Friday, December 21, 2007

Alright I Can't Wait Anymore

I thought it would be fun to document every part of my life on my little Canon for you all... but Blogger is not cooperating and now I've got bigger fish to fry.

I just got off the phone with my old college roommate. This is not a good times holiday post so if you are not wanting to hear a major rant on abusive relationships then move along. Maybe sometime today my video will finally finish uploading and you can come back for the "fluff".

Okay let me just say I love my friend. Love her. We had great times in college and she is as much of a goof ball as Mrs F, which is a rare find. But she has two downsides. One, she talks non-stop, even though Mrs F is quite chatty her own self, my friend doesn't take a breath to ask you how you are.... EVER. If she is calling she is calling to talk AT you. Period. And she will do it for two straight hours. This gets old after the first twenty minutes. I don't think she knows anything that has happened in my life in the last 6 years. Seriously. She calls me several times a week. I have to screen her calls because she doesn't ever get off. I can have a screaming kid in the background and I can say "umm Kid is bleeding from her eyes and her arm is on fire!" And she will respond "okay just one more thing..." and then go on for another 25 minutes. I'm not joking (okay I am about the blood and fire... but you get the gist). The second downside is her husband. He is a dick.

My friend has been with her husband since she was 17 years old. He is 5 years older.. so the fact that they overlapped in high school already tips you off to the potential for mental issues on his part. But I'm of course getting ahead of myself...
Okay they dated all through her years in college and grad school. They got married one week after we did. We had been together a little over 2 years... they had been together for 11! Now it was clear even when we were younger that he was VERY controlling. The fact that she is Jewish and he was at one point a neo-nazi (I'm serious) is another little weird oddity that I've never been able to wrap my head around. Anyway he is unstable and a yeller and he flies off the handle if she buys the wrong meat... or is 5 minutes late.... or whatever. I spent a lot of time wondering WHY, WHY, WHY she was with him. WHY she would marry him (I know her parents have wondered this too)? I think partly the fact that she grew up with him kind of shaped her frame of reference about herself. I know at times she had thought of leaving him.... but she never did, and never will.

And listen I'm not uneducated to the cycle of abuse. I worked on a domestic violence hotline for years. I get it. I even can see the things she does to instigate it. I have not ever been able to figure out what made her choose this type of relationship... it isn't a model she grew up with. And although I am very aware that abuse happens in all socio-economic classes... I will say it was very unusual among the girls I was in college with. We were all smart independent types who chose to go to NYC for college. Getting yelled at by your boyfriend every night because you called a minute late... was not typical, or even heard of, among my friends. We would seriously just look at each like "what the hell is going on?!?".

She has had moments of awareness and then they pass. They are married now they have a little boy. They moved across the country and we only talk over the phone now. I have tried to make peace that this is her choice. That maybe he has mellowed. That hopefully he doesn't yell at their son. She will call and say something about it and I'm always like "you have got to be kidding me?" but I don't say anything... what good will it do? She is in it and at some point I'm not even sure she is aware that "normal" men don't act like that. I mean she gets that on some level but she just deal with her life for what it is. Sometimes I respect her ability to "rise above".. which is not the same thing as respecting her choice... but she is aware that her husband has a mental issue (most likely bi-polar) and that he has triggers and that when he is set off fighting isn't going to help. I could never do that. My mother has her own problems and as much as I can and do work to find a place of understanding inside of me.. I don't sit there and eat it... I'm compelled to get validation.

Now my friend's husband will never get help and either will she. She called today and after screening her first couple of calls this morning I accidentally answered it. I was glad I did. She was having a bad day. And believe me I want to be there for her when she does... but hearing what that entails and knowing she chose this life is hard for me listen to. Her sons threw up last night at 3 am. No fun and we've all been there. But what transpired in her house was just plain crazy. Her husband freaked out because her son wanted his mommy and ended up screaming at him to get out of his bed. Then he yelled at her and then went back in to yell at their sick 3 year old some more. So my worst fears were confirmed. He does yell at their son. Not that witness an abusive parental relationship isn't damaging enough! Let's be real clear... it is!

Anyway after that he stormed out of the house at 4 AM and never went back. Seemingly he went to work. Now she is calling me to ask me if she should take her son on a school trip. What? Seems like that wouldn't really be a priority... um with the throwing up... and the abusive dick. But apparently that is just me. So these calls always put me in a tough spot. Obviously she is calling because she needs support, but I cannot, CANNOT, pretend that I think this shit is okay. So I asked how her son had responded to his dad's freak out... and I was alarmed that she hadn't done anything to address it with him. And so I told her that it was unacceptable and that they needed to find a way to help her husband gain control of his emotions or give him an exit strategy BEFORE he exploded. She of course agreed but then went on to blame herself for "talking back" and escalating the situation.

And I get it... I get that in that moment she had a choice to eat it or get pissed. And at her own admission if she instigates it makes him madder but the explosion is faster and easier for her to deal with then weeks of bubbling over. And the peace I made with this situation is that she did chose it that she is an adult and on some level I of course think this is damaging to her self-esteem but I can't make her leave him or even want to leave him. But what pisses me off is that they should not have had children. I'm sorry. They shouldn't. It is one thing to love a man who you know is mentally ill and chose for yourself that you are willing to deal with what he dishes out. But it is not okay to have children and allow your partner to take it out on them as well. Period. They need help... he needs medication to stabilize his moods and they both need therapy.

I asked her if he ever has the self awareness to sit down and have a calm discussion about it. She said sometimes he does... but it has to be right after and incident or he will already have re-framed it in his mind as being her fault. And I get that too. I get that he lost it last night. I get that he felt so badly about yelling at their son that he had to leave. I get that he feels so badly about being out of control that he can't tolerate that feeling and has to see it as being her fault in order to live with himself.

So at the end I said to her "You know that it isn't okay. That if Mr F did that he would be out of the house. You know that whether he yells at you or he yells at your son... it is shaping the way your son feels about himself." What more can I say? She was still most worried about the stupid train ride for her son's school outing. She was worried that if she took him her husband would freak out on her for taking a sick kid. I suggested she really needed to think about her motivations. She said her son was really looking forward to the train. I told her that in a few years he would not remember the ride... but he would remember his Dad screaming at his mom because she took him. I just don't know. I don't even want to know. My heart breaks for that little boy.

This is the exact reason I had to take a break from counseling kids. I would work with these kids whose life experiences were un-freaking imaginable.. seriously, I won't even go into it because it is that bad, and their teachers and parents would get so frustrated that I couldn't "cure" them. And you just want to beat your head against the wall. No amount of Ritalin is going to fix your kid if you are going to continue to (beat them) (shoot up in front of them) (turn tricks in the living room). I just couldn't hold all that sorrow and devastation and heartbreak inside of me anymore. (And sorry I said I wasn't going to go there... and believe it or not that is NOTHING). And right now I just want to cry because it is so frustrating to be so helpless and to have no way to make a change. No way to hold up a giant mirror and say "LOOK AT YOUR LIFE"... stop worrying about the goddamn train ride and start worrying about your son.

**********************************************
Update:
She just called me back. She called to ask him his opinion on whether they should go on the train ride. He said "well, you already told me my opinion!" and hung up on her. She is going to go and told me there will be a blow out tonight if we go or if we don't go... so we might as well go. I didn't even know what to say, all I could say was "I hope it is not too bad tonight." God this just sucks... when the best you can hope for someone is that their night isn't too bad.

45 comments:

Robin said...

I am so sorry for your friend, and for you. It is really frustrating to want to help a friend but not be able to. (I have a friend who is similar but her situation is not quite as dire.)

It does make me really thankful that I have a loving husband who is a wonderful father.

Robin said...

It does kind of put the Christmas stress in perspective, doesn't it?

Mrs. Furious said...

it certainly does... but at the same time I am so frustrated with the situation!

I guess for the last little while she hadn't been talking about it... and so even though I knew he hadn't totally changed, I could avoid thinking about it all the time!

Robin said...

Yeah. It is frustrating. The sad thing is, that with your background, you still can't figure out what to do to help her. Makes me feel really helpless in regards to my friend.

Feener said...

oh my lord that sucks. i was just finally realizing WHY i stayed in a relationship were i was disgusted in the guy. 4 years i stayed and it was all about my self esteem. my father had a temper and we had some bad scenes when i was young. mom NEVER talks back. i know it has shaped who i am, and i already see me and my temper shaping my girls. i have been going back and forth about seeing someone to help me...i went to a woman about 3 to 6 months after frass was born b/c i was going insane with her colic. but i realize now that it is not just colic - i get upset too fast. anyways..enough about ME. haha. right. i hope your friend finds some way to give that kid the self esteem he needs, she might be long gone but her son is not.

emmyjw said...

Sorry you had to take all that into your heart right now... It is infuriating ang heartbreaking. I work as a homehealth nurse and I see some horrible things, I can;t figure why people don't realize or care that they are damaging their kids beyond repair. So very sad.I have a cousin who has a little girl a few months younger that Ella and just acts like she is a doll or something, it won't affect her that she is in bed with a new guy every other week, or that she dumps her with whoever whenever because she has plans etc... But like you said, wrong though it may be, they are adults and they chose it. Too bad the kids don't have a say.

window washer said...

One day she may realize how lucky she is to have such a strong shoulder to cry on in you, and even if she never does, you are there for her.

You're strong and supportive, and even when nothing changes or works out for the people we love, we all need pillars in our lives.

Reality has a way of slapping us all at some point, and when she enters reality, has that epiphany she desperately needs, or something else cathartic and life changing happens I'm sure you'll be there.

She's very very lucky to have you, even though her situation is maddening.

Gigs said...

The mental health issue is such a tough thing. I have a cousin who is bipolar and her life was such heartache for such a long time. She was in an out of bad relationships and marriages and ended up having three children. At that point all the bad choices she made were so much more magnified because of their affect on her children and their lives. (Fortunately for them, they are now all in loving adoptive homes.) These people often have a hard time accepting that they need medication, or that they need to stay on their medication if they take it. Your friend has a lot on her plate, but it says a lot about you that you still try to help her through the life she's chosen. I agree that it is all so much more important now that she has a son who will be part of that life. It sounds like you can't make her see the situation from outside her own point of view, and that her husband won't accept his role in it either. But sometimes people surprise you and rise above. My cousin is now holding a job and on medication, doing well. Keep reminding your friend that her child must be her priority and know that you have done your best to help her.

Amy said...

It sounds like you're doing what you can. I know that you want to reach through the phone, shake her and yell "WHAT ARE YOU DOING???? GET THE H OUT OF THERE!!" It's frustrating.

...and I so hear you on feeling like parents get pissed because you can't cure their kids. I am dealing with that so much right now...and some days I really want to run away from it all. We do what we can, we're not miracle workers unfortunately.

Heather said...

God, this is heartbreaking to read. I'm so sorry for your friend, so sorry that she's in a place mentally/emotionally where she's lost the forest for the trees and is stuck at leaves level. I do think it's a good sign that she's calling you, and maybe, just maybe, if you keep telling her that things need to change, she'll believe that it's possible.

Mrs. Furious said...

Thanks for all the comments.

Robin,
I guess it is just another reminder that you can't help people until they want to be helped. It sucks... she could have done better... but honestly she waited 11 years to marry him... she knew exactly what she was getting into, and she loves him anyway. He is not all bad, but he does have some serious problems and it is hard for me to hear about it. I do so badly want to support her but what I want for her (get out or get real help) isn't what she wants.

Mrs. Furious said...

Feener,
I am a huge mental health advocate. As you know I'm in therapy now, and have been since I was 17 years old. Huge help. For me I just see no reason NOT to be in therapy. Having a weekly appointment is like taking vitamins... why wait for there to be a flare up? It works much better for me to put out small fires rather than big ones. Finding a good therapist is not always easy and I recommend that people have an open mind and try a few before they commit (often you can do this for free... depends on the therapist). Good luck. It sounds like it might be helpful for you too. :)

Mrs. Furious said...

Gigs,

ooh we have weemees too! I even did one for Kid, although we haven't done anything with them in a while!

Yes the mental illness factor here is huge. It is sad too since she knows it and also knows he is not open to accepting that or treating it. He could be so much happier (even for his own benefit) if he was getting proper medication. It is sad. At the same time I think because she is able to intellectualize and rationalize his behavior (as being caused by mental illness) it allows her to live with it when it isn't healthy for her son or herself for that matter.

Mrs. Furious said...

window washer,

hey thanks for commenting :)

I really didn't feel like I was able to do much today, so I appreciate your kind words. I often found when I was working that I'd have to remind myself that even when you can't change someone's life situation just giving them someone they can count on, someone who believes they deserve better, is good enough. That maybe somewhere down the line just that act alone can help them to value themselves a little more... and that it might one day be enough of a push for them to think they deserve better. I hope.

Mrs. Furious said...

emmy,

I'm sorry to hear about your cousin and her daughter.
It is frustrating. Some people are so busy rationalizing their choices that the kids get looked over. That is certainly what happened to me. The plus side (if there is one) is that some kids can take in their parents choices and learn from their mistakes and not repeat them.

Mrs. Furious said...

Amy,

oy, the parents (and the primary teachers I might add)! That is why I had to take a break from working... which became a permanent situation for now... it was just killing me. Even if I could find a place to hold all the anger I felt at them (and them at me) it was too much for me to know that I really couldn't affect any real significant change for kids who so desperately did need it. Crushing.

Mrs. Furious said...

Heather,

I agree that at least she called. She hadn't called about it in a long time. I mean I hear him snipping at her in the background or she'll quickly get off the phone when he comes home.. but it hasn't been addressed since before they were married. I don't think she'll ever leave, I don't think she even wants to, but I do hope they can get some help at some point.

Deb said...

That was my childhood. I'm sorry to say it, because I know she's your friend, but in my book, the mother in these scenarios is far more evil than the father. The father has emotional and potentially physical issues that he cannot control without professional help. The mother is knowingly manipulating the situation to protect herself. That's a-okay when you're not a mother and have no one else to protect but yourself. But it makes me want to vomit when I think about how her one instinct in life should be to throw herself in front of a moving bus to protect her child, and instead, she's throwing him in its path.

You're a much kinder friend than I am.

katieo said...

Oh I don't even know what to say. I have a friend like that too- different problems (but really severe ones), oblivious to my life, etc. Totally one-sided. It's hard.

Just makes me want to cry. And pull my hair out! When people can't really see what they're doing...

ugh. Sorry Mrs. F. Sucks to have to deal with it and yet at the same time- sounds like she really needs you. (Even if she doesn't realize it)

Off to hug my kids.

Mrs. Furious said...

deb,
shouldn't you be in Vail right now?!

I'm really sorry to hear about your childhood.
And I totally see where you are coming from with your feelings. As much as I dislike him I do recognize that he is ill... she knew what she was getting into and chose this life... her son did not.

Mrs. Furious said...

katieo,
It is hard and frustrating. I'm sorry you can relate :(

Jennifer said...

I am sorry to hear. My husband and I have been know to yell at our kids for good reasons, not because they are sick at 3 and want mommy. You're being the best a friend can be but she needs to see its not the best situation and work on it, however that may be.

Deborah said...

How do you yell at a sick kid?
We had a friend whose behavior sounds similar to the Daddy from Hell -- she was diagnosed as borderline personality disorder. Kind of like, I'm a shit and I don't care. Her husband divorced her and took the kids away from her. People with that kind of mental disorder, if that's indeed what it is (maybe he's just a shit) first have to admit they have a problem and he sounds like he's way beyond that. This is truly an awful, horrible situation with one parent completely out of control and the other enabling the situation (sorry but that's how I see it) and the poor child stuck there. Who didn't ask to be born into this god awful mess. Sorry for going on and one. She is one lucky woman to have you for a friend. I'm sureyou'd like to scream at her but that might scare her off and maybe one day you will get through to her. Good luck, and I have tremendous admiration for you.

Sarah said...

Wow. I just don't have any comprehension of situations like that, it's so sad when you are on the outsider feeling helpless.

Mrs. Furious said...

Jennifer,
Unfortunately I don't think she is ever going to really see it....
for the life of me I wish I could know what it is that she is getting out of this relationship... you know what attracted her to it in the first place. You can never really know what was going on for someone else during their childhood but from what I know this isn't repeating anything she had experienced.


Deborah,
gosh don't apologize. She is ABSOLUTELY enabling him. She didn't even mention her son's reaction to the incident I had to ask her and remind her that he would have had a reaction. Like "hello... it is not all about you!" I don't think it ever occured to her to think about how the fight impacted her son.


Sarah,
I have to say it would be much harder to deal with if she was local and I had to witness it. Thankfully I don't socialize with anyone like this (that I know of) I wouldn't be able to continue to bear witness to this type of thing.

soapbox girl said...

Oh, wow. First of all, thanks for posting this. I totally needed to read this. I broke up with my ex for similar reasons, although he was nowhere near that abusive. All I have to say is therapy, honey. Lots of it. I go (and am proud of it). I hope your friend gets out of this marriage for the sake of her children. They didn't get to choose this guy for a dad. And maybe (just maybe) if she can't do it for herself, she would have the strength to do it for her (innocent) children.

Good luck and thanks again for sharing.

Julie said...

My best friend from college was involved in a similar situation for many years. Thankfully, she finally had the courage to leave the relationship after almost a decade. It was excruciating to watch and not really be able to get her to see what was going on. Something finally clicked. Last we had heard of him, he was actually in prison for beating up his next girlfriend. And this was a guy from a very well-to-do family from Connecticut. There was no marriage or children thankfully. That really complicates it. So sorry for you, Mrs F, it is so frustrating to bear witness to it and not be able to fully stand up to it because you may alienate her (at least that is what I felt with my friend.)

Mrs. Furious said...

Soapbox Girl,
Thanks for your comment. While I am sorry that you had that experience I am happy that you were able to get out and move on... and even happier that you shared it here. When I chose to write this post I knew that statistically speaking some of my readers may actually be in an abusive situation and although I didn't want to alienate them in anyway or come across as "blaming the victim" I also just think that this topic needs to be discussed. And so maybe reading that you had the courage to change and get out and get help will help someone else do the same.
Thanks!

Mrs. Furious said...

Julie,

shouldn't you be on your romantic getaway?!?

"it is so frustrating to bear witness to it and not be able to fully stand up to it because you may alienate her "

Yes, yes, yes! Thankfully she doesn't read my blog ;) Today I did the best I could to be as upfront as possible about how I felt about her child being involved.... but it was so hard and I was trying to be as delicate as possible. I mean she did call and did say it was a bad day (which she doesn't usually say) and I wanted to be there for her. Tough. And right now she is probably getting yelled at....

Mrs. Furious said...

And Katieo....
I totally gave you a quick response earlier.

I was thinking about how you said you were going to hug your boys. And it made me think about how I wanted to have boys so I could raise good men who would be respectful of women. Of course I have girls... and it is even more important to me now! So know that you are ensuring that 3 women will one day have loving supportive husbands.

Julie said...

Mrs F,

shouldn't you be on your romantic getaway?!?

We leave tomorrow early afternoon. Or whenever my sister arrives so really who know when:)

Oh, I can assure you there will be no romance with this little get away...I am exhausted, a bit cranky and frankly, just want to be left alone. There is small part of me that wishes I were going alone. To have total peace for a night...that's all I want for Christmas. Oh yeah, and children who listen to me:)

I just feel disgruntled and very much like a martyr right now. Like I do everything for getting ready for Christmas. Although, my husband, who really is a great guy, did point out that he did go to work when I was giving him shit about this...when I said, "what did YOU do today?!" And yes, that job actually does pay for the stuff I wrapped. I guess we're even. But shhh...don't let him hear that.

Julie said...

Back to the more serious topic about your friend....it is so sad that the two parents,your friend and her husband, are so caught up in their own struggle that they don't/can't/ won't put the little 3 year old first.

I don't want to start a parent-bashing, but geez, that is the story of my upbringing. Now that I am a parent, I understand my own parents' struggles more, but I just can't understand how some people (my own parents included) can't put aside their own shit and put kids first. They have no ability to see outside of themselves. It is really selfish. Sadly, in most cases, those parents are not self-aware and don't even get what they are doing to their kids. That's the case with my mom. When she's good, she's great. When she's not, everyone suffers. I NEVER want to have that kind of hold on a family. It is wrong. Does any of this make sense to anyone other than me. If not, sorry to go on and on!

Mrs. Furious said...

Julie,

I hear ya! I don't care if Mr F goes to work... big deal... it is not like I'm at home sitting around. I consider that salary earned by both of us. So with that in mind... you have every right to be annoyed. Although I often have to realize that Mr F would be just as happy with a thrown together xmas... and it is my desire and need to do all this stuff (except buy all the gifts... that does piss me off) so sometimes I try not to hold it against him... sometimes....

A trip by yourself would be nice! And for us anytime we have ever tried to have a romantic getaway... it blows up in our faces and we have a huge fight about something... just too much pressure!

Mrs. Furious said...

julie,

um..yeah... I know what you are saying!
And obviously I'm sorry to hear that... and it makes the holidays so much more enjoyable right? ;)

Julie said...

Oh yeah, we are not even thinking of this thing as romantic. It is simply a means to drink coffee and eat food without being harassed by our children.

Plus, apparently I think I just wanted to go because it was such a good little deal. I swear I am looking forward to the free breakfast the most. Tom saw what I wrote to you about the place we were going and how I linked it for you, etc. He's like "what do you work for the Cambridge chamber of commerce?" I told him that if Mrs F was anything like me, she would want to check out the place. Besides, you share so much of your life with all of us, I thought what the hell, I will possible inappropriately over-share with details of our one night stay in the city!
well, i am off to bed. I will check in on you, mrs f, on sunday!

Mrs. Furious said...

Julie,

lol... anyway enjoy it!

if you are still up I finally got one of the videos to upload!

Preppy Mama said...

So sorry to hear about your friend. You know, as social workers I think we always carry our work with us whether we are "working" or not. My mom used to say to me jokingly, "Some of the people you attract". It is true. There is a reason we chose a path in life whether we are aware of it or not. I feel like there are some people I just can't shake and sometimes their issues feel like mine. And no matter how frustrated I get or consumed, at the end of the day it is their decision...not mine. The hardest thing about being a counselor is knowing that you can't help someone that doesn't want to be helped. It sounds like your friend isn't even aware of some of the real issues. It sounds like she is trapped between what she thinks she needs to do to handle a situation and what she believes is "love" by her husband. Which I guess would be classic abusive relationship. Chances are she will not leave him and it certainly sounds like she is not ready anytime soon. You and I know that things always get a lot worse before they have that "eye opening" moment. You are a wonderful friend. It can be so exhausting emotionally and physically. Bottom line, we all have a lot on our plates. Our situations are never the same, however these are the paths that we chose and it shouldn't make our issues feel any less important, but it certainly gives us perspective. Which is good to have a times because it gives us our dose of reality check.
You truly have the patience of a saint. I bet you were/ are a wonderful social worker. I think one of our downfalls is getting emotionally involved and how can you not when kids are involved. I had to leave once my son was born. I couldn't take another sad kid who was failed my the system and another lousy parent. It made me bitter for awhile and I vowed to never let my child turn into a statistic. Don't know if I could handle going back until my kids are grown. Anyhow, off my soapbox!

Deb said...

I'm totally in Vail. Do you think I'd let Vail get in the way of reading my favorite blogs?

Mrs. Furious said...

Preppy Mama,
"Our situations are never the same, however these are the paths that we chose and it shouldn't make our issues feel any less important, but it certainly gives us perspective"

Yes... I totally agree with you!

sorry I missed this comment until just now.



Deb,
I hear you!

Anonymous said...

This is from cheryl (can't remember my password!)
Hi, such a sad story. I worked in a DV shelter for a year and decided I couldn't ever do that as a job, especially seeing the women bring their kids back to their abusive homes. As a teacher I feel like at least I can offer everyone a place were they're welcome and cared about. We don't even have counselors for actual counseling in our schools (just testing, very sad, b/c some kids could use it). Parents have to be the fixers though.
So, I promise to raise my two little boys to love and respect the women in their lives. And I'm so thankful for my husband.

Mrs. Furious said...

Hi Cheryl,

how was the b'day?!? Sorry we didn't call :( The days have been getting away from us!

I don't think it is that uncommon not to have counselors in the school... even when I was doing that it was only for the SED kids. And providing a safe loving environment for those kids in the classroom absolutely makes a difference and can change their lives. I have no question that your boys will be loving men!

P.O.M. said...

Im sorry for you and your friend. It's so frustrating when you can see somehting so damaging that someone you care about is going thru and they can't even see the whole picture. I'm sure in some way most of us could relate somehow.

THanks for sharing.

Mrs. Furious said...

P.O.M.
"It's so frustrating when you can see somehting so damaging that someone you care about is going thru and they can't even see the whole picture"

exactly... well put.

etbroderick said...

Ugh. I finally got around to reading this. Up at 1:00, which is not good but this was so important. God. I am at a loss. I feel so sad for that sweet little boy. If I could I would just grab him right out of there and hold him and love him and make him feel safe. I have always been a basket-case thinking about children in these situations, watching movies, etc. but now that I have my own baby I find it really hard to recover when I read, hear or see stories like this. I am not very experienced with matters like these. Didn't witness it, wan not my profession. So I hope I don't sound too harsh, but I am sorry. She has no right to let her son live this. And I have to say, this messed up decision of hers to stay with this guy through all of this makes me wonder if she has some mental/emotional illness of her own. I don't know how else to explain it. It's almost like some weird addiction to the drama or something. Honestly, I don't know. I just hate that she can't put her son's welfare above her own. Maybe she can't imagine her life without her husband. But I would suffer miserably every day of my life if it meant my son could be safe and taken care of. I'm with Cheryl. When I was a teacher, my school had the "SED" program for the whole district. Most teachers were not happy to have an SED kid in their room and many sent them out at the slightest discretion. I was like, "I want the kids that no one else wants." For this year I want them to feel every single day like someone loves them and believes in them. Sometimes I feel guilty that I gave up teaching b/c I think that was my gift...

Wow. Such an important post. I am not sure half of what I've written makes sense b/c I am in a brain fog, but I am just so riled up right now. I will say a prayer that your friend wakes up SOON. I wish she would see a counselor and bring her son as well...I hate to think about what was going through his sweet little 3 year old mind when he was sick in the middle of the night.

Mrs. Furious said...

eileen,
"I hate to think about what was going through his sweet little 3 year old mind when he was sick in the middle of the night."
Can you even imagine?!?
Any time I lose my temper or Mr f and I have a disagreement I always talk it over with Kid... I mean I cannot even imagine being so caught up in myself and "my" issues that I would neglect to see that what had transpired might have been upsetting or stressful... and that is with what happens here... not to mention actually getting screamed at and left in a room by yourself with no parent coming in to help you process it or just pick you and take you out of there! heartbreaking! I didn't mention in the story... but later in the morning my friend asked her son to get in bed with her and cuddle and he was scared and said "no.. Daddy said to get out of the bed."

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