Update (also known as stuff you probably aren't interested in)

Hmm, this past week was a mixed bag.  As per the norm I have had a very hard time adjusting to the time change.  Damn, my body just can't ever handle it.  Fall or Spring.  I do love me some DST and actually would prefer that they just make that permanent, having the light in the evenings is a HUGE mood booster.... I just can't handle the actual time change.  It takes me about a week or so to adjust.

We went up to The Cougar's house this weekend to pick up some things.  I was very worried that going back would be hard emotionally, but it still felt comfortable. She had such a great family house, it's a shame that we won't have that to bring our family together anymore.

I took the kids to the bouncy house again on Friday.  I wish I had thought of this a long time ago.  It's the best detoxifier ever.  Again, it really stretched our weekend.  Remember in the beginning of the school year when we went out to eat on Mondays and Fridays to help the school week feel less overwhelming?  Well, we stopped soon after I wrote that, because A) the homework load was too big to be able to eat out, and B) we got sick of that routine.  But, it was helpful to have that routine while we adjusted.  Point?  That I think we are going through another rough time, and establishing a routine of things to look forward to helps immensely.  Right now, going straight from school to the bouncy house on Friday afternoons, and then going out to eat, and watching a movie before bed makes our weekend feel like a 3 day weekend.  And we need that.  Because our weeks feel like 10 day weeks.

Kid had another sleepover with her remaining Korean friend. We all really like her, she has a great personality.  I am very worried about how this is going to play out, though, when she leaves.  We took her out to a Korean restaurant, so that our girls could familiarize themselves more with her culture.  Everyone loved it.  When we got home they Skyped their other friend who went back to Korea.  There are the obvious hardships with this, but I am so thankful that Kid has had this experience.  It's been an amazing learning opportunity.

We still have no idea what we'll do school-wise next year.  There is hope that next year will be drastically better with the 5th grade teacher where they are... but... we don't know.  This year has been part torture.  I was happy to hear that a dad went into Kid's teacher last week and angrily asked "What's up with the college level spelling words?!"  At least I know we really aren't the only ones who are so frustrated.  (P.S. Kid would want you to know that she is the only one in the class that scored an A+ on that spelling test.... if anything comes from this it is that we have learned how to study... I just wish we didn't have to learn that at age 10 at the expense of any downtime).

We are a couple days from the one year tornado anniversary.  Spring worries me... a lot.  The kids were out playing and then came rushing back in when they thought they saw a bank of clouds on the horizon.  I think this will be a hard couple of months.  I had some extreme PTSD for several months, and while that feels better, I think that might be in large part because it has been winter.  We'll see.  I expect this year will be the hardest and hopefully it'll get easier for us to get through as time goes by.  And, no, our repairs are still not all finished!  We actually just got a bill from the disaster contractors... and I won't get into that nightmare... except to say... yeah, we don't owe YOU anything.

Speaking of tornadoes the Red Cross has a new Tornado app that you should immediately install on your cell phones & tablets.  It is free.  It has a built in siren that will go off in the event of a tornado warning, which is so important if you are not in an area that has sirens, or if you might not hear it where you are.  Go get it!  If you live in the US you need it.  Especially if you live between the Rockies and the Appalachian Mountains.

Yesterday, Baby broke down and sobbed and sobbed and said she wished she wasn't alive, that she doesn't like her life.  Um, yeah, I pretty much wanted to kill myself.  Things are hard for her right now, she feels a big divide between her interests and Kid's as Kid matures and it leaves Baby feeling heart broken and lonely.    Oh, so sad.  We all had a good cry over that when I told Mr F and Kid about it.  Baby is going to make a list of things she likes to do with each of us, and when she is feeling lonely and left out she can pick one thing and we will make sure one of us is available to do that with her.  I hope that helps!  I think being the baby of a family is hard and it is easy to feel left behind.  She also has a very busy nature and needs a lot of stimulation and company... a characteristic that is not natural to Kid, Mr F, or myself.  With Baby it is not ever enough, and that can be frustrating for all of us.  Even if I throw her a luncheon tea party, or let her give me a makeover (which I wore out in public!), or let her set up a restaurant in our kitchen (at dinner time on a school night!) as soon as that is over she needs more.  There is no downtime.  But we need to work harder at recognizing that and helping her find more ways to fill up her time.  As I said to Mr F, she's only going to need us in this way for a couple more years.  I also think, she is ready for a full day of school... of course, that has to wait until the Fall.    Anyone else go through something like this?  Age related or temperament?  I kind of think a bit of both.  It definitely makes me feel sad, and question my parenting, because I am with her the majority of her day and it isn't enough to make her feel fulfilled.  She is so creative and gifted and has a huge imagination... and all of her ideas and plans are big and elaborate and inconvenient.  You know?  I just can't always help her pull them off on a school day.  If you follow our Facebook you KNOW that we have a full life and do a lot of fun stuff together while Kid is at school.... everyday.  I have to keep reminding myself that I really do do stuff with her, because I have a natural tendency to beat myself up.  I wish I knew how to make her happier.  I hope this is age related moodiness.  The thought did occur to me.... great... we've got one with anxiety and now the other with depression (and I suspect ADD)... the one two three genetic punch!

Speaking of ADD... Mr F left the garage door open the other night.  I set the alarm. I woke up in the middle of the night having a heart attack.  I try not to let the ADD bother me too much anymore... but... yeah, I was pissed.  Close the fucking door!

That's it.

Except this:

Still Sick

Quick update: Baby is STILL sick.  Significantly.  There have been a few up and downs over the last couple of days.  Her croup came back when the long lasting steroid wore off on Thursday.  I took her back to the doctor because we just can't break this fever and her breathing was still labored... they checked for pneumonia and said to go home and monitor her breathing and come back on Saturday AM if she still hadn't broken her fever.  Thursday night her breathing became fairly restricted, I remembered we had a leftover dose of Prednisone, so we gave her that which helped a lot and we managed to avoid the ER.  At that point I was still extremely hopeful that we were so close to the end of it.  Friday her fever broke and stayed that way for about 8 hours then came back (whoa, that was depressing... and distressing). We've been battling the fever ever since. I called the doctor this morning, as instructed, thinking they'd send us in for more x-rays and blood work, but someone else was on call and they dismissed the fever (?) and told us to come in on Monday.  That will be day 10.  We're getting frustrated with every doctor giving us vastly different instructions... and don't really know what we should do anymore.  Her breathing is okay tonight (so far), but her fever just took another swift uptick.  I don't know.  They still haven't given her any kind of blood test to rule out an infection of some sort and I'm really hoping that happens on Monday. I haven't had much more than 3 hours of sleep a night for the last 8 days, dealing with her coughing/breathing and monitoring her fever.  I'm exhausted.  And I'm still sick with the flu (I just can't seem to quit it, myself... something about the no sleep is probably not helping).

That's all.

Things I've Been Thinking About

How thankful that I am raising my children in these times.  100 years ago, I'm not sure what would have or could have been done for Baby.

But, also, morbidly, and somewhat disconcertingly, as Baby just cannot get over this... things have been bad (very bad) all week.... I am very aware that children still do die from complications of the flu every year in the US.  This isn't a cold, and it isn't a joke.

Baby has been back and forth with the doctors all week.  We just have not been able to break her fever.  They are watching for pneumonia.  The steroids they gave at the hospital on Monday night, wore off yesterday and her croup has come back.  Thankfully, I had a leftover dose from the initial doctor's appointment Monday morning, and I gave her that last night and she had enough improvement that she made it through the night with going back tot he ER.  Her fever broke in night, and I'm hoping it doesn't return... or if it does... that this is a sign that we might be nearing the end of this.  (Please)

This has been a long, scary, worrisome week.

We have been given a  24 hour limit, if she hasn't improved she'll go back to the hospital for more testing.

P.S. We did not give her the flu vaccine this year (we did last year).  I know that it is not a guarantee, but we will be sure that the girls get it every year after this.