Wondering what's up on the weight loss front?
Well... there is no loss. You will notice that little turtle has been taking a nice long snooze over there in the grass.
I've stopped trying to lose. I'm working on my fitness.
If I just focus on working out I really can eat what I want and maintain. If I want to weigh less than I do now I'll have to make a commitment to diet. AND right now I don't want to do that.
Kid asked me something about my "diet" the other week. I was just like... shit. Because the whole thing for me is being a good role model for my girls. They get it. They get that I workout and that that is part of being a healthy grownup. For Kid to pick up that I'm at all dissatisfied with my physically fit size four self... is a fucking problem. (excuse my French) That is exactly what I don't want to model. That is exactly what will mess them up in the head. And even though I try to be very careful of what I do and say in front of them... I let myself get caught up in some old behaviors and Kid noticed.
It is important to me that they see me live a full life. That they see me eat and enjoy food. Make healthy choices. Eat when I'm hungry and stop when I'm full. That they see me eat the damn cake.
So the "diet" isn't happening right now. The truth is that I don't need to weigh less than I do. And while I'd like to get down to where I was... that... was a feeling of fitness not thinness. And I know I can get back to that (slowly) without focusing too much on changing the way I eat. Because... and this is important... I don't want to. The way I eat now is how I intend to eat FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. And it is the exact right amount of food for me to intake and maintain my weight. The key to my success really is the exercise. And that is where I'm going to put my energy.
When I focus too much on food... it starts to control me. And I'm actually more likely to fail. To sabotage. When I focus on fitness I ALWAYS feel more empowered. I walk away feeling in control. And that is what I want to feel and what I want to model for the kids. Being IN CONTROL of myself.