Thursday, August 14, 2008

The Fury Returns

Okay here is the deal Canine has been shitting all over the damn house this week. Today is the third day I've come home to his soft serve explosions. I spent at least half an hour yesterday trying to get it out of our shag type rug (that used to be in the basement... for fear of this very thing).

When we moved I had gotten him on some new food that was especially firming. Things were going great and he hadn't had any accidents. Then I went out of town and Mr F replaced the food with something "better". Now we've got soft serving coming out the ying yang and Mr F claims it is not the food. Well what else would it be jack ass?! (and of course I say that lovingly... no, no, I don't... remember I am cleaning this shit up) Mr F seems to have conveniently forgotten that it takes a couple of weeks for dogs to switch over to a new food.

Anyway after taking the kids out and coming home AT naptime, hungry, etc and then opening the door to Canine's pooptacular soft serve emporium I was PISSED. I needed to get these kids food ASAP but of course that had to wait while I picked poop out of the rugs. As if it couldn't get any worse Kid calls me to the kitchen and points to the floor... where I see my favorite butter dish smashed to pieces with a huge glob of soften butter all over the floor. That goddamn asshole! It was all I could do not to go corporal punishment style on his ass! Seriously I was shaking with fury.

Now when I called Mr F for a little compassion and commiseration he answered with his usual put upon tone that he has taken to with his new job. Which if you're assuming I call him multiple times a day to whine about my life... you are wrong!!!... I usually call one time to find out when he's coming home (believe it). There is no call for his rudeness. Especially when I have given up everything I had worked 7 years to create in Ann Arbor so he can have this freaking job. It is totally disrespectful and pisses me off even more than the shit factory.


angie said...

uh oh. what did he do. chew on something. or shit on something?

and i don't even want to know what mr f did (well, really i do, but i am scared!)

Mrs Furious said...

Oh this post will be rewritten when I get a chance.
THis is the 3rd fucking day in a row Canine has shit all over the house. Mr F bought new food claiming it isn't the food... which is just ridiculous... it is the food.
Plus whenever I call Mr F he has that "what now" tone of voice instead of "I'm happy to hear from you" which just pisses me off and is disrespectful. He got an earful just now!

angie said...

Triple ugh. We all know Canine can only have his one type of food (though, strangely, he did eat some of kirby's dry food with no repercussions.)

Sorry about Mr F. He's probably very stressed with the job and probably doesn't mean it the way it sounds. But I totally understand why that would not go over well. Hang in there!!

hicktowndiva said...

Can you gate the dog in the kitchen, or crate him when you leave the house? Since it seems that he will crap if allowed access to a rug unsupervised...I'd cut off his access when you can't watch him. I would love to let my dogs have the unsupervised run of my house but for this very reason, I can't do it. They will find a rug and stage a shitfest every time.

Mrs Furious said...

Oh yeah. As soon as I got home I was like "that's it!! You're getting locked up!"
We have baby gates a plenty from our old house. He no longer has an all access pass!

Robin said...

Goddam animals.

That dog better shape up, too. (Just kidding Mr. F)

Sorry, Mrs. F. As an owner of a shitter, I completely empathize with you.

Mr Furious said...

That dog wasn't paying attention last night when I referred to one of the extra wicker baskets as his potential coffin.

I'll be coming home with new (old) dog food, flowers, and a cork for Canine's ass.

Heather said...

I'm a huge fan of the put upon tone myself. Yesterday I got it because I actually asked him to help me carrying in the freaking groceries. It's not enough I had to make the goddamn list with no help from him, go to the store in my humongous state and waddle through the aisles, pick everything out, etc. etc. (and oh yes, PAID FOR ALL OF IT) but God forbid I want some goddamn help with carrying the shit in. And then he resisted helping with dinner. The fucking nerve.

BTW, Canine's pooptacular soft serve emporium fucking hysterical.

Can you give Canine a banana to help um, firm things up? Or some bread or something? God, it sounds like a nightmare.

Teresa said...

I am so sorry! I know this crap (no punn intended! Ha!) can be spectaularly frusterating especially when you just walk in the door and need to get kids fed and in bed! Hopefully the gates will makes things a little bit better till his belly adjusts to the new (old) food again.

LOL to Mr.F's cork comment!

Mrs Furious said...

Mr F,
If you know what's good for you... you will bring home pizza.
FYI there's a LC on Patton Ave.

Get that Newman's Own dry food!!!

Julie said...

Uh oh.

This bites.

Oh, I know that tone on the phone. Totally makes me want to say "fuck you" to Tom when it happens....which i would probably do if there weren't kids in the room. Instead, I take a "fuck you" tone back at him. Good times.

Jennifer said...

Two words Mrs. F .. anti-freeze ..

its all I'm sayin ...


AshinMT said...

Mrs F and Commenters:
This has me laughing my ass off.
pooptastic emporium...LOVE IT.
I am saying my prayers that my pooch never starts having shit fits. Ha..However last year during hunting season he ate the entire rib cage of our hanging whitetail and shit and puked green and bone shards etc, for two days. (you know he didnt get punished, it was punishment enough already)

Torey said...

eeeek. Sorry to hear about all this!

N is a dog food changer too. I, having worked at a fancy schmancy pet store, know that you can't just change it all up like that!

So sorry!!! Hope it gets better!!

Ms. Flusterate said...

Oh I know damn well that "put upon" tone. I am "not allowed" to call my husband at work unless it's an emergency because he's "busy there." HUH?
Anyway, the dr's office called me at work right after a worrisome brain MRI and my co-worker could not believe I was concerned that I might be bothering my husband with a possible brain tumor. Yeah, it was so ingrained in me not to call that a real emergency wasn't enough.


btw, brain tumor is there but not affecting me. I'd like to use it as an excuse in general but I don't do it cause of karma and all that.

Missives From Suburbia said...

Mmm... I feel like I'm reliving my first few months in St. Paul. Paradise, I tell you. Paradise.

I'm thinking Canine really doesn't understand how close he is to going to "the farm". Does he not know he was almost given away in MI? Dumb Canine, dumb Canine.

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