So, lately, I've been saying things in my head.
"You don't need anyone's approval."
"Your an adult woman who successful manages a family."
"To Hell with them."
"It's okay to do the right thing...
even if it makes everyone else uncomfortable."
We've been giving some things a lot of thought and consideration.
We've been waiting and seeing.
We've been trying to dampen down our feelings.
We've been second guessing ourselves.
We've been stressed and upset.
Then we tried to avoid it and started talking about adopting handicapped children.
Cause that would make everything less stressful... right?
And then this morning I'm walking around beating myself up.
Why can't I just stand up for what I think is right?
Why do I care what OTHER people will think?
I don't even agree with those people, so why on Earth would I let the fear of their judgments hold me back from doing what is best for my family?
Or at least trying.
Trying to choose to live a different life.
One that is supportive and challenging.
Not unsupportive and challenging.
Why do I keep setting a deadline that's several months away?
Why do I need to allow us to continue suffering when I know it isn't working?
Why can't I just stand up for what I believe in, TODAY?
Peer pressure that's why.
I'm always battling that demon.
So maybe I'll just say it here.
We're taking Kid out of school.
It's not working.
There is some bullying.
There is intensely disappointing academics.
There is a classroom structure that I just fundamentally disagree with.
Kid is bored.
And exhausted from getting too little sleep.
Kid is tantruming after school.
Kid still has no friends.
And it is just a slow, corrosive torture on our whole family.
Kid used to love school.
Now when I get her after school she isn't excited to tell me about her day.
She's just sort of dull in the eyes.
Every day is like the one before, and she's just getting through it.
And I just don't believe a child should spend 7 hours a day like that.
And it's hurting my heart that I'm letting it happen.
That I'm more worried about what other people think, then what is actually happening.
So, we're going to pursue something better.