It's the holiday season as you all know. For Mrs F this can be a stressful and anxiety provoking time.. but hey what time isn't?! I feel compelled to have everything done perfectly. But when your house looks like a cyclone just came through it.. at all times... it can be hard to ever achieve the perfection I strive for. I mean does it really matter that the tree is up and decorated if the floor is covered in toys and shredded Kleenex (thank you Canine & Baby for that) or mushed up crackers and cut in half raisins (or poop... can't always tell at first glance)?
Our house is out of control and a low level of stress and tension festers between Mr F and I because of it. My perfectionism can paralyze me, just as his ADD and MAN can paralyze him. I long to live in a house where everything has a home.. and for those of you who do it I commend you! I don't know how you do. Obviously it doesn't help that we have a smaller old home with no storage space... that our older daughter cannot throw out anything and that her collections of special rocks and McDonald's toys and paper scraps are overflowing the playroom... or that the baby loves to drag these collections around the house. This constant mess and overgrowth is legitimately stressful. Now it is the holidays and I am even more driven to want things to be *perfect*.... and at this point in our lives it just can't be done. And that is a hard pill for me to swallow.
So I am trying to just do what I can. To appreciate the damn china hutch and not bemoan that everything else looks so shitty. To accept that we can't morph into a different family.. a clean and organized one.... just because my idea of the holidays was taken out of a magazine. To make cookies with Kid and not put it off until everything else is done first. Maybe I'll put a bow on top of the pile of mail that will constant sit on my desk no matter how many times I try to clear it off.
We all know that the holidays are not about perfect, that the decorating isn't about decorating, that the gift buying, and the cookie baking are not supposed to be stressful. That this is a time when you should turn to your family and celebrate what you have and share it with others. Sometimes that is just a little hard to remember, and even harder to do. I for one struggle to have good enough actually be good enough... and to remember that no one will ever look back and judge me for not having done a picture perfect decorating scheme... or even if my house was clean... and that if I am lucky my kids will look back at the holidays as a magical time... and that comes from love and not lights!