Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Weight Watcher

Wondering what's up on the weight loss front?

Well... there is no loss. You will notice that little turtle has been taking a nice long snooze over there in the grass.

I've stopped trying to lose. I'm working on my fitness.

If I just focus on working out I really can eat what I want and maintain. If I want to weigh less than I do now I'll have to make a commitment to diet. AND right now I don't want to do that.


Kid asked me something about my "diet" the other week. I was just like... shit. Because the whole thing for me is being a good role model for my girls. They get it. They get that I workout and that that is part of being a healthy grownup. For Kid to pick up that I'm at all dissatisfied with my physically fit size four self... is a fucking problem. (excuse my French) That is exactly what I don't want to model. That is exactly what will mess them up in the head. And even though I try to be very careful of what I do and say in front of them... I let myself get caught up in some old behaviors and Kid noticed.

It is important to me that they see me live a full life. That they see me eat and enjoy food. Make healthy choices. Eat when I'm hungry and stop when I'm full. That they see me eat the damn cake.

So the "diet" isn't happening right now. The truth is that I don't need to weigh less than I do. And while I'd like to get down to where I was... that... was a feeling of fitness not thinness. And I know I can get back to that (slowly) without focusing too much on changing the way I eat. Because... and this is important... I don't want to. The way I eat now is how I intend to eat FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. And it is the exact right amount of food for me to intake and maintain my weight. The key to my success really is the exercise. And that is where I'm going to put my energy.

When I focus too much on food... it starts to control me. And I'm actually more likely to fail. To sabotage. When I focus on fitness I ALWAYS feel more empowered. I walk away feeling in control. And that is what I want to feel and what I want to model for the kids. Being IN CONTROL of myself.


Robin said...

Good for you!! I suspect that after a few months of concentrating on your fitness and eating what you want, you will find yourself in a size 2. :)

I hear you on the whole kids (esp. girls) picking up on the diet. That's why I am determined to get to a place where I am happy with my weight/size/ fitness and maintain it before Kara is old enough to know what is going on.

Mrs Furious said...

Thanks Robin. I was talking to my mom the other week and was just saying I need to either commit and do this to a T and knock it out ... or... I need to be okay with where I am. That I cannot go back and forth and stress myself and model that "out of control"-ness for Kid. I decided to be okay. It isn't about the food. The food is about feeling badly about myself. When I feel good the food becomes a non issue for me.

And YES for the Kara plan. That is what I tried to do after Charlotte was born (and still want to do). Just to stop the madness. And it's possible. Kara can grow up never knowing a mother who didn't like her body and feel good in it.

Ms. Flusterate said...

Hi! Had to do a quick "weigh in" with thoughts about this. GOOD FOR YOU! Really. Having 3 teenage girls with no body issues (that are apparent)has been difficult, esp. with my own body issues. I made sure it was a priority in my parenting to never let them know I was trying to cut back or lose weight or that I was unhappy in any way. Kids notice!

My youngest (nearly 13) mentioned last night something about calorie counting and wanting to know if I ever did that. I said, "Well, if I have it's only because I like numbers and information and charts and statistics so I find it fascinating in a scientific way" which is all true but she understood this and said she liked numbers, too. Zoicks!

Damn it's hard parenting (girls, esp) sometimes!


julie said...

That is great, Mrs F. I really want to get to that point.

As you know, I have boys. I don't want them to grow up with a mom who is always obsessing about her weight and not happy about it. I don't think as much about their self esteem with regard to weight issues (sadly, it's true...girls tend to have more body issues than boys.) But I want them to see a fit, happy mom. I want to be a good role model of whom they might want to be with in the future as a girlfriend and wife (or hell, boyfriend/husband if that is the case;) ) I am trying to get there.

After Jack saw me eat some candy corn last week, he said, "I thought you were on a diet?" He meant it earnestly. I don't use the word "diet" in the way he meant it. Of course, I talked to him about how it is not a diet, yada yada...thankfully being a somewhat stereotypical boy, he got disinterested immediately. Actions speak louder than words. I need to show him the path.

Robin said...

I'm with you about the food. I'm watching what I eat right now, but I'm not super crazy about it because, bottom line. I enjoy food. I like eating and the social aspect of eating. I'm not willing to give that up. I just have to be more careful about the mindless eating that I do sometimes.

My mom was a bad role model for me body image wise. She was always on a diet and I can remember being in a dressing room with her and she was complaining about her size. I grew up just thinking you had to diet and complain about your body. Even in high school, I was 5'5" and 123 pounds, but kept dieting to get down to 118. CRAZY. I will not let Kara grow up like that.

Heather said...

When I focus too much on food... it starts to control me.

WORD. That's how I felt about the calorie counting.

And word word to the girls not picking up that stuff -- that's been my biggest concern too; get the weight off and put this behind me. I now know and feel so much more confident as a woman, after becoming a mom. Much more steady and able to roll with things and less neurotic (unless you make me count calories and weigh every day -- then all bets are off).

My mom continues to be a disordered-eater. Her current diet plan has her subsisting on about 400 calories a day, then she goes on massive binges on the weekends. She's lost 15 lbs, so she thinks this is IT -- the holy grail of dieting. Good god. My 85-year-old grandmother, who only gained NINE POUNDS with her second pregnancy she was so weight obsessed, now weighs 87 lbs and whines about how the doctor is concerned, but refuses to eat. And when she does, it's South Beach Diet pizzas. For the love of God.

It stops here. It ends with me.

Also: I was talking with a woman yesterday who's much heavier than me, and I was really impressed we had the same attitudes about it. She wants to lose weight so she can play with her daughter more when she grows up. How awesome is that?

Lori said...

What a great role model for all of us!
If only I could be so very unaffected by the scale. I too am healthy and fit and the size is a small issue. I always feel like I'm on the verge of going a little too crazy with the food. I do love my Chocolate.
The thing I hate the most is you work so hard to get to "that size" and it may take you months or years to finally achieve it. You take a few days off and you can actually "feel" it in your clothes... Yuck!
Anyway, thanks for weighing in.(No pun intended,lol)
I will strive to be the non-dieter! Make it a habit; a way of life....
Thank You Mrs. F for keeping it all in perspective!!!

Jen said...

I am with you Mrs. F. I am actually pregnant with my first right now (yay!) and this is the thing I am most afraid of if I have a girl. I remember my mom being a very good role model of healthy eating; I don't remember her ever dieting or limiting foods at all. I didn't even really know what a diet was growing up. My mom just focused on healthy, natural foods for the most part. I also know that she had "body issues" when she was younger (like college age). My sister and I have both struggled with the same, and I would love to know how my mom was able to leave that behind her and be a healthy role model for us. Unfortunately she passed away when I was young so I will never know for sure (this definitely contributed to the issues my sister and I both had - I think we were on a pretty good path up to that point). Anyway, it is encouraging to see other moms out there thinking and talking about this issue. I guess this is my long way of saying, thanks for another thought-provoking post :)

Mrs Furious said...


thanks for all the comments ladies. Today has been crazy busy. A new baby came over to meet us and see if I might start watching him in a couple weeks. Looks good.
Off to workout!

Mr Furious said...

Screw the scale. You look great and don't need to lose any weight. Just do your work outs because it makes you feel good and you know it will maintain you at this level.

The only time things go awry for you is on vacation.

Stop worrying.

Plus, you're pretty in the face!

The Other Susan said...

Good job, Mr. F!

And he's right--work out because it makes you feel good, not to lose weight. To paraphrase wrongly (is that a word?):It's better to feel good than to look good.

julie said...

Word to Mr F.

A new baby came over to meet us and see if I might start watching him in a couple weeks. Is this a new one in addition to that other little boy from a few weeks ago? Is that child still coming?

Mrs Furious said...

Freaking out on your husband does pay off it appears ;)

Yes in addition to. That boy is only coming once a month (odd... and not what the mom had said... but the dad is the stay at home parent and I think she was hoping he'd work more than he plans to!).
This baby would be a full (8-5:30) day 3 times a week. But it won't start for another two weeks or so.
I think it'll be a good fit between her & I personality wise. I'm not charging a ton but I'm getting a decent amount and she's a single mom so I'm happier to help her out and don't feel like I'm being taken advantage of.

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