Okay

I'm sick of feeling like shit about myself.

I'm hoping I finally mean that.

I feel like I do... but... the motivation to actually stick with something beyond a handful of days has been elusive up to this point.

It turns out having your kids with you 24 hours a day, makes it even harder to put your needs first.

I'd really like to replace the amount of time I feel shame about my lack of effort...

with... pride at actually making a fucking effort.

So I'm just going to say I'm now trying to get into a 12 week challenge with myself.

To actually do what I know I should do.

And stop making nutella paninis (damn you Mario Batali!).

I started today.

I think I have to stick under 1400 calories now that I'm a) not breastfeeding and b)comprised of much more fat than I used to be.

I'm also going to do my "I think I might be having a heart attack" Cathe Fredrick step aerobics DVD (for real peeps... it's insane) 5 times a week.

One down.

Stay tuned.

I think I mean it this time.

12 weeks... 15 pounds... back to my glory