Thursday, October 7, 2010

Let Me Just Say... I'm Getting Tired

Of making dinners Mr F never comes home in time to eat.

Lots of things are better.

But a couple of things are worse.

Mr F works less in total... but... he works more during our children's waking hours (as in all of them).

And he sometimes goes a couple of days without really ever seeing them.

And he regularly misses out on their things and their life.

It's been really hard on most of us (except Baby... she just refers to him as "THEE IDIOT" now)

We're going away for the weekend.

We'll be brainstorming some solutions.

And buying large historic dolls.

Because nothing brings a family closer than spending money on large dolls.


trifitmom said...

sorry to hear...this is my life as well. hubby is NEVER home during their waking hours. although he does come home at 9 and they get all riled up - which really makes me i just had a full day with them and they were almost asleep.

i have been thinking of tryiing to discuss with him that he really needs to take some time to figure out a way to maybe make ONE night an early night, and by early i simply mean getting home at 7 ??? how crazy does that sound.

malpas said...

That is how it used to be back when families were families. The husband worked to put food on the table and the wife managed the family. She didn't fault the husband for working.
And the children were not encouraged to bad mouth him either.

Mrs Furious said...

she's not encouraged to bad mouth him..."idiot" is the word of the week for her (she does have an older sister you know) and it's put out there for the humor of situation... for the readers. I'm certainly not training her to say it.
I'm not sure never seeing your family is a goal to strive for. And I certainly don't blame him for it.
It's where we're at, and it's not where we want to be.
And that's okay.

Mrs Furious said...

And really lets just be glad she's not calling him a cocksucker or a douchebag or a goddamn asshole... those lovelies she hears directly from her father's mouth on a regular basis.
There is nothing said here that is EVER an offense to Mr F. He's on board with the humor. That's why we're married.
And he's also on board with wanting to see his family more. That's the other reason we're married.

Torey said...

Um. Wow.

That was weird?!?

I know Mrs. F in real life, and trust me, their family IS a family. Like, a crazy functional family. (or crazy/functional?) They should be PROUD that they are a two parent household, with a stay at home mom (which is VERY rare these days). Both parents take an active role in their children's lives. And they are working to improve the dynamics in their household. That is awesome.

Anyway, I realized today (after our chat) that I won't be home at bedtime or dinner time for a week after tonight. And then I'm home for one day before N takes Gup and goes away for another 5 days.

I slaved over a fancy dinner (chicken scampi!) and I don't cook. N came home 1/2 way through dinner, even though I called to tell him when it would be ready.

So yeah. I feel you. Instead of us taking a trip together, we're taking 2 separate trips. . . not sure that's going to help.

Enjoy your weekend!

Mrs Furious said...

Oh I hear you on the rile up. I've actually told Mr F that if he can't come home BEFORE bedtime I'd prefer if he just waited until I got them down. I'm up before the sun and by the time they are in bed it's been 14 hours straight with never a break (no nap & no preschool yet) and I'm DONE. My biggest beef is when he doesn't say when he's coming. I don't care if it's 7 or 11, I just want a heads up which time frame it will be. If I know he won't make it I can bump everything up and get the kids to bed earlier. If I hold it for him and then he doesn't make it after all I'm pissed. I'm just exhausted.
Does your husband have to commute into the city?

Mrs Furious said...

I thought that was weird too... but then I realized I don't know how to show my husband proper respect or raise my kids up right... so... what do I know? EVEN THOUGH what I was saying is that we all miss him. I'm such a terrible wife. Oh... and role model.

Sorry about the spaghetti, I 100% know how that goes. We had Cottage Inn.

That's a long time... that's going to be a hard adjustment for you, I know. I hope you enjoy your work trip!

Marie said...

Its so much worse when they don't nap anymore...nothing could prepare me for the 14 hours of crazy straight.. And my dh comes home at 8pm...when bedtime is at 730. JUST enough time to get them all settled in and quiet, then they hear him come home and all get up for round 2 when all I want is a moment of quiet! :)

And, personally, every day I have a quiet reflective time with the kids where we review how horrible thier father a matter of fact "douchebag" was the word of the day! I make sure they strive to find a deadbeat who can't hold a job and would rather drink and go out with his friends than work hard and miss their family when they are not with them. I just pray they learn from my mistake of marrying a loving, caring man... After that we practice stomping on each others foots and smiling so that we learn to suppress any real emotions... :) the girls room! The mural is awesome and the accesories really bring it together! I love that its girly without being babyish or frilly..def. a big girls room!

Gigs said...

I remember those days vividly. My husband was famous for walking in from work at worst possible time (for me). Is that in the gene code or something?

I have an amazing relationship with my boys, if I do say so myself (really, I do!). But my husband...not so much lately. The hardest thing in the world for him has been the transition from being a parent of a young child to being the parent of a young adult. While I feel like I was just made for this role, my husband is really floundering, and he needs that home time with them to connect. And these days they are not always available whenever he the running late, working late, and forgetting-to-call thing is still a sore spot for me. I work myself, so I get the pressure; but you still have to make your priorities. Because you can't fix a problem unless you put some energy into it, you know? I hope your weekend has fruitful brainstorming!

BTW, regarding the weirdness: I was raised in the old, traditional family, and my relationship with my dad was non-existent until I became an adult. I don't really think of my childhood as happy. I'm just sayin'. We all want something better for our kids.

Mrs Furious said...

Ah thank you... that made me laugh. Which is good because I had been seething.

I worry about that. There is only so much time when they WANT to be with you. Kid is turning 8 and still very much wants to spend time with us and he's missing it. And after our prolonged separation this spring/summer it would be really helpful if they could reconnect. Although, I have been enjoying that she has re-bonded with me, when for the last 4 years I've been 2nd fiddle to Mr F in her eyes. I had very little relationship with my Dad and I don't want that for them. Especially when they are fortunate enough to have a "girl" Dad who will have much more patience taking them prom dress shopping then I will ;)

julie said...

Uh, weird is right.

Hilarious that Baby calls Mr Thee Idiot.

I think things are just different today. We expect more from the father than to be just the 'breadwinner' I think we should be.

I didn't think you were complaining/faulting Mr F for working a lot,etc. You know life goes in waves. This is your space to just let it all out there. Better to have a place to say 'things are tough, I'm tired" than hold it in. Plus you know we can relate and there is nothing in the world like feeling like someone understands you.

That comment was just kind of weird.

Families are still families. Times have changed though. The world has changed.

Plus aren't all hubbies douche bags some of the time? BTW, if you ever get Baby on video saying D-bag or anything else, please show it. That would be so cute. She is so can nip that talk in the bud before she starts school. Have you ever seen the Will Ferrel videos on FunnyorDie with the baby Landlord? Hilarious.

Kelly said...

"That is how it used to be back when families were families" ummmm, my family is a family, and it pisses me the hell off that my husband isn't home pretty much at all during the week. At the same time, I am proud as all get out that he is setting an example for my kids by working full time and going to school full time. Marriage is a partnership and just cuz my hubby goes to work doesn't mean I shouldn't expect him to help around the house on his 3 days off a week.
Kudos to you, Mrs F for all that you do to raise your kids to be modern, open-minded individuals. I hope you and Mr F. are able to find some middle ground and spend more time together. And seriously? It's hilarious that Baby is calling him "thee idiot". I love it when little kids say exactly what they feel!

trifitmom said...

yes hubby commutes. it is 9.29 and he just walked in the door. surprising night that the girls are actually asleep normaily they hear him and wind up going to bed at 10am. fun stuff.
i have always felt this was ok but thta was b/c he has always said it will get better and he can delegate more and be teh one to leave on such luck. all that happens with more responsbility is more work and more hours. but of course we are just happy he has a job that does provide me the opportunity to stay at home.
i usually get a call at 4 that he will be on the 6 train (which would get him home at 8) then at 5 i get that he will be on the 7 and then another call of a later train. i told him to NEVER say he will be on the 6 to me again b/c i get all excited that he will be home at 8. ughhh i gotta stop b/c i am getting fired up.

angie said...

have fun in chi-town. hope you can figure it all out.

Mrs Furious said...

Thank you for the back up, ladies. I appreciate it. I was definitely having my "why do I even blog?!" moments after that comment. Not what I needed when I'm pulling another no Dad day this week in prep for a full week of him being out of town.

I hope we can work something out. I just don't know what.... it's the school schedule that is messing us up so much. It starts to early in AM that it has forced us to bump bed up as much as I can and she still is not getting enough sleep.

That sucks.
In NC, because there was no commute, we had him stop what he was doing and come home for dinner & bed, then he'd go back to work until 2 or 3 AM. That sucked for sure... but... it was so much better for him to be around the girls for those few hours at night. Of course he was probably digging himself an early grave with the 4-5 hours of sleep a night.

Baby saying douchbag would definitely make it to YouTube... have no fear. She's big on "Toopid"(stupid) and "Cat poop gurl" for Kid these days. You know I don't worry about this girl going to school too much... she is the bully ;)

What I hate most... is what is happening RIGHT now. He comes home (no school tomorrow so I let them stay up for him) in time to help put them to bed. We divide and concur. He never comes out. He fell asleep! So, even when he is here to help, he falls asleep putting Baby to bed and I don't end up seeing him anyway. Never fails.

Mr Furious said...

Not to worry. I came out minutes later, and we got two episodes of "Lost" in...

Mr Furious said...

While in some ways things have really settled down since we completed the move, things have sort of been tossed back up in the air since school started.

Our routine in Asheville worked out because school started an hour later, and my job was a mere 5 minutes away and I took Kid to school on the way. Everyone benefited from an extra hour of sleep in the morning, and the quick commute (and different job responsilities/dynamic) meant it was easier for me drop everything to make it home for dinner. And then bedtime was at 9:00 instead of 8:00 — which gave everyone MUCH more time together, and at a more relaxed pace.

We'd still be rushed in the morning, but at least the fucking sun was up. And the extra time in the evening meant Mrs F had her workout window.

NOW things are crazy in the morning because NONE of us are morning people and functioning at full capacity. Tempers are short, and all of us face a long day ahead: Mrs F's got a long day of crazy Baby, then after-school activities; Kid's got seven-plus hours of school instead of 5 1/2, and it's tedious and stressful for her instead of fun; and I have to go to work for an extended day, knowing that on the one hand, in many ways, I actually have it the easiest of all of us, but I'm also missing out the most.

I'm sure that's not cutting it with the "uphill both ways, through seven feet of snow" and "So I tied an onion to my belt. Which was the style at the time" crowd, but so I don't care.

Mrs F and I are not the types of people who are satisfied bottling it all up because we "should be happy we're all healthy" or "I'm lucky I HAVE a job." If something sucks, we're still allowed to complain about it. If some people can't handle it—on the blog, or in real life—too bad. We already went down this road with people actually related to us. We're 100% comfortable with who we are and what we do. This is just a bump in the road, and we'll figure it out—not just suck it up.

Mr Furious said...

If you don't know what "Onion on my belt..." is, go here.

Torey said...

Mr. F rocks. (almost as much as Mrs. F)

Have a good weekend!

P/F said...

ITA Mr and Mrs F. Just because everything isn't horrible doesn't mean you can't express an extremely frustrating reality in your life.

And creative jobs are extremely hard for the parents who'd like to be there for dinner and tucking in. Just because I'm annoyed that my husband never makes it home for dinner and I share (wrote shart) that doesn't mean that I am oblivious to the fact that he'd also like to be home at 6 or 7 every night.

Back when families were families husbands and wives were encouraged to stuff their feeling so that they suffered major coronaries at 58, or drink as heavily as possible on weekends. Life is too short to live it in unsatisfied resignation. If one is unable to express frustration with something that isn't working for them, how are they supposed to figure out a way to change it?

Love how you keep it real, Mrs. F.

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