLEASE let the petting of that thing replace the constant stroking of my hair!) We don't do crying in our house either, so we'll just take it at his pace and hope we get him out of our bed by the time he leaves for college.

Mrs. F, I had my hubby read your blog tonight. He's all, "That ramp looks really COOL!" Dude... did you miss the point entirely or what?

Okay, I'll stop commenting now. I'm supposed to be addressing Christmas cards.

Mrs. Furious said...

Deb,

feel free to take over... it is keeping my from making spritz cookies which are insanely addictive and I will eat them all.. and addressing envelopes.. and folding laundry

but I have to admit the ramp is totally cool... and as long as you don't take a header into the steps that are cleared off for walking it is all good. We are working on the curb right now. We did this last year too. I recommend it. We were lucky to get it all establishe with one snow... it took longer last winter.

okay back to co-sleeping. I want to stress this.. because I didn't know it the first time. There were windows that we missed when I believe we could have transitioned her sooner. That is why I plan to do it with Baby at around 2. Same thing with weaning. You don't even want to know how long I nursed Kid... but lets say it played into her night wakings.. which went away as soon as we were totally weaned. For me I've accepted that Baby will likely wake up and nurse 3x a night (minimum) until I night wean her (college).

Julie said...

until I night wean her (college).

lol!

Yeah, I think I will have to end up being my little kids' college roommate. I still lay down with him every night until he falls asleep and then get this, my husband (who does not like kid being in bed with us) goes and gets him and puts him in our bed. He always comes running into our room in the middle of the night anyway so I started having my husband just go get him because I was afraid he was going fall down the stairs or something. Plus he would wake up totally pissed off that no one was in bed with him. I know we sound like we are nuts. Really nuts. And I know we have to stop this. I actually love having little kid in bed with us. Believe me, no one outside this blog knows about this. It is isn't something I share because it sounds so ridiculous. Hey, I sleep great though. My husband, on the other hand...

Gina said...

Ladies thanks so much. I really appreciate the support. I just put him down in his bed, and he will wake in three hours. It is pretty much every three hours. I started using an air mattress months ago. When he woke I would calm him then transition myself onto the air mattress, and sometimes it works. He will sleep in his bed and mommy will sleep in her bed (while daddy sleeps in the big bed because he has to go to work the next day).
Deb- I might have to try the mattress in the bedroom thing, good idea. Thanks.
I just cannot stand to hear him cry and he gets pretty hysterical when we are getting ready for bed.
My doctor told me to gate his door and let him cry it out. I just don't have the heart to do it. So I will deal with it. Seriously, I keep telling my husband that one day we will miss him in our bed.
The only thing is he wakes at 5am and asks for a sippycup! It kills us, but we try to hold him off a little.
Anyhow, thanks so much for the advice I so appreciate it.
BTW, I don't know why this keeps coming up as "Gina", which is my name...but I usually go by Preppy Mama. Something happened when I logged in I guess.
Oh well! Thanks again!
PreppyMama

Mrs. Furious said...

Preppy Mama,
funny... I was wondering who Gina was!
here is the thing it goes so fast it really does and Mr F and I do not sleep in the same room (he snores anyway so I honestly don't miss it!) he gets to sleep straight through. But you're not going to have a twelve year old in bed. And I really did find that I was able to do it (now I can function on little sleep w/o going postal... usually) and Kid was able to transition when she was ready.. it really can happen! I actually forgot this little hiccup... for a while after starting to sleep through and not nursing she would wake up hungry and I would have to make her a sandwich and let her eat it in her bed.. then she'd go right back to sleep... I just figured she really was hungry at night. I buy into that kind of thing since I wake up hungry too :)
None of this necessarily relates but hey might as well put that out there!


Julie,
believe me I am a total freak. And I don't usually walk around disclosing everything we do because I'm not looking to have my mind changed on the subject and that is usually what goes down... I also don't ever want people to think I judge them for not doing everything I do... seriously folks I get that most people don't want to do this!
And I didn't want to say this because it might scare Preppy mama and Deb and because (really guys it isn't related) it goes against what I am saying.. BUT... a couple months ago (yes after sucessfully sleeping in her own room) Kid started sleeping in the guest room (Mr F's domain). It isn't (I swear it really isn't) because she needs/wants to sleep with Mr F... she just wants to sleep in that bed. So she goes to bed, and we are finally down to the good night and she goes to sleep in her room by herself phase, in Mr F's bed. He goes to bed like at 2 am and he just doesn't move her. So I guess technically they are co-sleeping now. Partly because Mr F was always jealous that I slept with the girls and always claimed (expecially when I was tired and having a hard time) that he would LOVE it. He isn't even trying to get her to sleep in her room. He could sleep in her room... but it is a little Ikea bed and so what is the point of that?

Torey said...

Oh my!! The obnoxious husband thing must be catching!! Something about a snowfall must bring it out in them. . .


On the co-sleeping front, our kiddo (Guppy) slept with us for about the first 6 months, and now (at 8 months, today. . .sigh where does the time go?) is almost totally in his own bed. He was a little wiggly fellow and stopped sleeping well in our bed. He would be up every hour (or 45 minutes as the sleep cycle dictates. . silly babies) and he wouldn't want to nurse, so he wouldn't go back down. Now he goes down at 8, wakes at 12:30, 3 and then 6 ish. On the weekends, *someone* gets him and brings him into bed at 6 and he'll happily sleep until 8 or 9. So I do think he was getting MORE sleep in our bed, but it was a different kind at a different time. We took one of the earlier opportunities that Mrs. F was talking about. I will say that I miss having him in our bed, but I know that hubby does not. I think though that we read his cues well and moved him when he was ready. It did take a little bit of crying (on his part and MY part) but it's made such a difference in him. He started napping on a much more regular schedule (not enforced by us, only by him) and he is generally happier.

I don't know if this was helpful to anyone or not. But it was long. . .and now I don't have time to address Christmas cards. . .oh well!!

Mrs. Furious said...

torey,
It looks like no one is getting their Christmas cards done tonight! ;)



and back to my other comment... of course because I wrote it... Kid is sleeping in her own bed tonight!

Torey said...

go figure as soon as i finished typing my comment, guppy woke up crying. poor kid can't poop.

guess he'll have to sleep with us tonight!

Amy said...

don't even get ME started! i can clearly see how much you hate how different men see parenting! it drives me insane when DH comes home and has a list of things to do, as if he assumes that i will just continue on with my "babysitting" and he doesn't have to worry about it at all! i hate that! i mean...buddy, you're home-that means you're fair game for parenting - i'm going out! i can totally see my husband doing THE EXACT SAME THING...and don't feel bad because i would have reacted similarly (with as heated anger too). chin up - once christmas is over, it's just on to the next crisis right?

Mrs. Furious said...

torey,

yikes...Baby woke up too! Might be a long night..



Amy,
"once christmas is over, it's just on to the next crisis right?"
word to that!
I'll barely come up for air before it is time to plan Baby's b'day.

and even though clearly it is a man thing and I do get that (kind of) it never ceases to piss me off.. just the constant presumption that I am on duty.... argh!

Deb said...

My Christmas cards are done. Let's ignore the wrapping I have to do so I can get packages out tomorrow.

I keep a sippy cup of water and a snack bar next to our bed, because Kiddo likes to eat and sip at 4:30am. We're not nursing anymore, so I'm a-okay with a couple hours of food sitting on his teeth.

PreppyMama, many people -- doctors included -- will give you CIO advice at some point. When someone says, "But you HAVE to put him in his own bed," I reply, "Why?" If they keep going, I just keep asking why. Eventually, they run out of reasons. That's when I hit them hard with: "You know, I've looked around, and after 38 years of life, I have yet to meet a single person who was loved too much as a child." That pretty much kills it. You have to do what's right for your kid, end of story. Maybe there are kids out there who do just need to CIO. You know what kind of kid you have.

So, I'm taking over, Mrs. F. You sound busy with all that dog pee and stuff. Which reminds me, I should let the wolf pack out...

Mrs. Furious said...

word.

I don't know.. well I do know... I just plain don't agree with CIO. But I'm willing to deal with what you have to deal with when you don't do that. I respect that many people (within our culture) don't agree with me.

I think that co-sleeping is a loving situation that meets the natural, instinctual, need of babies and small children to be protected while they are vulnerable (think about cave people.. I always do). Now true there aren't any predators in my house... but I believe kids are wired that way and that for many (not all) kids that they are most comforted sleeping with a parent. I believe that when you meet your children's needs they go away. I think when you push your child to do something before they are ready they develop "needy" behaviors (sometimes in seemingly unrelated arenas) to compensate. I also believe that developing a positive attitude towards sleep is very important and for me I believe being parented to sleep provides you with that... and don't really think crying to sleep does. THIS IS JUST ME.. so don't get all offended. If CIO is what you are comfortable with than my not being shouldn't bother you!
And most of all I KNOW that you will never look back and think... "I really wish I hadn't met all of my kid's needs...or... I really wish they slept through the night sooner."

Also and this is key I am married to someone who shares my beliefs. If your partner does not and resents the place your child has in your bed I can see that as being a problem and maybe co-sleeping isn't a good option for your family. Hell if you want to actually have a sexual relationship with your spouse co-sleeping might not be a good choice for your family! ;) I absolutely don't think getting divorced is worth keeping your kid from crying at night!

Julie said...

a couple months ago (yes after sucessfully sleeping in her own room) Kid started sleeping in the guest room (Mr F's domain)

I am dying here laughing! The secret lives of family's sleep habits...this just cracks me up. Damn, why couldn't I have all of you moms in a playgroup or something!

For the record, Tom doesn't care if little one is in bed with us for any other reason than that little one grinds his teeth in his ear supposedly and tries to push Tom out the bed. I just snuggle that little one like a teddy bear. I will miss him being there. Thankfully he is small for his age because, remember people, the kid IS 6. If he is still sleeping with us when he is 10 and we are allowing it then we are officially weirdos. My husband thinks we or rather I am already a weirdo.

Frankly, I think my husband should just sleep in little one's bed, but he won't. Plus, one of our big, fat maine coon cats, Maxie, has taken that room over and sleeps on the bed.

My older kid sleeps totally on his own now and believe me, we did the whole co-sleeping with him. Then he did not want to be in our bed, he wanted me in his bed. It was like musical beds in our house for a while. I remember sometimes waking up in the morning disoriented, like who's frick'n bed am I in?? That was when my little one did actually sleep more in his room (with about 400 stuffed animals) so there were more rooms and beds to choose from.

I am happiest when I have both boys in bed with me.

MommyTime said...

Okay, so I never did the co-sleeping thing, though I did nurse for as long as I possibly could between work and (in)sanity interfering. And I admire anyone who can do it. But I just wanted to add my 2cents about two things:

First, Mrs. F: "and yes.. I wish I had started blogging sooner!... it has allowed for me to have some adult company and conversation where there didn't used to be any." I can't believe I just figured this out a month ago!! Even if I don't comment all the time, I feel so much more sane and normal as a mom when I read what everyone else is going through. I will say, though, that on NONE of the other blogs I read is there such a great community as there is here. I've tried commenting on a few others, and it's like talking into a black hole in outer space: eventually the words hit someone who reads them, but it takes so many light years for a response to come back that I'm long gone by then. (And no one talks to each other.) So, kudos and thanks to you. (PS, what's your secret?)

And Deb, "Mrs. F, I had my hubby read your blog tonight. He's all, "That ramp looks really COOL!" Dude... did you miss the point entirely or what?" ROTFLOL!! That's precisely and exactly what my husband would have said. When really he should have said, "Oh, sweetie, thanks so much for shopping, wrapping and mailing all the gifts from us to my parents, your siblings, their kids, your parents, and my brother. And for finishing the painting, trim, and fixture installation in the recently-gutted bathroom so that our houseguests who will be here in four days can use it. And for doing all that while grading your end-of-semester papers and coming up with fun and interesting things for our kids to do on the two days a week that you are home with them. And for being my fabulous wife." ;-) So, that's my long way of saying you're not alone in the I-have-one-more-child-than-I've-
actually-given-birth-to thing.

Gigs said...

I read all of this with a lot of interest. My husband is a terrific, very involved father, but this sounds EXACTLY like something that would happen at my house. And I would definitely open up the door and let loose with how I felt about his choices. In fact, he always says (and I say "always" because stuff like this happens ALL THE TIME), "Don't you care that all the neighbors think you're crazy yelling out the door at me like that?". Um, no. And I'd appreciate it if you were more concerned about what I think than what the neighbors think!

Co-sleeping: we were never a traditional co-sleeping family, but we have always slept next to our younger son's bed until he falls asleep. And he will sometimes still ask me to get in bed with him at night. Just to let you know, he is nine, and still loves cuddling. And I have to say that since he is my youngest, even at nine, he is still my baby.

Julie said...

And he will sometimes still ask me to get in bed with him at night. Just to let you know, he is nine, and still loves cuddling. And I have to say that since he is my youngest, even at nine, he is still my baby.

Aww, gigs, you know I think that is adorable. I think that is the best time to talk with your kids/get info. as they get older...that time right before bed.

gigs said...

Julie, at least I have a year before I reach the "weirdo" age of 10! LOL, the age at which he's too old for all this seems to get older as he does! And you're right, I really do get a lot of insight to stuff he feels/thinks about at that time of night. It's a great time to connect.

Mrs. Furious said...

Julie,
for a while (I can't remember why?) Mr F was sleeping in a twin canopy bed in the "nursery"... for the life of me I can't remember why... we have 3 bedrooms. Anyway he is like a corpse when he sleeps he could sleep in a dining room chair so he doesn't care where he is assigned to sleep. When I go to bed I usually say something like "maybe one day we'll sleep in the same bed again... if it is a king size, you wear a muzzle, I am wearing ear plugs, and you promise not to cross the midline!"




Gigs,
My favorite cousin (he's the youngest.. now in college) needed nighttime company for a long time. My aunt didn't get in bed with him (why I do not know?!?) she slept on the floor by his bed with her arm on him. Once he was about 10 when he needed her he would come up and sleep on their floor. He is the nicest, most loving guy. And NORMAL! And even in an adult relationship now. I mean he is so comfortable showing affection and sits with his arms around his mom and dad. Even as a teenager he'd want to be with them... and hold their hands!!!
As a parent I dream of that! :)

Mrs. Furious said...

Mommytime,
do you really want to know? It takes a bit of work. It didn't start this way... if you read my archives you'll see I didn't have as many commenters (or readers for that matter!). But I think because my first regular readers were Mr F and Chris they came from a more "back and forth talky" blog format from their politcal/sports blogs. So they brought that over here and kind of helped establish the okay for commenters to repeat comment. Heck they will usually go back and forth with you if I'm busy. So I owe them a lot for that!

I know for me when I go to a blog even if there are comments back I usually feel weird responding again.. you don't want to annoy the author right? So that is why I put in my sidebar the thing about my desire to comment back and forth. I also am commited to responding to EVERY comment. And when it makes sense to do so I do try to engage the commenter in a conversation. Also I'm always home. I set my blog to email me when I get a new comment and my computer chimes so I can usually comment right back which often catches people while they are still visiting. Also you all know I'll respond so everyone comes back and then there is the opportunity to reengage. Is this too much explanation or what?!?
(this just happened .. "I said in a minute Kid... I'm writing back to people, that is my job.")

Also I write my posts with my audience in mind (nerdy or what) like if I do a serious post I'll try to follow it up with something fluffy. If I do a weight loss post I follow it up with a fashion one.. or whatever. I know I have a diverse group of readers and try to make sure you never have to go more than a day or two before I have something up you can relate to. Believe me I could write stressed out mom posts every. single. day! And maybe that sounds more calculated than it is.. but what can I say I'm a people pleaser! :) And truthfully it has helped me to think about myself in a more rounded out sort of way.


But more than anything I just have to say I really appreciate everyone's comments.. and I wouldn't blog if I didn't get them. I do this for the conversation and support that unfolds here. Sure it takes a little work and moderation on my part... but what I get in return is so worth the time commitment! I NEVER would have thought my blog would have such a large audience... so to everyone who reads thank you. And feel free to comment... I really do care that you read and what things you relate to. Your comments absolutely effect the direction of the blog.. so keep 'em coming!

Kid Art said...

Mrs F - love your blog!

I can so empathize with the cosleeping/nap situation with a baby and older sibling... the exact scenario you describe happened to me so many times!!

Just thought I'd add a couple of things regarding the extended nursing/cosleeping choice from the vantage point of being a couple of years removed from it (my kids are 6 and 4 1/2). It retrospect it went by so fast! I have very special memories of those days and I think my kids do to.

Both have transitioned to their own beds/own rooms and it is so much easier than cosleeping naysayers would have you think.

Especially my second child, my daughter - is so much more independent than her brother. She weaned herself (actually earlier than I would have chosen), decided to sleep in her own bed (all at once, and that was that - she was about 2), potty trained herself in a couple of days.

One thing that really helped us eliminate the middle of the night waking in an older baby was a bedtime snack. I used Yo Baby yogurt. Really, when you think about it, when kids eat dinner at a regular time (say, 6ish) - that is a long time for a little one to go until breakfast. No wonder they wake up hungry! The bedtime snack routine was a lifesaver for a year or so until they matured a bit.

Enjoy - you have a lovely family!

Emily

P.O.M. said...

HOly crap I am laughing so hard at the "keeping score." I want to write lists like that all the time, but must refrain for delicate egos would not be able to handle such things. So I just keep my list safely in my head. ha ha.

Mrs. Furious said...

Hi Kid Art,
thanks for commenting!
good points. That is what worked for us with Kid also. After many weeks of waking up for a middle of the night meal.. we started moving her "dessert" time later until RIGHT before bed. Worked like a charm. You are right. They sleep close to 12 hours.. I can't go that long without food... I even eat RIGHT before bed (I know its a no no... but seriously I wake up hungry in the night if I don't).

and thanks for the compliments :)

Mrs. Furious said...

P.O.M.
that's funny.
Mr F's has a tough skin and can appreciate humor even when it is at his expense... which is fortunate... since I don't just keep score I post it!

Mrs. Furious said...

Emily (kid art),
I just went to your blog..er your daughter's blog... so would you prefer to be addressed as Emily?

and of course I LOVE your daughter's name ;)

MommyTime said...

Just wanted to thank you for such a long helpful response about how you've created such a great community here. Much appreciated. That's why I keep coming back. (That and the witty reparte and chez Furious.)

Mrs. Furious said...

Mommytime,
Oh hey... sorry about that... I know I went a wee bit overboard, but it was hard to explain it in a concise manner. I'm sure everyone was like WTF?!?
Anyway I do know what you are saying and have been to many sites where I am kind of like "why do you even have a comments section?!?"
Mostly it works because I am a housebound loser! ;)

Deb said...

You're making me rethink my whole policy about not responding to comments. "Because it's a time suck," I say. Then the other side of me says, "But you want to respond to them. Sometimes it kills you not to respond." True. Annoyingly true.

Mrs. Furious said...

deb,

well I don't mean everyone needs to do it this way!
The more comments I get the harder it is... but of course I'm secretly hoping to go pro ;)

Kid Art said...

Thanks for asking Mrs F!

Yes, I'd rather go by Emily - the blog is just my latest attempt to avoid drowning in the sea of artwork created by my daughter, and it's how I show up on blogger now I guess.

She loves to post to her site, add comments, and then I feel less guilty for not saving all of the stuff. And then her grandparents, etc. can take a look too!

Emily

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