It seems like I should have more time for blogging.
But I don't.
I'm having a kind of hard time theses days.
Trying to carve out any personal time... at all.
Everything has a price.
And the move, has been good on many fronts, but not on every front.
I am alone a lot. A LOT.
Mr F's hours are such that he is home MUCH less.
And, he can't really contact me in the day.
So, he can't read the blog, and catch up on what we're doing, as he used to.
It turns out that might have been more of my motivation than I realized.
He used to know, via my posts, some things.
He was still able to be "in on it".
Not so much anymore.
Plus, the homeschooling... which does, in fact, take some time.
And then.... you remember our driveway right?.... super long asphalt?
Well that doesn't shovel itself.
So that's another 2-3 hours a day (counts as exercise right?).
And that time comes out of any small window I had for myself (for blogging, for working out, for Oprah...).
And, yes, we could get it plowed.
But I'm not actually sure that is going to change very much.
(Plus I did ask Mr F to handle that 4 weeks ago.... he bought me a new shovel last weekend...)
Anyway.
On top of that I'm getting these migraines 2x a month.
So, that there, is another 6-7 days a month that I just can barely function.
It's been kinda rough.
So, long story short.
I miss you.
I have not forsaken you.
I'll be back, in whatever way I can, when I can.
I am trying the best I can to keep everything moving in the right direction.
(except maybe me).
And I am trying to figure out in what way(s) I can continue to blog regularly.
But, right now, I just have so many other pressing tasks, that I haven't been able to figure it out.
Hopefully soon, though.
Right after I get Sweet Pea to stop ripping up everything made of cloth and containing a stuffing.
Sometime after that.
30 comments:
accidentally published while I was typing. It's coming. should be up now.
Sorry that things are so rough. I imagine that homeschooling takes a LOT of time, and also means that all day, every day, you have 2 children to supervise instead of 1 for some period of time. I bet that cuts into your "me time" a lot too.
I hope that things start looking up for you soon. We're always up for a playdate if you need some grown up company during the day.
And if Kid (you) is (are) selling girl scout cookies, let me know ;)
i believe one of the hardest part of my life is the fact that my husband is not home most nights until 8.30 at the earliest and he leaves the house at 6.30. What this creates is NO time for me and him. It also creates us being exhuasted and angry when we do see each other at 9pm when the kids want to still be up and i want them to sleep and he wants to be up with them but he has to get back on line to work. alone. i feel that. i do this alone. but he works so hard i can't fault him. i know he is not happy about it either, yet i feel like neither one of us makes a change or effort ??? anyway i get that part of your life, it is not easy
So that's another 2-3 hours a day (counts as exercise right?).
And that time comes out of any small window I had for myself (for blogging, for working out, for Oprah...).
And, yes, we could get it plowed.
...or get a snowblower. After several winters of shovelling, I broke down and got one because I just didn't want to spend what little time I had at home shovelling the driveway.
Snowblower = good idea. But it definitely counts as exercise!
We love to read about your "stuff," but blogging is not mandatory :) Just remember that!
I've actually missed you a lot. For someone I don't really know, I feel like I do know you. On the plowing- if you can afford it, hire someone! Ask your neighbors. Or the fire department. Or what I did when I had a 400 yard driveway (yes, yard): I went to the local McDonalds (closest business with a big driveway) and asked who they used.
Or, if you want, buy a snowblower. That would cut that 2-3 hours down to 1, probably. Get one with electric ignition!
With Kid out of school I no longer cross paths in the morning with Mrs F or the kids most days.
During school, even that short 30-45 minute interaction probably added a lot to me being "present" for Mrs F and the Kids. As it is now, when I come home at dinner, nobody's seen me since the night before. That's a BIG difference in perception, even if not so much in contribution.
--
Being online / checking the blog at work is definitely more of a challenge now. I no longer have my own office, and my back and monitor are completely exposed to the rest of the office.
I miss that touchstone a LOT. For the rest of you, I often laid low on commenting so it might not seem different from the outside, but I always knew what was happening.
--
Mrs F's migraines are really that bad. She's the toughest person I've ever known, so to see her laid low by something like that is not only sad for me, but still somewhat shocking. There's nothing I can do to help her...
I wasn't diagnosed with migraines until I was 35- my husband told me taking 6 advil once a month was not normal (hormonal migraines). Sumatripin made a huge difference in my life and I heartily recommend speaking with a dr.
My husband spends three days a week in Munich while we live in Berlin: what makes that liveable for me is the stuff he does on weekends, with me, and with the kids. Might want to consider making certain you do have breakfast together, even if that means going back to sleep after, or making certain you have time together at night (we are pretty steady with our bedtimes except for Friday night- when my older is off to art with my husband). You can work it out- but you need to actually plan your personal time and either get babysitters or exchange sitting with parents you trust.
That's not to say I'm around more, and this is an illusion that breakfast together would fix... Mrs F is right that I'm around less. At my old job, "extra hours" could happen more on my terms—ie: go back into the office late at night or work from home.
That doesn't work now, and it's definitely a problem. This job has turned out to be more demanding than anticipated. And while I miss everyone while I'm gone, it's Mrs F that's paying the big price.
I can push back on the work to some degree, but there are other things I can—and should—do better on to help Mrs F more. Things that are easier for me to control. I've done a bad job and let her down a lot lately.
I have to step up.
I'd just like to point out that Mr F's coming home "for dinner" comment just ruffled my feathers. Yes, I think going from one night to another without seeing him makes it seem long. Especially if when he comes home is 10PM and the kids are in bed. "Coming home for dinner" isn't at 6. Just sayin'. I don't want people to think I'm freaking out because I've got the kids by myself until 6. That would be a pleasure cruise. And I don't even mind that part of it. It's just the loss of feeling like I have an actual partner.
re: Migraines. 100% hormonal. I get them right before I ovulate and before my period. I've got 2 days of aura (irritable, and unbelievable exhausted... and just not awake mentally) followed by 1-3 days of the actual headache (nauseous & unable to sleep... the pain is so intense). I'm making an appointment on Monday. This has been going on consistently for 5 months, so I'm pretty sure it's time for some kind of intervention. I've even wondered if birth control might help.
Ha.... there you have it folks.
G, I wrote the breakfast thing without seeing your comment. That's a good idea. I was talking about missing the breakfasts/mornings from school days...
I love you, and post should be re-titled, "Mr F. Really is Sorry."
I really hope everyone enjoys that little uncomfortable commenting in the middle of marriage dispute. ;)
This is exactly why he tries not to comment on these posts. He called after his first comment, I expressed my annoyance at having him minimize his absence... and then... we'll you can read the rest.
Hopefully that makes up for all the lack of posting!
Mrs. F - how I resent my husband when he isn't around to help, even with my older kids! Parenting is a lot for one person, I don't know how single moms do it; and with the home schooling, I can't even imagine. I'm sorry for your migraines...possibly a product of stress, or something new in the environment since you moved?
Mr. F - on the office set up...we have cubicles with open windows between, set up in groups of two, and I count myself as the lucky one in my set of two to have my back to the wall... fortunately (for her) I'm good friends with my neighbor in front of me, and don't especially care if she's shopping for the baby she's having in May during work time :) But it must be weird to not have any sense of privacy, even to do your creative thinking... Can't you tell them it's bad feng shui to have people able to walk up behind you? It's a true story that our COO told our owners that, and everyone's office got turned around! Or maybe you could just check the blog surreptitiously on your iPhone or during lunch just to stay connected? I know you miss your family as much as they miss you...
Ah, my comment seems to have crossed with all the back and forth... I clearly took way to long to write!
Mr F,
I don't know about breakfast... can you really give up your magic thermos of oatmeal?
What about the iphone? Then you could look at your phone, click on the blog, get the scoop, and carry on and the only one to see it is you..no big monitor or otherwise!
Also, good for the occasional texting..the only way my hubby can "talk" to me most days at work..just a "hanging in there?" makes a world of difference some days (and others its just fuel for the fire...) :)
Gigs,
I thought about environmental... it has been since living in this house. Although I hope not. That would suck. They are so timed with my cycle that I am starting to think it might more likely be that. And I guess it is not uncommon to start getting them mid-30s.
I am just so tired right now and can't think of anything to say. I just want you to know that I was here. It sounds really, really tough. And as much as I know you love Kid, it must be tough to have both kids home all day. Although, I bet it would make much more of a difference if that 'down by one child' was actually Baby;).
Take care Mr & Mrs F.
this sucks...the busy, migraine, not seeing Mr. F parts. hoping that something happens to make all of that better. i have the same migraines-same timing as you explained in one of the above comments. SOMETIMES if I know it is coming Excedrin migraine extra strength will help. but, if i don't catch it in time nothing helps and i am miserable for several days. when i first started getting them, before i realized the timing, i was sure i had a brain tumor or was having an aneurysm-no joke it is that bad at times. i would definitely suggest going to the doctor. the medicine i have works-knocks me out-but works. hope things get better for you!
Rah,
" i was sure i had a brain tumor or was having an aneurysm-no joke it is that bad at times"
Oh yeah. That is exactly how it is for me too. Really freaked Mr F out the first couple of times.
Julie,
"Although, I bet it would make much more of a difference if that 'down by one child' was actually Baby;)."
haha... you can say that again!
wow... all of this dialogue has really dampened my thoughts/wishes of quitting my job and being a stay-at-home-mom. not really diggin' the whole "alone a lot" thing.
on a more positive note... so glad you are going to the doctor to get the migraine thing checked out. migraines suck!
i am hoping there is a light at the end of the tunnel for you all soon.
hugs!
Don't sweat the small stuff...you'll blink and your girls will be grown and gone, your husband will be home-- retired-- and underfoot all day and you'll long for the time you USED to have home alone--in spite of the fact you never really had a 'free' moment. I know it's tough...I've been where you are. But given the opportunity I'd go back and do it all over again--THOSE were the good old days. Every stage of life is tough in some aspect, but looking in the rear view mirror the sweetest times in my life were 'back then'...funny thing is they were also the hardest.
Kenady,
oh no... being with the kids is great. But, for sure, especially since your job is inherently social.... it would be a change. You would have the benefit of downtime while the kids are at school, to fill with personal meaningful activities, which right now, I don't have. I think that would go a long way. With the addition of homeschooling, (which is still great, and the relief of not stressing about Kid is more than worth it) things have changed routine wise and I think it will take some time for me to figure out where I can fit in to it all.
Too bad you can't just give it a 3 month trial!
This sucks, and I completely feel where you are coming from. It is very similar around here. Auto show is almost over, auto show is almost over, auto show is almost over.
"late" to hubs is very different from "late" to me and the kids. Hubs likes to tell kids that he'll be home 'early' (around 7), then shows up well after they're in bed. "Not late" to him is before 12:30. I know that it sucks for him, but making TV is a garbage reason to not be able to be around for your kids. He is not saving lives, he is listening to clients play fart videos on their laptops 14 hrs/day.
Can get credit for raising my kids alone? Good times.
My husband's last rotation was similar to how you're describing Mr. F's current gig, except my husband was gone for two weeks at a time. It was a tough three years. The days are just too long. Do you have someone who can help you with the kids in the evenings and let you get out of the house? That was a lifesaver for me.
Migraines. A year ago, I was having some pretty bad memory issues. Really bad. My neurologist ran me through a battery of tests. One of the things we found was that I was severely B-deficient. Severely. A year later with a lot of supplementing and some dietary changes, and I haven't had one migraine. It was an unexpected side benefit. Make sure they do blood work. Hugs.
I forgot to comment on Sweetpea! Is she tearing up the place for real? I can't remember how old she is, but maybe it's just a puppy thing?
Gigs,
She's just a year old, so it's still that puppy chewing phase. She has killed all of the babies we got her... and ripped a huge hole in her bed... and eaten a polly pocket... and ruined a glove and a tote bag. The thing is she doesn't do anything destructive when we're not in the room. It is showing off. Everything is fine if I'm in the room and can monitor that it is one of her toys. The destruction happens when she's with the kids alone, because they are not paying any attention. She's confined to our big playroom. So, as long as we're keeping things picked up it's fine. If she were loose in the house, there would be a lot more issues. On the plus side the playroom has never been cleaner! She's still really good. You just have to pay attention to what is on the floor. Putty was like this too when he was younger.
P/F,
auto show. yep.
And, yes, I too feel like I am raising the kids alone. I have really conflicted feelings. There will be a great day, and some kind of *moment* with the kids. In many ways I have the life I always wanted... and yet I'm always aware that it's just me and them and it tinges it with a bit of sadness. Like I didn't quite see this coming. It's certainly been heading in this direction for awhile... but it's finally reality... oh, this is how it is... this schedule craziness isn't temporary. He still talks about it as if it is. "Oh, I shouldn't be home too late tonight." Like you say, that has become a very relative statement.
Deb,
I'll look into it. I've been eating for shit these days... it wouldn't surprise me at all if I've gotten myself out of whack. I don't know what to make of it. It just came on so suddenly and intensely. I've never had anything like this before.... in the brain, anyway.
Hugs, Mrs. F... I'm so sorry you are having a rough time. You know there is no need to apologize to us, so don't stress yourself out about that. I hope you are able to get a solution for the migraines STAT. They sound god-awful and the loss of that much productive time is huge. Plus I hope you can get some help with the driveway. That is an insane amount of shoveling. I am still having PTSD from all the shoveling required here in DC last winter, so I can only imagine what you're going through up there in MI.
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